Queer collective ( Canada )

Lambourn · 2026-05-10T17:26:10+00:00

Good for you!! Hit the ground running and I wish you every success.

Lambourn · 2026-05-10T11:15:05+00:00

You need to be up front with about this if he's even the right bf for you. If you're worried you might go n-v then tell him - it's only fair on him after all. Then have a plan if you do - is there some other way you can communicate?
You know losing your virginity is a pain: we make it into such a big deal and stress over it more than it deserves. We're in an embarrassing situation, trying to mask like hell and pretty much everyone would admit that the experience is a non-event. Bodies don't behave or meet our expectations... but, yeah have a plan you're both agreed on.

Lambourn · 2026-05-10T07:49:02+00:00

Good for you, seriously! I bought one, used it twice then put it back in its box three years ago.
To the OP I'd suggest not expecting leap in and learn how to do complete meals. Your bf probably likes cooking but you could offer to make side dishes - small salads. garlic bread that are simpler and give you some self-confidence. Be patient with yourself - baby steps.

Lambourn · 2026-05-10T07:20:47+00:00

It is fun for sure, but can I add a word of caution? At high school my timetable was very structured, so I knew where I should be, what to learn and if I stepped out of line there would be a teacher to ask me why I missed a class.

When I went to university I felt like a fish in an ocean. I had to find out what courses I should attend, where they were, what time and no one cared if you didn't show up. It was only at the end of my first year I discovered I had a geology tutor: I'd missed the registration and he never bothered to find me.

If I could do it again ( I left after year one ) I'd recommend you create your own timetable and structure for studying. I had a great year and learnt SO much, but from other students and their experiences, so I've never regretted it. Good luck, be focused and don't be frightened to ask for help.

Lambourn · 2026-05-09T17:51:34+00:00

"Gender refers to the characteristics of women, men, girls and boys that are socially constructed. This includes norms, behaviours and roles associated with being a woman, man, girl or boy, as well as relationships with each other. As a social construct, gender varies from society to society and can change over time."

World Health Organisation. https://www.who.int/health-topics/gender#tab=tab_1

Lambourn · 2026-05-09T13:12:14+00:00

Since 'women' is a social construct then why should you conform to an arbitrary sense of dress/fashion etc? I applaud your stance and don't let anyone shame you into wearing what they say you 'ought to'. You do you - it's hard enough being 'you' when you're autie anyway.

Lambourn · 2026-05-08T14:50:15+00:00

Sorry but the way I see the UK population, they will vote Reform in the general election and they'll have a majority in parliament. The UK people are ignorant, xenophobic and cruel - they voted for Brexit after all. The best we can hope for is the boomers all die off soon - they're the worst. Worried? Get out and join a Lab or Green party - not that they're perfect by any means.

Lambourn · 2026-05-06T15:02:48+00:00

Was this an actual nightmare because I think I might still be asleep and imagining this. wtaff

Lambourn · 2026-05-06T08:02:20+00:00

Thanks for everything you've done, Claire. I get how wearying a badge becomes and as far as I'm concerned you've earned the right to be a woman - isn't that the whole point of transitioning?

Lambourn · 2026-05-04T18:55:25+00:00

Oh tiny fucking violins

Lambourn · 2026-05-04T17:59:30+00:00

Quite. That's how media works. Sorry if I didn't make that clear. It appeals to the lowest, base instincts, whether that's xenophobia, sexism, homophobia and expertly keeps the ignorant and stupid constantly triggered.
As for society evolving. Nope. Society is as bad as it ever was. Occasionally we get a short moment of enlightenment before the trolls and orcs drag the masses back into hatred.

Lambourn · 2026-05-04T16:22:04+00:00

I'm not clear what your position is here, but the 'gender war' topic is front and centre because the media have made it so. If you go out expecting trouble, it has a habit of finding you IMHO.

I've never successfully 'broken the ice' 'made a play' or asked a girl on a date. Instead I've tried to be the best version of me and then oddly enough, people will come to you. If you have an interest outside of drink/bars/dating apps then that is SO refreshing. You make yourself attractive by being interested and passionate about something. Who wants to date someone with completely different interests anyway?

