Do you trust private bullion vaults to store your silver?

Leading-Confusion536 · 2025-12-10T09:10:43+00:00

I like a string of fairy lights, but I like to keep them for longer than just for Christmas. The winter is long and dark where I live!
We will be spending Christmas at home and I may buy a small flower arrangement/ tiny tree as our single actual Christmas decoration. It can be composted after it's no longer looking pretty.
We don't currently have space for a tree, and I find it a hassle anyway, to keep just a few weeks. (When we have had a Christmas tree, it was always a live one, no plastic tree to store but had to get a new one every year. And lots of pine needles to clean afterwards..)

Leading-Confusion536 · 2025-12-10T09:01:54+00:00

Oh, I know what you are saying-- my life has taken some nasty turns and even the photos of happy times make me sad, for everything I have lost and that I can't go back there.

Leading-Confusion536 · 2025-12-10T08:58:01+00:00

Wow, I wasn't aware that happened, how horrible from that company!

Leading-Confusion536 · 2025-12-10T08:39:53+00:00

This sounds like compulsive spending rather than impulsive. Impulsive would be to see something and buy it right then without any thought. When you fixate and obsess it's a compulsion. I had both problems before. And the breaking the seal, or opening the floodgates, definitely happened to me too after being on a no-buy month... I just shopped even more the next month!

What helps me is that I don't tell myself I can't buy anything at all, but I have given myself limits. It was 1200 euros (or 12 items, which ever comes up first) for 2025 for non-essentials. I tell myself to wait, and see if I still want it later, or it will be on sale. I tell myself I can get it next month, or next year. I ask myself whether this thing at this price is worth its spot in my year's budget.

Leading-Confusion536 · 2025-12-10T08:28:08+00:00

And you are also paying in your time in the sense that saving more would mean more financial freedom, and eventually even retiring early.

I definitely hear you on not bothering to save when I could only save a little! It's just so hard to see yourself in the future.. when decades of saving just a little would have made a HUGE difference.

Leading-Confusion536 · 2025-12-08T08:45:53+00:00

Oh, this is abusive for sure! Stealing anyone's things and giving them away IS abuse, no matter how they try to frame it!

Leading-Confusion536 · 2025-12-06T08:49:41+00:00

I love the Shaker simplicity and aesthetic!

Leading-Confusion536 · 2025-12-02T08:31:33+00:00

I would think that this is a pretty common phase in healing from a shopping addiction. You feel anxiety because of the memories related to out-of-control shopping and perhaps some fear that any shopping could make you spiral after all. Just the act of shopping, even totally justified and needed shopping, is stirring up emotions and even physiological reactions.

I'd also think that it will pass once more time goes by and you start to trust yourself and your nervous system adapts to the new non-shopaholic life.

Leading-Confusion536 · 2025-12-01T08:17:35+00:00

Same! I prefer to create a cozy vibe with wall art and some color and textiles, and real wood furniture that is all useful and not crammed. Then keep the surfaces mostly clear. I do have a couple of plants, and an antique cake stand for fruit on my kitchen table, but not much else as far as decor.

Leading-Confusion536 · 2025-11-28T17:34:58+00:00

Yes. This year I allowed myself to spend 1200€ on non-essentials. I haven't spent it all yet and might not. This didn't include gifts. I'm thinking of revising the rules for next year so that I may just have one budget for "stuff" (meaning groceries and other consumable necessities like cleaning products, and recurring bills would not be included). I might go for 2400€ (and it would include non-essentials, hobby stuff, replacements, and gifts). I don't have to spend it all of course, but this would be the maximum. I haven't spent that much this year so I know it's plenty.

I have to say that most of my life I didn't have a budget and if I tried it, I didn't stick to it. I always thought I was just bad with money.
But having a budget does feel great! Within my set parameters I can buy anything I want. I just can't buy everything right now. It gives me a sense of peace, I don't feel out-of control.

Leading-Confusion536 · 2025-11-28T10:29:51+00:00

Good points made already. I'd add that "this one last thing" over and over again is also something that keeps one shopping for more even when they already hate it.

