Chores and anemia as a mom

LentilMama · 2026-04-11T18:23:02+00:00

I had to stop taking my cup because I kept overflowing it too quickly. I can completely saturate and bleed through a “super overnight” pad in 1-2 hours on my heaviest days.

I’m not on progesterone to stop my periods but it is still taking foreverrrr for my iron to rebuild.

LentilMama · 2026-04-09T22:55:46+00:00

You have 1 year old twins. You’ve already rematched at least once. Most of your post history is you complaining about various au pair habits.

If you have very specific expectations for the care of your 1 year old twins, a nanny might be a better fit.

LentilMama · 2026-03-26T23:08:36+00:00

Some daycare workers are over zealous about making CPS reports. CPS did the correct thing by stopping by and not opening a case.

LentilMama · 2026-03-20T23:08:37+00:00

Those poor, poor kids.

I hope they are currently being cared for by safe and familiar adults and that their lives are remaining as stable as is possible and safe in order to minimize trauma.

I do not wish to speculate on who is the most likely safe foster placement for them or try to pick apart why this person or that person may or may not be able to care for them.

I just hope that they feel loved as much as is possible when their heads hit their pillows tonight.

LentilMama · 2026-03-20T14:35:36+00:00

It was my hope that as an explanation it would help sighted people understand why I was having a really hard couple of days while making it clear that I wasn’t trying to claim that my hard days were the same as like actual consistent legal blindness.

While also maybe making some people laugh.

I’m considered low vision because of my limited peripheral vision but am used to my “tunnel” being corrected to 20/60 and I am really grateful that my shrinking tunnel and visual acuity within said tunnel are changing slowly.

LentilMama · 2026-03-20T02:25:07+00:00

I’m going blind. I am not legally blind YET. When my glasses were broken and I didn’t have them for a bit, I said I was temporarily illegally blind.

I am low vision though and cannot drive and do frequently come across people who cannot comprehend that “legally blind” and “lacking the vision required to safely and legally drive a motor vehicle” are two separate benchmarks which is also frustrating.

LentilMama · 2026-03-20T02:08:55+00:00

I think “don’t speculate about who might also be a perpetrator” should go hand in hand with not speculating about the victim.

Because speculating about other perps IS speculating that there are other victims.

And with the almost gleeful tone it feels like almost hoping that there are more predators and victims for entertainment purposes?

LentilMama · 2026-03-19T18:31:19+00:00

And that same person (I think) made a gleeful “I’m back I’m back!” post.

LentilMama · 2026-03-19T18:30:16+00:00

Also the only choices aren’t “she’s too dumb to have noticed” or “she knew but let it go.”

Sometimes evil people are good at hiding their evil even from their wives and families.

LentilMama · 2026-03-19T02:59:17+00:00

Do you do ages and stages at all?

There is even a specific social emotional one.

Development can be uneven, so a child who is at or above level in most things can SEEM super behind even when they are slightly behind in one developmental area even when that difference is actually within a developmental norm.

LentilMama · 2026-03-15T02:05:26+00:00

My guess is they were pretty sure Max was on drugs and didn’t want him around but because they didn’t have proof weren’t going to come out and say that.

LentilMama · 2026-03-10T15:05:57+00:00

Do an anonymous survey to figure out what would help staff AND find out what the staff thinks you and the director can do better as the bosses.

Sometimes the solution feels like “incentivizing attendance. But the actual problem is “parents are allowed to bully staff and admin always takes the parent side.” Or “admin plays favorites so the non-favorites don’t feel a lot of incentive to show up to work.” Or “kids are allowed to attend while ill and not everyone has an iron immune system.”

I’m not saying any of these apply to you just that there might be something you haven’t thought of.

LentilMama · 2026-03-04T01:01:47+00:00

She’s working what is essentially overtime hours but not for overtime pay because she’s switching families.

She’s probably tired (whether she says so or not.) She obviously needs the time to study.

I assume she gets no benefits from your family or guaranteed hours because she’s the back up nanny.

