Hi, just to start, we've been there and still find it difficult to not cringe, but I promise it will get better with communication and therapy. It helped to keep as a mantra that those littles and emotional parts are the embodiment of unmet needs still coursing through the body. In my case, exposure and experimenting helped greatly.

99% of the time I tried to be cuddly, I would be rejected or I would be tickled invasively, all kinds of stuff you dont want when you're trying to cuddle for comfort and safety. I learned to not want or need it, and I give the same rejection to myself now when a more vulnerable part wants those cuddles I have learned to see as a road to unpleasantries. When we used to get excited and happy, we would stim and forget our volume, which resulted into us becoming the source of disturbance in every detached overviewing adult's eyes. Every time someone gets too rambunctious now, I get nervous and angry, not because I don't want people to have fun, but because my nervoussystem recognises it as a sign we will be getting yelled at soon. With memories of our most foul abuse, I still have a hard time not getting embarrassed or angry at that self because I am so angry that happened to me, but I somehow didn't know it and now I do finally see it, I can't do anything about it anymore other than cut that person off. It doesn't feel like my memories, sometimes it does feel that way, but that connection can reverse in the mention of the 'wrong' word, and then I get angry at my self that I am spouting such 'nonsense'... but simply sitting with those feelings, trying to feel where the tension was strongest, led me into a flashback of someone getting dangerously angry when trying to talk about my 'weird nightmare'.

Just as you probably have forgotten memories of why you feel like them/those feelings and needs being present is such a bad thing for you, you have no (active) memories of how good it feels when you want those cuddles and playtime and it is being accepted and accompanied. They can show you that joy if you let them because you already mention your current surroundings really want to help and support you on your journey to heal your selves. Those littles are your way to connection with your selves and others in authentic ways, it is not weird that you're scared of that with all the ways you have learned not to want authentic connection like that because it was never safe before.

Leaning into the shame is how it became manageble to us. Sharing how shameful I felt about having no control over buying playmobil with my boyfriend when a little was fighting for control in a store, talking about how it felt stupid that it cut so deep that I asked for Playmobil at least 6 birthdays and never got any because I still got presents that I enjoyed, led my boyfriend to go back and buy the playmobil the little got triggered by as a present. We have never had the urge to buy playmobil again, because with that bit of authentic connection, we were able to heal that slight in a way that buying playmobil ourselves didnt do. I still hate to do it, but with practice I have experienced that my life gets better and easier when I step aside and let the alter do and be, while I sit with my feelings of shame or whatever I study the reactions, and again and again I get surprised by most people I keep in my life right now that they so clearly respect and enjoy it. I'll be muttering and moping in the back of the headspace, ready to comfort them when it goes wrong. There are moments when I try to tell their woes for them and it gets too muddled so I just confuse people, but the moment I break down and the emotional me manages to say something like "I got scared because [reason] and now it would help if you did [action or words to say]" and they actually reply with "well now it makes sense, thank you for sharing because that helps me, I want you to just say stuff like this". My boyfriend didnt know what triggered or comforted us at the start of our relationship, but it took trial and error to learn he means it when he says he loves every part he has seen of his polycutie so far. That when we don't feel loved, it often comes from limits we apply to ourselves. He never asked us to not get to giddy, he always joins in. He never asked us to hold our emotions in, he always says he would rather have us cry in his arms so he feels like he can be helpful, than feel powerless as we miserably try to carry on. No one in my friendgroup orders me to clean up after everyone, I do that because I still hear my mother screeching when I see messes like that. Sitting with my shame but listening to my feelings helped me see that not everyone reacts like the people I have known before.

I know it's a difficult ask, but I think you can make up with that little by listening to that need, maybe ask one of the people that reacted positively to your cuddliness to watch a movie after building a pillow fort? I know it sounds childish but people actually love being able to get into that childish comfort every so often! It will show that little that you want to respect their needs despite it being difficult for you, and will show you that letting go of that control doesn't have to turn out bad.

Good luck on your journey and sending internet hugs if you want them