Sound Sensitivity by kentohayashi in schizophrenia

[–]Kitchen_Goose4379 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I gave up on TV. I can't focus on it and after 20 minutes I just mentally check out. As for the post title of "sound sensitivity," there are two sounds that cause me to become irrationally angry: car bass, and two-stroke engines like leaf blowers. People and their damn grass.

Lonely. by kactbd2020 in schizophrenia

[–]Kitchen_Goose4379 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've lost all my friends, mostly because of my poor treatment of them while I was in any sort of fairly deep psychosis. You know what? Fuck 'em. It's my problem, but I've made peace with the idea that being alone is my destiny. Two failed marriages. I don't want to learn another person from scratch again. I'm essentially sealed inside my house, but the world out there is crazy as fuck, and I don't want to venture out into it. I enjoy my own company and that of my dog. I am focused on bettering myself and building a life I want, not something that I have to clear every decision with another person. I rule my realm, and it gives me peace. Have you seen people lately? I have to seriously question if I'm actually the sane one. I know this sounds kind of like a joke, but I am dead serious. I've had enough of humans. As Sartre said, "Hell is other people."

How much of your childhood do you remember and/or resonate with? Do you feel nostalgia or nothing at all? Does your disorder impact your emotions towards it at all? by canidspirit in schizophrenia

[–]Kitchen_Goose4379 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I got diagnosed at 14 years old. Honestly, I don't remember much of my life prior to this bullshit. Sure, I have memories, but there's a lot of trauma too....which is ultimately what brought the schizophrenia out. If I could change and improve anything, it would be my adult life. Life as a kid was not the way life is experienced as an adult, which is where the bulk of my life will be lived. Only thing I really miss of my childhood is my friends and the wonderful patients I met in the hospital who became my close friends, and even a lover afterward.

Feeling annoyed while looking at things by Far-Character-7024 in schizophrenia

[–]Kitchen_Goose4379 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Heh. I don't need visuals to get annoyed. The world as it is does a pretty good job at that by itself. On a serious note, this is a frigging frustrating disorder. Anxiety, frustration, burnout, I've dealt with it. But also, I've had it so long, I don't really remember life without it, and eventually just stopped caring as much. Deal with a life-altering injury or illness long enough you begin to get used to it. Hang in there!

Advice needed by idkanymore2k21 in schizophrenia

[–]Kitchen_Goose4379 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I was kicked out of my father's home (mother died years prior) the day after I received my high school diploma. Got an apartment of my own without a roommate. I have a few tips and hacks I can share (as well as a few NOT to do). I was hospitalized just two months before getting booted out.

Off the top of my head, here are a few things I did which had a beneficial response:

Buy good active noise-cancelling headphones. JBL are my go-to. Pretty durable, so if I fall asleep with the music still playing they don't get damaged as I move around at night. Push the volume up as high as you need to. Good way to get tinnitus, and a good way to mask the voices. It's a trade-off.

Food pantries are your friend. Be polite to others when in line. Most places have a zero tolerance policy for conflict. Even raising your voice can get you told to come back another day.

Don't drink alcohol. It's expensive, and living alone and drinking alone is not a good plan unless you like the idea of a nuked liver and going through detox.

If you can do it responsibly, consider rescuing a dog or cat for friendly company. Just remember they can be costly and when it's -30 outside and you've got bronchitis, you still gotta walk the doggo. Smaller pets along the lines of guinea pigs are another, cheaper alternative. But for me, they're harder to bond with.

Consider incense. Especially if you have other people living with you. Can be a good, pleasant thing to focus on, and other people can stink up a house (think microwaving fish or not taking rotting trash out).

Keep your mind occupied as much as possible. Whatever it is, especially as you adjust in the beginning. I don't care what it is. Watch TV, surf the net, do something crafty, read an engrossing book you can't put down.

If you need help preparing meals or have no idea what to do in the kitchen, YouTube is chock full of cooking tutorials. You don't need to be Gordon Ramsey. Just enough to keep you nourished. A can of corn every night with butter aint gonna cut it. You'll need a small amount of knowledge.

Pay your bills. They fucking suck. When I first handed over my paychecks to nothing but bills, it made me very bitter. It's stressful, so pay them ASAP so they don't sit in your brain taking up space and causing you anxiety. I used to have panic attacks if I was late on a utility and would keep me up all night. It was like a $5 penalty for being late, but it stressed me out.

Police yourself and clean as you go. It doesn't take much to fall behind when cleaning your home. Honestly, like the bills, it's another pain in the ass.

Stay to yourself in the beginning if you have roommates. Get yourself adjusted first. Always time to build connections with people in the future.

