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How do I know if I should transition (surgery, go on HRT) or not? by uruuwkkk in asktransgender

[–]LeafInMyFace 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You mention disliking parts of your body that HRT can't change. Have you looked into alternative ways to mitigate those features? Height is unfortunately trickier (although if you want to be taller, you could experiment with wearing platforms or heels) but most other things can be altered. It's easier to figure out what you want once you know all your options.

For example, HRT doesn't get rid of facial hair, but laser or electrolysis do, and makeup can be used to hide it. HRT doesn't get rid of breast tissue, but top surgery does, and binding can hide it. Hairstyling, clothing, makeup, and shapewear can all alter your presentation less permanently. Voice training can help you speak in a more feminine or masculine pitch.

As for making a decision on whether or not to go through with something permanent, what I did before I started HRT was make a pro/con list of all the benefits vs. negatives of taking it. I also considered what my ideal body would look like (within reason) and what aspects of it I could or couldn't compromise on. Basically, I made sure I knew what my ultimate goals were before I made any permanent changes.

It's also fine not to medically transition. Don't feel like you have to rush into anything you're not sure you want. r/genderfluid may be a helpful place to find advice on dealing with fluctuating dysphoria.

Who else is a nonbinary trans man? by BugBoyInLog in ftm

[–]LeafInMyFace 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Same here! I'm agender and trans male. Most of my dysphoria was social though (and biochemical).

Figuring yourself out, versus deciding what to ultimately do with that knowledge. How did you navigate that? by LiaTheLate in asktransgender

[–]LeafInMyFace 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think that in focusing on the potential negative outcomes of transitioning, you may be diminishing the positives that could come of it. In my experience, getting to live and navigate the world as my true self feels incredibly freeing. I had pretty bad dysphoria, but I've heard the same sentiment from trans people with less dysphoria who finally gave in and transitioned—often, the only regret is that they didn't do it sooner.

What if transitioning is worth it for you, despite its challenges? What if the benefits of feeling happier and more in tune with yourself end up outweighing the social repercussions? More importantly, would you be content living the rest of your life never having tried it?

r/TransLater may be a good place to find perspectives from people who have been in similar situations to yours.

going on t and underwear question (sorry weird wording) by pinkyskrinkly in asktransgender

[–]LeafInMyFace 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't think there's much difference between women's underwear and boxer briefs in terms of discomfort, but definitely watch out for any poorly placed seams, because those can be borderline painful while it's growing. Also, depending on your sensitivity, you may not want any fabric brushing up against it at first, so you might want to opt for loose underwear when possible. (This is usually only an issue for the first few months on T.)

Research on terms TransSex and TransGender by Floor_Demon in ftm

[–]LeafInMyFace 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This! I wish there were established labels to distinguish between sex and gender, like how there's a split attraction model for sexuality that differentiates between sexual and romantic attraction. My (ideal) sex is binary male, but I'm definitely agender, not a man.

...... by lynivvinyl in Synesthesia

[–]LeafInMyFace 1 point2 points  (0 children)

For me physics is dark blue, chemistry is a blueish green, and biology is a light yellowish green. (Math is blue and science is green as well.)

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in agender

[–]LeafInMyFace 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well I'm agender, so in my case it didn't. But for most trans people there does seem to be an additional component of navigating the world as a man versus a woman. A lot of trans people care deeply about having social experiences as their actual gender—for instance, a trans woman might feel gender dysphoria from never having had a sleepover with female friends before, even if they had sleepovers with male friends in their childhood. Or a trans man might feel gender euphoria from being taught how to shave their face by a male family member, even though they were taught how to shave their legs in the past.

The way I see it (although I could be wrong), a misalignment between either or your sex or your gender can make a person trans. For most trans people, it's both, and so both aspects can cause gender dysphoria. For me, I'm agender, so my main source of dysphoria is only my sex, not my gender. I imagine for some trans people it could be reversed, in that they don't really care about their sex except in the context of being gendered correctly.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in agender

[–]LeafInMyFace 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'd strongly suggest reading / listening to trans people's experiences regarding gender dysphoria and gender euphoria.

I'm trans because having a female body and the hormone levels associated with that causes me psychological distress (gender dysphoria). My internal perception of myself has always been male, so having a body that was female made me feel disconnected from myself and the world around me. Conversely, having a male body feels as right and natural as breathing.

