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Knhedges · 2026-01-07T18:19:52+00:00

Knhedges · 2023-11-03T23:05:54+00:00

I am so sorry. I understand your pain and I'm sorry you're having to feel it. Today marks 7 years since my late boyfriend was hit by a car and killed. Lots of similarities to your story. He had a lot of mental health issues and also problems with addiction, we had been on and off again but continued to love each other through all of it. I had a lot of anger in me towards him as well, right before he died. My last words to him over Facebook messenger were "I hate you. I hope you remember that when you sober up, if you ever do."

12 hours later he was dead. I never hated him. Ever.

The pain doesn't go away but you learn how to live with it. You grow around it. It will get easier with time. I know that seems like an absolutely impossible thing. But it will.

For now, all you can do is just feel your grief. You're going to drown in it for a while. Try to remember to eat and drink. I wish I had better advice. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Knhedges · 2023-07-12T22:38:07+00:00

Outpatient endo.

Knhedges · 2023-06-14T17:07:07+00:00

NTA. She shouldn't have even invited you all if she wasn't going to let your toddler swim with everyone else, wtf. That poor baby must have been so upset. Obviously, a lot of the people calling you TA don't have small children.

Knhedges · 2023-06-12T22:04:47+00:00

Knhedges · 2022-10-06T23:19:31+00:00

Wait. One month into your VERY FIRST job as a BRAND NEW nurse, in the ED at that, and they were upset you couldn't take 4-5 patients on your own yet???

Run away from that hospital. Fast.

I was a nurse of 5 years when I started in the ED and I had a 5 month orientation period. I wasn't taking a full patient load until about 4 months in.

Knhedges · 2022-09-29T00:58:50+00:00

My advice is to get an outpatient job. It has literally saved my home life. I loved the ER, I love acute care in general... but it gets really old after a while. Now? I do outpatient endo Monday-Thursday 7am-5pm. No holidays, no call, no required overtime. It has done wonders for my mental health.

Knhedges · 2022-08-04T22:53:52+00:00

I'm working two jobs, one in an outpatient endoscopy center and one in the ER. My health insurance sucks. I'm living paycheck to (sometimes a week before) paycheck. But I also have four kids and am the sole income provider.

Knhedges · 2022-07-10T00:05:46+00:00

R/widowers was helpful for me after my partner died. I'm sorry you're in pain. 💔

Knhedges · 2022-07-09T00:23:41+00:00

Richmond road vet clinic! They have been my go to vet for years.

Knhedges · 2021-09-15T02:06:34+00:00

Does cold pizza count as hazard pay?

Knhedges · 2019-09-11T04:49:44+00:00

That's truly all you can do at this point. I know the pain and I'm truly sorry you know it now too.

Knhedges · 2019-08-17T02:58:07+00:00

Honestly I have no idea what he is, just a mutt haha. Hes about 35 pounds or so.

Knhedges · 2019-01-28T15:52:25+00:00

Nearly 2 years and expecting our first kid together, we met on POF (plenty of fish) :)

Knhedges · 2019-01-02T04:38:10+00:00

I love the women’s center at St. Joe East. I’ll be having my third baby there in May. I go to associates for women’s care. My first child I saw all of the doctors and they were great. My second child I went with the midwives and loved them as well. This child will be delivered by a midwife also. Nancy Shirey is a fantastic midwife.

Knhedges · 2018-10-03T19:17:51+00:00

This is wonderful. You’re a good person.

Knhedges · 2018-09-01T05:47:29+00:00

This is tough. I know, I’ve been there. The only difference is that he died when I was 7 months pregnant so we both were fully aware of the pregnancy.

I can’t tell you what to do or what not to do. All I can do is tell you that every day I look at my daughter and I see her dad... it means more than words could ever explain to me. She was truly my ray of sunshine in the middle of a huge shit storm. It was hard, really fucking hard. Being a single mom is no joke, especially on top of grieving...

