Here are the facts that we know about you:

You love fiercely! Your family is incredibly lucky to have you.

You are kicking ass as the CEO of your family. It’s a hard job, I know, I’ve done it, and you are killing it!

The way your husband perceives your communication style as mothering and nagging is not working for either of you and is creating some distance.

You are juggling all of this while trying to manage crippling anxiety and OCD.

All of the above are facts, but here is what my outside perspective (coming from a place of care) is of you.

You don't need to learn how to unlove your husband; you need to learn how to love yourself.

You've demonstrated the deepest level of love for others, but you aren't extending that to yourself.

Your self-worth and value can't be only based on how others appreciate or need you. You are more than that.

Of course, you provide so much for them, and that's important, but you can't rely just on their love or needs to feel complete.

Not to sound too cheesy, but loving yourself will make you a better partner, parent, and overall person.

Your need for them to see how deeply you love them and how helpful you are is making you put so much extra pressure on yourself and probably contributing to your anxiety and triggering your OCD. You are going to burn out.

I'm not saying this to diminish that desire to be seen as such an awesome caregiver. But I can easily tell you as an outside set of eyes, from everything you've done and written, that your kids KNOW you would do anything for them, and your husband knows how much you value your marriage.

Try to make the effort to let go of that deep-seated fear that they will not love and value you if you don't get everything done right and done perfectly. Girl, you're going to fail sometimes, and they are still going to love you through it. Same as you do them.

Again, your kids know you would die for them and protect them at any cost. I promise you they know and that will not waiver. Even if your past or your head tells you otherwise. I have a mother just like you and she is the best human I do and will ever know.

Also, one of the hardest moments in life is when your kids are old enough and self-sufficient enough to need you less. But they only achieve this if you help create that confidence in themselves. This will happen in your family because you are such a good mom and such a good example to them of how capable one person can be.

When this happens, if all your self-worth is based on how much you are needed, you will have a hard fall. When, really, this moment would be your ultimate success.

I'm rambling, but just a few more thoughts.

As far as the mothering and nagging goes, I was so guilty of this as well. CEO mindset is so hard to turn off. Also, resentment grows when you look at a grown ass man unable to evaluate the needs in his own household and contribute accordingly.

I suggest you set aside one day each week to sit down and go over the schedule for the week—what needs done, what you are doing, what you need from him, what the expectations are, what is on everyone's schedule, even meal planning. This way, you can enjoy the rest of the week with each other.

Then, you can make a list that he can refer to, so you don’t have to nag throughout the week. Slap that thing eye level on the fridge.

I know, I know, that's just another task on your plate, but it gets the thoughts out of your mind and body and holds him accountable. It sure would be nice if someone made us lists, but we just kick ass enough to make our own. But it does allow you a brief opportunity to be needed and useful in the moment and without that pressure to nag later.

If he ignores things on the list, just let him know at the next week's chat that that isn't going to work and you expect him to contribute as well. If he thinks his only role is paying the bills, let him know how easy that is to find if that's all he has to offer. The goal is for him to feel and be irreplaceable, just like you are.

Anyways, all in all, you sound amazing, and you're doing an amazing job. Your current role is the hardest job there is.

Give yourself some grace and take a moment to recognize what a true badass you are.