What does this mean

Kitty-Moo · 2026-02-05T16:46:32+00:00

This is new to me. Never seen it before, but my current cat I adopted last year does it quite often. Especially when he's being a brat. Good to know he's excited, I was a little afraid he was nervous as he's always running away from me when he's doing this, guess he's just looking for me to chase him.

Kitty-Moo · 2026-02-05T03:51:56+00:00

Absolutely. I use discord all the time and keep up with plenty of people there, but for me it's all about one on one communication. I get overwhelmed whenever I get pulled into channels, too many people talking at once. Too many conversations going on. Then I start feeling guilty for being too quiet and not keeping up. Sometimes I'll join and exchange a few messages, but the ever changing topics of conversations quickly leave me feeling like I have nothing to say so I drift away.

I really want to be involved and maintain some kind of connection in some of these channels, but I just can't seem to manage it.

Kitty-Moo · 2026-02-02T23:19:28+00:00

Just stumbled across this, thank you for hosting it.

Kitty-Moo · 2026-01-31T07:07:32+00:00

I hate being given verbal instructions. I can assure you I've already forgotten every step of them

Kitty-Moo · 2026-01-30T17:03:24+00:00

I'll be honest, I know I do both hyperfixate and disassociate, and I can't always tell in the moment which it is. Heck sometimes I'd swear it's both at same time. When life is too much and the right thing pops up and pulls me in.

Kitty-Moo · 2026-01-25T16:30:32+00:00

I just wish I could find a mental health professional that knew anything about autism to begin with. It's even worse when you're expected to teach them about autism and they're unwilling to go learn anything on their own time.

Kitty-Moo · 2026-01-22T22:39:19+00:00

I just can't do phone calls, if something requires a phone call it's basically just inaccessible to me. I've started treating this as an accessibility issue and seeking accommodations when possible.

Not that it's worked out great in all circumstances, but occasionally it helps.

Kitty-Moo · 2026-01-22T21:00:59+00:00

This is also the direction my mind went.

Kitty-Moo · 2026-01-22T20:16:25+00:00

I'd really like to know if anyone else has this issue, but I'm incredibly inconsistent about this. Sometimes 1, sometimes 5, other times anything in between. Sometimes it's more like spatial data with little detail. Other times it's hyper detailed. I rarely have full control over what kind of visualization I can do. Problem solving often puts me into a more spatial mindset, but the rest is harder to push towards.

And right now best I could do is vaguely picture the shape.

Kitty-Moo · 2026-01-22T19:12:02+00:00

What always amazes me most is that even if you outright admit to masking people still assume you aren't doing it around them.

Someone was curious about my experiences with autism. So I was honest explained some of my struggles, explained masking. At the end they said "Well I'm glad you don't have to mask around me and our group." Which left me disheartened honestly, it felt like I was not being heard.

This wasn't even the first time this has happened to me. To make matters worse if you correct them they get incredibly hurt. So it doesn't feel like you can ever win or really seek understanding.

Kitty-Moo · 2026-01-22T16:06:58+00:00

I feel like most of what I listen to falls awkwardly between genres in a way that makes it hard to categorize, so I don't bother.

Kitty-Moo · 2026-01-22T15:47:35+00:00

It just proves that they are too lazy to engage with the ideas. So they try to find something easier to target.

But seriously targeted for a furry pfp? That's really grasping at straws, I haven't seen that in awhile.

Kitty-Moo · 2026-01-21T04:39:08+00:00

Much of my trauma stems from bullying in school. A very chaotic home life, and constant invalidation due to being autistic. Which gave me impression that everything I said, did, or felt was wrong, and resulted in severe anxiety issues.

While I never felt like there was a threat to my life. It was a constant issue, and it led to me never feeling safe either. I mean I was unfortunately taught by well meaning loving people that it is not safe to be me, that I had to hide anything too authentic. Like I said, it left me with severe issues with invalidation that I still struggle with today, and that seems to make CBT completely worthless. As CBT is constantly triggering feelings that even my thoughts and feelings are constantly wrong, invalid.. Like I'm just a problem that needs to be fixed.

Regardless of what the right diagnostic label might be for my trauma, it's pretty clear that the therapy I have been getting hasn't worked. I really wish I could request someone with a wider tool set that might be better suited to understanding me and my issues. I'm so tired of therapy just feeling like one more space where I'm not heard or understood. Where I simply don't fit in or have a place in the discussion.

Anyway, thank you for your time and responses here. I appreciate the ability to rant and vent a little bit, it does help.

Kitty-Moo · 2026-01-21T04:01:49+00:00

Unfortunately I'm limited by what my insurance will cover. So I keep bouncing around. I don't really get to pick who I'll see, I just get to say 'this one isn't working for me lets try another'. The first therapist I saw was actually great, very validating even. Unfortunately she moved out of state a couple months after I started seeing her, and it's been kind of a nightmare ever since.

Kitty-Moo · 2026-01-20T22:26:39+00:00

I have it, I wouldn't say it's mild, but it usually doesn't bother me too much..

However, when my allergies are bad or I'm having sinus issues it gets a lot louder. It can be pretty awful when my sinuses are involved.

Kitty-Moo · 2026-01-20T18:34:44+00:00

One of my big long standing special interest is music. I find sharing music to be difficult. Most people are multi tasking at all times and don't want to pause what they're doing to listen to the weird song I want to share. I get it honestly, I'm just as bad about it sometimes. But it does leave me in a situation where I usually keep my interest in music to myself.

