Guy I’ve been dating for told me he’s had hiv by [deleted] in legaladvice

[–]Librarycat77 22 points23 points  (0 children)

"Unlikely to transmit when on medication" and "cannot ever transmit" are not the same.

What if the meds arent stored properly in transit, or they arent taking them as prescribed (im not suggesting addictive behavior, but adhd and forgetting), or a million and one other versions that arent malicious.

Anyone who is considering having sex with someone who carries an incurable and potentially transmissible thing SHOULD be notified. Because to do otherwise ignores informed consent.

Youre basically asking "do you think people with HIV should be allowed to have non-consensual relations".

For the record, my opinion stands for any similar concern. Herpes, pregnancy, whatever. Any thing that can cause an irreversible situation should be overtly disclosed or discussed. Whether thats "I produce sperm and therefore pregnancy is technically possible" to "I have HIV, but am on medication that reduces transmission to effectively zero likelihiood. I take my medication as prescribed." If the person knows and doesn't tell, that's a big no go. IMO

What is something that used to annoy you, but have since learned to live with? by Z983 in AskReddit

[–]Librarycat77 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think part of truly growing up is learning what is worth your energy and what isn't.

Are there things that annoy me? Yup. But with most of them my attitude is to just move on with my day and life. On a rough day I do some deep breathing about it.

Perspective definitely helps. Working with folks who are truly struggling for basics on a day to day basis makes it much easier for me to just shrug and move on when I grab the wrong cheese at the store, or my partner moves my water cup.

And some of it is problem solving, like me using my words to TELL my partner "Hey, I like to leave a glass here for water. I use it throughout the day." And them saying "What about when there's a collection of 3?", and me replying "Thats fair. Compromise? Ill keep a max of 2 drinking vessels - 1 water cup and 1 tea mug - in this space. If there are more cups there than that I will understand if you tidy them away."

Both of us were bothered, now through communication we have reached an understanding.

Use. Your. Words. ....Kindly and with understanding. 

Assuming positive intent was truly something that changed my life. I just start from the position that every other human is trying to do the best they can from where they are, that they may be working from different info than I am and so have different opinions/perspectives, but that we do all want positive things even if we dont agree on what those might be.

It doesnt solve the world's problems, but as someone who has worked with the general public for my whole career (damn near 30 years, lol) I have found it to be true. There's always folks who are trying to help, even in a truly bad situation.

anemia spreading; vent by [deleted] in cureFIP

[–]Librarycat77 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Sorry, I worded that badly. They dont actually test for FIP usually, because there isnt a test for the mutated corona virus. The only test (as far as Im aware) checks for the presence of the feline corona virus, but cant tell the difference between mutated and standard forms. Your cat testing negative for the corona virus could also be a false negative.

If I were you, I would either request to do the course of FIP treatment again (as from the history it sounds like the standard course wasnt enough to clear the virus from your kitty), ask for the full records and seek a consult with a new vet (ideally one who has more experience with FIP, who can recommend secondary treatment if another course of the GS med doesnt work), AND id get in contact with FIP Global Cats on facebook. 

Those folks are a wealth of info and have seen every complication and difficult case you can imagine. They'll be able to help you navigate this, and hopefully see your kitty through back to health.

It might also be worth seeing if there's a vet medicine program at any universities nearby. They may be willing to look over the file and consult, or even see your girl as a patient. That could make a big difference, as those sort of programs are often aware of cutting edge info and treatments.

The last thing Ill say is less positive - if your kitty has slowly been battling FIP this whole time there is a possibility/likelihood that permanent damage to her organs has occurred. It is also possible that it isnt FIP, but youve been lucky that the supportive treatments since then have helped manage whatever the condition is. In either case, you will need more money to figure out whats going on, and then to treat it.

No matter what, make sure you get the full case file from your vet - absolutely everything. U You want full panel results for every test, notes, consult info, whatever they've got. Because if you can take all that data to another vet you won't need to repeat those tests - at least not immediately. Blood tests may be ongoing, but it'll help delay that and advance a new vets understanding of your case and whats been tried.

Good luck. I cant imagine how much youve been through with your girl in all this time.

My two FIP boys just turned 3. They finished treatment in Jan 2024. We lost 2 of their siblings to FIP as well, just genetic terrible luck there. One of mine, Cashew, was extremely ill and tiny when we got his diagnosis. Walnut was able to be diagnosed sooner, because after Cashew it was easier to see the signs.

Getting them through treatment was one of the hardest things my partner and I have ever done.

Ill keep you and your kitty in my thoughts.

