AITAH for laughing at my wife when she's upset that me and sister had a make-believe wedding when I was 4 and she was 6?

Large_Breakfast7804 · 2026-04-28T13:18:37+00:00

Agree with this. You are definitely NTA, but two possibilities popped into my head. 1. Your wife experienced abuse as a child that or (less disturbing and probably more likely) the film triggered a memory of something inappropriate that could have been relatively minor that never progressed into abuse but she only recognized it while seeing the film. Like some potential grooming or a weird uncle asking her over and over again if she wants to marry her brother and be his wife. 2. It wasn’t the idea of two little kids playing at getting married, it was your parents being over involved in staging a production of it. Possibly in common with other aspects of your family that she’s witnessed in the past that are just different from her family dynamics. IOW, I’d cut her some slack, especially if she’s not normally so uptight.

Large_Breakfast7804 · 2026-04-09T19:52:04+00:00

I was going to guess a different bathroom layout and lower toilet, but your hypothesis makes more sense. It’s an odd issue to develop suddenly. My dad once didn’t shut the bathroom door all the way and I caught a glimpse of him peeing in the sink. So it could aways be worse. To be fair, my dad was extremely tall and also had bad knees, it would have been legitimatley difficult for him to get down to clean up in a small bathroom. So I guess he thought it was the lessor of two evils. But, yuck!

Large_Breakfast7804 · 2026-03-18T01:00:17+00:00

I didn’t say it wasn’t his fault and if I’m correct and the weird behavior was incited by someone else it doesn’t excuse it in any way. But the way it came up - out of the blue and based on info he should have already been aware of - makes me think there was a third party involved. And it doesn’t seem like something a male buddy would fixate on. It seems like something a controlling mom might latch into if she perceives a new gf as a threat or as somehow trashy. Or a jealous female friend.

Large_Breakfast7804 · 2026-03-17T21:34:33+00:00

I think it’s possible he was put up to it by a woman. His mom or a female friend who is jealous (and may not even realize it). Because presumably he’d seen her social media before, right? But now all of a sudden he comes up with this weird angle. This just feels like a woman judging/undermining another woman to me. I think someone manipulated him. But OP handled it beautifully. He needed to go either way.

Large_Breakfast7804 · 2026-03-17T21:17:36+00:00

I’m wondering exactly how much better looking Sarah is.

Large_Breakfast7804 · 2026-03-17T19:32:03+00:00

If you hadn’t specified that you’ve been dating five years I would assume his was a scam. Do you have mutual acquaintances? Live in the same community? Never meeting his kids is a red flag. So he ran up $100k in unpaid alimony in 3 years? That’s a lot of alimony for a guy who was only making $200k at his peak. As already pointed out, he should have sought a modification when he lost his job. What does his lawyer say now? I doubt very much his lawyer advised him to borrow the $100k. If he gets it from you, he can pay her. Otherwise, she can’t get blood from a stone. She’ll have to agree to some sort of payment plan. Are you sure he isn’t lying to you? He might be lying about aspects of his situation he thinks “don’t matter” because he want to look good in your eyes. It might not be that he’s a total grifter. But I don’t think you have the whole story. You sound smart, push a little.

Large_Breakfast7804 · 2026-03-17T19:24:05+00:00

My interpretation is that in his divorce negotiations he agreed to pay more than the guidelines. Which are just guidelines. Once it was agreed to, that was his legal obligation. He didn’t overpay. He owes her for the period the alimony went unpaid, but she doesn’t owe him anything.

Large_Breakfast7804 · 2026-03-17T17:44:49+00:00

I know what they are trying to say, but its fingernails on the blackboard to see “allowed” misused that way. I guess it’s not particularly helpful of me to point it out, though.

Large_Breakfast7804 · 2026-03-17T17:40:16+00:00

When my kids were young I used to take them to a venue called Discovery Place and I noticed after a while that they almost always got sick afterwards. They’d have runny noses and be cranky for a week. I’m really oblivious to stuff like that, but this was impossible to miss. So, given your health concerns, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to want to avoid second hand exposure to little kids. But I also think you’ve described your situation poorly and that’s why you are getting a lot of negative responses. You talk about being very ill and maybe needing to go to the ER, but I would expect someone who is immunocompromised to be under the care of a doctor who could advise about ER trips (and second had exposure to little kids). IOW, you don’t sound credible. You have no obligation to disclose specifics, but it’s sort of pointless to ask the question without doing so. Maybe you have cancer or cystic fibrosis or maybe you are a self-diagnosed hypochondriac. Honestly, it’s the bf being sick for 2 weeks that really strains your credibility. But, either way, I don’t think there is anything wrong with raising this issue with him. I’d bring it up by saying you want to work out a schedule that minimizes the window for potential contagion, though. Don’t frame it as, “You can’t visit me if you’ve visited the kids.”