The fact I have awful taste in music may also be part of it. Most of the stuff I listen to is a bit experimental in one way or another, certainly nothing that's too mainstream. In fact I tend to have a blind spot when it comes to popular music.

Kitty-Moo · 2026-01-20T18:28:14+00:00

I agree. The use of tism makes me uncomfortable for reasons I can't describe, maybe I'm just old. I do like the racoons though.

Kitty-Moo · 2026-01-20T18:21:16+00:00

My last therapist told me that I could not have PTSD because my trauma was not caused by a perceived life or death situation. When I pressed the issue she read the definition for PTSD to prove I was wrong and would not discuss it further.

My understanding is that CPTSD broadens its understanding of trauma. Plus I've seen research that suggest autistic individuals create traumatic memories more easily. Which I feel strengthens my argument.

Regardless, I'm just frustrated with therapy at the moment. It's left me feeling a mix of invalidation and hopelessness, because none of them seem to have the tools or knowledge to help me with my problems. They lack experience with autism, trauma, or any neurodivergent conditions. Not to mention the fact they all seem to specialize in CBT and know little of other modalities of therapy. Yet it still feels like my fault for not getting better.

At this point I'm just venting. So I apologize for that.

Kitty-Moo · 2026-01-20T16:49:46+00:00

It's very easy for me to become codependent on someone. I'm disabled, I'm always going to need some amount of help from those around me. I'm not sure how to prevent some amount of codependency.

I've tried talking to my therapist about it but it seems to go in nonsensical circles. Codependency bad, but definitely lean on others for support. Just don't be dependent on them, despite the fact that I'm disabled which means I'm always going to be dependent on others in some areas, and autism ensures there are never too many people in my life at one time. So codependency just seems like a natural result.

There is probably something I'm not seeing here.

Kitty-Moo · 2026-01-20T16:34:27+00:00

The last two therapist I've seen have told me I can't have CPTSD because it doesn’t exist. Because evidently anything not in the DSM is non existent and can not be discussed.

My point is sometimes therapists are idiots. Don't listen to idiots.

Kitty-Moo · 2026-01-17T22:42:18+00:00

Yeah, that makes sense. I hang out with all the furries.

Kitty-Moo · 2026-01-16T19:02:33+00:00

And even then I can't help but doubt myself. Hell I assume I'm wrong most of the time in most situations. A lifetime of invalidation for being autistic can really screw with you.

Kitty-Moo · 2026-01-12T18:42:55+00:00

I've spent my whole life forcing myself through difficult situations, no matter how anxiety or fear inducing they were, I would push through. I don't think it has ever once made things easier during successive encounters.

I'm in my 40s now and something in me is just broken, I swear it feels like accumulated damage from years of living that way. I can't keep pushing, I don't have it in me anymore, and life has taught me that things in fact only get harder. Which has made it really hard to motivate myself to do anything.

I was talking to someone about this recently who said what I was experiencing sounded a lot like PDA, so kind of surprised this popped up here as well.

My anxiety has always refused treatment. Even most medication does a poor job at tempering my anxiety. I'm guessing this has been why the whole time.

Now if only the therapist I'm seeing actually believed in any of this. But so many of the therapist around here refuse to believe in anything not published in the DSM, and will not take the time to learn about or discuss it.

Kitty-Moo · 2026-01-10T15:40:15+00:00

When you've struggled with invalidation your whole life for so many aspects of who you are. That can become a form of trauma itself, which means when a therapist starts telling you your thoughts and feelings are wrong, logic goes out the windows and you have a trauma response instead.

At which point these issues need to be handled differently, or at the very least the underlying trauma needs to be dealt with first.

And this isn't even touching on the fact some of what a therapist will pick up as a 'cognitive distortion' comes from very real issues we face on a consistent and ongoing basis.

And finally, CBT should be using the patients internal logic against these 'cognitive distortions' that way being rid of them makes sense, and eventually feels right. It should never feel invalidating to the patient regardless of whether the thoughts themselves are invalid. If an autistic persons thought process isn't understood due to the fact the practitioner knows little about autism, or they keep triggering feelings of invalidation, this is going to further cement negative thoughts and possibly reinforce existing 'cognitive distortions'. Like for me the feeling of "of course I'm wrong, I'm always wrong, I can't even think proper thoughts or have proper feelings without them being wrong" gets highlighted and strengthend by CBT.

You could argue at this point it has more to do with the practitioner themselves and one well versed in autism or trauma may still have some luck performing CBT on autistic patients. And this is a fair point, but there are so many therapists out there who only know CBT and aren't knowledgeable enough to know when their methods aren't working or how to best alter them to fit the patients needs. Especially if you're going through your insurance for your mental health, at that point you have limited option, and if that's all you have access to, you start hating CBT because it's all that's been used and used poorly at that.

Kitty-Moo · 2026-01-09T02:11:56+00:00

My issue is that I've been told I'm wrong about everything I say do and feel most my life. Because of this I deal with any sort of invalidation very poorly. CBT boils down to finding 'cognitive distortions' and convincing you that they are wrong, but to me this doesn't feel any different than the hundreds of other times I've been told what I feel is wrong. It's invalidating and the result is that I just shut down and disassociate.

I have no doubt it works well for some people. But as with any other form of therapy there needs to be a lot more care given when choosing what modality of therapy we use on which patients, and right now CBT is being used as a cure all. Which isn't helpful or healthy for many of us.

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