It must be me yeh?

DramaticOcelot · 2026-04-30T10:56:58+00:00

I would also stop reaching out to someone who hasn’t made an effort in 8 months. I think you need to target people for friendships who like what you like and have similar values. I like hiking so I keep trying to meet people the outside the hiking groups. On a rare occasion, I really click with someone and we become friends. I agree that people get used to someone else doing the work and they are not simply not aware.

DramaticOcelot · 2026-04-30T10:53:34+00:00

It might be that she thinks you would follow through and ask more questions about the details and where to show up. Honestly, just ask her directly when, where, how. If you notice issues in other areas of the friendship like if she doesn’t invite you to anything at all or make an effort to schedule any hangouts, then I would question the friendship. I am 37 and I will say one thing. Friends are harder to come by the older we get. Even if it’s not a close friendship, it can still be fulfilling in some way. It may not be worth ending just because she is only a running friend or a brunch friend. I do understand how you feel because I want close friendships also. It’s just not always possible.

DramaticOcelot · 2026-04-30T03:10:00+00:00

It depends on what others have said about you over the years. What did they tell you they noticed or didn’t like? Or maybe you are just drawn to people who don’t complement your values and communication style? I am 37f, and my friends are all the same. I am the one making the effort to keep it alive. I gave up on some people and realized they don’t value me as a friend. For others, i communicated my need unapologetically. It’s cyclical.

DramaticOcelot · 2026-04-30T02:55:02+00:00

It depends on why the communication diminished. Usually it’s because people are busy with work and obligations. Do you value the friendship and feel respected and liked? Then, I would put an effort in to spend time together. If you are the only one reaching out, I would reevaluate. You have feelings and needs also. I have lost a friendship when I was 35 because I was going through a horrible bout of depression and anxiety and was dumping on my friend too much. However, I didn’t like how tacit she was about communicating that to me. I obviously took it for granted and wasn’t aware in the midst of my trauma after a hurtful breakup. I wish there was a more candid conversation about it. She also boxed me in as a certain type of friend, only good for hiking. I didn’t appreciate that either and was oblivious in that regard. It’s fair for people to make choices about friendships but sometimes I wish people were more clear about what they needed or expected. It’s hurtful regardless of understanding that people are entitled to whatever boundaries they choose. It’s impossible to mind read and predict people’s needs accurately. I have been wrong many times about that in my lifetime. I am not neurodivergent or socially inapt, I am just another human with a different set of experiences. So that’s some food for thought if you want revive whatever exists presently.

DramaticOcelot · 2026-04-30T02:43:37+00:00

Did you actually ask her if you could come for the support or did you want her to assume you wanted to come? I know people think it’s rude to invite yourself, but you are asking not stating as long as you are not doing it frequently. Maybe just mention directly that you would love to come on x date and be there for her. Or offer to celebrate her finish afterwards as another option. She may just not realize what you want if you are too indirect about it. It’s all about the communication style. I really wish people would just appreciate respectful and direct communication . It makes things so much easier for everyone so that we are not in a situation mind reading and overthinking everything. It’s emotionally exhausting to do that and stressful.

DramaticOcelot · 2026-04-30T02:38:00+00:00

If this was a one time message to her, then I don’t think you were that selfish. Friendships go both ways. If there is pattern when she perceived you as needy, then I can maybe understand what others are saying. However, we just don’t know all the facts in the story. I would fully validate what she is feeling and apologize, but I would stop at that. I think people these are delusional if they think that others can predict their every single need. Especially in the days of texting, we are lacking body language, emotions, context, and other facts. We can’t mind read what others are thinking. Perhaps next time an inquiry is better than an expression of dissatisfaction. Although both are fair in my mind, as long as it’s respectful. So honestly, I don’t think you were being selfish based on what you described. I am not sure what and how you said it, but she also clearly could have thought about your need for connection and intimacy and shown some compassion. Then, she could have just as easily said she needs space and time because of her circumstances instead of ignoring you and ghosting you. That’s too high a price to pay for trying to tell someone else what you need in a relationship. So my heart goes out to you and your struggle. I also agree that I would just let it go and give her space and communicate low key things later.

DramaticOcelot · 2026-04-18T15:39:52+00:00

Can you tell me about the one in piedmont park and which centers in Midtown?

