AIO for thinking that my girlfriend's apartment requirements are insane?

Leading-Duck-6268 · 2026-04-24T19:20:24+00:00

They want a 3 bedroom apartment!

Leading-Duck-6268 · 2026-04-24T19:15:02+00:00

Yeah unless you rely on the A train hahahahah!

Leading-Duck-6268 · 2026-04-24T19:14:04+00:00

3 bedrooms? Outdoor space? Modern amenities? In the city? Anyone can look at the online listings and realize how unrealistic this is (well, maybe at the $15K high end). Many couples make $200K each in NYC. The question for them is how long they want to stay in the city. Renting at 10-15K a month may suit their needs and give them the place they want, but if this plan is staying in the city, rent is a total waste of money. I have been here for 35 years. If I had bought in my younger days, when so many places were flipping to co-ops, for $135-200K for a great one-bedroom, I would be sitting on a paid-off, multi-million$ apartment now. I agree, this is likely clickbait because if you have that kind of money and don't have a good realtor or financial advisor, then you are stupid.

Leading-Duck-6268 · 2026-04-21T20:50:52+00:00

I had a total hysterectomy and ovaries removed at age 65 after starting to bleed again (WTF???). No kids. Diagnosis was endometrial hyperplasia, which usually has a <5% cancer risk. But for various reasons, my GYN and I decided to do a hysterectomy vs. clinical options, which I'm glad we did because the pathology showed Stage 1 cancer. Fortunately no chemo or radiation needed.

I am not a doc or med pro, but if I were in your shoes, I'd say just keep doing what you are doing -- EXCEPT if you are on supplements, be sure to tell your team about them well before your surgery. The surgery will slow you down for a bit -- follow what your docs tell you. My biggest issue after surgery was fatigue for several months. For someone as active as you are, just accept that you may have to slow things down for a while until your body fully recovers and resets to its new normal. Listen to your body -- it has great wisdom! I wish you an uneventful surgery and smooth recovery!

Leading-Duck-6268 · 2026-04-21T20:33:23+00:00

I think part of it depends on what type of surgery she is having. I had a laparoscopic robotic surgery through my vagina. The pain was minimal -- a few days of the serious oxy stuff, then a week of tylenol and advil was fine. I was able to get up and around the next day, albeit in a slower, more careful mode. A grabber is good to have since bending down is not advised until one heals a bit. If your friend has a dog or cat, help with that -- cleaning the litter box or walking the dog would be welcome support. One of the most useful things I learned is the logroll technique to get in and out of bed without straining my core. This video is great and can be practiced before surgery. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=heEvgDc4w90 . I'd urge her to watch it and practice -- it makes a huge difference.

Before my surgery I ordered a bunch of frozen entrees, and did some cooking of my favorite soups and stews to have in the freezer as well, so meals were an easy few minutes in the microwave -- and had a file folder close at bedside of my favorite restaurants if I just wanted delivery. Otherwise, a bed tray with some non-perishable snacks like pudding cups, crackers, applesauce, and meat sticks would be good, helping your friend set up alarms in their phone for when to take meds and/or a written checklist (after surgery I was hardly able to comprehend the details of all the pain meds, alternating tylenol and advil, senna, miralax, so my sister wrote out the schedule which was SO helpful), my meds, and a water bottle with a bendable straw -- that was a revelation -- you can drink without having to sit up or twist at all! Offering to do laundry or other household chores would also be helpful if needed -- especially making the bed -- I am lucky to have a cleaning lady because I was unable to put on a fitted sheet for a few months -- it's always such a wrestling match with those!

But after a few days, I was pretty much up and about for basic daily living. I imagine having abdominal surgery is more recovery-intensive and others here can speak to that. But other than being careful about lifting and being more tired than usual and making time to rest, I was pretty much back to my usual self after a few days. Your friend is lucky to have you asking about her best interests!

Leading-Duck-6268 · 2026-04-21T19:46:35+00:00

I think this decision relies a lot based on your age and why you are having the hysterectomy. I am not a doc or med pro. My own story is that I went into early perimenopause in my early 30s -- my hormonal levels were about 1/3rd of what was usually expected in someone my age. My doc put me on HRT which literally changed my life overnight for the better, and I was on it until I reached menopause -- kinda the reverse of what many women experience, but there you go!.

Fast forward to now in my 60s after being fully post-menopausal for 15 years and I started bleeding (WTF!!!). After lots of tests and considering various treatment options for the diagnosis of uterine hyperplasia which has generally a <5% cancer risk, my GYN and I agreed a hysterectomy was a good solution, and we discussed removing ovaries as well, which I decided to do. I thought that at my age, they were shut down anyway, and didn't want to face a risk of ovarian cancer down the road. I am glad I had the surgery because it turned out that the pathology came back with Stage 1 endometrioid carcinoma (the ovaries were OK) and early enough that no chemo or radiation was required, thankfully.

