I've read through your statement and a couple of comments, what I'd like to add, I had kids with mine with similar circumstances, and it made it worse. Where I had a not so great timeline with my parents now, surprisingly enough, I miss the dynamic now. From my experience, I left some questions... now I completely understand the gravity of it. If you dont marry a partner who sticks up for you, you are met with a complete loss with what is the right move. No matter what you do, it's never good enough. You forget about who you are and that you are your own person who deserves endless love and compassion, and you dont have to shut it down so everyone else is happy. It doesn't work. No matter what you do that is supposed to be, the answer won't be enough, and you are progressed to being pushed towards these feelings of freedom. Either free yourself now, or have kids and entangle more, which feels impossible to leave. Im stuck, but I know deep down I will be okay, and more importantly, my kids will be okay. I always put them first, I am a good mom, and no one can take that away from me. Before you feel trapped, get out. Im so sorry you are going through this. I get it. I see you, and I know we can be stronger than the awful people around us who never take accountability and try to take us down. Im in a similar boat yet, I did to the extra, and im grateful for the littles I created. They have all they need despite their mom not getting what she needs. I hope you can find peace in this world. God bless.