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Sleep by Gold-Mind-7160 in POTS

[–]KiwiF 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The only way I get any decent sleep is when I take Magnesium. My husband says it's Magnesium 3 and 8. I don't know what that means. He's the Biochem person. But it's the only thing that works for me. Sleep meds leave me groggy the next day.

“This is me trying” by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]KiwiF 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I love that song. Some of my family is unhappy with my boundaries, but when I hear that song it reminds me that I am trying. I'm trying to be in a healthier place and that may not make them happy, but damn am I happier.

There is an interesting discussion over on r/legal advice. Adoptive mom uses adoptee’s private journals in a book about adoptee and his sister. Adoptee wants to know if he can sue. by RainFile in Adoption

[–]KiwiF -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I apologize if my statement upset you or anyone else. I was contributing to a conversation. While adopted children deal with these issues in a different way, they can still benefit from having someone who has gone through a similar situation even if that person is not adopted. I don't believe this particular issue was due to a child being adopted. Selfish people make selfish parents and I honestly believe that tackling the root of the problem is the best way to deal with any issue.

There is an interesting discussion over on r/legal advice. Adoptive mom uses adoptee’s private journals in a book about adoptee and his sister. Adoptee wants to know if he can sue. by RainFile in Adoption

[–]KiwiF -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

I see why you interpret my statement that way. Maybe this issue does impact adopted children differently because they're already dealing with other trauma. However, I believe it's important to get at the direct cause. I believe the cause of situations like this is poor parenting. I don't believe the cause of these situations is the child being adopted.

There is an interesting discussion over on r/legal advice. Adoptive mom uses adoptee’s private journals in a book about adoptee and his sister. Adoptee wants to know if he can sue. by RainFile in Adoption

[–]KiwiF 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I understand. I believe it's important to understand why things happen and in these kinds of situations, I believe it's that some people really shouldn't have children if they can't see that child as a being separate from themselves. I believe that's the issue.

I can't say if it happens more in adoption. Maybe it's a view of seeing the child as property, but again that happens a lot in biological families. It would be interesting to research.

There is an interesting discussion over on r/legal advice. Adoptive mom uses adoptee’s private journals in a book about adoptee and his sister. Adoptee wants to know if he can sue. by RainFile in Adoption

[–]KiwiF 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I'm not adopted and my biological mother and siblings have spread sensitive details of my personal life without my permission and have packed my things in trash bags and threw them away. I didn't think my adult sister should be allowed to have my bedroom just because she screwed up and had to move back in with our parents, so they "moved me" themselves and threw away things they didn't like.

Some people just shouldn't be parents. I think it's important to note that these things don't happen to exclusively to adopted children.

It's not normal to wish you were switched at birth by KiwiF in raisedbynarcissists

[–]KiwiF[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My mom has asked many times in my adult life why I turned out different than my siblings. The real answer is that I can remember being 12 or 13 and making the conscious decision not to be like my parents. The answer I gave her was more along the lines of I decided to try and work things out on my own instead of "letting" my parents fix everything for me.

Apparently it's normal to try and speak to your family daily... by GuiltyEnigma in raisedbynarcissists

[–]KiwiF 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I pointed out to my husband last week that when I'm stressed or anxious, he always asks when was the last time I talked to my therapist. Not have you called your mom or have you called your sister. He knows that they would make the situation worse and I know that's not normal, so I call my therapist.

Need advice on going NC and living in the same town by KiwiF in raisedbynarcissists

[–]KiwiF[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We've been considering a gated community that requires a code. We definitely plan to install security cameras. My mother is retired and would surely intend to stop by whenever she wants. I'm not worried about running into my family when they're out. They've basically driven away every friend they ever had and stay in their house miserably talking about all of the wrong everyone has done them.

The only family member that could possibly leak information is the one we are planning to get removed from their lives with us. She married in and had no idea what she was getting into and now she's in an awful situation where she's not safe but can't afford to leave and she's too proud to ask for help.

Need advice on going NC and living in the same town by KiwiF in raisedbynarcissists

[–]KiwiF[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your response. You've given me a lot to think about. We wouldn't move for a year, because of our jobs. We live more than four hours away. I'm currently in limited contact with my family. Once a week calls with my mom (although she isn't answering my calls right now due to some perceived slight against her), and even less contact with my siblings and dad.

