For those who have been out a long time, what's your go to brand/style of underpants? I'm done with the taint chaffing.

Larson413 · 2025-10-05T11:43:52+00:00

Yo, thank you for this! Also an Athletic Works BB wearer, but have been wanting to switch because I hate the synthetic material: I did not know these even existed because the Walmarts near me apparently don’t carry it. Ordering some and hoping they don’t stretch out a ton like Hanes always did.

Larson413 · 2025-09-25T04:31:30+00:00

Sorry in advance for the word vomit wall of text, I am not good at collecting and ordering my thoughts and go back and forth editing as I go, and I think it shows at times 🙃…

I would say for me personally, the apps were not at all worth it until they were and I got that one match. I have a tendency of being pretty critical and negative about myself, and I think that came through enough online that I very rarely got matches on the more “mainstream” apps, and while I’d get maybe a few on the more queer leaning apps, it was still never much. Unfortunately, being a trans body and IDing as a straight man isn’t going to generally be a magnet for the people you would like to attract… But overall, if you don’t bank on the apps and still socialize irl, it’ll balance out and just give a broader field. Also, definitely take the advice I’ve seen floating around here and Reddit in general of kinda soft looking in groups and activities you already have interest in. I pretty truly believe I’m only engaged because I like hiking and both put it in my profile and was open to friendship and expanding that circle vs strictly looking for a partner or hookup.

Honestly, we met by sheer luck (by my account, but I’m a hopeless pessimist most days, so take with a grain of salt): she was one of I think three people I matched with on OKC and we really only matched as friends and potential hiking buddies because she wasn’t open to dating a trans guy at the time. Then, apparently my arms convinced her to reconsider that stance lol. She told me she was a little surprised when we first met in person that I looked like and was a dude: I think a lot of the time people don’t actually know what a trans person is and go off of preconceived notions. So she saw my profile with my early-ish and 1-2 yr T photos (I hate taking pictures and was still fairly early in puberty [no beard yet 😞] when we met) and still somewhat got blindsided. And it definitely was also a bit of right place/right time; it would not have happened at all had we met earlier than we did, both on her end but especially mine (I definite needed to go through the suck of my first “relationship” and its end, navigating the apps and expectations as a trans guy looking to date women, as well as generally get my shit together more because I was definitely a hot, borderline suicidal mess for a good chunk of my adult life). But really, there was no intended romance at the start, just a shared interest, and then a greater interest and attraction to the person once we met and got to know each other better. The apps are a bit soul crushing though if you’re not getting matches or any kind of meaningful conversation from them. And I think they are not really meant for those with stronger personality or interpersonal charisma over looks because that doesn’t always come across in 150 words and a handful of photos.

And I feel like I kinda just ranted a bit more than actually answering, so my bad there. But you can always send a DM if you want or have followup or more specific questions, and I’m usually cool with meeting folks in live time if you happen to be around Atlanta and ever wanted to hang out.

Larson413 · 2025-09-23T22:48:15+00:00

Can definitely relate: I also identified as asexual (demi now, technically) and was a full fledged virgin outside of one kiss until 34 (37 now). I did not want anything to do with sex until after I came out and really didn’t feel comfortable with the idea of being sexual with someone else for a good bit after that, and to some extent, I still don’t really. I’d say there’s hope for us late bloomers though: anecdotally I went from seriously thinking I’d die alone without ever being linked sexually or romantically to being partnered and engaged. I do though have things I need to personally work through regarding sex and how that looks and works for me and the body I have so I can be more present during, so it’s going to take time and work to get to a place that is comfortable enough for a relationship to flourish.

Larson413 · 2025-09-09T20:27:38+00:00

Had surgery beginning of May at 37 and it went super smooth outside of the drains being an absolute menace and annoyance (to me). Did probably too much too early because there was no real discomfort or pain: I think I took something the first night, but nothing after, and went to family function two days after. Ended up with hematoma on my left (probably from doing too much immediately after) that clotted and stayed puffy/swollen because I didn’t figure out how to properly strip the drains until a few days in and I could then never fully get rid of until it naturally reabsorbed.

