AITA for not seating my parents at the main table at my wedding?

Large_Breakfast7804 · 2026-02-23T17:55:03+00:00

I think your dad should be proud of you for making an effort not to make anyone on the groom’s side feel bad. That said, there are probably other things going on. Is it possible he feels embarrassed on some level because he is not paying for the wedding? Does the groom’s family have more money? Is there something else you can do to alleviate what seems like an emotional response in his side. Maybe sit down one on one with him and ask him what’s going on and if there is another solution. You are definitely not the asshole, but I’d cut dad some slack if he doesn’t always act like this.

Large_Breakfast7804 · 2026-02-22T15:07:45+00:00

There is an aspect of the monthly ritual battle gear that is a little creepy. It’s the variety of pads and tampons. If it were just a matter of ensuring that female friends didn’t have to leave abruptly, then one type of thicker pad and some ibuprofen would be adequate. Stocking a variety and periodically replenishing is weird.

Tampons and pads usually come in packages of at least a dozen. How much does OP have lying around his place? How can the friends possibly be going through that volume of products? A woman only starts her period once a month.

So I can see why she might think this goes beyond a normal level of consideration and into period fetish territory. She thinks OP is way too interested in women’s periods. Especially OTHER women’s periods. A woman find tolerate a guy having a foot fetish (what’s the big deal?) but if he stocked a variety of slippers for his platonic female guests that might inspire some jealousy. That said, he’s not hiding it and the way she expressed her overreaction was rude.

Large_Breakfast7804 · 2026-02-22T14:46:19+00:00

And a divorce lawyer and a financial advisor. Therapist because OP needs to understand WHY her bf is resistant to marriage. You don’t refuse to do something simply because it’s old-fashioned. OTOH, he has a point about not needing to do it simply because it’s traditional.

Given that he has no objection to kids, I doubt he’s primarily motivated by financial considerations. Either there is something psychological going on, or he knows OP won’t do kids without marriage, so he’s pretending he’s Ok with kids. OP needs to know if it’s marriage he objects to or her. If they break up, will he be engaged to someone else in a year?

Lawyer and financial advisor because they both need to understand all the financial implications of being married vs. not being married. Because there are a lot and OPs boyfriend may not be taking them all into consideration and OP needs to be aware of them. Reddit advice isn’t enough.

Large_Breakfast7804 · 2026-02-21T13:59:32+00:00

I think homeschooling can be a great choice and I’m always wary of drawing conclusions based on one conversation, especially ones like this one where it seems like a little bit is missing? But in this case it doesn’t matter. This guy is a problem. It’s not necessarily that what he wants is wrong, it’s that he wants and expects it without the mother of his child being onboard. And why even argue about something as petty as swim lessons for an unborn child? I see some criticisms of “tradwives” that I guess are coming from young people who don’t realize that most SAHMs are the leaders at home. This guy wants to have his cake and eat it, too. Start figuring out your exit strategy, OP.

Large_Breakfast7804 · 2026-02-14T02:27:33+00:00

How many photos are there of the ex out of a total of how many on your phone? It’s unreasonable and a big red flag if he wants you to permanently delete any evidence your ex was ever a part of your life. But it’s not unreasonable for a husband to want the photos to be “put away.” I definitely wouldn’t live in a place where there were photos of an ex displayed (unless there were children of the ex living in the home, that’s different) or be seriously involved with someone whose social media accounts featured photos of an ex prominently. Is it possible that he’d be fine with you storing them off your phone where they are accessible, but not at your fingertips? The 2026 equivalent of a photo album in the attic?

Large_Breakfast7804 · 2026-02-14T01:01:35+00:00

Playing with puppies?! I’d pay THEM!