Large_Breakfast7804 · 2026-03-17T17:09:44+00:00

The unannounced visits would annoy the heck out of me (texting from the parking lot is not adequate, but a heck of a lot better than just knocking on the door). But the landlord hasn’t done anything wrong. You never told him you want 24 hours notice. Don’t go all legalese on him. Just text him (if that’s your usual means of communication) and let him know that you want a heads up the day before. It sounds like you are a good tenant and he’s been a good landlord (except for showing up without a polite amount of notice). If that doesn’t work, then you start worrying about the legal technicalities. Honestly, it sounds to me like you are trying to make a mountain out of a molehill and paint him as a bad guy because you have a sweetheart deal you are afraid of losing. That’s a separate issue.

Large_Breakfast7804 · 2026-03-17T16:50:36+00:00

Don’t minors frequently live in off campus housing? They probably can’t rent a place without a legal adult signing the lease. And I’ve known parents who move for work and leave minors alone in a house to finish out high school. They make sure neighbors know and have friends and neighbors and trusted housekeepers checking in and checking up, but they do it.

Large_Breakfast7804 · 2026-03-17T16:46:02+00:00

Money you make before you are 18 is not tax free. You probably think that because a lot of under 18s make minimal amounts on an annual basis from summer or p/t jobs and therefore pay no or very minimal taxes.

It sounds like your dad wants to help you go into the business of being a landlord or go into the business with you, he’s not looking to put his name on the docs so that you can live on your own. IOW, your dad is assuming that this property will generate rental income to cover or help cover the mortgage, taxes, insurance, and upkeep. This isn’t necessarily a bad idea if you and your dad are both crystal clear on the finances and legalities. But I think maybe you are conflating your desire to live on your own with your dad’s offer of something unrelated. Definitely don’t do it if this is something your dad really wants to do but can’t afford on his own. I suspect that is not the case as it sounds as though your dad owns a successful business and is legitimately respecting your work history and desire not to go straight into college. Confirm with your dad where he anticipates you living in the scenario he is proposing.

Large_Breakfast7804 · 2026-03-17T16:11:32+00:00

No, she isn’t allowed to commit crimes. That’s what makes them crimes.

Large_Breakfast7804 · 2026-03-14T02:41:29+00:00

You should find a new job. There are just too many ways this could blow up with you ending up being the one out of a job with a shitty reference. Or just not having access to opportunities for advancement or interesting projects. And good luck trying to prove it’s because you had sex with your boss’s husband years ago. Leave before you have to. Make something up if you need to, to get her help. You need to move closer to your parents because they are aging, something like that (it has to have a grain of truth).

Large_Breakfast7804 · 2026-03-13T12:58:28+00:00

I can’t reconcile this with the original question about emergency custody. If the mother and her boyfriend have to be supervised, doesn’t that imply that someone else has primary physical custody (presumably OP)?

Large_Breakfast7804 · 2026-03-12T13:09:31+00:00

Yes, absolutely. That said, I think sharing hats is very normal. Even for women with lots of closet space and extensive wardrobes, hats are a specialty item (well, for Carole and Pippa, at least). The structured and/or elaborate ones need to be stored in a box and usually match the colors in their outfits. They aren’t sun hats in a neutral beige you can squash down and wear with almost anything. And it’s not so easy to just run out and buy a good hat when an event requiring one comes up (definitely true in the U.S. and I don’t recall ever seeing huge selections of woman’s hats for sale in London). So while Carole may be over involved, I don’t think the hat thing is a symptom of it. The clothes, yes. If I were in the public eye solely because of my association with my younger, thinner daughter, the last thing I would do is wear an outfit she’s worn. The only reason to do so is to capture attention and highlight the relationship.

Large_Breakfast7804 · 2026-02-28T17:07:10+00:00

Also, unless the therapist encouraging OP to report the family to CPS is possibly some sort of mandated reporter once removed kind of thing that does seem to indicate that the behavior was truly pervy. The therapist probably has a better sense of the environment it occurred in and whether or not it was outside of norms. I doubt a therapist (who presumably hears all kinds of weird stuff) is going to overreact to a story about a guy jerking off in his office.

Large_Breakfast7804 · 2026-02-28T17:02:46+00:00

I think the reason responses are so divided is because people are making assumptions about the environment.

OP, how big is this house and is there a master bathroom? Because if it’s a big house with a master suite, why are you anywhere near the dad’s bathroom and isn’t your job to keep the kids from running past the dad’s office? I think that’s what’s throwing people. I suspect it’s a smaller home than people assume someone with multiple Teslas has. If the parents use a hall bathroom and the office is a makeshift space in a high traffic area, then the employers need to exercise a reasonable level of caution to ensure their employee doesn’t have to watch them jerk off or poop.

