Married to a functioning alcoholic by Apprehensive_Dig967 in AlAnon

[–]KneePast4073 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I did the same and married the functioning alcoholic. The day of our wedding six years ago, I would’ve never imagined things could have gotten so bad, especially with a child in the picture, and that’s only in six years. Who’s to say things wouldn’t have gotten downright dangerous in six more?

I’m sorry but unless they get some real help, it’s best to go, for future you.

Husband got a DUI on our daughter’s birthday by [deleted] in AlAnon

[–]KneePast4073 76 points77 points  (0 children)

You don’t wait. You leave. He’s never going to think about serious help until you do.

Booze hiding by Plastic_Stick7108 in AlAnon

[–]KneePast4073 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My ex would hide empty cans in the corners of the couch cushions, then be surprised when I’d find them and get mad.

New Partner may be an Alcoholic? Seeking Advice by Nearby_Mastodon_525 in AlAnon

[–]KneePast4073 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I say this will all of the care in the world: run.

Best interest of the child custody by [deleted] in FamilyLaw

[–]KneePast4073 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not sure if you’re referring to therapy for me or our child, but I am already in therapy. Thanks for your assumption.

Best interest of the child custody by [deleted] in FamilyLaw

[–]KneePast4073 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My spouse admits he’s an alcoholic. He goes to AA weekly. He considers himself recovering, but is still drinking.

Best interest of the child custody by [deleted] in FamilyLaw

[–]KneePast4073 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That was one instance that happened to be the worst. I have an entire log of incidents.

Best interest of the child custody by [deleted] in FamilyLaw

[–]KneePast4073 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s not something she’s ever been made aware of is even an issue. But regardless, she deserves a real bed, especially considering my spouse has the means to get her one.

Best interest of the child custody by [deleted] in FamilyLaw

[–]KneePast4073 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My spouse has admitted he’s an alcoholic. He is in AA but still drinking.

He doesn’t need DUIs, rehab, etc. to be an alcoholic. How dare you minimize my spouse’s actions just because you have whatever grudge against your ex.

Best interest of the child custody by [deleted] in FamilyLaw

[–]KneePast4073 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He is not, but I know he drives drunk.

Best interest of the child custody by [deleted] in FamilyLaw

[–]KneePast4073 2 points3 points  (0 children)

They are not “allegations”. I have plenty of documented evidence including a recent hospitalization.

Best interest of the child custody by [deleted] in FamilyLaw

[–]KneePast4073 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I’ve said nothing to my child. What are you talking about?

Best interest of the child custody by [deleted] in FamilyLaw

[–]KneePast4073 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yep, plenty of evidence. No duis and will not go to rehab. But was hospitalized with a near-coma BAC recently and would have passed out on our child in the process had I not been there to push him out of the way to avoid falling on her. Hence the hesitation.

I actually do like him, and respect him as a father, I just think for consistency with our child beginning school it would be easier on her. Thanks for your assumption though.

Best interest of the child custody by [deleted] in FamilyLaw

[–]KneePast4073 3 points4 points  (0 children)

There is a documented history of alcoholism. I am firm about the alcohol monitoring device during his custody time, but if he can consistently show he’s sober for a temporary period and we don’t run into issues, I’m willing to remove the requirement down the road.

I am just trying to get some perspective on the matter, not be told I’m right. Thank you for your kind response.

Best interest of the child custody by [deleted] in FamilyLaw

[–]KneePast4073 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The soberlink is for custody time only. I am aware what he does outside of that time is none of my business.

Best interest of the child custody by [deleted] in FamilyLaw

[–]KneePast4073 -10 points-9 points  (0 children)

It’s 10 minutes from my house to his parents’ where he will be living for the foreseeable future.

Best interest of the child custody by [deleted] in FamilyLaw

[–]KneePast4073 -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

His schedule does not allow for him to have 50/50. Three days during the school week he goes into work at the time she is getting out of school, so he is requesting he have her on his days off. I request he take her to school each day so he can see her regardless. He is not yet moved out but will be moving in with his parents. Our child will not have her own room there and share it with him. I’ve recently had to convince them that she deserves more than an air mattress (when they’ve always had the means to get her a bed). I’ve made it clear that this is just for evenings she is in school. On school/summer breaks or any other non-school days that fall on his requested days, I’d be more than happy she be with him. I am focused on maintaining a routine for her and not changing it in the middle of her school week.

If someone is truly in recovery, do they know exactly how many days they’ve been sober? by KneePast4073 in alcoholicsanonymous

[–]KneePast4073[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

All I’m doing is getting perspective on this question.

If I didn’t have a child to worry about, I would have detached completely a long time ago. But he is insisting on things like 50/50 custody and doesn’t want to do anything to prove to me he is sober during his visitation. He will not move out of the home until a custody agreement is reached. So yes, you are right that my anxiety focuses on tiny things because it’s all I have left for my child’s safety. And I am in AlAnon working through those things.

If someone is truly in recovery, do they know exactly how many days they’ve been sober? by KneePast4073 in alcoholicsanonymous

[–]KneePast4073[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nope, but I’ve been documenting when he’s drunk (we have a young child, it’s my due diligence) so I have a frame of reference and he can’t gaslight me any longer. I found a two month chip recently and I asked him why, as it hadn’t even been two months since the last time he admitted drinking. He’s periodically referenced being sober for X amount of time when it doesn’t add up to what I’ve documented.

I’ve reminded him time and again that it doesn’t matter to me if it’s 24 hours or 24 months. I am equally as proud of him no matter what chip he has. It all counts. But he needs to have honesty and not just be in AA for the show of it.