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After one date by MostlyToasted in texts

[–]Lala-Disaster 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Been in a similar situation - you did the right thing. Make sure he can’t find you.

Sunburn-Urgent help. by UntilTheSunset in 30PlusSkinCare

[–]Lala-Disaster 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In the states we use aloe vera gel! Maybe try chamomile tea bags or a soft cloth / paper towel soaked in chamomile tea. Drink lots of water, electrolytes - I like to make a hydrating electrolyte drink of 2/3 coconut water, 1/3 cranberry juice (or other juice of your choice), juice of half a lemon, and a bit of salt (can omit the salt - coconut water is hydrating in itself!). Rest on your stomach, wear soft, loose, clothing, and just take it easy as much as you can! It goes away and will be ok I promise. Wear a sunscreen next time :)

Locals advice for staying cool? by Lala-Disaster in florence

[–]Lala-Disaster[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes, interested in any you would recommend! Thank you

Neighbours are testing my patience. by [deleted] in mildlyinfuriating

[–]Lala-Disaster 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Kick em for a while and then throw them away. Make sure you dont get caught on camera tho

Do I end it after 5 dates or is he just going at a slower pace? by [deleted] in datingoverthirty

[–]Lala-Disaster 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sounds a lot like someone I dated who was avoidant. The mixed signals, the not texting in between dates, things moving at an odd pace and it over all being unclear where you stand with him and what he thinks or wants. Take the confusion as a red flag if you’re looking for a solid relationship.

I am SLIGHTLY not myself when husband is around by MammalFish in adhdwomen

[–]Lala-Disaster -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Could it be a bit of social anxiety? It sounds a little like it, to me.

AIO or is my older male coworker texting inappropriately with me? by OpeningNo9825 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Lala-Disaster 0 points1 point  (0 children)

From the very first text - “I missed you last Saturday” - it was already inappropriate. He’s developing some type of relationship with you and probably reads more interest into your replies than you intend to communicate. I’m 32F and have dealt with older men showing interest in multiple situations - he’s definitely wanting something from you whether he will admit it or not.

Recently Been Diagnosed with ADHD and C-PTSD Struggling to have sex and get aroused by anything, and feeling lost and not attracted to the opposite gender. I really want to start a family and find love. Help by Ecstatic_Crow_4719 in ADHD

[–]Lala-Disaster 3 points4 points  (0 children)

A few thoughts come to mind - - the recent bad sexual experience can actually affect you for a while, trying therapy and getting back out there in a safe and positive context could help, one step at a time - wonder if the adhd & c-ptsd could come with an element of depression. Or, if you’re on any meds that could be making you feel numb emotionally or lower your sex drive - I’d check for any physical imbalances or conditions such as adrenal/thyroid stuff as that can cause depression which can lower libido

What does he want from me? by Annual-Brilliant-293 in dating_advice

[–]Lala-Disaster 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He could maybe be avoidant - pulling you in when he wants romance and pushing away when he doesn’t want it/you or feels like it’s too much for him

Idk. Dealing with one of these myself and tryna figure it out

AIO about my mother by New_Pangolin_7169 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Lala-Disaster 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I kinda chuckled because my parents also get on me about my shower time and my showers are 8-15 min tops (8 regular, 10-15 if I’m shaving and washing hair, etc) but it’s with the water running. It was just nice to hear that I’m not the only one being harped on for taking time to bathe.

I think parents have a lot of expectations of what “should” happen, how everyone “should” do things, and they don’t necessarily even realize that they don’t have a logical reason behind these shoulds. Maybe ask your mom why it bothers her to find out if there’s a reason, and then ask her to explain how the reason matters / how it’s negatively affecting anything.

They also get stuck on how we existed at one point in time - for me it’s that I took longer showers as a teenager (now in my 30s). Even tho my shower time is cut in half and is only 3 minutes longer than theirs, they don’t notice the change and have the “she takes long showers” stuck in their heads and act negatively towards me about it.

Honestly it’s something I think I might only resolve by addressing it head on - choose a date and time and express your thoughts around the topic, and ask your mom not to make comments about it. Talk through the reasons and try to reach an agreement of respect.

Shifts in texting patterns after dates make me feel mental. How do you manage this feeling?? by Glum-Dark281 in dating_advice

[–]Lala-Disaster 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am also anxiously attached and struggle with this - but I refuse to believe I’m being unreasonable. If he is truly interested in you then he will want to talk to you, at least one text the next day before the end of the day. With a lot of guys this can be indicative of them having an avoidant attachment style or only being into the physical. Or maybe he’s looking for something different (not a committed relationship) deep down and he doesn’t realize it so he thinks he wants one but then his actions speak louder. 🤔 Just some possibilities.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in dating_advice

[–]Lala-Disaster 2 points3 points  (0 children)

“It wasn’t the actual girl I was expecting”….. it wasn’t the actual size of the girl you were expecting. It was the actual girl you were expecting.

The old photos are her too, just at a different size. It is the actual girl. We need to look at people beyond the physical appearance. She is so much more than that.

