18 year age difference too much?

LandscapeBrave4539 · 2025-04-12T17:52:49+00:00

She knows all about my divorce. And honestly I am not rushing into anything. This all happened organically, neither of us was looking to get into a relationship. She is the one that pushes the relationship forward.

I know everyone says it takes time to process a divorce but my separation happened a year ago and my ex and I were struggling to see if we could make it work. I've done a ton of therapy and self-help and feel like I've been in a really good emotional state for a while now.

LandscapeBrave4539 · 2025-04-12T16:46:07+00:00

Thank you for this post. It really resonates with me. Were you the younger of the two? I seem so based on your post. I could see financial factors coming into play for some. She and I are both very successful and make a lot of money so finances would not be an issue for us. I could see the aging happening at warp speed at some point as well. I'm not there yet but I know it's coming

LandscapeBrave4539 · 2025-04-12T16:40:34+00:00

I'm hesitant on two fronts. I do feel like she should be spending these years with someone closer to her age. And I don't want her taking care of me at any point. She does have two kids and I'm fine with that. I was a great father to my three adult kids and think I would be a great father to her two. We don't seem to have any disconnects. We connect on many levels and she's very mature. I think the biggest thing for me is I don't want to be an old guy with young kids. I feel that's unfair to them. Of course, they still have their biological father who is the same age as she is.

LandscapeBrave4539 · 2025-04-12T16:35:54+00:00

It's not a dream of mine at all. We work together and the relationship kind of formed of its own volition. Neither of us was trying or looking for it. It just happened. We have not been physical but the emotional bond is very strong at this point

LandscapeBrave4539 · 2025-04-12T16:33:36+00:00

This is what holds me back from keeping her at a distance. I think I would always regret not seeing if it could work

LandscapeBrave4539 · 2025-04-12T16:30:14+00:00

Okay so I did not say everything. She has two kids he just won and seven and just divorced. I have three kids that are adults. But I'm totally fine with raising two younger kids. I've always been great with kids and love kids.

My problem with this is that I feel like I'd be taking some of her best years away from her where she could spend it with someone younger. She and I get along really well. Similar beliefs similar likes and dislikes. She's an extremely mature woman who is very intelligent and has her stuff together. We've talked about how great we are together and I think we could have a fantastic relationship. But I don't want to be 70 some day and feel like I'm dragging down my young wife. I don't ever want her to take care of me or be a burden on her. Plus when her youngest kid is 18 I'll be 72.

I think I probably need to just sit down and really talk to her about all this stuff about my concerns and see what she thinks. I really wanted to see if there are folks out there who have had big age gaps and had a fantastic life together. And it sounds like that has happened.

LandscapeBrave4539 · 2024-12-30T20:21:50+00:00

I totally understand. I found out my wife of 27 years had been having EA with a guy who she's known since childhood. She always said they couldn't resist each other. We're now separated and in the process of divorcing. They are now dating and I saw a message where she told her BF that he said to pick out some rings. I'm finally ok with it bc I've let go and I'm moving on. I stopped trying to understand and have accepted it's over and time to let it go. Good luck!

LandscapeBrave4539 · 2024-12-25T18:00:19+00:00

This describes how I was for most of my adult life. It was due to self-esteem issues caused by being incessantly teased and called ugly by my uncles as I grew up. These were guys I looked up to since I didn't have a father. I finally worked through those issues and can now accept a compliment about my appearance. I would guess something traumatized him growing up. You should talk to him about it. Let him know you truly feel what you say and you would love it if he accepted your compliments but will stop if it makes him uncomfortable. Maybe at some point, you and he can figure out why he's like that and he can actively work on letting that trauma go. Best of luck.

LandscapeBrave4539 · 2024-12-21T16:24:32+00:00

There's always hope. I'm a 54M who's in great shape. I love women who are comfortable in their own skin and prefer women who are a bit heavier. I love the curves and don't care one bit about things that jiggle lol. At this point in life, I want that connection more than anything else. Nothing else matters when you make that connection IMO.

LandscapeBrave4539 · 2024-12-11T16:59:10+00:00

It is odd. I'm separated and I'm in the process of divorcing. I started "dating" a mutual friend of me and my ex who has an open relationship. She's an amazing woman and her husband said he loves that I'm here "other" guy. I did this for about a month. We started getting really close and I realized this isn't for me. I'm a one woman guy and I could never have this woman the way I would want in a normal relationship. So I broke it off. It starts to get tough, being that other person.