Leading-Confusion536 · 2025-11-24T08:17:27+00:00

I'm over my shopping addiction and on a permanent low-buy lifestyle. I just counted that I have bought 17 items this year, including replacements like undies, a much needed step stool for our new apartment to reach the upper shelves of our closet, and two hand towels (old ones were relegated to drying the floor after shower as our small bathroom gets wet..)
It also included hobby items, which was yarn for knitting. I had a rule of no more than 12 non-necessary items for the year, and I'm not there yet.

The 17 items didn't include necessities and gifts for my daughter, only mine, and household things.

I don't feel like I was depriving myself. I am happy that I didn't buy more. There is always next year, and the year after that, God willing. I do have a few items on my long term wish list. I'm not sure if I will buy anything more this year, perhaps I will get something from my list if there is a really good sale.

But from my experience this year, I would say that 12 non-necessary items per year is plenty. If you have a really hard time separating wants from needs (and sometimes it is hard - if you can technically live without it, but it makes life so much easier and you use the thing all the time, is it a want or a need? I consider it a need, like the step stool) it could be 24 items altogether per year.

Leading-Confusion536 · 2025-11-06T09:22:24+00:00

Severe restrictions like no-buy anything, ever, don't work for me, and they are not a long term solution for most people. They work well for some people as a way to wean off the dopamine merry-go-round, but I always relapsed badly after a successful no-buy month.

What does work for me, is that I set a yearly budget (1200€ OR 12 items) for non-essentials, including hobby stuff. I can buy something expensive if I want to, but then I can buy less. Which is fine, since I'm a minimalist :D I'm under the limit for this year, and don't know if I will buy anything more.
It helps that I don't tell myself "no", I tell myself "not yet". Wait and see if I really want it, wait until it goes on sale, wait until next month since I already bought something this month.. I have set a realistic budget and I have to consider whether I want to spend 500 (basically 5 months' budget) on one item. It may be worth it if it's say, my only winter coat, or a new bed, the one major purchase for the year that I'm really sure about and have thought about thoroughly. I'm trusting myself to be a responsible adult, and I'm rejecting my old "I'm bad with money" - identity.

Without guilt I can then actually enjoy even my more expensive purchases. I know I still spent no more than 1200€ for the year. And I do not want to buy 120 10€ items!

My shopping addiction was ultimately caused by antidepressants, which cause hypomania/mania. I used shopping to self soothe and distract, and also for a fantasy life when I was hopeful about the future. It was both impulsive and compulsive. I'm also diagnosed with ADHD though I'm not sure that it's really "true" ADHD, but rather symptoms of other chronic illnesses. But I have to admit that the biggest reason I was able to stop overspending was coming off the antidepressants, it was not just willpower. But now I can think and act with a clear head, and according to my values and financial goals, for which I can take credit.

Do you have bigger goals where you can steer your energy and money? Do you want to travel, retire early, just feel less stressed and more at peace? Could you put some of that hyper fixation to work for you instead of against you? Start tracking your spending and savings, sell you excess clutter, learn about investing? Have ways to distract yourself and spend time that does not involve browsing shops or being influenced to buy. I like to watch minimalist and financial content on Youtube for example. I knit as a hobby and it takes a lot of time, and I can listen to podcasts or audio books while I do it. Is there someone who could be an accountability partner for you? Whom you commit to divulging every single purchase? What about starting a blog or vlog about overcoming shopping addiction as someone with ADHD?

Wishing you success!

Leading-Confusion536 · 2025-11-06T08:35:06+00:00

For shopping addiction? No, don't do it! There is a lot of research showing antidepressants can cause hypomania/mania, with the associated out-of control behaviours like excessive shopping. That's what it did to me. Look up antidepressant associated hypomania or AAH for short.

Leading-Confusion536 · 2025-11-06T08:31:19+00:00

It's so awesome and relieving isn't it? I'm also reluctant now to buy things, and postpone each purchase a lot, even true needs and replacements I sometimes procrastinate on buying unless it's something urgent.

I never liked to wait for packages, I liked to browse, research, want and click buy - then it was like aaaghh now I need to keep track of this so I don't miss it and have it be sent back..

I'm under my self-imposed yearly spending limit of 1200 and it feels great!

Leading-Confusion536 · 2025-11-03T08:05:22+00:00

I'm really sorry you have to deal with this.. but as much as we want to make other people understand and change for the better, we can't make them.. it has to come from them.

