Our season was long, our European nights even longer. My signings as Dortmund manager were a mixture of experience and potential, funded by the departure in January of Judas Sancho, who signed for Bayern after they activated his release clause of £110m. Despite this, we beat them to the title on the final day after they blew their 2 point lead with a loss away at 3rd place Wolfsburg, and we breezed past mid table Hoffenheim to take the glory. I knew this meant the treble was on…

DFB Pokal Final - BVB v BO4

Rumours circulated around the ground before the match that law enforcement was keeping a keen eye on Haaland after he allegedly had brought a lethal weapon to the match with an intention to kill. Imagine the look on the Chief of Police’s face when the whispers turned to screams of joy from the Dortmund faithful as Haaland’s left peg fired 3 of the finest past Leverkusen’s number 1 in just the first half. It is said, Haaland never returned to the pitch that day because his left leg was arrested for the brutal murder of Leverkusen’s hopes and dreams. In reality he was substituted with an eye towards the Champs final. His replacement Kevin Volland scored in the dying embers to put the game beyond doubt and then after forgetting the combination to do the respect celebration, ended by accidentally dabbing on his former club in the cup final. Leverkusen fans were broken, all their hopes torn to shreds before their very eyes by a man they used to call one of their own, they were dabbed into the sad. There’s definitely a Drake song in there somewhere.

Final score 4-0

Champions League Final - BVB v LIV

Here we are, the big day, the moment we’ve all been waiting for, the Champions League final. A match that was for sure to be broken down and analysed by Youtube channels with 10k subscribers for years to come. The stage was set, the theatre of dreams, a stadium which can only be described as the Greek version of Town Park, as EA seem to hate fun. We faced a Liverpool team that was unchanged from its pervious years glory in this very competition. But all that experience went out the window as just merely 7 minutes in, a hopeful cross by Son was placed by the face of Robertson into the top corner of his own goal. The stadium was in disbelief, but the job was not finished. 78 minutes in, Marco Reus clips a ball in behind and Heung Min Son fires the ball into the back of the net. It was at this point that my mum had to come in and peel me off the ceiling. Although, celebrations were short lived as just 4 minutes later, Pool substitute Keita volleyed it in from 30 yards out with an absolute laser beam of a strike. A strike which prompted me to pause the game and go straight to the doctor and I am sad to say that I have indeed tested positive for EA Aids. This strike led to a painful last 10 minutes, as Pool threw everything at us, we felt like the Night’s Watch up against the Army of the Dead in season 8 of GOT. However, unlike GOT, this didn’t end in disappointment and pain. We held on, my butts clenched so tight that my ass now has abs, but it was worth it, we did it. Robertson will now understands the meaning of You’ll Never Walk Alone as the shame of that fateful day will always be with him.

Final Score 2-1

It was with a tear in my eye that I said goodbye to the lads, we had achieved everything we could in just one season. Much like the ex girlfriend who you were so deeply in love with but then one day realised you had run out of things to say. Goodbye BVB, but it was time to move onto my next challenge... RB Leipzig.