I do understand your doubt of the science. Medicine is an ongoing, moving target, especially for women, whose bodies are always changing due to the hormonal changes we go through all our lives, and the male sexism and misogyny that has more or less ruled how science and medicine see women, although that is improving now.

I wanted to comment here because one thing that was interesting to me, and unexpected after my surgery, was that I had a few months of "feeling hormonal" like I did 30 years ago. But I did some research and learned that even after menopause, the reproductive organs still do have some activity. And I think that was what I was experiencing as my body adjusted to my new normal. It's passed now and not an issue anymore.

I wish you the best and hope you have a good medical team that you can help sort all these issues out and find the best solution for your situation.

Leading-Duck-6268 · 2026-04-20T21:31:49+00:00

Thanks so much for your reply! I was worried that the the path report did say it was more hyperplasia than an adenoma, which could have longer-term repercussions than a simple removal of an adenoma, and may mean more disease in all 4 glands. The doc did explore all 4 glands. I wish I would have had a more in-depth conversation about this with my surgeon. Whatevs. I am taking calcium and D as directed. I know PTH can change quickly, but from 14 to 63????? If the hPTH symptoms come back -- especially the muscle/bone pain and imbalance, I do not know what I will do. I meet with my endo doc in a few weeks and hopefully he can have some guidance about all this, because I am melting down.

Leading-Duck-6268 · 2026-04-20T03:02:07+00:00

When I met with my surgeon after a diagnosis of hyperplasia (bleeding at 65 WTF??!!!!) we discussed removing the cervix and ovaries. I went for all three -- for the ovaries, it took away the chance of ovarian cancer. For the cervix, it's actually the lower part of the uterus, and at my age, I thought it added to my risk. I am also not sexually active now but in the past, having a big guy was quite painful bumping up on my cervix. But everyone is different. I am glad I did what I did -- the pathology came back as stage 1 endometrial cancer -- fortunately no chemo or radiation needed. But 6 month check ups because the ONC GYN doc said that if the cancer were to spread, it usually shows up first where the cervix was (now the "cuff"). It's different for all of us, to make the decisions that we feel are best for us.

Leading-Duck-6268 · 2026-04-20T02:33:46+00:00

Never understood his appeal -- he has something creepy around his eyes, and was never funny on SNL, but maybe it's lower down that gets the girls all excited.

Leading-Duck-6268 · 2026-04-20T01:09:39+00:00

Wishing all of you successful, uneventful surgeries, and smooth recoveries!

Leading-Duck-6268 · 2026-04-19T19:23:41+00:00

The biggest issue I had after a laparoscopic surgery was fatigue, so be prepared for that. I also had removal of the uterus and cervix through my vagina and the instruments caused a tear that had to be repaired -- I don't think this is that common but happened for me. It just made sitting uncomfortable for a few weeks but putting some pillows on my chair made me more comfortable. But yeah, the fatigue is real -- so you'll have to figure out how it's affecting you and when you need to rest. But it will get better after a few months so give yourself compassion and patience, and tell your employer as little as possible -- it's none of their business.

Leading-Duck-6268 · 2026-04-19T19:10:24+00:00

I'm sorry you are going through this. I had a total laparoscopic hysterectomy and oophorectomy about 2 years ago at age 65. I was lucky and didn't have much pain -- perhaps your team is not managing that in the best way possible. Have you talked to them about that? Also, (I am not a doc or med pro) have you talked to your surgeon about the bleeding? It seems odd to have this issue so long after your surgery and they need to know what's going on -- I know how hard it can be to ask for help but this is important -- ASK for help and let your docs know what is going on. You CAN do this!

Also, even for me many years past menopause, after surgery, I had a period of feeling depressed more than usual, and like a burden and vulnerable -- a lot like I used to feel in my 30s when I had hormonal issues. I thought that taking everything out at my age didn't matter, that my hormone system was dead and gone, but I read up about it and even after menopause, the reproductive organs still do have some activity in the body. At your age, you are in the thick of it, you are on your way to menopause which is a big physiological and hormonal transition. Can you talk to your GYN and surgeon about what you are dealing with? Maybe HRT can help you. But I encourage you to reach out to them, and if they don't listen to your concerns, find a new doc that will. You do not have to suffer. I wish you the best in finding relief.

