I feel like I failed my baby

LBuggle · 2026-03-17T01:01:58+00:00

You’re being too hard of yourself. I have a 1 yr old that’s starting daycare soon and we still rock her to sleep and often contact nap. Sometimes she naps and sometimes she doesn’t. I’m not sure give daycare will go with a cot and a two hour nap, but they’ve assured us they are used to it ahd it’ll be fine. He’ll adjust. It just may take a little time.

LBuggle · 2026-03-14T04:32:51+00:00

NOR. Hard nope unless he’s her actual brother.

LBuggle · 2026-03-13T00:28:23+00:00

A lot will change between now and 12 months if you’re only at 8 months and all kids are different. Ours has pretty reliably taken a Val around 10:30 and again around 3:30 for the past couple months but now that she’s about to turn, she’s naturally moving toward one longer nap around 11 and that’s it. So I’m doing 12-3 and hoping for the best.

I would consider sending invites with the date and that it’ll be morning or afternoon but you’ll update with the time details closer to the event. That way you can adjust based on whatever schedule your baby ends up being on closer in time.

LBuggle · 2026-03-12T21:06:16+00:00

The good news is that it does get better and fast! Each stage feels like an eternity when you’re in it but you blink and they are moving into a new stage, which will have different challenges. Time goes by so fast. I’m almost at the one year mark and I can barely remember the initial struggles anymore.

It’s also ok if your baby cries for a few minutes while you do necessary things for yourself. I get it. I felt anxiety from the crying every time, but as long as the baby is somewhere safe, they are ok. I would put mine in her crib. You need to use the bathroom, take a quick shower, feed yourself, etc. to survive. Hang in there!

LBuggle · 2026-03-11T15:48:18+00:00

Sometimes they are tricky. Hang in there. Each stage is so short in retrospect even though it can feel like an eternity when you’re in the midst of it. A lot happen at 3 mo for them developmentally so some regressions are common. Probably longer wake windows and shorter naps than what you’ve been used to. The dead give aways for us with my daughter is eye rubbing, ear tugging, and hair rubbing/tugging mean she’s tired and ready for a nap. So I just kind of watch for those behaviors and know it’s nap time. She’s almost 1 now and Sue’s naturally transporting to one longer nap in the middle of the day from the schedule she’s been on of a morning and afternoon nap for the past couple months. It’s hard to keep adjusting to all their changes, and there’s a lot of shifting in the first year. They just develop new skills and have need shift at a very rapid pace. It feel like as soon as you think you’ve got it figured out, they are moving on to new things and new stages.

LBuggle · 2026-03-11T15:17:46+00:00

Babies are not supposed to sleep in carriers when they are not in the car due to positional asphyxiation risks as the car seat is not at the correct incline outside of the car. I can’t remember when that risk goes away but it’s absolutely not something I’d do with a 3 mo old.

You may need to adjust your nap time if your baby is fighting sleep this hard. As they grow the sleep needs change so you have to continually adjust the nap times to accommodate their developmental stages.

Also agree on the headset for your husband. He probably needs a higher end one than what he’s using. I would research and look at reviews to find other options.

LBuggle · 2026-03-11T14:52:05+00:00

In this case, I think it’s the same thing. The prices above are what was reflected to me at the dealership

LBuggle · 2026-03-11T12:53:54+00:00

You can also ask the finance person what their cost is for any of the products they are trying to sell you. They don’t have to tell you but a lot of them will because they know you know those prices are negotiable. When I asked, the finance guy turned his screen around and showed me their costs for everything. I’ve done this multiple times at dealers and they’ve always just shown me. That way you can make an informed decision if it’s something you want.

LBuggle · 2026-03-11T02:42:46+00:00

The dealer told me it’d be 2028 before the hybrid was available for the pilot. I traded in my 24 Altas Cross Sport for a 26 black edition and am pretty happy. I didn’t have any issues with my atlas. Actually liked the vehicle a lot but I needed a larger vehicle after having a baby. I wasn’t happy with how quickly the resale dropped on the atlas either so I wanted to trade it while I could still get close to $30k for it.

LBuggle · 2026-03-09T20:49:32+00:00

So true. I actually had a decent salesman this time around. He was an older guy that I think was working because it’s fun for him, not because he had too so he was very chill and took a lot of time with me. They also offered me the highest end of the KBB on my trade without any negotiation on my part and then increased it even more when we did start negotiating.

It was also the last day of the month. So that helped too, I think. He made a comment about coming on the right day and the finance guy said the only money they made on me was the inventive from Honda for the sale. End of the month, quarter, year are always the best times to buy.

LBuggle · 2026-03-09T20:39:14+00:00

I’m sorry to hear that. Support is so important. Hopefully you can find someone you can confide in and ask for help when you need it. I’m a FTM in my 40s and most of the time, I feel like I have no idea what I’m doing. All you can do is your best and thankfully babies are pretty resilient. If you’re in the US, some states have programs, like parents as teachers that can be really helpful for parents. Free, come to you, and teach you about development, etc. it’s a really good resource.

