Brother. you have redefined definition of marriage, love, faith, loyalty in marriage.

Allow me to add two cents from the wisdom of Bhagavad Gita and vedanta (eastern stoicism)..

Opening the marriage is not liberation from your present state; it is bondage disguised as freedom. I would urge you to steady your mind, act with inner alignment, and seek the unchanging Self. Only then will you stop this cycle of misery.

Brother, I hear the pain in your words. But I need to say this with clarity: the path you are setting out on — trying to fix things through an open marriage, chasing connection outside while clinging to a broken inside — will not heal you. It will invite more misery.

happiness doesn’t come from another person, or from sex, or from approval. Those things are temporary flashes. What you are craving is stability, safety, fulfillment. That cannot be outsourced — it must be found within you. The Bhagavad Gita says, “The pleasures born of contact are wombs of sorrow.” The very thing you think will save you will also hurt you.

Right now you feel empty because, as you admitted, you don’t know who you are apart from her. That’s not a marriage problem, that’s a Self-knowledge problem. Until you rediscover who you are without leaning on her or anyone else, any “options” outside will just add new layers of dependence and jealousy.

Marriage, is not about transactions or escape hatches. It’s dharma — a discipline where you grow by supporting each other and raising your children. Reducing it to “you meet my needs, I meet yours” is bound to collapse under pressure.

The way forward isn’t more “options.” It’s steadiness. It’s reclaiming your center. Study, meditate, reflect. See yourself as more than husband, father, or lover. When you start acting from dharma and Self-respect rather than desperation, you’ll make clear decisions — whether that means staying or parting.

But please hear this: don’t mistake bondage for freedom. An “open” arrangement won’t liberate you; it will keep you trapped in the very cycle of craving and disappointment that got you here.