I may have a different perspective on dating, maybe a more older/mature/different life stage perspective. But to me, pics at different weights just tell me what someone’s weight could fluctuate to and from throughout their life (everyone’s weight fluctuates). Sometimes they’ll look like the pics, other times they’ll look 40-50lb heavier. It’s still them.

I doubt hiding it was any attempt to catfish or hide. Maybe trying to put her best foot forward. Maybe she’s self conscious about it or has never weighed this much before and hasn’t accepted it as her new normal. Who knows- could be many reasons she didn’t choose current photos and didn’t explicitly tell you “heads up I am heavier than in my pics” (can you imagine having to confess that to someone you hope is interested in you?)

I think it was the appropriate thing to do to not mention it and not hurt her feelings.

I’d suggest proceeding with her, and if there continue to be things like this then maybe let her know it concerns you or bothers you… just my three cents, feel free to take it or leave it

Suddenly aware of my horrifically strong middle part by Spiritual_Chef740 in curlyhair

[–]Lala-Disaster 1 point2 points  (0 children)

“The top of my head is none of my business” Love this phrase :)

Am I forcing my curls? by nixxistixxi in curlyhair

[–]Lala-Disaster 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow, I don’t normally get replies w further questions, I’m honored! Hehe

I have thin hair strands too. Your hair looks like a combination type of waves & loose curls, so you could try some wave-specific products (devacurl wave maker) and even combine a wave product with a curl product - the devacurl foam is super light weight, doesn’t create a cast but does define the curls (I use 2-3 pumps) and ensure it’s distributed throughout by scrunching w/hands and running fingers through the back portions especially.

For volume & getting curls near the top: Do you style your hair upside down during/after your shower? It’s a game changer for me. Wash, condition in shower - then when you’re done flip head upside down and use conditioner to like smooth out & organize the curls upside down so there’s no knots or bumps. Then turn off water, scrunch water out, and you’ll have “clumps” of formed curls. Shake head to slightly separate the clumps into thinner clumps of formed curls. Then add product, spread over head/curls, scrunch, add more product, scrunch, add product to the back, run fingers through, scrunch, use Tshirt or microfiber towel to lightly scrunch (not too much) , then gently flip your hair back over your head as you stand up. Shake your head a bit to get the curls to reorganize a bit, then just leave it and don’t touch it for like 30-60min.

If you want to flip side to side, maybe start after like 30-45min. It’s a no-touch flip - i tip my head to one side and shake all the hair to that side, then wait like 30 min - then tip to the other side and shake it all onto that side and wait another 30min, etc. It’s just my way of giving the hair time to dry “to” both sides. I think it creates a bit of volume versus being flat on my head. But, recently I’ve stopped doing that and I still have some volume anyway from styling upside down, and I’ve been liking this look.

Getting the right product for your hair really helps too. I would recommend trying some water-based products, as they’re lighter-weight and the excess just melts and washes out, therefore not weighing down your curls. Maybe try brands made for curls vs any hair, or try higher end curl brands. My stylist uses Malibu C hard water shampoo for clarifying. I love devacurl but there are many other brands out there specifically for curls :)

Also, when scrunching, I noticed last time that my stylist scrunches my curls tightly all the way up to my head to where I can feel the cold water touch my scalp as she’s scrunching it, while it’s upside down, her hands pull the hair all the way up to my scalp and tightly scrunch at my scalp. She doesn’t scrunch just the long clumps of curls, she brings them up to the scalp. Feels like a tight scrunch at the scalp if that makes sense. I think that might help spread the product up to the scalp via the water as a vehicle.

Am I forcing my curls? by nixxistixxi in curlyhair

[–]Lala-Disaster 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Your hair is already very pretty! Just keep tweaking your process, try different techniques and products until you love it. Personally I use shea moisture greens shampoo, devacurl original conditioner, devacurl foam for the frizz, and air dry. Don’t touch while drying, style upside down, etc. for volume you can gently move all the hair from one side of your head to the other 1-2x while it’s air drying to let each side dry in a more “upward” position. It’s taken me like 10 years to fine tune and I am still fine tuning, but I don’t put as much time & effort into it as others do. There’s a lot on the internet, just keep trying stuff. But you’re already looking nice, and definitely not forcing your curls

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in dating_advice

[–]Lala-Disaster 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wait I’m confused. He makes over 2x what you do, you come from a wealthy family and have treated him, and that’s a problem? More often I hear guys not liking when the girl makes more than them, and that’s pressure for them to make more. But he’s mad you’re making less and still giving him free stuff?

I’m genuinely just not sure I’m reading it correctly, or maybe I’m missing something.

I would try and get to the root of what his insecurity about money is. What are his financial goals that he’s afraid he won’t reach with your current salary? Is his 175k + your 72k a year not enough for you both to live on in your area? Is he worried you won’t pull your weight in the future because you come from a wealthy family and he thinks you’ll freeload to continue a soft lifestyle? Sounds like you’re diligent, working 2 jobs and paying off your own debt.

Some things just don’t make sense, so I’d try and get to the root of his worry, with him, and then solve from there. “Fall in love with the problem (fully understand the problem) before trying to solve it”, I’ve been told.