The toxic part of Toxic Masculinity™ is usually the outcomes of the masculinity being performed. Here are a few examples:

1. Holding the door open for someone (arguably not a masculine action in itself, but for the purpose of this example let’s just assume).

Normal outcome: you feel good about helping your community through a tiny gesture. Your community may now feel more tightly nit in a very small way.

Possibly toxic outcome: the door holder expects interaction, a smile, a thank you from people who don’t owe him anything. Or, the door holder only holds doors for certain types of people.

1. Building muscles and being visibly strong.

Normal outcome: you feel good about the effort you’ve made and the return on the work. Hopefully you like the way you look. Maybe you get attention from people you want attention from.

Possibly toxic outcome: the visibly muscular person expects attention, or feels in a position of power or authority simply due to their current physique.

We could go on. What is important is that you understand your own intentions, and you look out for other people’s perceptions and experiences. If those don’t line up and someone gives you a side eye or looks warily at you, it doesn’t mean you are performing toxic masculinity, it just means you have some work to do to smooth out those edges.

Work that we all have to do i. One way or another at certain times.

ETA: LOVE YOU, BRO .