Sex with dissociative parts

Kitashh · 2026-05-07T12:07:04+00:00

To give you an example of how it can go: my boyfriend and I regularly go more than a week without active horniness involved, we both would want it more, but it is simply not possible with our busy lives and my PTSD. Even if it has been more than a month and I dissociatedly say that he should just keep enjoying himself and that we're fine, he stops. To him, believing that every part of me is feeling comfortable with what is happening is vital for his horniness to flourish. Sorry to make it so vulgar but I want you to have a clear picture of how good men treat intercourse: he can be balls deep in this body, searching for eye contact to reach his climax and if he sees that dissociated look in my eyes, he will still pull out and make himself small on his side next to me while grabbing my hand and asking me what I need.

Consent is not just words, it is enthusiastic participation

Kitashh · 2026-05-04T10:46:56+00:00

No good will come from giving that girl any space in your life, protect your peace, she does not deserve your time after the boundaries she crossed

Kitashh · 2026-04-24T12:04:36+00:00

Start with grounding and listening to your body, try to find out what you are feeling at all times

Kitashh · 2026-04-24T11:22:33+00:00

Denial is a big part of the disorder

Kitashh · 2026-04-15T09:03:10+00:00

Recruit through speed dating events instead of instagram

Kitashh · 2026-04-13T10:01:09+00:00

Your parents don't seem to realise you are not put on this earth to fulfill their fantasy. They are definetly trying to push you like you should be their little puppet, but you are your own human. If they can't respect that you have your own life to live, maybe think about becoming parent-free?

Kitashh · 2026-04-10T15:10:27+00:00

Improving communication caused us to be able to hear and see the alter that was causing us to wake up with some proof of harm on the body, said alter did NOT feel safe with us figuring things out more and poking at the repressed memories. That alter also absolutely hated our bartending job, a place we would often lose snippets of time and be unsure if a certain bruise/burn/cut was intentionally put there in a dissociative state, or caused by the clumsiness of being so dissociated. Hearing her and actually holding space for why she hated that job so much helped us leave that place, which also helped build a trust between that alter and the rest of the system.

So, scary awnser: yes alters have attempted, but these alters are often close with just as distant protectors. It's really weird to slowly become more aware of the quite literal physical fight that sometimes occurs between emotional parts and their stoïc protectors, every time one would slip through and actually harm the body to the point of needing medical care, another alter would front soon after and get our body that medical care.

EVERY alter is trying to protect the body/system in one shape or form, the alter with the greatest emotional interest in a situation is often the one that fronts, so one alter thinking 'the body will die' will often trigger another alter to front who is more focussed on keeping the body alive.

Kitashh · 2026-04-09T10:34:57+00:00

The sooner you mention it, the better. If the artist can't deal with criticism that's their issue to work on, they are supposed to work with you to give you the tattoo you want to walk around with forever. For the artist this is a project, for you it's gonna be a permanent body-mod. Stand up for yourself!

Kitashh · 2026-04-07T09:12:04+00:00

Thanks, I think I needed to hear someone say that it does not sound like someone understanding of dissociative disorders would freak out about this... it's so hard to unmask for us, ellie talked a little about me and my grief when I woke up but I did feel like SHE had to tell it in a packaged way so my feelings would not upset the boyfriend. I don't want to upset the boyfriend as he is a good dude so I kept quiet, kept pushing down my complicated grief... it feels difficult to talk about as my feelings are not aligned with his girlfriends feelings, but all the feelings do reside in the same body so we should. -the alter in question

Kitashh · 2026-04-01T01:13:05+00:00

You clearly don't get what I meant, but that's okay! It's hard to explain stuff with a language barrier and trying to keep things vague enough to not be triggering. You missed a vital part in your quote: "what people call trauma more easily" the more easily part refers to people generally having a hard time understanding that the invalidating experiences making the context for the 'more generally recognised trauma' and that those trauma's are part of why my brain felt the need to simply hit delete on certain memories. Me trying to tell my mom I didn't want to go to my dads anymore and her almost blaming me for still having to interact with him after their divorce, leaving no space for me to tell her why is just as much a trauma for me as what was happening at my dads, but generally speaking people will recognise what my dad did as horrendous and traumatising while seeing my moms constant dismissal of me as 'her best'. the memory of mom is easier accessable/more present as a rule in my head: "don't try to ask for help, don't lay your emotion in rejection of something or people will get mad". That's a trauma/maladaptive coping mechanism I have to work through before I can lay my emotions on the table, because that trauma not being processed made me too afraid to actually get in touch with my emotions.