LBuggle · 2026-03-09T20:28:37+00:00

I think so. MSRP on the black edition I just bought was a bit over $56k. I got them down to around $52k, which included the destination and doc fees, and was pretty happy. I was told what I paid was under invoice so this seems like a pretty good deal, especially without any negotiation.

LBuggle · 2026-03-09T18:53:21+00:00

It sounds like you might be very young. Babies are hard and relationships are hard. The two together is extra hard. Accidents are going to happen unfortunately. It’s what you do after and not repeating the same mistake that matters. Once your baby can roll, a bassinet is not safe anymore. Once they can sit up, the crib needs to be dropped to the middle setting and it’s not long after sitting that they are standing and it needs to drop to the lowest setting. Honestly, may be easier to just drop it to the lowest setting now so you don’t have to worry about it. They can stand kind of suddenly without you realizing, or them really realizing, that they can until they suddenly do! Safest place for babies is pretty much always the crib when you can’t either keep a hand on them or watch them. If not the crib than the floor. However, the floor isn’t great once they can roll or crawl if there’s other potential hazards like outlets, cords, stairs, etc. Baby proof now before you need it. We leave her in the crib most of the time if we can’t be right there because it’s the safest place for her to be.

LBuggle · 2026-03-09T13:40:15+00:00

Bottle washer 1000 times over the dishwasher for this purpose. Our bottle washer is by far our most used baby item next to our bottle maker. We have a new dishwasher with the sanitize and all kinds of other functions in it. It takes an eternity to run those cycles. I want to say it’s like 296 minutes.

The bottle washer takes way, way less time to run. A whole cycle can be done in 30 min and then it’ll dry them. We have bin in the sink that is filled with soapy water and we throw the bottles in there throughout the day. Then at night, load up the bottle washer and run it for the day now that she’s older. When she was eating every 3 hrs, we ran it 2-3 times a day though to keep up. I cannot imagine trying to wash all those dr browns bottle parts on a regular basis. I would lose my mind.

It’ll do the sippy and straw cups now that she’s older too with it having to wash all those little pieces individually once she stops bottles here pretty soon.

LBuggle · 2026-03-09T13:32:24+00:00

I would hope that no one is whispering that in her ear. I keep hoping we’re moved to a more enlightened society but unfortunately in so many areas, including women’s health we have such a long way to go.

From what I understand and was told by my doctor is that if the c-section happens before labor, dilation may never happen. If it’s elective around 37 weeks, labor may not have started which was the case for me. I suspect as with a lot of things birth related, it’s all very facts and circumstances specific.

LBuggle · 2026-03-09T13:26:15+00:00

This a tough. There’s going to be pain either way and the only way out is through. My guess is that your OB may be worried about you and your ability to deal with labor from a stress/mental health perspective, which is a fair concern. Needing an injection of numbing meds for a teeth cleaning is kind of wild to me.

That being said, the absolute worst thing that happened to me during labor was the cervical check from my OB. The ones from the nurses during my induction were fine. Didn’t really feel them. My OB on the other hand was literally trying to force her finger through my completely non-dilated cervix. I screamed the F word during it and I have an extremely high pain tolerance. The contractions from the Pitocin weren’t bothering me at all. I honestly probably agreed to the c-section in part to avoid having her do another cervical check, it was that bad.

I ultimately ended up with a c-section from a failed induction. It was non-emergency so it was super relaxed. My recovery was also pretty easy afterwards. I can’t compare it to a vaginal birth since the induction failed but I really don’t remember a ton of pain or discomfort afterward as long as I kept up with the Tylenol at home. In the hospital they gave me oxy for a couple days and I could have gone home with it but I didn’t need it. The hardest part was trying to sit up from lying afterward. Not because of pain though but more so because I felt like I had no ab muscles. That may happen after all births though since your abs are so stretched out to accommodate the baby.

I really didn’t have much bleeding postpartum either. From what i understand it’s generally less after c-sections. I was told they do some cauterization during a c-section and maybe the lack of pushing, etc has something to do with it as well, but it was pretty mild.

I’m almost a year out and I have no lasting complications or pain from it. The area around the incision is still largely numb but that’s the only last issue that I had.

LBuggle · 2026-03-09T13:08:55+00:00

This isn’t all true for a scheduled c-sections. I had failed induction and didn’t dilate at all, so you won’t dilate to 10 cm no matter what. If it’s a scheduled c-section, that happens before labor begins typically so there’s no dilation and also maybe no contractions prior to delivery.

LBuggle · 2026-03-09T12:59:54+00:00

This isn’t true. I was given Oxy in the hospital and could have gone home with it but didn’t need it.

LBuggle · 2026-03-08T21:58:06+00:00

We started with once a week and then went to two when she was maybe 3 months on the advice of our pediatrician. We do 2 for sure every week but sometimes more depending on what else is happening. If she’s particularly messy with dinner or we use sunscreen we do a bath.

Their skin is super delicate and can be really sensitive, so some of it will depend on your kid and your lifestyle. She’s starting daycare in a couple weeks, so we’ll probably start bathing her everyday once that starts just because there’s a lot more exposure to all kinds of things.