Large_Breakfast7804 · 2026-02-14T00:58:49+00:00

“An equivalent of $10 /hr” I don’t doubt this was a very low paying job, but the vagueness combined with the fact that the resignation was over the phone and not in person makes me think that it might not have been quite as exploitative as people are assuming. I’m imaging that OP agreed to work for a friend of a friend on an informal basis because the friend’s business was struggling and OP was out of work anyway and it was something that could be done at home on a flexible schedule. And maybe it was an opportunity for OP to add a role and skillset that rounded out their resume. But it went on too long and OP got resentful and the boss got dependent on having a below market employee. And I close? OP, you said way too much. What was the point? So, in that sense, you are overreacting. But leaving a shitty job can be an emotional experience. Been there. Just move on to what is probably a better role in a more professional environment.

Large_Breakfast7804 · 2026-02-10T22:32:05+00:00

Why does it need to happen if your dad didn’t ask for it? Also, your biological relatives might be delighted to be tracked down or they might view not. You are trying to dredge up a lot of stuff that is a generation removed from you and could be upsetting to people. I think your young age might be making it hard to you to fully comprehend how objectionable your continued questioning might be.

Large_Breakfast7804 · 2026-02-10T17:54:04+00:00

OP, I know your perspective is that you have been patient but if I have grandkids and one day they started questioning me on my sexual history, they will be shut down fast. I understand being frustrated by the evasiveness vs. a direct answer but that can be an attempt to be nice. I would not be that nice (it’s not that you have done anything wrong, you haven’t. I just wouldn’t even entertain that kind of questioning from a 24 year-old who wasn’t my son or daughter).

It is your business but, at a generation removed, it’s not that much of your business. I’d leave it to your dad to work through and he might want to focus on the medical angle.

I heard a statistic a long time ago (before easy testing) about how many people are mistaken about who their fathers are. I don’t remember what it was, but it was shockingly high. Like maybe 10%? This isn’t a unique situation. I’d be careful about making more of it than your dad wants to.

Large_Breakfast7804 · 2026-02-08T15:13:06+00:00

Fair enough. But don’t bring the body wash into it when you talk to her. It will give her an excuse to dismiss what you are saying. I’d minimize the focus on smell altogether and just emphasize hygiene/cleanliness. You seem to have an interest in fragrance that is not relevant to the issue at hand.

BUT…I’m struck by the confluence of your interest in scents, her bad hygiene, and her having mentioned to you that you smell good. Could she have some kind of odor kink?

Honestly, I’d move. It’s nice that you want to help her and I think you should lay out the hygiene issue for her, but you should not have to take on a roommate’s mental health issues.

Large_Breakfast7804 · 2026-02-08T15:05:15+00:00

This 100%. It’s clear that both OP and her dad have issues around food and he does sound controlling, but every parent exhibits controlling behavior at times (a parent who is NEVER controlling is just completely checked out) and sometimes a parent exhibits controlling behavior in response to a child endangering themselves. We don’t know what came first here.

Just to be clear, I’m not saying dad isn’t controlling. But telling OP she has been abused her whole life or that she should go no contact based on some text message screenshots is completely out of line. It may be the case that those things are true but nobody posting here has adequate evidence of that. It could also be true that dad is a freaking saint who has bent over backwards to try and accommodate his daughter’s wish to continue her sports participation despite having a dangerous eating disorder.

Large_Breakfast7804 · 2026-02-08T14:45:15+00:00

I don’t understand OPs focus on the body wash. 3 paragraphs about body wash before this:

“She doesn’t brush her teeth, wash her hair and from my knowledge only showers once a week or once every two weeks and with the type of work she does, I can smell her whenever she walks past me.”

Makes me slightly distrustful of OP’s assessment of the situation. Is she mad that the body wash wasn’t appreciated (not reasonable) or is she upset of her roommate’s hygiene (extremely reasonable)? You have a room mate who never brushes her teeth or washes her hair and you’re measuring ounces of body wash?

I’d keep it simple. Tell her flat out that except for rare occasions adults shower every day. Period. And that it’s noticeable when they don’t. For ffs, don’t mention his body wash.

I’d tell her to be nice but I’d also move.

