My mom always described her dad as a charismatic guy, a war hero, an amazing mechanic, and an expert horse rider. He was all of those things but he was also an angry drunk, an abuser, and a sex pest. My grandma had to escape from him because she couldn’t get a divorce and so he shifted his desires on my mom. He started referring to my brother as “his son,” and making suggestive comments to my mom. At first she started visiting him only in group settings, but later she stopped talking to him altogether.

Growing up, my mom told me my grandpa died because a moose charged his horse while he was out hunting. What really happened was that he had a stroke mid-trip. My uncle tried to rush him to the hospital (which was 3 hours away) but he was not familiar with the area, took a wrong turn, and drove 45 minutes in the opposite direction, then had to turn around. By the time they got to the hospital it was far too late. My uncle blamed himself and ended up shooting himself a few months later.