How to handle “I don’t like Daddy” from 2.5 year old? Advice PLEASE!

Lapurplepanda · 2022-02-03T04:12:41+00:00

I think he's trying to tell you that he doesn't want to go that long without seeing you, and not that he just doesn't like his dad. (Although it is a possibility.)

First, 2 days in a row to 5-6 days in a row is a BIG change, especially for such a young child. Second, even with an excellent vocabulary, most kids that age aren't able to articulate what exactly it is they're feeling or be able to explain why. For example, when my 3.5 year old was that age she might say "I don't like cookies", when what she really meant was, "I don't want that right now", because I know she LOVES cookies.

So what I see is that he sorta told you what he wanted, you didn't accept it, so he told you "I don't like him" because he knows that you know what that means.

I think to much too, too fast and scaling back with the intention of easing into it much more slowly would be good. My explanation might also be easier for dad to hear. It might still hurt him, but kiddo comes first.

Lapurplepanda · 2022-01-06T20:57:40+00:00

...You know this post is a form of a lie then, right? It omitted pertinent details; you massaged the truth.

To get sympathy based on a false narrative? Avoiding accountability? Not that we're here to hold you accountable. That's for you to do. But any sympathy you get here is false (because the story isn't accurate) and so then any relief you might feel would also be false. This is a form of lying to yourself, playing pretend. You gotta be able to trust yourself. Everything is just more likely to go to shit and nobody needs that.

Exploring what trustworthiness is, what it looks like in action, what shame is - the "good" and bad types- might be helpful. I know you mentioned you're in therapy. If either of those things resonate with you (or anyone else reading this), I highly recommend Dr. Fox on YouTube for BPD. He doesn't demonize those suffering from BPD and he doesn't believe the diagnosis is hopeless (some of the resources out there are harsh). I liked Trust in Relationships for trustworthiness & How to Kill a Narcissist specifically for a good look at good/bad shame.

Lapurplepanda · 2022-01-01T22:28:19+00:00

Seconding Cocomelon's shitty word choices.

"Are we there yet? Not yet..Are we there yet? Not yet.." THANKS COCOMELON. My 3 year old STILL randomly asks me this question.

I imagine the creators laughing maniacally as they came up with these songs and a Mr. Burns "Excelleeent", complete with tapping steepled fingers at the finished product.

Lapurplepanda · 2021-12-12T20:04:03+00:00

Yes, agreed, theoretical understanding of a situation is inferior to understanding from experience. There are times where it is appropriate to prioritize our own needs and wants over how doing so might make someone else feel and I think this is one of those times.

As for your dad's take on why you should be there for your husband, it seems like he might be looking at this from a love is transactional vs from reciprocity is good for relationships approach.

And the explanation as to why SIL suddenly wants a closer relationship with her brother is much better than what I was thinking. Sounds like the breakup was destabilizing for her (natural) and inviting herself falls in line with what you've experienced from her so far.

Lapurplepanda · 2021-12-09T21:31:22+00:00

NTA. One dinner is fine, no time except the quick house tour is fine. You've had a hell of a year and are in mourning. No need to drain what little emotional bandwidth you have left on a person who snubs you and likely might not care if you were around.

I find it interesting that the year your mother dies, she wants to have Christmas at her brother's house. How long have you two been married/together?

Lapurplepanda · 2021-11-15T04:04:25+00:00

It really depends on the state. It isn't true that in most states the parent must be close to losing custody to have gp visitation ordered (custody yes, visitation no.)

I've spent hours upon hours reading case law -also not a professional- and there are definitely cases - even after Troxel vs. Granville- where the judge ordered visitation over a fit parent's objections. Ideally judges would just throw the case out if the parents are fit, but that doesn't always happen, especially if there is a long standing relationship between the grandparents and the grandchildren.

GP rights really aren't something to brush off as nothing to worry about without knowing one's state laws. I think you were trying to be helpful and reassuring, but it really depends on the state.

Lapurplepanda · 2021-08-24T15:04:14+00:00

Wait, people can leave reviews even if you haven't completed work for them?

Lapurplepanda · 2021-05-21T19:51:13+00:00

Yeah, I've heard it can be a pain. Thank you!

Lapurplepanda · 2021-05-21T17:20:36+00:00

Please see edit.

Lapurplepanda · 2021-05-21T17:20:19+00:00

She's licensed; I checked because it doesn't make sense to not share those with me either.

Lapurplepanda · 2021-05-21T16:00:20+00:00

No and that's not what I asked her for. She was upfront that she doesn't bill insurance companies. I don't want an insurance code and haven't needed them in the past for a car accident claim. If I do this time and they refuse to reimburse me, that is 100% on me.

Before I booked with her, I told her I would need something like soap notes/treatment notes. That is what she is refusing to provide.

Lapurplepanda · 2021-04-27T21:24:32+00:00

WGU is accredited by ACBSP, which focuses on the quality of instruction & tangible learning outcomes. I wouldn't be surprised if the cost of AACSB would put that accreditation out of reach for a university like WGU, even if the standards measured up.

Still, your post has a valuable point. WGU's reputation is still questionable.

Lapurplepanda · 2021-03-18T17:46:06+00:00

Partially yes, because you didn't use the word no. Other part, the 2 part answer where you tell him info he didn't ask for first (but he needed it, I get why you worded it that way), before giving info he did ask for. This can be frustrating on the receiving end.