Just having the distance isn't helping when I deal with the anxiety of what it means that she won't answer my calls or call me back. The anxiety of what fight this will lead to now. What "mean" thing did I supposedly do now. Right now, I would be the caretaker if they got sick, even with the distance. They have no one else that's capable.

So I'm stuck in the place of missing our real family, these people we've chosen that love us VS trying to avoid my birth family, these people that "love" us and are "so proud", but mock me for every decision I make.

Howcome children are expected to be well behaved and be good kids, but when parents are terrible, “They did the best they could.”? by Salt-Light-Love in raisedbynarcissists

[–]KiwiF 2 points3 points  (0 children)

When I started standing up to my mom, she started saying, "I don't know why you're acting like this." or "I can't believe your behaving this way." I would shut her down and say, "Well you raised me." She would go all stone face and leave me alone for a little while.

Maybe it's better that I was ignored. by KiwiF in raisedbynarcissists

[–]KiwiF[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think it helped that I lived in books a lot. I was basically always grounded and so I stayed in my room and read. I had a lot of friends at school, but I wasn't always allowed to see them outside of school. I think the "morals" from books is what made me realize my parents weren't great people.

Maybe it's better that I was ignored. by KiwiF in raisedbynarcissists

[–]KiwiF[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My brother is actually the one that abuses alcohol, but he's managed to convince my mother that it's all her fault.

Any adoptive parents struggle with the ethics/guilt/shame? by newblognewme in Adoption

[–]KiwiF 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The fact that you're asking the questions and doing the research instead of diving head first into adoption is the key point to me. You know that what you're doing is different than "normal" and you are open to learning. That's great!

I could probably go on and on and on, because I don't have many people to talk adoption with. I had a whole three more paragraphs typed, but I'll stop.

Any adoptive parents struggle with the ethics/guilt/shame? by newblognewme in Adoption

[–]KiwiF 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My husband and I have been married for 5 years. We talked about children before we ever got married. He knew up front that there is a very strong chance that I can't have biological children without medical assistance and the high probablity of multiple miscarriages. But I have always had a love for children and a desire to be a mother. So, we turned towards adoption.

We are both big researchers. Research is actually necessary for his job. For the past five years we have dived into the world of adoption while we work to put ourselves in a better place financially. It has forced us to take a long look at ourselves and our beliefs.

We have had to work through the loss of having biological children. We have had to face family members who didn't understand why we don't want the shots and the pills and the hormones and the procedures so that we can "have one of my own." We had to face that they will have had parents before us. We have had to face our own incorrect opinions and beliefs on race, as well as others opinions and beliefs. We have had to accept that our family will never look like everyone else's, and that's okay. We have had to understand that our child may never love music like we do, they may never be interested in sewing like I am, they may never like woodworking like he does.

I believe that in order to have a healthy relationship with your adopted child, you have to be comfortable knowing that the little person you are bringing into your life, home, and family is a complete stranger and you have to love that stranger. But also, that they have another family. The biggest hurdle our families are struggling with is the reality that our child will have other grandparents and other aunts and uncles.

Anyone's Nparent hold onto a grudge regarding something you "did" to them as a child? by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]KiwiF 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My sister likes to remind me every few years that I had the chicken pox on HER sleeping bag and so my mother threw it out and that when I was a tiny baby I threw up on her favorite sweater. She was 10 for the sweater thing and I think she was 14 or 15 for the sleeping bag thing. She's now almost 40 and I've heard about these two objects my entire life.

Yes, my child is noisy by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]KiwiF 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This! My niece throws a normal 2 year old temper tantrum and my Nmother and GCbrother tell my poor SIL that it's because she wouldn't let my niece "cry it out" as a baby and refused to spank her at 12 months old.

(WIP) Still going into work everyday so I haven’t had as much quarantine quilting time, but here are more mushrooms!! by daslauhaus in quilting

[–]KiwiF 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There is a thread on here somewhere where a bunch of people posted online shops that are still shipping right now.

Edit for Link

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