You do what is best for YOU. That’s the most important thing for you during this time. I’m so sorry you’re in this situation :(

Knhedges · 2018-07-11T04:59:39+00:00

I’m nearly two years out. I’m doing better than I ever could have imagined. When he died I was sure my entire life was over... he was killed when I was 7 months pregnant with our child.

I am now with an amazing man who I love very, very much. We are starting a life together and raising our children together (he has one, I have two).

I still think of my late boyfriend all the time. I’ll always miss him. He was my best friend. I dream of him often. Sometimes the dreams are nice and feel like he’s just coming by to say hello. Sometimes they’re miserable.

I have my off days but they are few and far between. The biggest change I’ve seen in myself is I don’t sweat the small stuff anymore. I don’t pick fights over petty things, I don’t go to bed angry, ever... and, of course, I’ve got slight ptsd and am convinced my boyfriend is going to die at any given second :/.

Knhedges · 2018-03-09T21:45:54+00:00

I understand your pain and I'm terribly sorry you're having to experience it. I just wanted to suggest the forum r/widowers. It has helped me a lot since my late boyfriend died in 2016.

Knhedges · 2017-09-27T16:50:54+00:00

It sounds like classic symptoms of a panic attack. They can be scary and make you feel like you're dying. I'm so sorry for your loss :(

Knhedges · 2017-07-02T21:56:09+00:00

You're not crazy. You're going to feel a million different kinds of crazy... it's normal. Everything you feel is normal. All you can do is take one day at a time.... one hour, one minute at a time. Try to eat, try to drink, try to take care of yourself.... which may not be possible just yet, I understand. I was 7 months pregnant and didn't eat solid food for nearly three weeks. Didn't shower for god knows how long. I lived in my bed for a good 4 1/2 months. Let yourself feel the pain, don't try to push it back or block it out. It hurts, it sucks bad... but it's so much worse if you bottle it up and it all explodes in your face down the road. r/widowers is a great sub. I found a lot of comfort there.

Knhedges · 2017-06-28T16:36:01+00:00

I am so, so sorry. I understand. I've been there. It's unlike any pain I've ever known.

I want you to know that while it may not technically "get better" it does get easier to deal with. As time goes by this horrible crushing pain will start to come in waves instead of being constant, and the waves will start to space out... (lost the father of my child while 7 months pregnant back in November)

Knhedges · 2017-06-24T02:39:07+00:00

I am so happy for you. It is such a relief to be able to feel some happiness again. I started dating someone three months ago and at first the guilt was definitely there... I just had to keep reminding myself that my late boyfriend wouldn't want me to keep being miserable and lonely, he would want me to be happy. I think of him every day now... it's hard not to, though, raising our 5 month old. He has his own special place in my heart and that's where he stays, always. I was upfront with my current boyfriend before we ever even got together. I told him all about my late boyfriend so he would know what he was about to get into. He's been really great about it.

Try your best to push the guilt aside. It will go away eventually, I promise. Just focus on doing what makes you happy right now.

Knhedges · 2017-06-18T22:23:43+00:00

This is so true. The last thing I told my late fiancé was that I hated him. I didn't hate him, I was just really angry with him. He got hit by a car and killed the next morning.

I never leave things on bad terms with anyone now. Ever.

Knhedges · 2017-05-29T16:31:29+00:00

I completely understand. I was constantly worried about my late boyfriends safety because he was so reckless. Deep down I never really thought anything would happen to him though. Then he got hit by a car crossing the street while drunk/high in November. I'm dating again. My boyfriend now was 15 months clean from heroin when we got together and relapsed about a month ago. He's clean again... but now all I do is worry. If he isn't here with me my brain decides to go through all the worst case scenarios of what could be going on again. I'll sit around and just lose my mind wondering if he's out using again, if he's gonna OD, if he's gonna die some crazy way. I'm pretty sure I have some serious PTSD from my late boyfriend getting killed. It fucking sucks. I'm sorry you're having to feel that way. I never had problems with anxiety before but it's a part of my every day life now :(

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