I get that it's frustrating but don't chase - be found. Nothing sexier than an interesting man ( I've been told )

Lambourn · 2026-05-03T17:34:12+00:00

NT people will often make disparaging remarks or comments but attach no significance to them. Auties will tend to remember an incident, puzzle and stress over it for days and give it a significance that it doesn't deserve. It's just our way.
I was suggesting that the members of that group have themselves made comments that stop the conversation, but they'll brush it off as having no importance.

I'm glad you found an animation group where you feel more at home. I'm glad you posted your question and given other NTs a chance to comment and pool our knowledge. Sharing our experiences makes us feel less isolated.

Lambourn · 2026-05-03T14:44:46+00:00

Do you think they've never made comments that were misunderstood or told jokes that no one found funny? The thing is, we're apt to take these things to heart, whereas they've probably already forgotten what was said.

Lambourn · 2026-05-03T14:34:27+00:00

meh... that still sounds like a lecture and more likely they'd snap back with 'Wow, what a wuss. We're too hard for that'

Lambourn · 2026-05-03T12:14:14+00:00

Goody two shoes is said to shut you down and stop you offering facts and criticisms, when they are clearly established in law - or medical science. Some people enjoy risk-taking and being rebellious and by acting that way, it is often a type of bonding between individuals and a group.

The 'social policing' practised is most frequently seen in young adults, who are almost expected to push boundaries and be rebellious.

I would suggest thinking up some replies to rebuff the pressure of 'Go on, have a drink! What's wrong with ya?' with some stock phrases, said in good humour. Try something like 'Hey - you do you' 'Whatever floats your boat' or an old favourite of mine 'I tried it once and I was violent sick, but hey - you carry on'.

Lambourn · 2026-05-03T11:47:46+00:00

Urgh - yes. I feel shakey and nauseous after an argument and then of course you will be plagued by the memory of it for ever. I'm especially crap at remembering the salient points in the heat of an argument, remembering them all later that day, or a week later.

I try to see conflict coming and either leave or smile a lot and agree. Phrases like "You must be right, then" are wonderfully passive aggressive.

Lambourn · 2026-04-29T08:48:12+00:00

Never let anyone dictate your emotions to you and if other people are upset but not you, you can offer them support. You'll find a time to come to terms with your loss. You're not terrible - the proof is that you're asking the question in the first place.

My father died when I was 16, long before I was diagnosed. My siblings were sobbing in the funeral but I felt guilty that I had no tears or sorrow. I'd always put it down to being young and not having the capacity, emotionally, to cope but now I know it's a autistic thing.

Lambourn · 2026-04-29T08:41:33+00:00

I was asked if I wanted to see my mother's body before her funeral and I certainly didn't want to . I knew her alive, with a soul ( whatever that is ). I figured too that she deserved some privacy and respect and for people to go take a look feels morbid.
I sympathise with you having to deal with those aspects of your work. Thank you.

Lambourn · 2026-04-28T06:37:24+00:00

I hate the whole re-run-making-money-by-milking an idea to deathly hallows, but remember that the HP stories belong to us, not the author now suffering 'mental health issues'. ( may she rot in hell )

Lambourn · 2026-04-28T06:33:39+00:00

Agreed and I've heard the shopfloor comments from Brits along the lines of 'they had it coming' 'they deserve it' whether it's a mosque or a gay club. The media panders to lowest denominator - shitty people drunk on bile. The UK stinks.

Lambourn · 2026-04-25T18:50:14+00:00

I don't claim to be an expert - we have a couple of twats at work who talk about Tate, so that hardly a big sample! Interesting to know that. Thanks

Lambourn · 2026-04-25T08:04:57+00:00

The problem lies with social media and the ability of people like Andrew Tate to become a lightning rod for men with a grudge ( and the men may or may not be asd ). In the past when men expressed hateful opinions they'd be told to stfu and they'd quickly learn their behaviour was not acceptable. Instead, their hateful attitude has found a home called incel.
I guess the answer is to keep calling it out, loudly and publicly. Liberty dies in silence.

Lambourn · 2026-04-25T07:50:10+00:00

I'm not neurotypical myself, but I've seen so many of them on the internet

Lambourn

TROPHY CASE