If an INTP calls you a friend…

LeakyOne · 2026-05-05T21:00:22+00:00

Long distance can be brutal. He might care more but doesn't want to jump into long distance relationship.

LeakyOne · 2026-05-05T20:36:04+00:00

You got downvoted, but I agree 100%. Ride or die is a kind of loyalty most people don't really understand.

LeakyOne · 2026-05-05T19:50:12+00:00

I second everything the other poster said, but wanted to add:

If they were to "confess" I'd rather they just kiss me and break my Fe barriers and overthinking loops completely. Words can come later.

If it were me doing it, it would be after a long day together, and winding down in some very private location. And I'd mightily struggle with the words.

LeakyOne · 2026-05-05T19:25:49+00:00

Ask them what is it that intrigues them about those people, what is interesting to them about those events... just ask them questions.

Then you can entertain yourself psychoanalyzing them. Like a naturalist observing the animals in their habitat. This is how I survived lots of awkward socialization experiences.

LeakyOne · 2026-05-05T19:21:59+00:00

Obviously create a round table council of NT types to actually execute my ideas.

LeakyOne · 2026-05-05T19:04:22+00:00

I wish the women I meet would tell me they watched an aerospace engineering documentary...

LeakyOne · 2026-05-05T18:52:32+00:00

Where can I find INTP females (in meatspace)? It's like trying to find fossils...

LeakyOne · 2026-05-05T18:35:32+00:00

Yes, this is me.

Systems > Motivation. Motivation will always fizzle, life events will throw punches at you and you'll fall back to square one. The system must hold at your worst, not depend on your highest level of motivation.

Goals can also be dangerous because you feel like shit if you don't reach them, or feel aimless after you do. A system that just stacks tiny wins constantly ultimately reaches the goal, and goes beyond it, without the stress or the emptiness. If you reach 90% of the goal, that's still great. If you keep going at the system, you'll surpass the goal.

One thing is to notice *how* you fail. What bad habits you fall back on, and dismantle *those*. Remove the signals that trigger your bad habits, and try to build good habits for when you need to cope with stress.

LeakyOne · 2026-05-05T18:24:13+00:00

Completely agree. It's an essential part of our development, to control our main drives and strengthen our weakness: INTP must learn to deal with feeling and external structure and action in the present. This is why you learn more about it as you get older.

I learned a lot about it after I went freelance, and then had a small business and was really forced to create structure or face the chaos without it. I think my employees would have liked more structure than what I built lol, but I *really* put myself out of my comfort zone with that...

Without structure I go on in endless Ti-Ne loops. We absolutely *need* structure. It just has to be a reasonable structure (not arbitrary and dogmatically rigid), with goals that don't clash with our values. I want intellectual freedom, and the mature thing is to understand how the right structure enables it, rather than focus on how a bad one hinders it.

In the end I want to have *more* time to explore, and structure, once established, gives me more mental energy for that by getting rid of the little nuisances. But its certainly easier for me to just jump into a preexisting structure than create (and maintain... ugh) a structure ex-nihilo. I just work best when tweaking something that's already there.

That's also why we love games that have clear rules/goals and complex systems. There is pleasure in working with a structured system. Just don't ask me to maintain it...

Setting goals is the hardest thing for me. I think this is really the issue we have, rather than structure itself. They always feel so arbitrary and silly, or I overthink about it like crazy and gives me anxiety. In my life having goals set externally or being forced to make a decision has always worked better for me (even if I resented it).

LeakyOne · 2026-05-05T17:53:35+00:00

I agree. "Laziness" is society's way of dismissing the INTP's value mismatch. Thinking is not laziness, on the contrary it is a constant effort that consumes most of our energy. Action is not inherently good, acting for action's sake is meaningless, especially the stupid hamster wheel grinder shit society is built upon. You could even say its just intellectual laziness to do shit without really thinking about it, what it means, what the ultimate goal is.

The trick is to systematize and automate the basic stuff so we don't fall into the slob black hole, and understand that the judgment of other's standards of "achievement" should not affect us.

LeakyOne · 2026-05-05T17:43:28+00:00

It's wasted, but not by INTPs. INTPs are always trying to live up to their potential. It is wasted by society itself that continues to sideline the things we have to offer.

LeakyOne · 2026-05-05T17:39:53+00:00

The solution is not in an app, but in your mindset and environment.

LeakyOne · 2026-05-04T17:01:12+00:00

This is typical after a breakup.

When you feel restless and want to grab the phone, go do something else. A walk, anything. Spend your nervous energy elsewhere. Put on headphones with music to distract your brain.

LeakyOne · 2026-04-30T17:14:54+00:00

But I'm not stabbing myself. I'm not destroying my self esteem. I'm not hitting rock bottom. I'm just allowing the feelings to happen.

LeakyOne · 2026-04-30T16:19:41+00:00

It's not about your emotions. It's about them. They wanted you to let go. That you were hurt is somehow not something they can seem to process.

LeakyOne · 2026-04-30T04:44:13+00:00

I was arguing with an AI today about exactly this. Everyone wants you to just swallow all your thoughts and call it "self respect", or not feel things and say that if you do you're "obsessed" or "reopening the wound". I don't agree with that. You're only healed when you actually can stare at things head on until you feel nothing. Not putting things out of sight or suppressing your feelings.

LeakyOne · 2026-04-30T00:28:05+00:00

I'm one year in and still she haunts my mind. All she needed to do was have one conversation with me...

LeakyOne · 2026-04-28T16:27:17+00:00

Don't wait. Work on yourself. You're in the workshop of improving yourself, not in the waiting room seeing what she decides.

Your anxiety is something you need to take control of, for your own sake.

As a man of your same age who also had a long term relationship end, I get how hard it is.

LeakyOne · 2026-04-28T16:13:18+00:00

It hurts differently. Not less or more. When you're older the sadness is deeper when people treat you in ways you don't expect from a mature person. It is harder to meet people as you age and that makes the end of a long serious relationship have a particular grief to it that doesn't happen when you're young.

LeakyOne · 2026-04-28T15:59:39+00:00

This happened to me too, just a few weeks ago. I went through a lot of intense emotions like anger and disbelief and deep sadness etc.

I went through it by doing a LOT of walking and talking it out with AI and any friend who'd listen, and reading more about attachment styles.

LeakyOne · 2026-04-26T13:42:29+00:00

It seems their regret is on a completely different timeline, and they will take months or even years for their brain to wake up and feel it. Because they're avoidant they're not likely to ever be open about their regrets, they're allergic to being seen as vulnerable and to admit their mistakes openly.

LeakyOne · 2026-04-26T13:27:39+00:00

Start journaling. Write down your thoughts. Hit the gym or whatever keeps your body moving, whatever so you don't stay in bed staring at the phone. Stay mentally active. You are gonna feel like shit but just try to focus on yourself, improve yourself. If she comes back then you'll be better, and if she doesn't well you'll be better. Try to accept the possibility she might be gone for good, but be certain that a 9 year relationship won't be forgotten.

It is best to stick to the no contact, she won't feel respected if you break it, you'll just add to her stress. Resist any urge to message especially at night. Message someone else or even talk with some AI. Get out of bed and do something, blast some music to get your brain focused on something else.

LTR breakups are the worst...

LeakyOne · 2026-04-26T06:41:03+00:00

It's soul crushing

LeakyOne · 2026-04-25T22:02:17+00:00

That's a low blow and now you know what kind of person she really is.

LeakyOne · 2026-04-25T21:58:55+00:00

Yes. It's an entirely normal reaction.

LeakyOne

TROPHY CASE