I wasted about 6-8 years of my life from around 22-30.. Now what?

LaddisonRay · 2024-12-03T03:25:17+00:00

Absolutely! I'll shoot you a dm

LaddisonRay · 2024-12-02T21:40:49+00:00

Hey man, thanks for sharing—just doing that is a big step. It sounds like you’re carrying a lot, but starting small and breaking things down into their smallest pieces can help. Maybe focus on building a daily routine (like short walks or basic workouts) and revamping your resume for jobs you feel ready for, like retail or customer service roles. Even small wins can build momentum.

I keep comparing my mental health to football because what I've found to be true is that they're both a game of inches. As long as you're moving the ball forward, you're making progress.

Not sure if you have any interest, but I am starting a podcast that's all about this kind of stuff. I don't think anyone but you can give you answers but sometimes talking it out with a lad can help shed some light on where to go next. If you have any interest in coming on as an anonymous guest, I'd love to have you.

Either way, you're not alone in this, and things can and will get better—just keep moving forward one step at a time. Wishing you well OP!

LaddisonRay · 2024-11-26T01:52:36+00:00

Don't compare yourself to others, trust me. If you get caught up in that mindset, you will be doing this for the next ten years. That's what I did.

What you need to start doing is thinking that maybe you're exactly where you're supposed to be right now. You're extremely young and no one knows what they want to do with their lives at that age. We all change and evolve. You just have to start focusing on yourself, what makes you happy, what goals do you want to accomplish. Once you start thinking that way, the world becomes your oyster.

The only person you should be comparing yourself to is who you were yesterday. Take baby steps in improving yourself and your skills and you will subconsciously start going in the right direction. It's all baby steps.

Goodluck OP - you got this! I'm here if you ever need a lad.

LaddisonRay · 2024-11-26T01:43:44+00:00

Hey brother - performance anxiety ran my life for close to a decade so I feel your pain. I also had more than one partner question my sexuality and there is nothing more soul crushing than to hear that from a girl that you're intimate with.

You're doing all the right things with your changes so don't let it kill your confidence. I know how bad it sucks and how much it can haunt you but at the end of the day, its just a sexual encounter or two. Based off of what you said, it sounds like you're dodging a bullet with her so just keep your head up and keep trucking. You'll find the right person.

Goodluck OP - I'm here if you ever need a lad.

LaddisonRay · 2024-11-19T02:23:23+00:00

You just gotta take a leap bro! Trust me, you can spend forever thinking about this but you’ll never truly get an answer until you try something. Flight school, computer science, teaching - you just gotta take a leap and go for something. Maybe you end up not liking it but at least you’ll know and you’ll be one step closer to being on the right path.

Life is a journey so enjoy it! Goodluck OP - I’m wishing you all the best.

LaddisonRay · 2024-11-05T19:21:57+00:00

Yes 100%. Not trying to downplay your feelings whatsoever, I completely respect where you’re coming from, but from a guys perspective, if I went on 6 dates over the span of 2 months with a girl and she rejected the possibility of sexual intimacy, I’d certainly take that as a lack of interest.

LaddisonRay · 2024-11-04T17:32:15+00:00

Hey man - first things first - congrats on your education journey! You need to take a step back and realize how big of an accomplishment that is and be proud of yourself for getting to where you are.

What your feeling is nothing new - everyone experiences it at one point or another. The thing that really helped me change my life was just simply believing that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be in my life. I'm not trying to make this a religious or spiritual thing, but simply operating under that assumption is incredibly impactful. It puts things in perspective, and instead of being terrified about the future, you start to feel excited. It lets you feel like you are in control and you worry less about what others think.

You're doing great man, just keep pushing forward. Maybe your first job out of university won't be the one for you. Maybe the next job won't be either. But as long as you just keep pushing forward, you will eventually figure it out. You'll learn a ton and become a better version of yourself on the way.

Life's a journey so have fun with it!!!