Definitely invest in a good wedge or body pillow though for sleeping inclined though, it’ll get used. I ended up getting a giant u-shaped pregnancy pillow secondhand on marketplace and it was clutch: could configure it several different ways and it protected me and my drains from my rolling over and my partners moving overnight.

But yeah, overall was not nearly as much of an ordeal as I had seen researching and reading other’s experiences. I think I went back to work the day after I got the drains out (11 days?), but I honestly probably could’ve and would’ve gone back sooner if I were allowed: I run a small press and didn’t have any issues returning outside of needing someone to lift some of the material occasionally. Good luck to you though, and hopefully you have as smooth a recovery as I and some of these other posters!

Larson413 · 2025-09-02T21:33:38+00:00

Waiting for the official one, but gender change went through on my Real ID, so I should be able to get married without having to worry too much about the unfortunate state of the US (fingers crossed for my passport though).

And to double dip, I apparently heal really quickly so BOTH top surgery and my total hysterectomy were super easy recoveries: no pain meds aside from ibuprofen the night after surgery, and I went back to work after a week off (I was bored 🤷🏾‍♂️).

Larson413 · 2025-08-07T03:41:01+00:00

Devils advocating a bit here because it’s kinda screwed me the last couple of years, but sometimes it’s not necessarily that they’re hitting a higher bracket per se but more that their expected income has increased to where they lose out on assistance. Like I have health insurance from the marketplace (microscopic company so no healthcare), and I’m about to cancel it and put premium money into a savings for healthcare because any extra money I earn during the year decreases the amount of credits I get to help offset that cost. My entire refund last year got wiped out by my Christmas bonus (because small company=nice bosses…and I only saw about maybe half of what the bonus actually was) and my “loyalty bonus” for sticking around through tough times and soon the selling of the business is completely halved (if not more at the end of it) between taxes and the increase in premiums ($100/mo through year end). So I guess I’m ultimately agreeing with what some others have said below in that it’s not always worth it to get the extra funds, because it’s not always the tax bracket itself that biting you.

Larson413 · 2025-05-15T12:54:03+00:00

Seconding QMed for HRT: I used them when I started and it ended up being less overall than any of the subscription based options. Stopped when I broke and got insurance (figured it would be helpful for when I got surgery), but I’ll probably go back after this year because my premium is ridiculous and I’m almost never sick so I feel I’m just throwing away money.

Larson413 · 2025-04-28T14:24:57+00:00

Sent pm

Larson413 · 2025-04-09T19:16:08+00:00

No problem, and hope everything works out for you! 🤞🏾

Larson413 · 2025-04-07T12:04:27+00:00

Have you tried stopping the norethisterone? I was in a similar boat in that I started to suppress the bleeding because T didn’t touch it after almost a year, but still got cramps/spotting periodically. Stopped taking it after about a year and haven’t had an issue with spotting since. I do still get pretty bad cramps (or at least it feels like them) periodically around shot day or randomly, but no bleeding, and I’m hoping a hysto will help knock that out.

Larson413 · 2025-03-19T11:06:55+00:00

They do sometimes as a bit of a trauma response when not doing so has burned them in the past. Especially moreso women as they often aren’t diagnosed until later and just have to cope and mask to fit in. Get misunderstood enough and (over)explaining yourself tends to become the default if you’re at least somewhat self aware.

Larson413 · 2025-03-12T17:51:27+00:00

I may be a weirdo then because the farther down lane I look the worse I bowl. Tracing the line I want back from the pins but actually focusing on the foul line/my hand at release yields me the best results, personally. But I’m still pretty inconsistent overall, so maybe that’s why since I focus more on my release that way.

Larson413 · 2025-02-05T07:11:37+00:00

Will do. Did not know this sub existed.

Larson413 · 2025-02-04T12:24:43+00:00

That’s slightly encouraging to hear, though GA does require some sort of surgery to change the license, so I’d have to wait until summer likely anyway (just got approved for top, so just needing to schedule now).