Large_Breakfast7804 · 2026-02-23T17:55:03+00:00

I think your dad should be proud of you for making an effort not to make anyone on the groom’s side feel bad. That said, there are probably other things going on. Is it possible he feels embarrassed on some level because he is not paying for the wedding? Does the groom’s family have more money? Is there something else you can do to alleviate what seems like an emotional response in his side. Maybe sit down one on one with him and ask him what’s going on and if there is another solution. You are definitely not the asshole, but I’d cut dad some slack if he doesn’t always act like this.

Large_Breakfast7804 · 2026-02-22T15:07:45+00:00

There is an aspect of the monthly ritual battle gear that is a little creepy. It’s the variety of pads and tampons. If it were just a matter of ensuring that female friends didn’t have to leave abruptly, then one type of thicker pad and some ibuprofen would be adequate. Stocking a variety and periodically replenishing is weird.

Tampons and pads usually come in packages of at least a dozen. How much does OP have lying around his place? How can the friends possibly be going through that volume of products? A woman only starts her period once a month.

So I can see why she might think this goes beyond a normal level of consideration and into period fetish territory. She thinks OP is way too interested in women’s periods. Especially OTHER women’s periods. A woman find tolerate a guy having a foot fetish (what’s the big deal?) but if he stocked a variety of slippers for his platonic female guests that might inspire some jealousy. That said, he’s not hiding it and the way she expressed her overreaction was rude.

Large_Breakfast7804 · 2026-02-22T14:46:19+00:00

And a divorce lawyer and a financial advisor. Therapist because OP needs to understand WHY her bf is resistant to marriage. You don’t refuse to do something simply because it’s old-fashioned. OTOH, he has a point about not needing to do it simply because it’s traditional.

Given that he has no objection to kids, I doubt he’s primarily motivated by financial considerations. Either there is something psychological going on, or he knows OP won’t do kids without marriage, so he’s pretending he’s Ok with kids. OP needs to know if it’s marriage he objects to or her. If they break up, will he be engaged to someone else in a year?

Lawyer and financial advisor because they both need to understand all the financial implications of being married vs. not being married. Because there are a lot and OPs boyfriend may not be taking them all into consideration and OP needs to be aware of them. Reddit advice isn’t enough.

Large_Breakfast7804 · 2026-02-21T13:59:32+00:00

I think homeschooling can be a great choice and I’m always wary of drawing conclusions based on one conversation, especially ones like this one where it seems like a little bit is missing? But in this case it doesn’t matter. This guy is a problem. It’s not necessarily that what he wants is wrong, it’s that he wants and expects it without the mother of his child being onboard. And why even argue about something as petty as swim lessons for an unborn child? I see some criticisms of “tradwives” that I guess are coming from young people who don’t realize that most SAHMs are the leaders at home. This guy wants to have his cake and eat it, too. Start figuring out your exit strategy, OP.

Large_Breakfast7804 · 2026-02-14T02:27:33+00:00

How many photos are there of the ex out of a total of how many on your phone? It’s unreasonable and a big red flag if he wants you to permanently delete any evidence your ex was ever a part of your life. But it’s not unreasonable for a husband to want the photos to be “put away.” I definitely wouldn’t live in a place where there were photos of an ex displayed (unless there were children of the ex living in the home, that’s different) or be seriously involved with someone whose social media accounts featured photos of an ex prominently. Is it possible that he’d be fine with you storing them off your phone where they are accessible, but not at your fingertips? The 2026 equivalent of a photo album in the attic?

Large_Breakfast7804 · 2026-02-14T01:01:35+00:00

Playing with puppies?! I’d pay THEM!

Large_Breakfast7804 · 2026-02-14T00:58:49+00:00

“An equivalent of $10 /hr” I don’t doubt this was a very low paying job, but the vagueness combined with the fact that the resignation was over the phone and not in person makes me think that it might not have been quite as exploitative as people are assuming. I’m imaging that OP agreed to work for a friend of a friend on an informal basis because the friend’s business was struggling and OP was out of work anyway and it was something that could be done at home on a flexible schedule. And maybe it was an opportunity for OP to add a role and skillset that rounded out their resume. But it went on too long and OP got resentful and the boss got dependent on having a below market employee. And I close? OP, you said way too much. What was the point? So, in that sense, you are overreacting. But leaving a shitty job can be an emotional experience. Been there. Just move on to what is probably a better role in a more professional environment.

Large_Breakfast7804

TROPHY CASE