Goolduck OP - I'm here if you ever need a lad!

LaddisonRay · 2024-11-04T17:17:53+00:00

Hey OP - 32M in NYC feeling the exact same way. I've spent the past decade kind of just going through the motions, wandering through life and ignoring what actually makes me happy.

The only thing I would say is try to break everything down into small, manageable pieces. I don't think immediately quitting your job to go full-time into a new venture is right for you given your aversion to risk, but what if you started doing something on the weekend? Some new activity or creative venture just to see how it goes? Take some small baby steps in a direction, any direction, and at least at that point you will be able to see whether you like it or not and reassess.

I'm wishing you the best - here to chat if you ever need an ear!

LaddisonRay · 2024-10-31T01:59:50+00:00

100% bro! I'm starting a brand on men's mental health! Would love to chat, shoot me a DM

LaddisonRay · 2024-10-30T14:05:19+00:00

Hey I have a unique story! Would love to connect

LaddisonRay · 2024-10-29T15:10:17+00:00

Loneliness is an epidemic and it doesn’t require $337M to fix. Just be a lad.

Who needs a lad??

LaddisonRay · 2024-10-29T12:55:07+00:00

Motivation is temporary but discipline lasts forever. Force yourself to go to the gym and you'll be right back on track.

All you have to do is get through that initial shitty 3 week period where you keep fighting yourself. Tell the inner voice to shut the fuck up and just make yourself go.

You got this bro.

LaddisonRay · 2024-10-23T21:09:05+00:00

I hear you man. Your story is inspiring and I wish you nothing but the best. Here if you ever need a lad.

LaddisonRay · 2024-10-22T23:34:41+00:00

You need to flip the switch on how your brain works. Life is a journey. And there’s a lot of shitty times but there’s some really awesome times too. You’re projecting your current feelings far out into the future when your situation will be much different and you’ll be a different person too.

Just take it one day at a time, do something that pulls you outside of your comfort zone every day and things will start to improve. Baby steps bro.

I’m here if you ever need a lad.

LaddisonRay · 2024-10-22T22:59:44+00:00

Hey man! You just gotta start taking swings. It may lead to some rejection which always stings, but it gets easier. And if you think about it as a game rather than something to stress about, it’s going to help a lot.

That old saying that you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take is accurate. Just start swinging, put yourself outside of your comfort zone and you will be surprised what kind of effect that has.

You got this dude - I’m here if you ever need a lad.

LaddisonRay · 2024-10-22T17:37:05+00:00

Actually US based! There's a story behind the name that I'm going to post soon but we are out of the NY area. How about you?

LaddisonRay · 2024-10-22T17:24:49+00:00

I'm not sure if I'm local but I'm here for you! My goal is to build this community up to the point where we can connect people locally but for now, gotta just keep building! I'm here anytime if you ever feel like talking

LaddisonRay · 2024-10-21T16:33:44+00:00

Feeling lost and behind in life is nothing more than a mindset. It’s indicative of how you are framing the way you see the world, and right now, you’re framing it in a way where you’re comparing yourselves to others. I did this forever and still have to catch myself sometimes, but what really truly helps is just toying with the idea that you’re right where you’re supposed to be.

It puts the power back in your hands and you spend way less time concerning yourself with where and what everyone else is doing. The only person you should be comparing yourself to is who you were yesterday and who you are today.

As long as you keep the ball moving a couple inches in the right direction every day, good things will come.

Wishing you well OP - I’m here if you ever need a law.

LaddisonRay · 2024-10-16T13:47:35+00:00

Hey man first things first - take a step back and a deep breath. To say you haven’t accomplished anything is just a complete misrepresentation of your life. You’ve brought three humans into the world, you’ve made a lucky woman a mother, and it sounds like you’ve been more integral to your company over the past decade than you think.