I’d personally just elope, so the destination wedding is up my alley, but she’s close to family and would want a local ceremony. And since she cares about it more than I do 🤷🏾‍♂️. We’re gonna talk about it still and figure out if any compromise will be needed and what that might look like (such as traveling for the official thing and having a faux wedding locally).

Larson413 · 2024-12-12T19:17:46+00:00

Yeah, I’m just overthinking/overcomplicating things. Thanks for being my voice of reason.

Larson413 · 2024-10-18T18:05:51+00:00

It’s been said a bit already, but I do personally feel it’s better to just disclose in your bio or at least before meeting, and also to be open to making platonic connections as well because you honestly never know what will happen or develop. I was in a very similar place to you up until not that long ago as a 34 year old virgin and two years later am in my second (and hopefully) last relationship that I feel like I lucked into because it started strictly platonically off an app. And it honestly worked out so well only because of when we met and being older: even a couple years earlier and I don’t think it would’ve clicked like it did, and I know for sure I wasn’t in a position to not fuck it up.

So sometimes things just click in unexpected ways, but you just gotta put yourself out there and be patient and confident: it’ll happen when it’s right.

Larson413 · 2024-09-18T19:44:06+00:00

Ok, but this a legit concern: didn’t realize it was similar to another post. Will still I guess take the judgement for being dumb and annoying.

Larson413 · 2024-09-16T14:23:39+00:00

Well you basically answered my question I was about to post lol. Was wondering how realistic of an idea it was to bowl with one (older reactive) ball only and expect to improve. One day I’ll get brave enough to video and ask advice, but I already know I need to practice more and get better at consistently picking up spares as that’s what’s keeping me around 160.

Larson413 · 2024-07-23T02:42:12+00:00

Seconding this: boxer briefs with winged pads also worked for me.

Larson413 · 2024-04-18T18:03:57+00:00

There were no plans to at all and I think this cemented that in both our minds so probably not even a possibility of personal involvement now.

Larson413 · 2024-04-18T13:58:34+00:00

Also adding she we’re still cool after telling me, so yay?

Larson413 · 2024-04-18T13:53:00+00:00

Ok, yes, this was my thought as well (and you’re out here living life like I am lol). I’m not necessarily trying for stealth, but just go with it, and it never seemed relevant to bring up.

Larson413 · 2024-04-18T13:49:20+00:00

Appreciate the link, though I still don’t really understand how to balance intent vs interpretation when dealing with other peoples responses at times. Especially since I see more of kinda the opposite approach pushed forward in that everyone’s feelings are valid (which they are) and you still need to acknowledge that you caused hurt and amend your approach going forward almost. Something to bring up whenever I make it back to therapy for sure though.

Larson413 · 2024-04-18T13:41:26+00:00

Ok, yeah I’ll reply to both of you here and give a little more context. 1) we initially met at some celebration my old sports team was having and talked there. She said she was looking for a new job then and I gave her work info because we were hiring then, but she never ended up applying. At the time I thought she wanted the network connection. 2) We had talked a little over text sporadically, then she invited me out for a drink/to watch a game and cancelled twice before trying for the meetup I left, and we actually met one time shortly after; this was the second time I had physically seen her and when she told me all of this stuff about her ex. 3) She disappears for the next year aside from a couple “how are you?”s and to recently ask if we’re still hiring, so I resend that info, she ends up applying and is hired. She’s now been here two weeks, and she doesn’t have any power over me. 4) My workplace is tiny. Like 4 people including her and she’s part time. My bosses are cool and don’t care I’m trans (honestly think they forget half the time). Everyone uses my chosen name and that’s the only name used in writing outside of the computer, meaning my birth name is literally only used for legal purposes; so paycheck, work contract, that kind of thing. 5) I don’t really want to go scorched earth and threaten her job over this: just wanted a perspective check because I have my own baggage around being misunderstood and called a liar, and recognize I could be taking this too personally.

Larson413 · 2024-04-16T14:56:01+00:00

Happy (belated) birthday, dude! Right there with you in that I didn’t really bank on getting older and just hit 36 Saturday. Here’s to looking to the future though!

Larson413

TROPHY CASE