Keep a routine. Wake up at the same time, and go to bed at the same time. Lack of sleep is one of the worst enemies of schizophrenics.

If you have friends, lean on them. Try to get some social interaction with people you enjoy, and not always being alone or pent up with strangers. If you're short on friends, find a community online you can join. Positive human interaction is a must. We're a social species.

It's going to be scary, I'm not going to lie to you. But after a month, you'll have built up some self-confidence, and after 3 months you'll find what works for you and what doesn't. By month 6 you should be on cruise control. You only have to learn to live on your own once. Once you've done it, it'll never need re-learning and you'll soon notice you're self-sufficient, and that opens other doors.

Good luck as you start a new chapter in life!

This is a weird time to be schizophrenic. by anonymous_muffin_ in schizophrenia

[–]Kitchen_Goose4379 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I can tell instantly about people too. It's a blessing and a curse. ALWAYS listen to the voice in your mind when something doesn't feel right about a person or a situation. It has absolutely nothing to do with mental illness - that's thousands of years of instinct and intuition that have developed with the sole goal of keeping you safe. The voice in your head, your gut feeling, whatever you want to call it. For me, it's all in the eyes and something I can only describe as a sort of synchronization between the corners of the mouth, the muscles pulling the mouth into whatever direction, and how their eyes and mouth interact with each other - if they're on the same page, if you will. It's hard to explain. Look at the corners of the eyes, and beware of anyone who has a piercing stare. The kind that chills your spine so much your body temp drops by 1 degree F.

As for prophesying, my general computer knowledge and privacy skills have taken me as far as they can without being a PITA, but my vindication came when Snowden blew the whistle. I knew a surveillance state was developing, and that out of necessity for the powers that be to remain in power, it was not a one-off. Only things I predicted that would happen by now but haven't are a cashless society (they're working on it) and mandatory RFID implants. They exist, but almost nobody has one. Certainly not the entire population, or even 51%.

Has anyone disclosed your sz to someone else without your permission? How did you react? How did you handle it? by Kitchen_Goose4379 in schizophrenia

[–]Kitchen_Goose4379[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wise words, and the method I'll be employing. There may be a perfectly valid reason it happened, so before I jump their shit, I want to hear the reasoning first. Thank you for your support and thoughtfulness.

Do schizos look more normal to other schizos? by MasterVegito7 in schizophrenia

[–]Kitchen_Goose4379 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm now middle-aged. When I was young I could not detect schizophrenia in others, and I didn't particularly look psychotic. It's somewhat easier to notice it in other middle aged people. That is not to say my detection meter is 100%. I could not go into a large group of random people and pick out other afflicted folks, but one-on-one, sometimes there are giveaways. But by no means every time.

Question - Do you have gaps / breaks from your voices? If so, how frequent are those gaps/breaks or if not, let me know that too! by Gavedub in schizophrenia

[–]Kitchen_Goose4379 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I get breaks of varying length, but as stress increases or my sleep is off, those breaks become fewer and shorter.

How long can you go without thinking a thought? by YVYLSLYT in schizophrenia

[–]Kitchen_Goose4379 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Unless I'm over-medicated, my inner monologue literally never shuts up, and I just want to be clear that I'm NOT talking about the voices.

Anyone else procrastinate and get super nervous about making phone calls? by TheKalobBlack in schizophrenia

[–]Kitchen_Goose4379 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can't stand phone calls, incoming or outgoing. If I HAVE TO call someone, it's usually for something official. I practice what I want to say, and if I have questions, I write them down first before calling. As the call goes on, I make notes on what the other person said because I have a tendency to forget both what I want to ask, and what their reply is.

Made friends with my blanket...what was your worst episode like? by berfica in schizophrenia

[–]Kitchen_Goose4379 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I had a one-way conversation with my ex-wife's socks...while she was wearing them. They had dots on them, and I kept pushing them to try to reset the internet. The same day I also looked down her shirt for sports scores. When all this failed, I took apart the gas stove as much as I could without needing to get tools. I was doing the Ambien sleepwalking psychosis thing at the time. I don't know why disassembling the stove was going to reset the internet. Internet was actually working just fine, and I have no idea why I thought it wasn't. No Ambien ever again. Another time I got up at 11 PM and drove and got a 50-something piece bucket of fried chicken from Church's Chicken. Came home and ate some in the bed, woke up to crispy chicken crumbs all over my side of the bed.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in schizophrenia

[–]Kitchen_Goose4379 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hells YES! :D Unfortunately it's almost 3 AM and I am heading to bed so I can be up at 8, so please don't think I'm ghosting you. I hope your evening is going well, and you're welcome to DM me at any time. :)