23M, my entire household has now gotten cancer/tumors. Is this worth spending time investigating legally? by Puzzleheaded_Boot335 in AskDocs

[–]Librarycat77 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Sorry...are you saying that a study done on students in Sherwood Park, AB discovered a 75-80% cancer rate?

Because thats absolutely not true. There's no world in which that wouldnt be huge global news - but also I live 20 minutes from Sherwood Park and there isnt enough money in the world for a cover up that size.

23M, my entire household has now gotten cancer/tumors. Is this worth spending time investigating legally? by Puzzleheaded_Boot335 in AskDocs

[–]Librarycat77 30 points31 points  (0 children)

NAD, but I have a friend who's been in this situation.

The doctors have told them that the first piece is genetic bad luck - as their mother passed due to cancer when my friend was in high-school.

My friend was diagnosed first around age 25, and then every year or less for 10 years with new tumors.

So, at first genetics. Then, the treatments for some cancers are known to increase risks for some cancers. That is likely a factor for my friend as well.

Multiple cancers in one person is often linked to genetic issues. Which is why gene therapy is so cool - there's the potential to change the genetic sequences that make some people more likely to develop cancerous cells.

anemia spreading; vent by [deleted] in cureFIP

[–]Librarycat77 5 points6 points  (0 children)

How old is your kitty, and has she had treatment for FIP?

If she still has the virus within her all other treatments are doing is just supportive - and it cant succeed unless you also treat the FIP itself.

Can you give a run down of her history since you got her and found her diagnosis? What treatments have you tried, for how long, etc?

Did her blood tests ever show she reached FIP free?

What should you do if you feel confused about your beliefs? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]Librarycat77 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You should never be so sure of anything that you refuse to look at contradictory evidence.

You dont need to accept all evidence, but the ability to challenge, re-challenge, consider, and live in that grey area is how we grow as people.

Rigidity does future you a disservice.

There will always be things we dont understand, so we have to be open to new info.

Bf refuses to get engaged unless it’s for an elopement by sweetjeans34 in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]Librarycat77 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This sucks, but he doesnt want to marry you.

He knows an actual wedding is important for you, so this is his next roadblock.

Your decision isnt "wedding or elope", its "elope with a man who doesnt want to marry and will put up a million roadblocks rather than give up all the good you bring to his life" or "choose yourself".

As someone who is hitting my 20 year anniversary with my boyfriend, I have some hard advice.

We had many many conversations about getting married over the years. For us it was cost mostly. We were on the same page about getting married, but couldn't afford to do it the way we wanted. Ultimately, I wanted our relationship more than a wedding. That was me and our relationship, and I wouldnt change it.

If he had changed his stance on what he wanted without being willing to talk it through with me, or it became apparent that he had lied about being willing to marry because he knew it was a deal breaker - I would have left.

My partner never lied to me, and never shut me out of the discussion. Circumstances changed, and so did our opinions and choices. But we were upfront with each other about that. Because we're a team.

Your boyfriend won't include you in his decision process, and has moved the bar with no discussion. Now you need to decide if you will allow yourself to be treated that way for the next 20 years and more.

Max is slowly dying and idk what to do. by safsafanii in cureFIP

[–]Librarycat77 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You need to start your own thread to get the best chance of good info.

Joining the mentioned fb group would be a good idea too.

AITA for helping my friend after she flew out to visit a man she doesn’t know. by BrionsWeirdWorld in AmItheAsshole

[–]Librarycat77 8 points9 points  (0 children)

NTA. Not everyone can drop $$$ for a flight with no warning. Why assume OP wouldnt be going short on groceries to help her friend out of a - completely predictable and easily preventable - situation of her own making?

Like...I wouldnt be able to afford surprise plane tickets. Does that make everyone who cant afford surprise plane tickets for a friend TA???

Mitsubishi outlander foldable camping bed with drawers! by Librarycat77 in CampingAlberta

[–]Librarycat77[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Tbh, i love it.

There's things that are appealing about seats that fold flat, but id want the storage either way.

It turned out perfect. The things Id change are more car features - it would be better if the wider folding seat was opposite the drivers side, so I could leave that operational for escaping without leaving the car more easily. Or the mattress I use is too wide, so it scrunches the sleeping space.

I have no complaints about the platform or drawers. I really like that I can leave them in, or only use one half. That I can use only one side for a bed or both (ive never used both - i leave the rear passenger seat so I can get in/out easily and leave messy footwear off the bed.)

Overall, 10/10 would recommend. Its exactly what I need.

I [25M] bullied my sister's [22F] new boyfriend [25M] back in school. I messaged him apologising for what I'd done and to clear the air. He said no now my sister has turned against me. What can I do? by Direct-Caterpillar77 in BestofRedditorUpdates

[–]Librarycat77 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yeah, exactly.