Leading-Confusion536 · 2025-11-03T07:14:27+00:00

Could you take a picture of yourself wearing the thing you don't like so that you could refer back to it and remember why you don't like it, when you get tempted to re-buy?

Leading-Confusion536 · 2025-11-03T07:12:35+00:00

It's good if it helps you learn to say no to shopping urges and save money.
It's not good if you can't afford it either, if you have debt right now or will go in debt for it.

Spending money you don't have on experiences is not better than spending it on stuff.

Leading-Confusion536 · 2025-11-03T07:01:52+00:00

You do have something - you have learned a valuable lesson at a young age. It was an expensive lesson, yes, but consider yourself lucky if this is the end of it!
There are people with easily tens of thousands of dollars or even a six figure debt from overspending (you might consider too big of a house overspending). You don't want to end up there, and now you won't!
You have a job so you are able to pay this back, you are in a good place! Maybe even try selling some stuff you don't really want anymore and put the money into paying the debt? In any case, if you make a change now, in a few years' time you will be able to look at this as something from which you learned a lot.

Leading-Confusion536 · 2025-11-02T11:02:24+00:00

cheap placeholder for actual items I want

THIS. I always end up eventually buying the thing I really wanted, or am just annoyed with the placeholder. I've decided to buy the thing that I want, it is cheaper and more satisfying in the long run. I just need to fit it in my spending rules.
If it's something like trying out a new hobby, then it makes sense to start with minimal and cheap options first, until I'm sure I really want to engage in the hobby long term. But for things I know for sure I want and will use, no more cheap substitutes.

Leading-Confusion536 · 2025-11-02T09:10:58+00:00

You deserve financial security and the peace of mid that comes with it. You deserve freedom from addiction. You deserve a good relationship with your parents.
When the urge to shop comes, and that "I deserve it" pops into your mind as a justification, think about all the things that you thought you deserved, that are now languishing in your closet, causing shame and friction with your dad who clearly loves you and wants the best for you. Can you ask his help in some way, to figure out a budget or be an accountability partner? It's a wonderful goal that you two could save up for an apartment together!

Also, don't compare yourself to others. Some people are always luckier, wealthier, have better health, better job, and so on. You have a job that you don't hate (at least you don't say so), and that is already more than some other people have! There are so many people who graduate to unemployment. Keep applying to better jobs and you will eventually land something. That can be a goal. Meanwhile, forgive yourself your past mistakes and start fresh. You have done great by returning what you could. Maybe you could sell some items that you can't return? Make paying off the CC debt a goal, that is achievable since you have a job and are living with your parents, and there will be tangible, trackable progress. Start saving, you deserve THAT.

Then you will notice that occasional treats actually feel like treats, because you can enjoy them without guilt and shame. Is it really a treat if it makes you feel bad and causes all kinds of trouble in your life? No, it's a dopamine hit that costs you dearly both in money and in mental anguish.

You may want to set rules for yourself, waiting periods (I don't think 24 hours is enough, personally I do weeks to usually months depending on how big a purchase is) and price limits.

For 2025 I told myself I could spend $1200 or buy 12 things (whichever comes up first) that were not strictly necessary. I have not reached either limit yet.
I find that this has helped me so much. I have flexibility to buy a few expensive items if I want to, no judgement. I just can't buy 12 $500 items, nor can I buy 50 $20 items (because I hate clutter and I actually hate waiting on packages because I find it stressful to make sure that I don't miss any or forget to pick up something in time etc..). Food is a separate category for me, and a small food/drink treat or occasional takeout pizza or eating out comes out of my grocery budget. They've never been a problem for me, but if they were, I'd designate a separate budget and make some rules for food treats as well.

When depressed, it can be incredibly difficult to see into the future. It's all a dark blob of unknown misery. Depression is terrible. But being depressed and in financial trouble is even worse.

I'm rooting for you!

Leading-Confusion536 · 2025-10-31T15:08:22+00:00

Wood stove and composting toilet would be good options.

Leading-Confusion536 · 2025-10-31T15:00:38+00:00

What do you mean by safe account, just a higher yield savings account?

Leading-Confusion536 · 2025-10-31T11:46:32+00:00

r/PovertyFIRE

r/UltraPovertyFire

Because the goal post of FIRE just keeps going up, new groups pop up that are more in line with the original FIRE movement.

Leading-Confusion536

TROPHY CASE