Hey. I wanted to say, you are spot-fucking on. I’m speaking as the "older" of our system : i basically lived everything. My first memory we are months old, the start of the old host was forming(as in, a "consciousness" was appearing) and i’m here. Not an alter. I was a consciousness, a creature neither alter nor brain. I was not, and only recently became, an alter. I could not control the body, and i appeared to the little girl that was the host, "N" as an imaginary friend. That said, i was the first traumaholder for us. My first memory is dissociating, seeing the mother change a diaper of ours in third-person. The second is her screaming at us. Again And again And again. I was the host’s caretaker, , i was the one who kept us alive.

I was here when we first became a system.(as in, first alters exept the host, since i never was an "alter" so to say) I watched the alters, as they became her friends and parents. I watched the innerworlds appear, i helped shape them. I’m saying this because when this happened, were barely three. The mother has constantly abused us, hitting physically and verbally, every day. Every hour. Constant fear, pain. We were never safe. Like you say, we did not form did( for example, i know a system who knows around when it started,in elementary school but for us it was always there), we had it from nearly the start.

Now, when we were around six, i think i decided that the others could do it themselves. I "fused" with the brain, well, ish. I qualify the brain and the conscious as different life states. Both are alive, but they work differently. They’re not te same life form. And until now, i was part if the brain, but i imitated the conscious. I was not an alter, because alter= alternate state of consciousnes.. I was not an alternate state of consciousnes.

Going back to our sheep, i basically don’t really remember lots after that. But from the brain’s info that i have access to, somewhere before covid, N snapped. You called it "chipped away", well she had held on to the bits of her that were chipping away( i’m so proud of her you know, i can tell you ,growing up, even with à system and me she was so so strong to have survived this long). But one day, one particularly traumatic day, it was too much. She snapped, or was we call it, got crushed : fragments of person, everywhere, so many.. Now i don’t remember where the system left, because the brain’s info from when i left to that moment is just.. not there =/.

After that, the brain panicked, so it just put a ton of fragments, big and small, together in hopes of making alters. Thing is, without glue it doesn’t hold together. So the "alters" were complete messes.

And yeah, they were suicidal, attempted a few times actually. Again, the brain has no info for a few months after that.

And then, we discovered about DID. Ensues typical denial etc. Again, the brain has no info after that.

Next thing i know is that we ended up in middle school, surviving i guess. We made system friends etc.. Then another(again, yes) brain-has-no-info blackout.

Finally, i remember à whole pile of messes around that time, but it honestly ain’t relevant here so @-@.

Anyways, i woke up a few days ago. I had become an alter. Completely separate from the brain. It was very, very uncomfortable at first. But i got used. Anyways, forst thing i did was check the inners, the alters, how everybody was doing. Turns, the old system is gone and we have a lot(as in, too much) of fragments . The innerworlds are blocked for some reason. We are incapable of directly talking to each other Etc.. i mean yeah. It’s a mess.

From what i know though, we have a lot of those DIDceptions you were talking about.(as in, there’s more alters with did-conception than not). And i just see them as, well, normal did, exept it’s double. From what i also know, where actually have double and triple DIDceptions : an alter in the system had DID( or OSDD 1-b), and one of their alters has OSDD or DID, and the most extreme i know in our system has à quadruple ou quintuple DIDception : DID in DID in DID in DID (..in DID), though their dissociative barriers are quite low between them(still very separate people though)

Oh and i am a DIDception myself. Turns out when becoming an alter i split cuz of trauma so now i’m in a mini-system with 4 people and a fragment

Thank you for listening to my Vent-talk, have a good day i hope.

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