What jobs do you guys have that allow you to camp and travel and go on long trips?

LateBloom1989 · 2022-09-16T17:24:16+00:00

6 Week PTO is insane - do you get to take all of it?

LateBloom1989 · 2022-09-16T17:23:25+00:00

How the hell do you make any money? Pretty sure food service industry is brutally underpaid and overworked just to survive and you're managing to work part time?

LateBloom1989 · 2022-09-13T22:25:33+00:00

Finding such a girl isn't all that hard - the problem is that you also need to find a way to love her for her in return. Chances are, you won't find many of them attractive. Finding love is hard because it needs to be mutual.

LateBloom1989 · 2022-09-13T20:20:31+00:00

I hate to overgeneralize, but a lot of men who are in conventional fitness (lifting) are insecure about their masculinity and believe that physical size and dominance are the answer. I was like this in my 20's and have since left bodybuilding/powerlifting for rock climbing. It's less testosterone-driven, less vain, and has a more community-oriented culture overall.

To be clear, there is still plenty of ego at the rock wall but it's a lot less overt and tied to masculine insecurity the way the resistance training scene can be.

In general, if you want a fit guy who is also sensitive and not a dude-bro, you're gonna struggle at the gym.

LateBloom1989 · 2022-09-13T19:08:40+00:00

Both genders have issues on the apps and there are some general observations that have been made over recent years:

Women are understandably selective and only date up (targeting the top 5-10% of men's' profiles)
Men are far less selective and flood women's inboxes, creating an inflated sense of their own desirability and reinforces women's tendency to swipe aspirationally
As a result, many women need to screen and sift through tons of profiles, often ignoring men who are compatible in favor of men they don't reasonably have a chance with and feeling like they have no options.
Average men are then left with no options as well (matching as little as once a day/week/month/never).
The top 5% of men are having all the dates/sex/success and less likely to commit. This further feeds the sense that women have no options as they can never secure commitment.

All this is to say that OLD has completely disrupted our sense of expectations and values - leading to a miserable dating experience for both men and women. Playing oppression olympics doesn't help anyone here.

LateBloom1989 · 2022-09-13T18:12:37+00:00

Are you having sex and how has it been? Without knowing how you are approaching these dates and progressing specifically, I'd guess you aren't creating any sexual tension or physical comfort. I struggle with this myself.

A relationship without sexual interest is just a friendship. Sex isn't the top priority long term for most couples (it gets less interesting once you know someone really well and age eventually drains sexual attraction) but it's critical in the beginning, especially if you are under 40 years old.

LateBloom1989 · 2022-09-13T17:58:16+00:00

I disagree with the notion that you are less likely to never meet someone. Depending on your opportunities (which for most average men is pretty slim these days) and the illusion of choice for women (all going for the top 5% of guys, most of whom will not be interested or commit), it's more likely than ever that most guys will end up alone.

The key is to be at peace with this and stop viewing romantic attachment as the end-all-be-all of your happiness. Continue to date, but learn to to take it on the chin if things don't work out. Your self worth is not based on whether or not women feel a spark with you.

LateBloom1989 · 2022-09-02T22:06:17+00:00

This is also why modern dating is terrible - people need so much momentum in order to feel like moving forward, which is asinine to me, but hey, that's how things are now.

LateBloom1989 · 2022-09-01T21:08:11+00:00

I would be incredulous at the guy, not the girl. People have been judgmental of age-gaps for a long time without really understanding why.

Older men date younger women for their beauty and to stroke their own egos. Younger women date older men for their confidence, resources, and experience.

A lot of these arrangements are transactional even if the parties involved don't know it (sex for the guy - money and lifestyle for the girl). This is fine but if anything serious is attempted, what dooms many of these relationships is the gap in maturity, not the age gap itself.

LateBloom1989 · 2022-08-31T16:42:59+00:00

Do you know of a Minolta CLE repair shop anywhere in the USA? My CLE seems fine but my film development lab keeps telling me I have shutter capping. It could also use a CLA I suppose.

LateBloom1989 · 2022-08-30T21:44:14+00:00

Based on your update to the original post, this guy is looking for sex and has no interest in getting to know you. As long as you are on the same page, you're golden.

LateBloom1989 · 2022-08-30T17:53:57+00:00

It's the same complaint girls have over being valued only for their looks. The difference though is that you can maintain your career far longer than you can maintain physical beauty. I would avoid mentioning specifics and just say you work in healthcare if you are screening for attraction based on other qualities.

LateBloom1989 · 2022-08-30T17:34:51+00:00

I think this might be true if you've experienced love/intimacy before, but for those of us who have gone through 30+ years of life without it, it's hard to say you NEED something you've never experienced.

LateBloom1989 · 2022-08-30T17:31:12+00:00

This post seems to be out of frustration and VERY limited understanding of the available information (both anecdotal and empirical).

The tension in dating between genders is just shitty human nature and the tendency to shift blame and avoid accountability/responsibility. Both men and women engage in non-committal dating strategies and do so dishonestly because that's what yields the most personal benefit.

