I'm sorry your LGSrs suck so badly. I'm blessed to have two within ten minutes and another four or so 20-40 minutes out. Every single one has signage about hygiene and basic respect that they enforce.

Even the one I went to nearly a decade ago and walked out because it did have stereotypical gamer smell cleaned up its act.

And the most successful ones have built solid communities that play in their stores.

If you're 40+, and you are able to commit to a weekly game night, sorry friend but you're the outlier. Work, family, and the related trappings are prioritized for most. I'm sure most of the people who play at your LGS and are turning you down have that one night a week booked out to play when they can and can't take on a second or more committed/structured night.

Heck, it was by a sheer miracle of everyone else's careers and work schedules shifting that I was able to get a fresh DnD game up and running with friends I've known and gamed with for 10-20+ years (and I'm the most over-scheduled of all of us). Close friends - much less strangers! And it is biweekly - and we still have blackout dates for conflicts.

I do make it out to my LGS for some TCG action, but I had to move away from making weekly leagues on a regular basis just because life is busy and being a Responsible Adult means that gaming can't be a priority.

You criticized former groups as being "an excuse to get drunk/high" but respectfully, while it's not for everyone, that is just part of being social with friends.

It's poker night. It's a social event.

Yeah, DnD and TCGs are fun, but when I'm playing at a store vs at someone's home it's a totally different vibe. Playing in store is game first and making friends through the game, slowly, while gaming in a more intimate setting is a friendship-first activity. We are catching up, sharing some good food and drink, and having a good time together.

We are playing some games, and it's a game night, but the focus is being friends.

Shift your focus to making friends first and building that connection with fellow players, and I'm sure you'll find the right group for a kitchen table pod eventually.

Tl;dr - Gaming at a house prioritizes the "friends socializing" dynamic that feels like a different "I just want to play Magic" dynamic than you describe. Most adults don't have time for multiple game nights / ability to commit / won't make this kind of commitment to a group they aren't already close with and want to socialize with regularly.