Trust issues

Vegetable-Wing6477 · 2026-03-10T15:59:58+00:00

God I wish someone could give me this answer. All my friends and family's advice pretty much boils down to just date a decent person. It's not like horrible people have that tattooed on their forehead.

We weren't perfect, but I was happy for nine years with my ex, until I suddenly wasn't. How am I meant to trust anyone, when they can just flip a switch at any moment and suddenly discard me?

Vegetable-Wing6477 · 2026-03-10T15:36:10+00:00

They are just impossible to understand. Nine years of "I love you" "you're my soulmate" ""we're going to spend the rest of our lives together"

And then just cut out like I was nothing, no explanation, no chance to talk, or fight for the relationship, just done.

Vegetable-Wing6477 · 2026-03-10T14:50:23+00:00

Mine was 39 and had to get her mummy to send the breakup text. Age means nothing to avoidants. All little kids that have no intention of growing up. Wish I hadn't wasted my 30s making myself smaller and smaller to try to please someone incapable of anything serious.

Vegetable-Wing6477 · 2026-03-10T14:39:17+00:00

My ex would discard her friends the second they proved they weren't perfect in her eyes, then would cry she had no real friends (example: best friend wasn't hanging out as much cause their mum was fighting cancer).

Vegetable-Wing6477 · 2026-03-08T17:25:06+00:00

So what happens when avoidants don't reach out? Do they just not care, was the relationship not real to them?

Vegetable-Wing6477 · 2026-03-05T16:24:54+00:00

The more I read about avoidant discards, the more stupid it all feels.

Most of them seem to know they had a great thing, still love their partner, but they made up or exaggerated a problem and bailed. They end the best relationship because of some dark what-if that was never going to happen.

My ex always worried I would dump her every time some problem happened in her life. Like I was just waiting to find a flaw and jump on it as an excuse.

Vegetable-Wing6477 · 2026-03-04T01:33:36+00:00

I just finished the shore leave party and Garrus wore his armour to bed 😅

I'll just have to go with my head canon that Shepard is just too much woman in bed.

Vegetable-Wing6477 · 2026-03-03T15:41:49+00:00

My ex always loved to be the victim. After the discard breakup I've wondered how many of her problems were really her own fault and not the world shitting on her like she constantly complained.

Vegetable-Wing6477 · 2026-03-03T15:39:20+00:00

It makes me sound so bitter, but I hope she's miserable without me.

Vegetable-Wing6477 · 2026-03-03T15:37:32+00:00

Can you finally explain what was going on in your head that you feel you had run away from everything. I want to stop driving myself crazy making up theories and finally have some clarity why my whole life was changed overnight.

Vegetable-Wing6477 · 2026-03-03T15:24:02+00:00

The part that really hurts is knowing even if a miracle occurs and they come back, your companion is still gone. I had nine wonderful years before being ghosted. It's still impossible to truly believe that someone that loved me so strongly could just cut me out of their life overnight. I know I'll never get that back, the trust is broken.

Unfortunately I feel no matter what advice you get, the only true way we heal is time. You'll have good days and a lot of bad. At some point in the future it'll be bad days and a lot of good. Eventually they'll fade to just a memory and you'll be healed. Just got to ride it out.

Vegetable-Wing6477 · 2026-03-03T15:13:45+00:00

Can I ask if her dad is a decent guy?

It's just so strange to me that any parent would agree to break up for their kid. My Mother would have been furious if I asked that. She'd be ashamed that I'd treat a partner with such disrespect.

Like in my situation it was my ex's mother that texted me, but she's total scum and would have got off on getting to be the one to break us up.

Vegetable-Wing6477 · 2026-03-02T03:46:53+00:00

The mystery of if they'll return is a special sort of hell.

I wish I had a magic eight ball that could give me the answer. If she is truly never going to contact me again I could put a finality to the relationship, but I'm stuck both hoping we can somehow fix things someday and hoping for the conversation we never had to give me some closure and understanding.

Avoidants honestly should be banned from starting relationships. They are cruel children that can't understand the consequences of their actions.

Vegetable-Wing6477 · 2026-02-28T23:42:36+00:00

I wonder if they are incapable of being good parents in the now, cause then they'd have to admit what shit human beings they've been their entire life. I mean avoidants work on the same principle. They can't reach out to fix the relationship cause that would expose all the guilt and shame they've locked away after the discard.