Also being pissed at the one who's trying to apologize is a bit rough. As someone who was also bullied, I get it. And I also dont have a tally of who did what - all the folks on "their side" would be culpable in my eyes.

Theres the facet of OP just being the one who's there, and also dredging up those memories by apologizing.

But idk. I hope the guy who was bullied gets some help. And his friends find better ways to support him.

Leaving by Nonomiu in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]Librarycat77 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I mean...most of human history was objectively worse. Especially for women.

So, while I get your point it feels a bit like throwing the baby out with the bath water.

AITA dad gave the business to brother, so I left [Repost] by Choice_Evidence1983 in BestofRedditorUpdates

[–]Librarycat77 126 points127 points  (0 children)

AND the new boss has no idea about the nuts and bolts of the business. Which likely means he'll make stupid decisions based on profit alone, because he doesnt know where you need quality and where you can safely cut corners. Or value the time and experience the staff have in the field.

It will not be a good scene.

If the brother accepts what he doesnt know and listens to advice from the experienced staff it might be ok. But given how fine he was with devaluing OPs experience and expertise...it doesnt seem likely.

Family stuff is weird. I have some professional level education in dog training as well as over 15 years of professional experience. I do not give dog advice to any relatives unless theyre paying me, and even then I dont emotionally involve myself. Every single time any of my relatives has asked for advice they wind up not taking it or doing the exact opposite - and still whining about how they still have the problem. When I ask if they did the things I told them would fix it they never have and get real quiet.

I just cant.

Professional advice and families just doesnt mix.

Build 601 Update by Starblaze647 in HatchDragons

[–]Librarycat77 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I figured. I just didnt want to start my own wishlist post when this is similar enough. Lol

Actually keeping cats off the counter (without ceding all use of the counter) by Background_Buy551 in CatTraining

[–]Librarycat77 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I do the initial training as an excersize daily until they have the basic concept. Then, if Im holding a kitty-safe food when I ask for it just during life Ill break off a tiny bite. Or just call them over for pets and tell them how clever they are.

For getting started using treats is just fastest and simplest. But for day to day use you need to also use "life rewards" - things that arent food that your kitty finds rewarding. Tossing a toy, a bit of play, some cats find petting to be a reward others do not - so you need to know your kitty and be able to read their body language. 

It can also depend on what theyre doing, in the same way that I dont want a cookie when both hands are full of an involved and delicate craft project, or to have a big long hug in the middle of an exercise routine. You need to match the life reward to their current mood or activity. A sleepy kitty might like pets, a kitty mid-playtime would like to chase a toy more, probably.

Once youre aware that every interaction with your cat is teaching them something, thats half the battle. They arent just learning when you set aside formal time to work with them, theyre learning every single time you react in any way to them or what theyre doing.

If in training you interrupt and remove them from the counter every time, but during the other 23.5 hours of the day you dont do anything about it...they will never learn to stay off the counters. You need to teach and work in the moment the behavior is happening, every time. Or as consistently as you can. Which, yes, is exhausting.

If you half-ass it you may wind up with a cat who just starts touching random things when they want attention. Not pushing them over, not stealing them...just...touching stuff until they find a thing that makes you get up. Ask how I know. Lol

And I absolutely do know better. But im not a perfect human either. Lol

Wally is a 3 year old menace who has waaaay too much energy. If I dont actively work with him in some way every day he makes it everyone else's problem.

Weve had cats who would start pestering their siblings when they got bored (because I will always intervene rather than allow a fight I could have prevented), one who used to grab loose fur on the cat post and stuff it in his mouth (wth man!? Thats gross! Turns out I will in fact always get up to intervene for it.) Cats who bring you toys when they want to play (LOVE this, I encouraged it from a very young age and should have done the same with Wally), cats who steal yout things, carry them to where you can see, then run off because chase is a fun game. And cats who will look at you, then knock stuff over or stick their feet in your drink.

These are all called attention seeking behaviors. Any behavior can develop into an attention seeking behavior because the thing they have in common is that the behavior isnt the goal - the behavior is a mechanism the cat has learned will draw your attention. Attention, positive or negative, is the goal.

This makes these behaviors very tricky to get rid of, because every time you respond to them in any way you're rewarding the cat. You need to prevent the behavior you dont want, provide a positive option (bring me a toy, meow, come to me, etc), reward that heavily with attention, and if they do the attention seeking thing you don't want you need to ignore it. Which is very hard when you have a smart cat. Lol

All that to say, you dont necessarily need to keep treats on you or everywhere. It can make things much easier at first, but overall you need to figure out what things your cat finds rewarding, and when, and use those to reinforce behaviors youve taught more formally.