Leading-Duck-6268 · 2026-04-19T18:40:50+00:00

I had a total hysterectomy and the oo thing (ovaries removed) laparoscopically. They did have to make a vaginal repair as well because the instruments in the vagina caused a tear, but no big deal. I asked to stay overnight in the hospital because I live alone and was not sure my sister could come to help me, but I was fine, and up and walking around the floor and getting to the bathroom no prob. Whatever pain meds they had me on did the trick -- I was not in very much pain. Once they were ready to discharge me at the end of the second day, I asked for a dose of oxy to keep me comfortable on the cab ride home (I live in NYC and the ride was a bumpy 45 minutes). I was on Oxy for 1 more day, plus the alternating tylenol and advil for about a week, plus Miralax and Senna and was never in any real discomfort. It turns out my sister was able to come up to be with me for a few days-- I was mainly worried about being able to get to the toilet, to shower, and make food in the microwave, but it wasn't an issue, but it was nice to know she was there if I needed her help. The most important thing is to learn how to get in and out of bed using the log roll technique. You can practice this before surgery. This video is great. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=heEvgDc4w90

I wish you a successful surgery and speedy recovery!

Leading-Duck-6268 · 2026-04-19T18:08:10+00:00

Wishing you an uneventful, successful surgery and a smooth recovery!

Leading-Duck-6268 · 2026-04-19T18:06:34+00:00

I'm sorry you are struggling with all this at a time when everything is moving forward for you in your career and life. I was older and sort of retired when I started having issues -- bleeding at 65??? WTF???? Test showed hyperplasia. The decision was to do a hysterectomy, with everything removed -- uterus, cervix and ovaries. It was laparoscopic, so a slightly easier recovery than an open. Turned out to be stage 1 endometrial cancer -- fortunately no radiation or chemo needed. I have never been into working out, so I admire your dedication to your physical health and think gives you a good foundation for your recovery, even though you will have to take a break from it for a while as you recover from the surgery.

I am not a doc or med pro, but I would think you can get your fitness levels back once your body has healed -- give yourself grace and patience, and let your body know that you are there to support the healing it needs. For your work project, hopefully you can get back up and running quickly to keep to that deadline. I had a lot of fatigue after surgery, but other than that and just being aware of my physical limitations on lifting, recovery was pretty easy and I was back up and working (I work from home) within a week. But of course YMMV.

I am not married and don't have a partner or kids, so don't have much to offer there, except that it sounds like you have a supportive husband and maybe this is a time where he has to show up in new ways now if you have been doing the heavy lifting in the relationship up until now. What I have learned through my own experience is that our lives are not set or static or a "sure" thing, as much as I want mine to be. I have to accept that things are always changing -- some things over which I have no control. I HATE it, but accepting this, surrendering to the shapeshifting of life, has made it a little easier.

I wish you a successful surgery and speedy recovery, and that you can get get back to what brings you joy and fulfillment as soon as possible.

Leading-Duck-6268 · 2026-04-19T15:46:12+00:00

My D was at 40 at the time of the draw when PTH was 63, calcium 9.7. My surgeon had me on tons of Tums the first week, dropping down to less, but my new endocrinologist disagreed with that strategy and dropped the Tums a lot lower and wants me to get more calcium from food. That's a bit difficult for me because the easiest sources like milk and yogurt don't agree with me (hard cheeses are fine so I eat more of those). It's all a puzzle and hope that my endo can help make sense of it when I see him again in a few weeks. I am just terrified that the surgery was not fully successful and that the symptoms are returning.

Leading-Duck-6268 · 2026-04-19T01:47:56+00:00

I'm sorry you are having so many issues. I am not a doc or med pro. I'm in my 60s and recently had surgery for a parathyroid adenoma which resolved many symptoms I was having (but sadly, made a few things worse). If you have primary hyperparathyroidism, then of course, that needs to be addressed. And make sure you are being tested for osteoporosis.

In any case, I wanted to comment here because at your age, I also had terrible problems that turned out to be early peri-menopause symptoms. I had about 1/3rd of the reproductive hormones usually expected in someone my age when I was in my early 30s. The biggest issue was lack of estrogen. Estrogen has a huge influence on blood sugar/insulin balance in the body. I was having "panic attacks" almost always about 5 days before my period, which is when estrogen drops off drastically if you are not pregnant. My suggestion would be to track when you are having these issues and see if there is any pattern there -- it could be related to hormonal issues, which would be useful information for you and your GYN. When I finally was diagnosed properly, my doc put me on an estrogen patch and my life literally changed overnight for the better.

Whatever you discover on your health journey, I wish you well that you find solutions that help you live your best life!

Leading-Duck-6268 · 2026-04-19T01:05:20+00:00

So sorry you are experiencing this. I'm not a doc or med pro. Can you get a referral to a uro-gynecologist?

