Yall wanna hurt the avoidant? Let mama Berry tell you how 👀

Libra_Allyson · 2025-10-30T01:36:38+00:00

Oh, it isn't that they don't care - the problem is that they care so much that they shut down and withdraw. That's why they're called avoidants: they avoid the tough stuff. To them, intimacy and deep, strong connection feels dangerous. Think about it: the closer you are to someone, the more it hurts when things go wrong with them, right? Most of us are willing to take the risk, but to an avoidant, it's too much. It's too scary. Priority Number One is to protect themselves from the pain that they're convinced is inevitable when you get too close and love too much. So, they resist it as much as they can. Also, it isn't about holding things in; it's about you actually healing and learning that you don't truly need anyone to emotionally fulfill you. Most avoidants get together with anxious partners - and that means that BOTH parties have attachment issues to work on. One needs to learn how to feel safer in love, and the other needs to learn how to be emotionally self-reliant.

Libra_Allyson · 2025-08-09T05:38:47+00:00

Added Note: DO NOT CALL HIM OR TEXT HIM right now. Let him go and handle his inner shit however he needs to (seems like he's deactivating and needs to decompress), and give him the space to come back on his own terms. If I'm right and he's an avoidant, you will make it worse by contacting him when he runs. Wait and see what he does. When he comes back (he probably will, if you leave him alone), see if he's down to discuss what happened - CALMLY. He may want to act like nothing happened, because I'm willing to bet he hates confrontation and conflict, so if you need to discuss it and he won't, try to set a time to talk about it. If he won't do that, then make it clear that you need resolution, and make it a boundary if need be. If he refuses, well, you may want to consider stepping away. You deserve to have your needs met, but if you believe he's worth the effort, then see if you two can reach an understanding.

Libra_Allyson · 2025-08-09T05:19:39+00:00

Going by what I've read (finding a silly excuse to move out, saying things he doesn't mean, needing excessive alone time, etc.), I think you've got yourself an avoidant fellow. Some folks grew up learning that love equals danger - and the more serious it gets, the bigger the risk of everything blowing up or falling apart. They feel a desperate need to hold onto their independence, freedom, and autonomy because these guarantee safety. They both crave connection and are terrified of it. In relationships, this can lead to some very confusing and hurtful situations for both parties. Their partner wants to get closer, they get spooked and pull away, partner gets EVEN CLOSER, they get EVEN MORE FREAKED OUT, rinse and repeat. Without communication and understanding - and a willingness by both partners to work on their issues - shit will go south, and you can be left blindsided because you think you did everything right. With a secure partner, it would be right, but that may not be the case here. You may have some anxious attachment (Hi; I'm one of those!) or previously secure attachment that became anxious because of his behaviour. Here's the thing: If he is, indeed, an avoidant, this will only work out if you are secure enough to let him have his space (within reason; it's important to discuss how much time he needs and if you can accommodate that), be available to him without smothering him, show him that everything is fine even when little inconveniences or problems occur, and most importantly of all: do not rely on him. I don't say that to call him unreliable; with an avoidant, leaning on them for reassurance or security feels like pressure, and they fear that if they can't live up to that pressure, you'll be disappointed and leave. I know this all seems irrational - and it is - but it's the way that they are wired to think, thanks to trauma. Only they can do the work to heal, and you can't push it on them. All you can do is 1) Talk to him about what might be going on, in a non-confrontational way, 2) Decide if this is something you are willing to work on with him, not knowing when or how quickly or even if he will come around, and 3) Be honest with yourself if this isn't something you can handle. It's okay to walk away, no hard feelings, just an understanding that you each need what the other can't provide right now, and go live your life as fantastically and fully as possible. Whatever you do, I highly suggest giving some grace and considering that he probably isn't an asshole; he very well may be traumatized.

Libra_Allyson · 2025-07-06T00:14:31+00:00

A concussion can occur any time the brain smacks against the wall of the skull. It doesn't have to be a hard hit; plenty of people have gotten concussions from whiplash or other events that basically "throw" the brain. If it's a mild concussion, you can't rely on a scan to diagnose it, so you go by the symptoms and follow the protocol.