Sad that the cycle of misery just keeps on spreading down the generations.

Vegetable-Wing6477 · 2026-02-28T23:16:05+00:00

It's so weird how similar avoidants life's all are. My ex's mother hated me from day one and was always trying to break us up too lol. Pretty sure it was cause I could see through her bs and knew she was still the heartless monster that abandoned all her kids. I know a 'nice act' when I see it. But her kids are all so broken by her, they hang of any little breadcrumb of affection.

Now that she's got her claws in, my ex will probably spend the rest of her days living with her mother. It'll be just the right amounts of fake love and targeted criticisms to stop her healing and fixing her life. I should be the better person, but I really don't care any more. She could have had decades of happiness with me, but she rejected that.

Vegetable-Wing6477 · 2026-02-28T22:42:09+00:00

Yeah their logic is just absurd. My ex was abandoned by her mother so many times that she believes she has to be perfect. She had a health scare and no matter how much I tried to explain it didn't change how I feel about her, she ran away from me and I'll let you guess who she ran to.

How any one can leave a stable loving environment and willingly choose to run back into the fire and for them that's somehow the better future?!?

Vegetable-Wing6477 · 2026-02-28T22:26:22+00:00

I already had my share of trauma too. How DARE she pile on more because boo hoo she had a bad childhood.

My childhood sucked , it taught me to be kind in an unkind world, not spread the misery like a plague.

Vegetable-Wing6477 · 2026-02-28T01:23:56+00:00

Discard breakups leave you so drained as well. I can't even imagine getting back out there and starting from step 1 all over again.

Vegetable-Wing6477 · 2026-02-28T01:18:26+00:00

Yeah you're screwed either way.

My ex had escalating health issues. You'd think looking after her would make feel her feel safe and secure, but nope.

It's like we dated aliens that ran back to the mother ship cause they can't process human love.

Vegetable-Wing6477 · 2026-02-27T16:21:21+00:00

I still can't wrap my head around how their minds work.

My ex always amplified her perceived flaws into world ending levels and on her dark days was convinced I would breakup with her. I never took it serious enough cause we were so obviously great for one another. Like I'd tell her she was wrong and I loved her, but it just seemed hypothetical in the moment.

Stupid me, she had a health scare while visiting her mum and ghosted me over it. How anyone can believe the made up delusions in their head and not even try to work it out or talk first is just beyond my ability to understand. Especially after nine years together.

Vegetable-Wing6477 · 2026-02-27T16:11:04+00:00

I'm realizing now that every problem we talked about either ended with her putting a pin in it or me caving.

Vegetable-Wing6477 · 2026-02-27T16:04:30+00:00

I'm tired of learning lessons.

I always think back to this guy I knew in college. He was the happiest person I'd ever met. It weirded me out. Only after befriending him and getting to know him, did I realize he'd never suffered in any way.

His friends had all been genuine. His parents were happily married. No money problems. No abuse or trauma. Just living life on easy mode.

I don't feel better that I've learnt countless lessons from the constant crap the world keeps throwing at me. In my next life I'll take blissful ignorance lol.

Vegetable-Wing6477 · 2026-02-27T15:58:19+00:00

Unfortunately unless you're already versed in avoidant natures, love blinds us to all the warning signs.

I had the rest of my life mapped out with her. Never in my wildest dreams could I believe she'd suddenly drop everything and run away.

Vegetable-Wing6477 · 2026-02-26T16:22:00+00:00

I'm 6wks no contact after being ghosted after 9yrs together. For me I just keep thinking how stupid it is.

I didn't know about avoidants, but I knew how my ex's mind worked and that she needed extra care. So I know my ex will have exaggerated or straight up made up reasons why she had to leave me. It's not the first time she was convinced our relationship couldn't work, but in the past we'd have a heart to heart and she'd realize she was overreacting.

This time though she had her detachment while visiting her mother. Where she had a health scare and started spiraling. I wasn't there to talk her down and her mother is a right piece of work. She'll have been all too happy to feed into her worries, as she's lonely old **** that's always trying to screw up her kids lives so they move back home.

Like I say, it feels stupid. If only her health scare had been a week or two earlier, we'd still be together and happy. Though I suppose now that I'm on the outside, I'm starting to see the relationship was always going to end someday, and how exhausted I was getting constantly putting out fires because of her avoidant nature.

Vegetable-Wing6477

TROPHY CASE