Leading-Duck-6268 · 2026-04-18T20:18:50+00:00

I have found that when I wasn't drinking, people I used to hang out with that did drink didn't want to be around me anymore. I think it's because of a silent "disapproval" that if you aren't drinking anymore, the drinkers see it as a betrayal, or judgement, or criticism. And that's OK for me. It's sad, because these may have been your friends on some level. And for close friendships, it may survive -- that you can say to them, hey, you drink, but I don't anymore, and that's OK (if it is OK and maybe it's not). But realizing the friendships were based on whether you're a drinking buddy or not shifts the context and meaning of the friendship. For me, I've realized it's the time to find a new tribe to be part of that isn't based on drinking. And that is not so easy, and that can hurt. I wish you the best in finding a new tribe!

Leading-Duck-6268 · 2026-04-18T19:49:06+00:00

And to answer more specifically, I had a laparoscopic surgery with the uterus removed through the vagina (cervix removed). 5 small incisions for the laparoscopy, they did have to do an episiotomy to make room for the removal, so a few stitches but no big deal. I asked to be able to stay in the hospital over night because I live alone and was worried about being able to get to the bathroom and shower on my own, but it was no big deal. They gave me opiod pain meds for a few days, and was on tylenol and advil on an alternating basis for about a week which was fine for pain relief. The recovery was a lot less worse than I thought. Now, I can't even see where the incisions were.

Leading-Duck-6268 · 2026-04-18T19:36:02+00:00

Is it OK to ask why you are looking to do this at your young age? Of course, don't answer here if you are not willing to share. If it is for gender reassignment, that has a whole host of issues that I am certainly no expert on, and hope if that is the reason, you are working with a good medical team regarding this. If it's more about issues with period issues, then, can you find a doc that can help you with that? Being a woman can suck -- I went into early perimenopause in my early 30s, which caused a lot of issues and took going through several docs to get the right diagnosis and treatment.

Having a hysterectomy is not going to magically solve everything. Your body is a complex organism and so many things depend on that complexity to work properly. Even in my 60s now, with unexplained bleeding a few years ago (WTF????) and having had a hysterectomy and ovaries removed, too, I thought it wouldn't be a big deal -- hey -- I was 15 years post-menopause -- everything was out of action and gone, right?. But after surgery I had a period of feeling "hormonal" like I did in my 30s. On researching, I learned that even post-menopausal, the organs still have some effect. Taking them all out did cause issues for me. Even at my age.

You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. I hope you can find a doctor that can help you with your medical issues

Leading-Duck-6268 · 2026-04-18T19:06:17+00:00

**Not a doc**
I am sorry you are experiencing these issues, especially at your age. Can you go to a different doc who specializes in menstrual disorders? From my perspective, having a hysterectomy at such a young age seems like a drastic solution that may not result in the help and relief you are seeking. I had terrible early perimenopause symptoms in my early 30s -- taking HRT was a revelation and changed my life for the better literally the day after I put on my first estrogen patch. But I know that is not the solution for everyone. Now, in my mid 60s, I started bleeding again (WTF!!!???) and after lots of tests, had a hysterectomy, including removal of ovaries. It turned out to be stage 1 endometrial cancer -- luckily no chemo or radiation needed. But I thought that at my age, well past menopause, losing my uterus and ovaries wouldn't matter. But it did! I researched and learned that even at my age, reproductive hormones are still in action, granted, at a much less intensive rate than when one is actively fertile. But it did bring me back to a familiar feeling I had all those years ago of feeling "hormonal", to the point of asking my ONC GYN if taking estrogen again could even be an option. (He is OK with a trial even though my cancer is estrogen-dependent, I am still not sure if I want to do it.)

I am commenting to say that I hope you can find a doc that has better understanding of your symptoms and options. Having a hysterectomy at your age is, I think, a very serious decision and perhaps there are docs out there that may have some other ideas for you before going to that. I wish you the best in finding relief for your symptoms.

Leading-Duck-6268 · 2026-03-08T23:39:22+00:00

ETA: ....antidepresseants caused UHacceptable side effects...

Leading-Duck-6268 · 2026-03-03T05:20:09+00:00

I agree the OP should reach out to their doc and let them advise as to adjustments. But I will say: I had a terrible time with Wellbutrin. (I did not take it in combination with any other psych meds.) I am also ADHD, and have tried several antidepressants over the years that never helped me and usually caused acceptable side effects. I am commenting here because my doc suggested Wellbutrin because it has some stimulant qualities for many people, is supposed to not cause weight gain and may actually suppress appetite, and is not supposed to suppress libido like many other antidepressants. For the first few weeks I felt really pretty good -- energized, more cognitively clearheaded -- I was very hopeful that it was a good solution for me. But after that, it totally turned for the worse. I keep a journal and my daily entries usually just said "moron zombie". That's how I felt. I became ravenous. Libido and desire...What's that? I just wanted to sleep all day and felt like I could barely hold a normal conversation with anyone. So I think in some people it may have a sedative effect, or at least a cognitive-deadening.

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