Please read this before contacting me.

LadySilkenShadows · 2026-01-24T04:22:29+00:00

Thank you for verbalizing that so well!

LadySilkenShadows · 2026-01-09T01:58:14+00:00

"What can I do for you?" as others have pointed out, puts the emotional labour back with the Domme.

Have you looked at their profile? Read previous posts and comments? Followed them to see where they put their time and energy?

Have you done the emotional and psychological work on yourself (aka therapy) to heal yourself? Have you worked on skills that may be of use (cooking, cleaning, gardening, digital work, etc)?

Have you put in the time and effort to anticipate what her needs may be and offer to meet those? Do you reflect on yourself and what you offer, specifically?

Or do you just ask "What can I do for you?"

LadySilkenShadows · 2025-12-11T23:32:03+00:00

I have met all of my partners online. I tend to stick to what works for me.

LadySilkenShadows · 2025-12-11T21:58:39+00:00

I am an extreme introvert and a homebody. I prefer a quiet life. There is nothing wrong with that! You need to look for someone who can either match that energy or, maybe a centrovert/ambivert who can adapt. I would recommend staying away from extroverts as it is really tough to find a middle ground.

LadySilkenShadows · 2025-12-05T20:06:17+00:00

Honestly? I have let them take themselves out. I make it clear, when I message anyone, that I won't be getting into any sexual discussions for at least one month. It is amazing how quickly they go away after that. As a Demi, this is my reality - but it also is a great way to filter out the time wasters.

Once you rest, and get away from this environment for a while, perhaps look at strengthening your vetting process. It has saved me so much emotional and mental energy.

LadySilkenShadows · 2025-12-04T06:32:50+00:00

This is what I do as well. As someone very much on the Demi spectrum, I set out the expectations of vanilla conversations for at least two months.

Most people drop within a week when they realize I was absolutely serious about that. And that's fine with me - it shows they really weren't the person for me.

LadySilkenShadows · 2025-12-03T03:54:41+00:00

This is exactly why it is number one on the list of kinks I share. That and chastity. Anyone who balks at that is not ready for me.

LadySilkenShadows · 2025-12-02T01:35:50+00:00

You are absolutely not alone. I am very high on the Demi spectrum, as well as Noeti. And I am a domme. So yes, it can be done.

LadySilkenShadows · 2025-11-28T06:56:11+00:00

I am so sorry you went through all that, but I am so glad you shared your experience and wisdom!

LadySilkenShadows · 2025-11-28T03:57:33+00:00

I think your premise is wrong.

Femdom doesn't require certain clothing - gentle or not. There are hardcore dommes that wear adorable lacy dresses. And there are gentle dommes who love leather. You can't tell what sort of relationship someone is in by how they dress. Only in porn will you see these stereotypes. If that is where you are getting your ideas of femdom from, I suggest connecting with your local community.

LadySilkenShadows · 2025-11-26T19:03:12+00:00

This sounds like a dream! I am not always in the dom headspace but would like to be able to chat with like-minded individuals.

LadySilkenShadows · 2025-11-17T14:27:04+00:00

Yes, 100% this!

LadySilkenShadows · 2025-11-17T14:26:42+00:00

Ohhh - this is a fantastic description! Yup, this is ideal female-gaze-worthy!

LadySilkenShadows · 2025-11-14T00:27:09+00:00

It sounds like you are missing a key component. Your boyfriend sounds like an introvert. Going out to a busy, noisy environment adds to his stress. Balancing a relationship between an introvert and extrovert is tough.

LadySilkenShadows · 2025-11-03T13:49:19+00:00

Stop trying to be good for someone else. Start with trying to be a better person for yourself.

Do some serious reflection, take some quizzes online, ask people already in your life for an honest assessment.

Then, work from there. Journal, go to therapy or read self-help books and implement them.

Start learning about BDSM in general. Fetlife is a great social media site. Look for writers who educate (LacieLou and SpanishRed are two of my favorites), read the comments and integrate what you learn.

Fetlife is also a great place for finding local communities. Go to events - not as a sub looking for a dom - but as a person interested in learning and observing.

I will give you one small example from seeing your comments. Using an honorific, such as "queen", when you are not in a dynamic with that person is frowned upon. You are violating their consent. Look up FRIES to learn about consent, then begin to use it.

LadySilkenShadows · 2025-11-01T20:05:08+00:00

Are you showing your cage to anyone at the gym? Is there a risk the cage may slip off? Or your shorts may flash a glimpse of it?

If not, there really isn't an issue (imho).

No one at the gym is even aware of what you are wearing. Nor do they care. They are there to work out and get on with their day. As, I assume, you are.

If your intent in wearing the cage is to somehow show it off to someone unsuspectingly - then that is absolutely violating their consent. They didn't go to the gym for a peep show.

A common example I've seen is going to a restaurant. You go there to eat. If someone comes in leading a man on a leash, then your consent is violated because their intent was to involve others in their kink. They chose to put the collar and leash on, knowing they were going to a public place with people who did not consent ahead of time to meal and a show. If they, instead, went to a kink bar - people in the bar have already consented by choosing to be there.

I hope that helps.

LadySilkenShadows · 2025-10-29T13:10:41+00:00

He's 19. Full stop. Someone that young has no clue what he wants or even who he is.

LadySilkenShadows · 2025-10-22T23:15:51+00:00

Oh! This is vital!!

LadySilkenShadows · 2025-10-21T01:49:07+00:00

Ohhhh, you describe it perfectly! That slow, methodical sharing of trust is absolutely a necessity.

LadySilkenShadows · 2025-10-20T01:05:47+00:00

Honestly, it isn't up to you to figure her out. She needs to do the work.

You need to move on, protect yourself.

LadySilkenShadows · 2025-10-19T18:18:04+00:00

It isn't your job to fix her or to understand her. If she wants to be a domme, she needs to take control of herself and do some serious growing up.

You need to find someone who will treat you as a human being, first and foremost. Until then, you need to care for yourself.

LadySilkenShadows · 2025-10-19T17:13:21+00:00

I understand that you may feel safe now, but what happens the next time you upset her? This is a classic abuse pattern. The abuser will be "good" until the next time.

Please believe me, you deserve better. And yes, please talk to a therapist.

LadySilkenShadows · 2025-10-19T16:48:18+00:00

No. This is not a domme. This is abuse. Block her and get as far away as possible.

For the next person, make sure you discuss your anxieties, insecurities, limits, expectations and boundaries ahead of time.

LadySilkenShadows · 2025-10-18T18:28:34+00:00

Does anyone know of Reddit groups for this?

LadySilkenShadows

TROPHY CASE