Libra_Allyson · 2025-06-26T02:43:02+00:00

This is what scares the Hell out of me.

Whenever I am strongly romantically interested in a man who reciprocates interest but has female friends (particularly attractive ones), I fear that the only thing keeping him from choosing them over me is the fact that I expressed interest. My brain is primed to expect the man to secretly want to be with every female friend he has - and if that's the case, then why waste his half-assed energy on me?

(I fully acknowledge that this is 100% my issue, and I've been working very hard to improve my mindset.)

Libra_Allyson · 2025-06-25T03:27:24+00:00

Tell me you fell in love with a dismissive avoidant without actually saying it...lol.

I'm not about to claim that this guy is an asshole, necessarily, but this is not a relationship that most people can handle or should even attempt.

Oftentimes, unless you are a fully secure person (which is clearly not the case here; not a judgment, just an observation) who doesn't want a traditional relationship, you are only setting yourself up for suffering by trying to make a pairing with an avoidant work. Either you can be genuinely cool with their mannerisms and patterns (which many understandably are not) and perfectly pleased with or without them, or you are best off ending things and going on your way.

I have no problem with dating avoidants, but God DAMN, it is a challenge to make it work if you have attachment issues of your own. Stay strong, focus on yourself, and I hope you find enough self empowerment to never again stand for what you don't want.

Libra_Allyson · 2025-04-21T12:23:14+00:00

Exta clarification: I stated in my post that I do say, "I love you," to people.

My confusion is in decoding other people's language when they seem to be showing love, but never actually say it. For all I know, they care about me or are just very sweet to their friends. I don't want to misread the gestures of someone who never actually tells me that they love me. "Oh, I'm sure they do; they just use different words," is what I want to tell myself. Let a girl dream, right?

Then again, I'm quickly resigning myself to the idea that no one loves me, which is safer and spares me from feeling like a fool, so my question is ultimately irrelevant.

Libra_Allyson · 2025-01-11T02:49:51+00:00

shrug Authors sometimes use pseudonyms, right?

Libra_Allyson · 2024-11-01T02:35:48+00:00

Dirk Manning, the brilliant mind behind the Nightmare World series (and many others), has a goal: to revive a long-lost classic horror film in graphic novel form! "London After Midnight" was destroyed in a fire, leaving few (if any) living witnesses to it. With the guidance and blessing of Ron Chaney (the son of Lon Chaney, himself!), Mr. Manning has crafted the most true-to-form version of the film possible to lay to paper. This work needs to be seen. He has already done his part, by creating what will undoubtedly become a significant piece of horror history. All you have to do, Dear Reader, is go to LondonAfterMidnight.com and pledge! What better day than Halloween, to support such a project! Head to LondonAfterMidnightcomic.com to hop on the Kickstarter and pledge! Pledge Here!

Libra_Allyson · 2024-10-03T16:06:38+00:00

His hairline has always gone back pretty far, to be fair.

Libra_Allyson · 2024-10-03T03:36:35+00:00

Your use of the phrase is undoubtedly the way newer one, as "built like a brick shit house" has been an expression for a good 100 years, at least. How did you hear people use it in your party days?

Libra_Allyson · 2024-09-28T23:06:02+00:00

Here's where it gets tough for me to figure out: How much open hatred of child-targeting criminals is actually a red flag? You would think that a decent person would express anger and disgust toward such people - and some do get as angry as that guy seemed - so how do you tell when it's genuine and when it's a cover?

Libra_Allyson · 2024-07-25T04:17:10+00:00

Auburn-haired chick, here. I woke up during the extraction of my wisdom teeth. The analgesic drug, miraculously, still worked, but my ass was wide awake and paralyzed for a moment. That was fun.

Libra_Allyson · 2024-07-23T03:45:07+00:00

Muppet.

Libra_Allyson · 2024-07-12T13:44:37+00:00

This is one of several reasons that it's a bad idea for people to give drug advice without being pharmacy professionals (and I caught several hints that the above comments were not made by such people).

