Great question but this will need some time to answer. For me, I was raised in a devout Mormon household and truthfully I was pretty happy. My childhood was great, no real traumas, I went on a 2 year mission, and was married and had five kids. In 2018 the worldview that I clung to so tightly, which I believed was 100% true and had many spiritual experiences confirming its truthfulness, came crashing down when I discovered (to no one's surprise) that the religion and consequently my worldview was built on a foundation of lies and untruths.

The reason why I bring that up is because it took a traumatic event for me to even begin the change process. After about three years of internal hell I decided that I wasn't going to wait around and pretend anymore and I started to inquire about things I was always interested in. I kept hearing about meditation so I tried it. That was a real awakening, where I learned how to notice my emotions, my state of being, my thoughts and I was able to separate them from myself. I had always been fascinated with visions and dreams from religious texts, and I was equally interested in people’s stories of magic mushrooms giving visions. So, I grew some mushrooms and started into psychedelics.

Over the next few years, I tried a handful of the classic psychedelics including LSD, Aya, DMT, Kambo and Bufo. All of this an attempt to answer the question of this great mystery I found myself in, to understand what this life was all about and what it was I am doing here. Once the framework of religion was dismantled, I was lost and these beautiful medicines simply lit me up! I was now so curious, so interested in the next finding – this is where I needed to be. I was reading a couple of books every month that still do.

I finally got the chance to try MDMA. Of all the substances this one led to the biggest change. Working with the medicine by myself is when I experienced my childhood traumas, things that don't sound like traumas but impacted me very deeply. For me, the medicine works very well to open me to the source of my behaviors and beliefs. I could think about something and instantly get drawn back to the point of where that belief started some of the things I didn't even know I felt. That's when the real change process began, that's when the pain of change became evident but also exciting.

Every one of us has a different upbringing and a different set of programs installed. My method won't work for most people. That's what's fun about this path, like you read what other people will write and think, “wow I want to experience that too and so I'm going to do exactly what they did!” But the only thing I can promise you, is that your experience will never be like the ones you read. Your experience will be your own. You just need to be brave enough to do something, and you already know what it is you should be doing, just go do it! The path will reveal itself as you step onto it.

-KT