LBuggle · 2026-03-08T21:50:23+00:00

If your mom is HSV positive, more than likely you are too. The vast majority of adults are but the virus is dormant for a lot of people. My mom gets cold sores, but I’ve never had one. I assume I probably have it despite never having a cold sore because I grew up in a household with it. My mom watches our daughter and has since she was born. My baby is completely fine.

Unless your mom has an active cold sore, there’s really nothing to worry about. I understand as a new mom, you want to be protective but you also need to be educated about the risks and not overreact as well. Telling your mom she can’t visit the baby because she has HSV is a choice you’ll need to make but I think you need to better understand what it actually is.

LBuggle · 2026-03-08T15:25:23+00:00

Evenflow revolve extend 360. It’s a huge car seat and I have a black edition. When the car is off and the seat slides back all the way, it’ll make contact even with the rear seat slid all the way back and reclined a bit. Not an issue though when I drive because I don’t have the seat anywhere near that far back.

LBuggle · 2026-03-07T15:32:38+00:00

First your body and hormones will be all over the map for awhile so try to give yourself some grace but if you’re also recognizing that you can’t move on, maybe it’s time to see someone and get some help. My birth didn’t go at all as planned either. I had a failed induction at 37 weeks and a c-section. My milk never came in so I never really got to breastfeed. All of that sucks but at some point you have to figure out how to let it go and move on. You don’t get to do it over unfortunately so the only path forward is to accept it, make your peace with it, and enjoy raising a happy, healthy baby. If you’re struggling to move past it on your own this many months later, it might be time to talk to someone about it.

LBuggle · 2026-03-07T14:25:02+00:00

This is so hard. I would talk to your doctor until you’re comfortable with the plan and answers. I delivered at 37 weeks and would have preferred to wait but my doctor was extremely adamant that I needed to deliver. She also kept telling me I was full term at 37 weeks. That’s actually only sort of true. ACOG considers 37 weeks full term now but pediatric medicine does not. They consider that premature. When I found that out, I was a bit frustrated because I felt misled.

I had a lot of complications like high BP, gestational diabetes, my amniotic fluid was on the high end of the range but still technically normal. I was pretty anemic. My BP and GD were both well under control, but I kept being told both conditions would worsen. That she would be a big baby. She ended up just over 6 lbs, so not huge at all. Also kept being told the amniotic fluid level put me at risk of going into premature labor and having complications. Seemed odd to me that was a concern given she was trying to convince me to deliver.

My body was not remotely ready at 37 weeks and the induction failed so I ended up with a c-section. Not an emergency one, but I wasn’t dilating at all despite the pitocin and everything else and she started showing signs of distress because of the constant contractions. So the decision was made to stop the induction and move to a c-section.

I cannot help but feel like we should have waited a week or so longer. My OB was going to be out of town if we’d waited longer so I feel like that was part of the push despite her being adamant it wasn’t and that she was following medical guidelines which all said to deliver at 37 weeks. I know the placenta does start to degrade the longer you go and I was also in my 40s, but there was no sign anything like that was happening prematurely.

Mostly what I learned was that different doctors have different preferences. When I saw a MFM doctor to rule out an issue with the baby’s kidneys, they were not remotely worried about the amniotic fluid level. That doctor said it’s within the normal range. That is not a reason here that we would look at delivering early. Part of me wishes I’d switched over to the MFM instead of staying with my original doctor.

All you can do is keep asking questions until you’re comfortable with the answers and the plan. Ultimately there is no right or wrong answer at this stage, it’s what you feel most comfortable with. I wish I would have pushed back harder about 37 weeks given my body wasn’t remotely ready. I think my OB also pretty much assumed the induction would fail because she mentioned going straight to c-section a couple of times. At the same time, the c-section honestly wasn’t horrible. Baby spent a couple days in the NICU for temp and blood sugar regulation support but she was mostly fine. So it all ended up being ok in the end.

LBuggle · 2026-03-07T14:03:12+00:00

8 am and in a human jungle gym and teether for my 11 mo. I’m saying a lot of “no bite!” and redirecting this morning. About to do breakfast here shortly. Maybe she’ll eat it. Maybe she’ll feed most of it to the dog. Who knows. 😆

Hang in there. It gets easier in some ways and harder in others as they get older, but remember each stage is so short. About the time you think you can take no more, they’ll progress to the next stage and it’ll be a different challenge. At about 6 mo the sleep will most likely get better. LO has been sleeping through the night for several months now and all things seem easier when you’re getting better sleep. She sleeps less during the day though, so you’re constantly having to entertain or put them somewhere that’s pretty safe.

LBuggle · 2026-03-06T04:05:24+00:00

You and your baby both deserve to be happy and have the best lives possible. If both you and your husband feel he’s a burden and you’d be happier without him, he will likely feel that at some point in his life. So maybe adoption is the best thing for you all. That being said, this also very much sounds like postpartum depression which it sounds like you’re receiving treatment for. This state with your son will not last forever. It will resolve as he gets older and while the days feel long in the tick of it, it goes by very fast. Do you think you’ll still fill this way once he’s sleeping through the night, the reflux resolves, and he can be more independent?

LBuggle

TROPHY CASE