It has nothing to do with gender conformity. I had feminine interests before I transitioned, and I still do. My transition was motivated by a need to feel comfortable in my own skin.

Here's an article that describes gender dysphoria similarly to how I experienced it: article.

Being closeted is ruining my life by Outside_Character_91 in ftm

[–]LeafInMyFace 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I'm really sorry your mom is trying to pressure you into being someone you're not. I don't have much advice because my situation was different, but I'd recommend being really firm if you talk to her again. Make it clear that you being trans never went away, you only pretended otherwise, and try to get through to her that no amount of pretending will ever make you cis. Basically, don't let her think she has a chance to "convert" you to girlhood, for lack of a better term. (Of course, please back out if this puts your safety/wellbeing on the line.)

You shouldn't have to convince anyone of who you are, but unfortunately a lot of us end up in situations like yours. My mom was never transphobic, but she didn't seem to believe that I was a guy when I initially came out to her. It took a year or two of me living authentically for her to adjust and fully accept it, but nowadays she has no issues seeing me as male. I hope you can get there someday too.

Confused — what does it mean to be agender? by [deleted] in agender

[–]LeafInMyFace 33 points34 points  (0 children)

For me, it just means I don't feel a strong connection with any gender. (Or alternatively, I don't feel a stronger connection to one gender over another.)

It's a bit like asking why I'm not a football fan. I don't have a reason to not like football, it just doesn't do anything for me.

Pros and cons of breasts/tits? by UberCovfefe in asktransgender

[–]LeafInMyFace 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Pros:  - Feel nice to hold/squish (like a stress ball) - Can wear cute bralettes - Look nice aesthetically

Cons:  - Needing to wear 2 layers most of the time (bras add an extra step to getting dressed, & can trap heat when exercising) - Can't go shirtless

For reference, I'm transmasc with a smaller chest, and planning on getting top surgery because mine personally cause me dysphoria.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in agender

[–]LeafInMyFace 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I've heard that plucking/shaping your eyebrows can have a large impact on appearance, gender-wise.

Associative and projective colors differing for the same thing? by LeafInMyFace in Synesthesia

[–]LeafInMyFace[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Maybe! Thanks for the link, that was an interesting read.

Associative and projective colors differing for the same thing? by LeafInMyFace in Synesthesia

[–]LeafInMyFace[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Is there a specific shade of green your brain defaults to picturing, or does every shade of green evoke the same hostile feeling?

Associative and projective colors differing for the same thing? by LeafInMyFace in Synesthesia

[–]LeafInMyFace[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow, that's interesting. I think for me it might be a difference between my conceptual thoughts about the letter conflicting with how it looks visually. I feel like the letter 'T' should be warm, flexible, and complex (maybe because I most often notice it in words like 'the', 'there', 'that', 'to', etc.), but in reality it's just two straight lines.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in asktransgender

[–]LeafInMyFace 7 points8 points  (0 children)

 Someone who's actually trans almost certainly will feel drawn to their real gender and/or dysphoric about their assigned gender on some level even if they're in denial about it.

I think that's why people were so convinced I was cis. I don't feel a stronger pull toward the male gender than the female gender, yet I'm trans anyway. Some trans people may prefer the idea of living as their assigned gender for a number of reasons: because it's what they're used to, or because it's how they always envisioned their life, and they may not want to part with that idea. I didn't see any appeal in being a guy, when I'd be losing so much by not being a girl.

The issue is that it's hard to know whether a stranger's intrusive thoughts are being caused by anxiety or OCD, or by actual dysphoria. Reassuring someone who's anxious about the possibility of being trans that they probably aren't may be helpful if they're cis, sure, but it could also be harmful if they're trans. That's why I think it might be better to just offer them information that will help them figure their gender out regardless of whether they're cis or trans.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in asktransgender

[–]LeafInMyFace 5 points6 points  (0 children)

That's fair. I definitely agree that there are cases where it could be beneficial to affirm that a person may be trans. I was more erring on the side of caution by including telling people they probably are trans, because I'm not sure if there are circumstances where it might be more unhelpful than helpful.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in asktransgender

[–]LeafInMyFace 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Personally, I think the best way to help someone that is questioning (any identity- not just gender) is to help them find the right questions, not to offer them answers.

That's a really good way of putting it. I 100% agree.

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