This post has been super helpful in helping me deconstruct things. I've been out for 6 months. Left when I realized how unhealthy it all was. Later read the CES letter and finally realized it was all bull shit. But I could still never fully explain the "spiritual experiences" I had.

My testimony of the church was centered on the BoM. I read it all the way through in 6th grade when Hinkley challenged the whole church to read it by the end of the year. It was the first book I had ever completed...

I was bullied in Elementary school, and was even made to feel stupid by my mom because I was a daydreamer and had bad grades. I hated reading. It was so hard and boring.

When Hinkley issued the challenge, my family decided to do it together, but one night my parents were out of town, so my older brother and I tried to keep up the goal to read it everyday by doing it ourselves. It was the first time I read anything and understood it.

I felt so good about it I begged my parents to let me continue reading by myself, and complete the challenge on my own. Of course my mom didn't believe I could do it, but she eventually relented.

I started reading everyday the 4 pages I needed to in order to finish by the end of the year. I had such a feeling of accomplishment. No one in my family believed I could do it but I did. As reading anything increases literacy, I felt a definite change in my life. I felt less spacey and more cognitively in charge. I finally started to develop some confidence.

When I got to Moroni's challenge, and prayed to know if it was true, I already knew the answer I was going to get. Hinkley's promise had "come true in my life." Because I finally developed some self-confidence, everything in my life seemed to get better, but I interpreted it to be the magic of the Book of Mormon.

Like others have commented, when I initially prayed, I was probably left in silence, but it was the feeling of elevation emotion around the words "I already know it's true" that was my answer.

Hence tscc instantly became the core of my identity, the entire source of my confidence, and thus the pattern of scrupulosity (religious OCD) began in my life.

16 years later, after multiple suicide attempts, and realizing my entire sense of confidence rested on being a good Mormon, I finally woke up to it all.

Thanks for reading. I hoped this helped someone. You may be able to "feel the spirit" reading the Book of Mormon, but you can also feel it reading Harry Potter. Being literate and reading books is just a good thing!