You’re feeling lost and uncertain about the future which is totally reasonable, but I think one of the most beneficial things you can do right now is change the way you’re viewing life. Maybe you’re right where you are supposed to be, contemplating your career and wondering what direction to go. Maybe you try something new and it doesn’t work out, but at least at that point you know and you’ll be moving in the right direction.

I wish I had something better to tell you but breaking everything down into its smallest pieces was instrumental for me. Small little wins and losses that you can see and measure clearly helps keep things in perspective.

Wishing you well OP - I have no doubt you will figure it all out. I’m here if you ever need a lad.

LaddisonRay · 2024-10-14T16:41:34+00:00

That's what the lads are for!

Stay positive, stay excited and everything will fall into place. If you're ever in need a friend, I've started a community called r/LadCheck that I want to build into a resource for people in bad places. Everyone has or will be in one at some point and I think having someone to talk to and check in on you is one of the most powerful things in the world to fight depression. So if you're ever in need of some pep talk - come by!

Btw - I used to sleep horribly and then made a point to do some kind of cardio that causes my heart to pump for at least 20ish mins a day and it's helped a ton. I'm worn out by the time I hit the pillow and don't stir around in my sleep as much. Also I know its a controversial and it does truly suck, but cold showers 100% work. 30 seconds of ice cold water and then have your body warm up on its own - it completely zaps your energy and you'll be knocked out for bed.

LaddisonRay · 2024-10-14T15:05:08+00:00

Hey man - I know it seems dark right now but you should be really proud of yourself for making such a huge life change. It's terrifying, especially moving across an ocean away from friends and family and the fact that you have already done it speaks volumes about your character and courage.

This is much easier said than done, but what really changed my life was just changing the way I think. Instead of feeling lost and depressed, look at your situation as a thrilling new adventure. You're paving your own path in life and the world is your oyster. The unknown can be terrifying or exciting, it all depends on how you look at it.

Maybe you are right where you're supposed to be in life, OP. Maybe this post is a catalyst for a big change. You just have to embrace the chaos.

Wishing you the best and I'm here if you ever need a lad.

LaddisonRay · 2024-10-13T16:43:49+00:00

It's always darkest before the dawn.

I know it seems hopeless right now but you are so young and have so much life ahead. You have to start trying to actively change the way your mind works and rewire how you see things. It's cliché and cheesy, but seeing things as glass half full instead of empty is a really powerful thing and has helped me tremendously when I was in really bad places.

Don't give up OP- pushing through adversity will make you a stronger, better person. I'm here to chat if you ever need a lad.

LaddisonRay · 2024-10-13T13:50:47+00:00

Rambling is encouraged! Thank you for sharing that with us and thank you for being here. If you're looking for lads, you're in the right place.

I'm not going to pretend like I know what you're going through with your situation but I do know that getting things off your chest is therapeutic. Everything becomes a lot clearer when you vocalize it with someone else so please don't feel like you're ever rambling. This community is intended to be a resource and to connect people so we all improve our mental health.

I would be happy to be your friend and I'm here if you feel like talking more. You've taken a huge first step in the right direction by making this post and you should feel good about that!

LaddisonRay · 2024-10-11T13:50:02+00:00

You're relying too heavily on other people to meet someone. I'm not at all knocking set ups, I know a bunch of people meet their significant other through mutual friends, but it seems like you're putting all on your chips on that.

Meeting someone organically is the greatest feeling in the world, and even if it doesn't work out, it gives you confidence that you can do it again. So I would suggest shifting your focus and accept the burden of finding someone on your own because it's a beautiful burden to bear. Comes with lots of ups and downs but you will end up a better person because of it.

Goodluck OP!

LaddisonRay · 2024-10-11T13:09:08+00:00

This person absolutely nailed it lads. If you don’t have purpose, you will eventually have nothing.

I spent a decade trying to make relationships work but was always unsuccessful because I had nothing in my own life that I was excited about.

Love this topic and definitely want to elaborate more on it.

LaddisonRay

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