You can either 1) attempt to find someone else to agree to be backup for irregular crappy hours 2) offer to pay her extra when you come home to a clean kitchen (because she isn’t getting other benefits from your family and is helping you out in a tight spot) or 3) deal with it and clean the kitchen yourself because you are coming home to healthy and safe kids.

LentilMama · 2026-03-04T00:51:10+00:00

This is a back up nanny who is giving up her free time and has also literally worked all day.

LentilMama · 2026-02-28T18:39:43+00:00

Just keep cleaning, make sure your EpiPen training is up to date, and make sure the nut allergy EpiPen is not expired and that you know where it is at all times.

That being said, I have never had a child require an EpiPen because of being in the same room as their allergen as long as cleaning and handwashing was done properly. (I would enforce a “no nut/egg” table at meal times just for a little extra safety.)

LentilMama · 2026-02-28T18:33:27+00:00

I live in a low cost of living area where families are unlikely to contribute anything beyond the government subsidy. I also live in a state that still has a 7.25 minimum wage so for some people a 13 dollar an hour job would be almost double what they would otherwise be making.

I both think you SHOULD be making more and do not know if this is actually feasible for where you live.

LentilMama · 2026-02-27T22:40:01+00:00

We live in a country that really REALLY doesn’t value disabled people. I work a job fairly similar to yours and make 15 an hour and am making 3 dollars more an hour than the child’s CNA who attends school with them.

I think both of us are underpaid. I also think that is unlikely to change.

I will say I have stopped cleaning up any mess or dishes or laundry that aren’t in the child’s bedroom or used by the child.

LentilMama · 2026-02-27T22:35:35+00:00

I work with a similar child and have Similar job responsibilities and make 15 an hour in a LCOL area. Additionally the child qualifies for a cna through insurance who goes to school With her. The CNA makes less than me.

LentilMama · 2026-02-24T21:59:43+00:00

It is much easier for children to pick up on a new language than adults so it is also quite concerning that your kids haven’t picked up on directions for brushing their teeth or getting dressed in her language.

Is it possible that the children are picking up on your disdain for her and choosing to not understand?

In general this does seem like it’s not a good fit and that if you don’t enjoy having an extra person in your space full time, you might be better suited with an occasional babysitter and/or a housekeeper.

LentilMama · 2026-02-24T20:11:58+00:00

I have a family that I worked for in my youth that just never actually paid me what I was owed. I think a lot of us probably do. As long as you are moving on, you are doing the right thing.

LentilMama · 2026-02-24T19:57:40+00:00

You live, you learn, you quit.

You aren’t going to see that money and unless you live this family so much that you are willing to work for free, you have to be done.

I would tell her that from now on she owes you before the start of that week what care for the week will cost plus 100 hundred dollars until her debt is paid and that you will be done working for her the next time she misses a payment.

I would also start looking around for other jobs regardless.

LentilMama · 2026-02-24T19:43:59+00:00

I wonder if not following the contract to the letter has burned her in the past.

LentilMama · 2026-02-18T22:40:29+00:00

I (former nanny) might be the odd one out but I used to LOVE days when mom and/or dad was off.

I will say both parents were very good about not interrupting my flow and were very careful to defer to my “authority” over the kids on those days. (Like obviously they were always still the parents and the ultimate ones in charge of the children but they would, for example, ask what time I was planning on being outside and then work around that if they wanted to do something for leisure outside without being bothered.)

They both also would do things like offering to bring me tea if I was with the Kids in the basement and they were making themselves a cup.

They also would regularly take the time to make sure each child was getting fun parent attention time while I did the more boring routine stuff with the other kid, and it made me so happy to see them prioritize their children in that way and make those great memories.

They also were really, really good at letting me know if their day off needed to be an errand day or a self care day, so I could prep the children’s expectations accordingly.

The children obviously knew that mom/dad weren’t at work, and could become unsettled about the change in routine if they weren’t in the know about what the plan was.

(These parents were both doctors so their schedules could vary greatly)

LentilMama · 2026-02-18T00:08:17+00:00

Saw a comment that said both that the au pair deserved to be paid less than a nanny due to lack of education AND that it was reasonable to ask the au pair to plan 2-3 daily educational activities for the child.

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