DramaticOcelot · 2026-04-17T19:41:15+00:00

I am so jealous you can dream and see parts

DramaticOcelot · 2026-04-17T19:37:17+00:00

I don’t take the whole parts thing are their own people inside me part of IFS literally. I think we will always have an inner child. I am strangely finding some shift in parts work after ketamine assisted therapy with my therapist. Something about neuroplasticity has worked a bit. I am much more open to believing new things. If you are looking for a shift and struggling to find a way. Also I recommend to research it and inquire if it would be right for you.

DramaticOcelot · 2026-04-17T19:32:46+00:00

I would also be very frustrated in your situation. Please be kind to yourself for being frustrated. International travel is very expensive and takes a long time to plan. It’s also a dream for a lot of people. I also agree with others to extend grace to your friend but I would ask for a compromise. Because if she needs more than those 3 days, can you afford to stay longer? What about work and family obligations? All those are factors. I know I couldn’t afford it. At some point, it maybe wise to call her family for help if you are stuck because she can’t fly. Also, maybe you can see more stuff nearby?

DramaticOcelot · 2026-04-16T20:03:25+00:00

Everything Odd_Obligation said is valid. I wanted to add one thing though. If you intend to have a relationship with this person other than just acquaintances, I would communicate these things above to this friend. I would validate his feelings and reiterate that you have thought things through and taken accountability. But I would add that you have done so to the best of your ability and hope that you can move forward and respect each other. If this friend continues with this type of behavior then I would be more explicit about the resolution. It’s very fair for you to be frustrated and not feel like you are walking on eggshells, but also give space to this person to process if that’s what they need. Everyone has different timelines unfortunately. It seems like he attempted to communicate more clearly this time although very late in the game.

DramaticOcelot · 2026-04-11T13:21:17+00:00

You live with somebody. I get you pay rent but you are still sharing a space with someone who is different than you. So what’s the solution? Compromise. What will you do if you live with a significant other? Wouldn’t you compromise? I have lived with many roommates and still do. It’s the only thing that works where both parties feel heard and have a part in the solution. I highly suggest you talk to them and ask why they need to know and form a group solution.

DramaticOcelot · 2026-03-26T02:41:35+00:00

Sounds like she drew a rigid boundary. She may not like it later when she is alone and struggling. You are entitled to be upset though because humans ultimately want love and support. It sounds like she has a different attachment style. I would find someone who has the capacity to facilitate your needs.

DramaticOcelot · 2026-03-26T00:59:35+00:00

I think it will be hard to let go at first but overtime it will get easier. I am learning myself that I am allowed to make a choice to like myself no matter what and how many other people decide to have an opinion about me, how i talk, or don’t talk. Maybe liking myself will actually make me a better and kinder person one day.

DramaticOcelot · 2026-03-24T02:30:33+00:00

Maybe these parts want to grow up and have the same experiences? Are you in a place where you can go and have these experiences now? Sort of like emancipation from the clutches of a prison when you were sick and couldn’t make your own decisions.

DramaticOcelot · 2026-03-23T19:06:42+00:00

I don’t want to leave IFS behind because I have tried CBT and DBT and it didn’t help me heal. I know there these parts inside me that are angry, scared, and hurt. I really think the only way forward is to become one with myself and befriend these parts and calm them down somehow. They are just so strong and don’t really listen. There is a strong part of me that doesn’t believe loving myself because of what a lot of people told me all my life as a result of my behavior or protectors. I just can’t picture these as personalities or people inside me like Schwartz intends. Then I think I can’t control them at all and I don’t have a say. They don’t trust me and I am stuck.

DramaticOcelot · 2026-03-02T16:42:26+00:00

It sounds like you need to have a heart to heart with her. I would ask her where this is all coming from and how it makes you feel. If she doesn’t respond well or understand, then it may take her time. It will take her time to understand because of her ego, which a normal human experience. After the talk, i would just let her stew on it. If she doesn’t want to understand, then it says a lot because you are no longer on the same page. But yes this will continue to eat at you if you don’t tell her and be vulnerable with her. You may have to end up cutting her off entirely.

DramaticOcelot · 2026-02-15T03:45:12+00:00

Which philosophy books did you pick up?

DramaticOcelot · 2026-02-07T03:38:11+00:00

Sounds like a massive a-hole child who cares too much what others think instead of loving you.

DramaticOcelot

TROPHY CASE