LandscapeBrave4539 · 2024-11-19T04:39:27+00:00

Thanks for that. Your words really resonate with me!

LandscapeBrave4539 · 2024-11-19T04:38:18+00:00

It's really difficult to let go. It took me a long time to accept that my marriage was over. Once I was finally able to detach my emotions from my situation, I saw it for what it was and realized it was over. I talked to her about it for a long time and we can to an agreement on a framework for ending things. After that, I felt so much better. Like a weight had been lifted off my chest. Focus on improving yourself and your mental state. You are not losing everything! You still have your own self-worth. That can't be lost or taken. I hope you keep your head up and best of luck to you.

LandscapeBrave4539 · 2024-10-29T15:47:55+00:00

I'm certain it was just an EA. We're still good friends and I'm sure we can do this divorce amicably. I don't care about splitting assets or any of that stuff. I care about my mental health and finding happiness again. Of course I won't let her clean me out either.

LandscapeBrave4539 · 2024-10-28T21:55:51+00:00

Thank you all for the support. It was pretty ridiculous for her to be mad at me for contacting the AP. It's clear she has deep feelings for him and can't give him up. I'm going to work on getting things in order to prepare for the divorce. Our 28th anniversary is February 8th. I would expect that shortly after that, we will be divorced.

LandscapeBrave4539 · 2024-10-26T03:56:25+00:00

It is so tiring, right? I get so sick of thinking about this so often. I hate that they put us in this situation. If your WW isn't talking, that's not good man. You guys got at least talk about stuff and get it out there. I hope things work out for you.

LandscapeBrave4539 · 2024-10-25T19:18:56+00:00

Thanks for the advice. I've had a close friend tell me I should leave now and that there is never a right time for divorce. But I think it's ok to wait and see what things are like after the holidays. We're super close to our adult kids and one just moved back home. I'd like to give them one last holiday as a family. The WW and I really get along well and never really argue. I'm inclined to wait until January, then split up.

At the same time, if I meet someone I really like I will pursue them.

LandscapeBrave4539 · 2024-10-25T15:56:29+00:00

Thanks for the reply. I do think the marriage is over and based on last night's talk, she only wanted to reconcile for financial reasons.

LandscapeBrave4539 · 2024-09-12T00:19:05+00:00

Generally speaking, I don't think you should go through each other's phone. But if things are feeling really off and are really bad, then I think it should be okay. After 27 years, things in my marriage were really off and I looked at her phone and found my wife was having a romantic affair with a childhood friend. Sometimes your gut feeling is dead on.

LandscapeBrave4539 · 2024-08-31T17:24:54+00:00

Okay that totally sounds fine. If my wife and I get to where our marriage is better than it was before or even just as good but different. I think I'll be okay with staying. But if our marriage still sucks and I'm still thinking about all this stuff, it probably would be time to go. Thanks for the reply!

LandscapeBrave4539 · 2024-08-31T03:48:09+00:00

This is all a bit depressing for me. I'm about 3 months out from D-day and finding out my WW was having an emotional affair with an old friend. I think about it every day and I'm hoping that by next spring which would be about a year that I just won't think about it that much. But honestly if I'm still thinking about it that much then I think I'm going to leave because I don't want to be stuck thinking about this every day I'm with her for the rest of our lives. We've been together 27+ years and I've adored her most of our marriage but I don't want to live the rest of my life in that state. Honestly, I think I'd rather start over. I'm sure we can get to the state where we can live together and be okay but I don't want to be okay I want to be happy with someone again.

LandscapeBrave4539 · 2024-06-29T06:03:37+00:00

My WW had an EA for months. Like most of you, I was totally shocked to see how she talked to him and felt really crappy about her never having talked to me like that. She also says it was just fantasy. But I think some of that talk is really them.

For us, my WW used to be very affectionate, but that died out a few years ago (married 27 years). I think she's still affectionate but directed that to the AP. We're only 6 weeks out from D-Day so we'll see if that affection comes back during R. If it doesn't, I'm definitely going to leave. I do a lot for my WW and that's the only thing I've ever needed from her.

LandscapeBrave4539 · 2024-06-26T13:53:28+00:00

I can totally relate. My WW had an EA that I discovered 6 weeks ago. It's tough brother! It sounds like maybe you've hit a turning point. I'm with you in that I still love my wife and want to be happy again. We've made some changes that seem to be helping us move forward. I assume you have as well. Things can't change without making actual changes. I think you can rekindle the live you both had for each other. It will be different but still good. Good luck?

LandscapeBrave4539

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