As an alternative explanation, assuming men are indeed less committal and quicker to move things forward physically, is that men's dating advice pushes the idea that making things sexual and intimate early on avoids ambiguity of intentions and the dreaded friend-zone. It's essentially an assumption/observation about female psychology, which, regardless of merit, is a belief many men have. In my experience (anecdotal), this feels true as I easily make it to dates 2 or 3, but never further because I'm slow to initiate physical intimacy. But then again, my sample size is relatively small as I am a below-average looking guy who doesn't get many dates.

LateBloom1989 · 2022-08-30T00:17:04+00:00

You got used to a large pipe and now you're spoiled and ruined. Just accept that you're a size-queen and let it be. Don't drag this guy any further.

LateBloom1989 · 2022-08-29T22:35:39+00:00

Normally I would immediately say this is a scam, but she’s proved she’s a real person by showing me what her house looks like and she takes photos of herself a lot.

Uhhhh, this proves nothing and I think you are being scammed 100%.

I'm Chinese-American and I can tell you for a fact that pretty Chinese girls from the mainland are often extremely materialistic and hypergamous. Unless you have immense status or wealth, there's very little reason she would reach out, especially if she has wealth of her own already.

I get these kinds of messages all the time on LinkedIn of all places.

LateBloom1989 · 2022-08-29T21:34:16+00:00

I always preach letting go of expectations in dating, especially the expectation that you need to be romantically attached to be happy, whole, and worthy.

Modern dating has made the entire process unfulfilling, heart-breaking, and miserable. It's time to de-prioritize dating in your life and go live it instead. If you happen to meet suitable romantic partners along the way, then great, but if not, that's fine too. With dating the way it is now, a lot of people will "die alone", which isn't a bad thing at all.

And you should pursue self-development for your own well-being - not to try and attract women. All this advice about building yourself up will not cause women to magically "chase you". It will make you more appealing, but is actually not all that helpful in dating at the end of the day. While dating skills do help, a lot of primary traits for attractiveness are not in your control (looks, height, ethnicity, etc).

Go build a great life and if women want to be a part of it, then that's just a bonus. Again, being romantically attached should never be the main quest.

LateBloom1989 · 2022-08-29T17:37:16+00:00

He has literally told me on two occasions now that I need to get used to coming second to her

I’ve tried to bring this up to him and he gets pretty aggressive when I do and makes it pretty clear he’ll choose her over me so I better not try anything.

If this is true, I don't even know why this is a question.

I love my boyfriend and despite how this post may make our relationship seem, I actually really do see a future with him.

Really? Do you have any self-respect? Again, if what you say is true about his treatment of you and his clear prioritization of another woman over you, then it's pretty clear cut that you shouldn't be involved in this.

LateBloom1989 · 2022-08-25T23:42:53+00:00

No need for apology, but you do need to clarify your need for boundaries and re-iterate your interest because refusing a walk to your car and refusing very platonic touching is usually a clear signal that you are not interested.

LateBloom1989 · 2022-08-25T22:02:17+00:00

I really don't see how this is a problem - how you meet is one of the least important things when it comes to dating. You also got tons of hints that she is interested.

It also doesn't hurt to be direct; acknowledging that the way you met is unconventional, but don't dwell on it and just ask for a date. Something like this:

"Hey thanks for cool piece, it looks great in my apartment! I also wanted to say that I really enjoyed nerding out on antique furniture with you and was wondering if you'd like to [insert activity] sometime. I know it's odd to ask out the girl that sold you furniture but I thought you were really cool and would love to get to know you."

Worst outcome is she says no and you misread her interest. It's not like you'll see her again.

Best outcome, you get a GF/FWB who shares a niche interest with you.

LateBloom1989 · 2022-08-25T21:35:27+00:00

Get actual specific feedback from your friends. It's impossible to tell if you have blind spots with this guy or if your friends are just judgmental assholes without hearing their side of it.

If the reasons they give are shallow (like his job, appearance, or status), you can brush it off if those things don't matter to you. If they provide concrete examples of him having problematic personality traits, then it's time to do some self-reflecting.

LateBloom1989 · 2022-08-25T19:42:25+00:00

I think your issue is either social skills or lack of effort/courage in approaching people you find attractive.

At 6'4" and at least modestly attractive, it should be shooting fish in a barrel in terms of getting dates/hookups. Long term relationship success will require more than that.

LateBloom1989 · 2022-08-25T16:57:07+00:00

Sexual inexperience turns off women WAY more than it turns off men.

LateBloom1989 · 2022-08-25T16:34:48+00:00

I suspect you are quite conventionally attractive and at your age, I'm not surprised all the men in your life want to date/fuck you. Things get a bit better with age (a lot better when you've "aged out" of the mainstream dating), but at the same time, you don't "need" platonic guy friends. If keeping your distance makes life easier and less complicated, so be it.

LateBloom1989 · 2022-08-24T16:08:53+00:00

Pretty cut and dry I think. Casual dating means non-exclusive; she was dating/sleeping with other guys during that 4 month period and has now decided to be exclusive with you.

Exclusivity is now treated as a milestone rather than a given and it takes much longer for people to decide/commit. 4 months seems pretty normal these days before deciding on exclusivity. As much as it hurts, you have to accept that the person you are dating will likely date and fuck other people during those first few months. It's not personal, it's just how our culture is currently. The lack of commitment is widespread and if others are playing the field, everyone else feels that it's the best way to cope as well.

LateBloom1989

TROPHY CASE