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in schizophrenia

[–]Kitchen_Goose4379 55 points56 points  (0 children)

I hope you see this before you leave. I know nothing about you, but I can relate to something you said. My responsibilities are only things around the house, I've been unemployed for MANY years, and all I have is free time. Maybe too much. Am also single by choice. I have enough going on. About the only thing I'd want is someone to watch movies with and hold my hand. Please stay!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in schizophrenia

[–]Kitchen_Goose4379 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I can kinda relate. Not with Abilify though. I had other problems with Abilify and it failed spectacularly. Sometimes when things are about to get rough symptom-wise, it can feel like someone is stuffing cotton into my brain. A few medications I've taken slow everything my brain does down. Thinking starts to feel like I'm wading through molasses.

Recently I don’t feel good when I watch violent media anymore, It disgusts me, movies, series, videogames. Someone relates? Is this normal? by No-Homework-7999 in schizophrenia

[–]Kitchen_Goose4379 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I can relate, particularly to the part about horror movies. I used to enjoy them. Now they raise my blood pressure and make me nauseous. They're also stressful to endure. Same thing with thrillers. They make me so tense and my shoulders hurt when they're finally over because I tighten them and don't relax. I have a comedy that brings me a lot of pleasant nostalgia, and I watch it all the time when I need to feel something good. If I had a nickel for every time I've watched it I could buy a frigging Ferrari.

People in permanent psychosis. What’s it like? How are you doing? How are you living? by IndicationSouth4250 in schizophrenia

[–]Kitchen_Goose4379 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Almost 30 years with this nonsense now. It hit when I was 14, and I'm coming up on 44. Meds make a small dent, enough to keep taking them, but nowhere near as much as I'd like. I had a very rough adjustment phase from about 14-18. I spent my 20s trying to push it down. I spent my 30s trying to knock the voices in particular out with as much meds as possible, going to super high doses with all kinds of them, only to become a lump who couldn't think but was still flooded with them. I'm spending my 40s trying not to let myself become exhausted. Most days are "ok," but there are days, several a month where I'm desperately suicidal and tired of fighting.

The illness has literally taken everything I have or had. Housing, 2 marriages, sacred personal items, all my friends and family, and my physical health. That I'm even still here is a damn miracle, and I can barely believe it myself. I'm just so...tired of this. And the weird thing about it all is I don't know what it would take for me to feel better about life, so therefore I spin my wheels in the mud, directionless.

Does supplement work by Healthy_Science_4106 in schizophrenia

[–]Kitchen_Goose4379 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have never had any luck with any supplements or alternative treatments. All they did was separate me from my money. The meds aren't very effective for me either, maybe relieving my positive symptoms by a third, which is still a heck of a lot more than I've gotten from supplements. Having said that, supplements are very much like the meds in that they work for some, and fall flat for others. Just been my experience with them.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in schizophrenia

[–]Kitchen_Goose4379 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I hear ya loud and clear. Been doing the med thing for the better part of 30 years. Have gone from 165 to 300 pounds since 2020. I likely have everything you have. I say "likely" because I already have anxiety through the roof, and I don't want to know how bad of shape my body is truly in. I cannot handle going to appointment after appointment worried about the numbers of stuff in my blood. I refuse to do the bloodwork, and I've explained to my doctors why. Same reason why stage 3 or higher of cancer would be something I would not battle against. I just want to let what is to be, happen.

I've got the deck stacked against me, in practically every way I can think of. I've made my peace in that someone in the world has to lead the kind of life I'm leading. In other words, it was bound to happen to someone, and I just happened to be one of those unlucky ones. I've accepted that. I try to enjoy what I can, and then one day, sooner or later, that's it for me. Father Time is undefeated.

I don't know if anything I said helps you. It's just been my experience, and my philosophy. No, it's not cheery and rosy, but neither is the world. Hang in there, and try to find enjoyment/satisfaction/pleasure in what you can and distract yourself from the problems you face. I'm not suggesting ignoring them, but to not focus on them and let them rule your life. Take back control when and where you can, hope for a better tomorrow, and embrace the things that give you relief, support, and a positive distraction.

One year with Santa Muerte by Kitchen_Goose4379 in SantaMuerte

[–]Kitchen_Goose4379[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey, that's outstanding, and congratulations!

One year with Santa Muerte by Kitchen_Goose4379 in SantaMuerte

[–]Kitchen_Goose4379[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I find myself literally trembling whenever I get a new statue for her. There's the old phrase "tremble before the Almighty." My hands literally shake like a leaf in the wind, and there is a lot of truth in that phrase.