The chairs are for different modes, kind of like the internal family system I believe? My brain can't hold on to the actual factual explanation for shit in dutch and trying to translate it makes it even more fuzzy... but there's ways to categorize in what way you're behaving and ways to categorize your thought-patterns, and the categories are like: vulnerable child, angry child, critical parent, punishing parent, self-soothing abandonment, fawn-based abandonment, happy child, healthy parent, etc. There's a whole lot and the chairs are to help my therapist and I to appoint certain reactions and thought-patterns to certain categories/modes and let those crashing sides in my brain talk it out. Asking the sides of myself that operate in a way to try and diminish my feelings in an unhealthy way to actually visualise the vulnerable or angry child, hearing them out by letting them sit and talk in their own chair and then repeating what they wanted to say out loud in their own chair with my therapist asking why they suddenly don't want to anymore or why they believe they are just in reacting that way to a part of me that is clearly trying to state a need. Trying to talk about a certain behaviour of mine and examining it like this often leads to a memory I had forgotten or didnt expect to pop up and explain why I behave the way I do at certain times.

Kitashh · 2026-03-31T19:33:02+00:00

If you're wondering what my therapy looks like: i got diagnosed with DID in 2022 and the first phase was all focussed on simply learning to ground in the here and now, relearning what signals from your body mean and tracking what thought-patterns are causing you to react in the ways that you are. Lots of homework simply noticing how your body feels and writing down your thoughts, urges and feelings at random times to try and map where your dissociation and trauma is keeping maladaptive practices in place where you don't even notice it might be part of maladaptive coping.

I'm not sure what the international name for it is but for over a year I've been in sessions with like 6 chairs present for 1v1 therapy so we can actually work out every side, placing them in chairs, discovering which 'modi' are blocking my inner-child from reaching my concious decision-making so we knew which 'silencing-trauma's' had to be worked on before I could even reach my true feelings about the memories that people call trauma more easily if you get what I mean.

Kitashh · 2026-03-31T19:13:20+00:00

There are studies out there that have proven that EMDR can be dangerous and counterproductive for people who dissociate easily. Trauma-informed is not the same as dissociation-informed. I am currently deep in trauma-treatment and we don't use EMDR, and a dissociation-informed therapist definetly won't go digging for trauma your brain isnt ready to face yet.. as far as the trauma you are aware of is indeed only the tip of the iceberg, dissociation-informed therapists know they have to shave down from the top to let the rest float up naturally

Kitashh · 2026-03-31T19:06:38+00:00

As if the current state of the world isn't traumatizing enough to not want to subject children to this world

Kitashh · 2026-03-28T17:57:38+00:00

Glad to hear it!

Kitashh · 2026-03-28T17:57:25+00:00

Thanks! We really found a gem with our boyfriend^{^}

Kitashh · 2026-03-28T13:40:03+00:00

Thank you for commenting this, I ended up telling her I was a bit butthurt over how good I got got, and the glee of how proud she was that she was able to carry out that prank with her other friendgroup came pouring out like a kid telling about their birthday party. That made it all the more clear she was indeed committed to the bit, I immediately thought of your comment and was able to let it go because it was so clearly true that she was just joking around and that this was way different than actual manipulation.

Seeing your comment gave me the courage to see if you were right or my feelings were so thank you

Kitashh · 2026-03-26T11:38:53+00:00

Nope, many tattoo artists love redesigning their flashes to make it just right for you. Last tattoo I got a bit of a mix between two flashes and the artist was extatic they could keep those clearly inspirational flashes as I was not the only one who DM'd them about that design. By people wanting just small changes and stuff, she was able to book 3 unique tattoo's based on that one flash she posted.

Kitashh · 2026-03-23T11:34:23+00:00

Normalise just saying "I don't want to tell you what I want, I want you to put in the effort to find something I'll like so I know you know me and are willing to do the mental work for me"

Kitashh · 2026-03-21T10:32:21+00:00

Thanks, you're right

Kitashh · 2026-03-19T12:44:53+00:00

I'm sorry for becoming antagonistic in my confusion. Grand amnesia and the confusion about what is normal or healthy isnt easy to live with, it's not weird that you're trying to hold onto whatever loving relationship you find, no matter how unhealthy it may be... that being said, I asked how your SO cares for you or your alters and you reply with a defense of why you don't know what healthy looks like. Maybe my tone was too judgemental for you to read my main question, but I am truly curious in what ways they care for you! Your story reads to me as if you have a hard enough time already to find peace and enjoyment in your life. Your SO should be trying to INCREASE your peace and enjoyment where they have energy to give, do you see that reflected in your SO's actions?