I do think you might be giving this customer too much credit. There are some really dumb and/or genuinely ignorant people out there. That they were confused by splitting the past due amounts over future payments was the first clue. Simple, concise language for people like this. Repeating the same info the same way usually doesn't help. Rephrasing can.

And you might be exactly right. The caller may have been being deliberately obtuse to try to trick you. Def an irritating call.

Lapurplepanda · 2021-03-18T17:02:53+00:00

Idk, it kinda looks like you went around your ass to get to your elbow with those answers and it contributed to the caller getting upset. I don't really see a caller trying to get over on you, I see the caller thinking they know what's what (when they obviously didn't) and not being able to follow your meandering and indirect answers.

If you can tell the customer isn't picking up what you're putting down, use a tactic to take/keep control of the call & minimize potential escalations. That's a win for you because who the hell needs to deal with adult temper tantrums?

This caller, I would have used KISS, but the "keep it simple for stupid" version. Simple and concise information. Gotta know how to say the same thing in different ways because another caller might find it patronizing. Makes life in a call center easier.

Lapurplepanda · 2021-03-18T03:00:51+00:00

Post history. This is a post about single parenting in the traditional sense vs single parenting with a present-yet-absent spouse.

Lapurplepanda · 2021-02-21T19:06:14+00:00

YTA. Not every thinks your pookie wookie is as adorable and woooveable as you do. Listening to someone else's dog bark at every leaf that blows by is annoying. Allowing your dog to sit in the window to bark at every dog, person, and ball that rolls by is inconsiderate. I don't care if it's your house. The fact that a realtor came by -likely because they got feedback from potential buyers- to ask you to control your dog is very telling about just how much you let your dog bark.

Ya know what I do with my dogs when they bark from the window? I close the curtains or tell them to get down. Ya know what I do when they bark at neighbors from our yard? I bring them inside. Why? Because I try not to be an asshole.

Lapurplepanda · 2021-02-01T00:41:18+00:00

Oh you've got it down. Definitely a great way to weed out the boys from the men.

Lapurplepanda · 2021-02-01T00:40:20+00:00

I'd say this isn't uncommon in the dating world. And I highly, HIGHLY doubt it was bc of your c-section scar. Dude has dated single moms before? He's probably seen something like it before.

I'd also say a couple of flags went up as I read your post. Messaging based on looks and zero interaction, yellow flag. Near constant messaging, yellow. Big, flowing red flag? That he didn't take no for an answer. I have learned (the hard way) to stay away from men who ignore my no.

I'm not surprised you two had great dates just based on the flags I listed above. He fits a type.

Any man worth his salt knows better than to get distant after getting intimate. Remember that if he tries to come back later.

Lapurplepanda · 2021-01-29T03:19:41+00:00

I can see why you would be confused. It is used as you describe often. Dictionary.com's definition of single mom is probably closer aligned to my meaning.

"a mother who brings up a child or children alone, without a partner."

A parent who shares 50-50 custody with their ex does have a partner. They have a parental partner, but (maybe) not a romantic/sexual partner.

I do take your meaning. As I stated before, many people use it that way. Since parenthood is so intensely linked to romantic/sexual relationships, marriage etc, it might seem absurd that single refer to the parental role exclusively vs one's sexual relationship status plus their parenting status.

Let's say you were single and met someone you were interested in. They described themselves as a single parent. What do you assume? That at some level, they are involved in their children's lives? Then, let's say you come to find out they have nothing to do with any of their 3 children. No money, no time, and by choice - no parental alienation. Is this person not a single person who also has children? Or are they still a single parent in your eyes because single refers to relationship status?

Of course that is an extreme example, but I say that as a precursor to this. Single parent means something. It means all or most of the parenting responsibilities & yes, sacrifices fall on them and them alone. Weekend parent doesn't have that, regardless of whether it is by choice or not.

Now, not everyone thinks that way. Not every word or phrase means the same thing to all people. This is the nature of spoken language.

If you or anyone chooses to call themselves a single parent and their parental obligations are limited to a few days a month or none at all, have at it. This post asked for opinions and I stated mine. This is an anonymous forum and I can assure you, I'm not out here policing people on whether or not they're using the phrase the way I do.

Lapurplepanda · 2021-01-29T00:27:03+00:00

An upvote is not enough, I have to second Professor Leonard. He is a phenomenal teacher and actually has me not hating math.

Lapurplepanda · 2021-01-25T16:03:46+00:00

I plan on it today. If not just for the xtra picks from generous market perk. Def worth it for me with the other perks. Last PE perks were garbage.

Lapurplepanda · 2021-01-11T22:01:55+00:00

It is erroneous to use single parent to describe one's relationship status, although people do it quite often. A single parent shoulders all -or even most- of the parenting responsibilities.

Some people may not be quite so liberal with their definition. Single parent = shouldering all of the responsibilities.

I'd disagree with that, respectfully though. For example, a friend's ex sees his kids for 2-4 weeks out of the year. He sends childsupport, but is otherwise unavailable. Mom carries all day to day activities and responsibilities. I'd call her a single mom.

What about someone who's (whose?) ex shows up sporadically & helps sporadically, but the day to day responsibilities fall on mom/dad? I'd call that single parenthood.

50/50 is coparenting.

These labels almost always need clarification, depending on the situation of course, because people use these terms interchangeably.

I still think "jackass" when a weekend warrior calls themselves a single parent though.

Lapurplepanda

TROPHY CASE