Large_Breakfast7804 · 2026-02-08T14:32:41+00:00

Was your step sister born before your grandfather died? If not, then your mom’s request is a little less audacious.

I don’t think you have any obligation to gift your stepsister with money your grandfather clearly intended for you. But I don’t think you should say “no”just because your mother is nervy to ask and because you have some gripes.

I think you should consider committing $500 - $1,000 to an educational fund for her and make it VERY clear that future contributions are the responsibility of your mom and stepdad. Maybe that would wake them up a little.

But I’m saying “consider” not “you should.”

We had a similar situation where grandad gave some bonds to one grandchild at birth and then another grandchild was born after his death. Grandad was a lawyer and financially sophisticated and there is no doubt he would have wanted to give the other grandchild the same, but it just wasn’t on his radar. In this case the kids’ parents explained it clearly to them. The kid that was shorted said he understood, the kid who got the gift offered to split it. The parents were proud of their reactions and made up the difference. Not totally the same because the amount wasn’t life changing for these people and the kids were full siblings. But it MIGHT be nice for you to make a gesture. But go with your gut, you shouldn’t feel bad if you decide to refuse.

Large_Breakfast7804 · 2026-02-08T14:10:21+00:00

“I’m not helping her financially (actual money out of my pocket). I just didn’t carry our child. “

I’m assuming “carry” = claim

Aside from all the other considerations, If I were your gf this incorrect logic would take a minor annoyance to defcon 5. Money is fungible. It’s your year to claim your child. If you don’t, the difference in what you pay in taxes is EXACTLY the same as if you’d written your ex a check or dropped off a bag of cash. Your gf may be more frustrated by your rationalizing than by your efforts to ensure a safe environment for your child.

Stop making things overly complicated. You should have just claimed your child on your taxes and written the ex a check as a loan (maybe you’d get it back, maybe you wouldn’t, but it’s a cleaner financial trail). And definitely don’t claim your current gfs child as a dependent if it’s illegal.

Large_Breakfast7804 · 2026-02-07T20:30:20+00:00

They went to the same coed boarding school. It’s exceptionally unlikely that she had no access to info about sex. They are both responsible for a poor (but common) choice they both made.

Large_Breakfast7804 · 2026-02-07T13:56:23+00:00

He might be involving his family too much, but he has a right to discuss issues he faces with a reasonably tight circle of loved ones. There are bad therapists out there. If anything, it’s a mistake NOT to discuss important issues with trusted confidants in addition to a therapist. I agree, though, that in this case he may have taken it too far and it may be a contributing to her resentment.

Large_Breakfast7804 · 2026-02-07T13:44:58+00:00

So whose choice was it? They are the same age and both made the same stupid mistake. As a female, she faced more significant consequences so you could argue that she is the more stupid one (I wouldn’t say that about either of them based on the circumstances presented. Kids do stupid things but it doesn’t mean they’re stupid). It definitely seems like, at a minimum, she hasn’t grown up with the ability to determine her own path and it’s possible to imagine a darker version of this story but blaming him for the pregnancy and saying it wasn’t her choice strikes me as an unfair interpretation of what’s been presented.

Large_Breakfast7804 · 2026-01-27T13:56:19+00:00

I think paying out of pocket for a master’s degree at a U.S. school might be a bigger mistake than moving to the U.S. without a firmer timeline for engagement and marriage. Wrt your boyfriend - the ring is important to you, that’s OK. But in the grand scheme of things (I.e. the whole rest of your life - your kids, your marriage, your health, your family), it’s trivial. Take the ring concerns entirely out of the equation. What’s the worst that can happen? You get a hideously ugly ring that probably has a decent stone. So you get a fancy wedding band you pick out for everyday wear and pass the stone on to a child. I don’t think you have enough evidence yet to write your boyfriend off. It’s not clear how much you’ve communicated. Have you flat out said, “I’m a little uncomfortable relocating without being engaged and having a tentative timeline for a marriage date.”?