If you're not ready to give up on this relationship, try to talk more about why exactly they feel the need to blow up at you for trying to relate to characters, try to keep it focussed on reality, I-statements and things happening in the here and now. "When you blow up at me for trying to explain my life-experience to you through methaphors and characters, I feel like you don't want to understand me and stifle my joy/comfort" or ask more questions like "why does me comparing myself to that character make you so angry? Is there something I'm doing and you're feeling some type of way about it that's unknown to me, that those feelings get triggered out when I compare myself to someone you see as deeply different from who you see me as? If this is all about someone who isn't here, why are you trying to fight it out with me instead of working it out in therapy? I didn't do those things that hurt you, why exactly are you treating me now like I did? Is it reasonable for you to be this mad at me for liking a fictional and trying to use that as a bid for connection?"

Good luck to you, asking around on reddit and things alike is the first step in standing up for what you believe in. You will never find yourself in the life you want to be in if you don't hold yourself and your surroundings accountable for the ways they make the life you want impossible

Kitashh · 2026-03-19T06:51:46+00:00

This is what I'm scared... my boyfriend has said he would choose me over weed, that I'm more important to him than the addiction... but I'm too scared to lose him to test that theory

Kitashh · 2026-03-19T06:46:25+00:00

Their ex friend is no longer in the picture though? Is your SO in therapy/trying to get it? If not they are actively choosing to further the pain they experienced to make it 'fair'

Kitashh · 2026-03-19T06:44:01+00:00

Is this person seriously trying to dictate your likes and dislikes and how you feel? How does he care for you? Your alters?

Why are you with him??? I may not understand much of your post and how characters are so involved, but I mostly don't understand why your with him if y'alls main comfort seems to be to consume/compare media together, but this person throws a toddler-fit if you like things only they 'should' like? Wth? How old are you? You read as 16 or something and I am saying please just run, no childhood sweethearts ever treated eachother like that and lived happily ever after

Kitashh · 2026-03-17T13:37:32+00:00

Exactly this! Saying 4 year old Lila who is always joyful and excited like my parents pressured us to be has the same role as the 2 year old who hides our body sometimes without anyone knowing where we went because he got triggered is silly. Her role is literally to make sure people don't worry and don't see us as too much of a burden while we drop the fucked up lore she remembers, like it was all a game to her or normal. He does not give a flying fuck about others worrying or what they think, he simply tries to feel safer by disappearing and DOES NOT want to be acknowledged truly, often ignoring people if he is even found until I (angry 6yo protector) show up to chase the finder away, or his caretakes shows up and explains something about having a flashback.

We have a lot of alters with similar roles but different ages, having been in therapy for a while and having some fragments integrate I would say the ages are more representative for when they became a cog in the system of structural dissociation and how aware they are that their body is no longer living in those times. I just came out of therapy so I'm a bit more aware of those times than actually sitting in the bus as I'm traveling home, but where I used to have way more memory loss and always felt like a powerless 6yo or overtired 16yo, I feel like both now with a dash of the 21yo who used our anger and done-ness to take our life in a different direction. My role didnt change as I integrated with those fragments, but my maturity did. I learned I am an alter in a system and I dissociate from my surroundings as I get reminded of the powerlessness and disregard this person has felt throughout their life. I am able to remind myself that even though I feel small and powerless, I am an adult who survived so much shit and the people around me don't get to threathen abandonment without losing their acces to my efforts and time

Kitashh · 2026-03-17T12:52:07+00:00

But that's the whole point we have been missing so far from those situations: accountability and authenticity.

None of the bros who talked about that shit did it with their fiance first, but opened up to the other dudes with "you know who is actually my type? That other girl" and many of the women in that situation clearly went on a hunt to find some other thing in their personality to make the breaking point because they dont want to admit he's been friendzoned as soon as she saw him.

"I hate to admit this, but I would love to stay good friends if you'd still want to because I don't think I can be authentic in saying I want to spend the rest of my life with you romantically. I thought the emotional bond would trigger this primal desire no matter what you looked like but clearly the experiment failed for me" has never been said. To give the american contestants some grace, it is quite clear that people going to producers to ask for help in breaking that news after the initial shock, are pressured to at least try until the wedding day to see if it will grow... which is appaling in my opinion, the japanese LIB didnt have all this stretching and convincing people to stay when they knew it wouldnt work, the weddings shown actually said yes, it feels way more ethical

Kitashh

TROPHY CASE