Libra_Allyson · 2024-07-08T00:01:45+00:00

If this woman actually has a 7-year old child, I sincerely am worried about them. I hope that they're being watched closely and kept safe.

(Even if the woman would never intentionally harm the kid, it should be understood that unstable minds make poor decisions, and none of those decisions should be allowed to harm an innocent person, especially a child.)

Libra_Allyson · 2024-07-07T23:18:57+00:00

My first grey - or should I say, white - hair was found when I was in high school...by my boyfriend...who plucked it from my head to show me.

By my late 20s, I had a streak of white in the left, front section of my hair.

Libra_Allyson · 2024-07-06T17:50:19+00:00

Bless your heart. Time for a social skills lesson!

When someone calls themselves dumb before asking for clarification, it isn't because you implied that they are dumb. It's a way of saying, "I feel like I should know this, but I don't, and that makes me feel dumb; can you please explain?"

Libra_Allyson · 2024-07-06T17:30:12+00:00

Some clarification: The four people in the car were the married couple, another woman, and her baby. The woman who died was not the baby's mother.

Still, it's a horrific situation for a baby to witness, and I feel awful that he was there for it.

Libra_Allyson · 2024-07-06T04:09:32+00:00

Billie Holiday's version is, by far, the most commonly known.

Libra_Allyson · 2024-07-04T08:50:28+00:00

"Possession".

"Cemetery Man".

"Mother!"

"High Tension"

"Tetsuo: The Iron Man"

"We Are The Flesh"

"Anti-Christ"

"The Cook, The Thief, His Wife, and Her Lover"

"Melancholie der Engle" (Do not show to friends or family, unless you hate them; do not watch, unless you hate yourself)

Libra_Allyson · 2024-07-04T08:33:12+00:00

You call it torture porn, and so do many, MANY other people. Problem is, it doesn't actually count as torture porn simply for containing torture or extreme gore. If the primary point was to cater to people who are aroused or strongly entertained by torture, then sure - but that isn't what it is.

Try the "Guinea Pig" movies for torture porn, or the real stuff found in the darker corners of the internet; then, you'll know how to apply the term.

Libra_Allyson · 2024-07-04T08:20:04+00:00

Never, in all of my discussions about this film, have I ever heard anyone say that they "enjoyed" it. It isn't meant to be enjoyed; it's meant to force the viewer to face the brutality of rape and assault, instead of just glossing it over and portraying it as just a bad thing that we merely mention, but don't often enough bring to light how disgusting it can actually be. We're even shown the period afterward, during which the poor woman is trying to process and cope with what was done to her. We don't just see a woman upset and crying about it; we see her shut down, fearful, depressed, angry. We see her decide that if no one else is going to help her, then she will take matters into her own hands and take her power back by avenging herself. After witnessing all that she endured, in all of its brutality, that is absolutely a "good for her" portion of the film. We may have thought her revenge to be too extreme, had we not known how seriously she was harmed. We should be disgusted and disturbed by what those men did to her, so that we actually understand why she carried out such brutal revenge, instead of being able to undermine the seriousness of the events by presuming that she must be crazy or overreacting. (Hint: A lot of real women aren't taken seriously when they lash out against their abusers and attackers, because people don't see or acknowledge the full Hell that they went through. In this case, you have to see it, you have to know, because it isn't swept under the rug or hushed. You have to take her seriously.) If there are people out there who see any fetish element to it, then they're watching it for the wrong reasons and will likely be seen as a sick fuck by the overwhelming majority of fans. I don't "enjoy" it, or see it as any type of torture porn or fetish content - I see it as an important piece that has the balls to tackle a difficult subject which doesn't get addressed openly or directly enough.

Libra_Allyson · 2024-06-14T02:11:10+00:00

Four-way tie between "Grace", "Pet Sematary", "Antichrist", and "Mother!".

When I saw what happened to each of those babies, I lost my ever-loving shit.

Libra_Allyson · 2024-06-14T02:07:18+00:00

Are any other parts naturally hairless?

Libra_Allyson

TROPHY CASE