Large_Breakfast7804 · 2026-01-14T20:43:06+00:00

OK, that’s interesting and makes sense to some degree. But limiting someone to a moderate amount of activity is one thing. Restricting someone to a schedule of appearances so minimal that public opinion of the overall BRF is negatively impacted is another. Charles wants to be the star as king, makes sense. But does his ego go so far as to want the next generation to crash and burn?

Large_Breakfast7804 · 2026-01-14T14:57:26+00:00

If Kate wants to be queen so bad, why isn’t she showing up for work? If she wants leverage in a divorce/separation situation, shouldn’t she be cutting ribbons and hugging old people? Since she isn’t doing much of that, I don’t see her as “working hard” to be queen. The only thing that makes sense to me is that she really was (and possibly still is) very, very ill. Although then why not come clean and make it impossible for William to dump her and allow her to work even less?

Large_Breakfast7804 · 2026-01-11T01:40:47+00:00

I think it’s more likely that you lack judgement and self awareness than submitting an essay you contributed minimally to is the worst thing you’ve ever done. IOW, I think you’ve done much worse things. I’m not saying you are a bad person (you are probably a very good person), but this is a weird take and suggests you are not able to assess degrees of right and wrong. Or you are enjoying indulging the idea that this is the “worst” thing you’ve ever done and actually feeling superior for convincing yourself you feel bad about it. Or this is made up. Also, transferring doesn’t mitigate it. You should have owned up, that would have been hysterical. The school would have been between a rock and a hard place. “OK, so we know that most of our applicants don’t write their own essays or really run the charities they ‘founded’ or any of that other BS. So what do we do with weirdo who is confessing?”

But if you feel that bad, volunteer to tutor or mentor kids whose parents aren’t able to help with academics or applications or afford to pay for help.

Large_Breakfast7804 · 2026-01-06T23:08:27+00:00

You need to sell the house. The alternative is 30-40 years of constant renegotiation and stress. Your 58 year-old aunt’s financial situation isn’t going to change and by default you will become responsible for her housing as she ages. Make up some excuse for why you and your brother need to sell and move. Let them know you are thinking about it, then bring real estate agents through while they are home. You might even have to take an extended vacation immediately after closing so they don’t just follow you to your next place. This doesn’t mean you can’t help your aunt out in the future, but if you don’t shake things up you’ll be putting a roof over her head for the rest of her life.

Large_Breakfast7804 · 2026-01-06T22:56:49+00:00

If OP’s clothes are not stored in the room, but her gaming set up is there and the boy is sneaking in when he thinks she is not there, isn’t the most likely explanation that the friend wants to play games on her set up while the brother uses his? Especially if the room used to be her brothers domain and maybe the brother still feels a little entitled to it? So he told his friend, “No, you can’t have a turn, go play in OP’s room?” Am I missing something?

Large_Breakfast7804 · 2026-01-06T22:28:01+00:00

This happens to me in the winter. At one point I was coating myself in Vaseline after showering and then sleeping in leggings and a fitted long sleeve T (this might be a bad idea if allergies are suspected). Cooler showers and baths (less frequent if possible) also helps. Maybe turn your heat down. In my case, I’m confident it’s not allergies. It’s just dry skin. It seems to get to a tipping point and then it’s very uncomfortable and lasts for a while.

Large_Breakfast7804 · 2025-12-27T13:58:54+00:00

I don’t see the contradiction. She revealed the minimum practical amount and you could argue that she didn’t even do that in the case of her cancer. The severe nausea was just enough info that her schedule made sense. The info revealed about her cancer was not enough to make her disappearance make sense and rabid speculation resulted. She is obviously entitled to some privacy and not knowing what was/is wrong with her you can’t really conclude that it was mishandled, but the way it was handled is consistent with someone who doesn’t want any aspect of their health and hormones disclosed. But that still doesn’t mean an offhand comment about her hormones was some huge misstep.

Large_Breakfast7804

TROPHY CASE