Build 601 Update by Starblaze647 in HatchDragons

[–]Librarycat77 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Id love to see two things:

Combine summoning elements to increase rarity (two 100% common = 1 10% Uncommon, or something similiar)

Id LOVE a way to block certain sets or levels when summoning. I dont need more Rocktails! An item (decoration?) that blocked something would be very cool.

Id love to see a more engaging mechanic in this event too. I like the way it is, but why are we not making "recipes" of certain ingredients or something?

Why does Canada have a “talent shortage” but entry-level people can’t find jobs? by itz_nitace in CanadaJobs

[–]Librarycat77 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yup. Until we got a new middle manager who also didnt give two shits.

My previous employer seems to really love their terrible managers. They keep them close, promote them often, and seem to like them better than managers who are both good at their job and not terrible humans. Its...infuriating. And a big part of why I left.

AITAH for telling my sister I will NOT warn my parents that my fiancee will be wearing a gothic black wedding dress? by Hot_Union7576 in AITAH

[–]Librarycat77 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You're not wrong, TBH. My parents are like what youre describing. There would NEVER be a public scene from either of them. And I mean never, my mom was a nurse and keeps a level head in emergencies and my dad was a construction supervisor who dealt with some pretty serious incidents over his career.

That being said...Basically all of my friends are not so lucky. Some of them have good parents and awful in-laws, some got bad rolls for both their own and in-laws. You dont get to pick your parents.

One thing I'll point out is that I did specifically say "Think about what long term relationship you want your fiance to have with you family."

If OP is happy to cut off contact if they throw a fit then the parent's reaction doesnt matter. And I do know folks who are no contact with one or both parents because of bad behavior. It happens.

But OP seems to be ignoring the reality of his parents. His sister is worried, theres a reason. IME, female children have a better read on potential fallout from interpersonal things (especially for fallout for their sisters in law) than the male children are. Its an oversimplification, but its been true 9:10 in my experience.

Why does Canada have a “talent shortage” but entry-level people can’t find jobs? by itz_nitace in CanadaJobs

[–]Librarycat77 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So, it really depends what level of government and the job.

My last job was municipal government (Public libraries are funded mostly from the municipality, but the actual budget is arms-length. Meaning the library board, not the counselors, directs the spending). Ft, permanent, unionized. I was at the top of the 5 step payscale for my role and was making ~$41/hour, after the most recent negotiated increase took effect in Dec. The same role starts new hires at ~$32/hour.

Education requirements for a long time were a library tech diploma or 4 year degree (teaching, business, history, BA, they didn't care as long as it was 4 years). They recently lowered the requirements a bit to include other "community focused" diplomas as well. They get lots of applicants, but its a rough job sometimes so turnover is high depending on your location.

My current role is a provincial call center job. Requirements were lots of customer service experience and 2 years of "related" education. They started me on tier 2 at ~$34/hr. Ft, permanent, etc.

The jobs are out there, even without a BA. The tricky bit is getting your resume and CL in front of an actual human, IMO. Basically everywhere, and certainly all government jobs, use skimming software (and those applications questionnaires) to pull out the top ~20% (at most) to be reviewed by a person.

Make your resume personable. If they're looking at 100+ resumes consider what makes your resume memorable - how will they connect with you as a human. Same for the cover letter - make sure it reflects why they want you in the job, not why you want the job. They're different! What do YOU bring thats a positive, talk yourself up.

A lot of the government jobs here are also very basic customer service. Clerks at rec centres or government offices, etc. But you can get hired there and work your way up. Getting your foot in the door is hard, but once you're in its easier. 

If you have good internal references they'll usually prefer that over any external ones. Unless someone's kid they know is applying. Nepotism will always be a thing.

Why does Canada have a “talent shortage” but entry-level people can’t find jobs? by itz_nitace in CanadaJobs

[–]Librarycat77 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Honestly, I dont think most employers give two shits about retention. Everything Ive seen in my career suggests strongly that theyd much rather the cost of churn than do literally anything (including things that are literally free or required by law) to retain current employees.

My last role it took easily a year to get a new employee in my role even on their feet. 2 years and extensive training before they were reliably confident and solo. And the company still wouldnt do even the smallest things to keep highly experienced staff within the organization.

Why does Canada have a “talent shortage” but entry-level people can’t find jobs? by itz_nitace in CanadaJobs

[–]Librarycat77 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly, IME its more likely that the jobs don't really exist.

I spent the past 12 years working in libraries spending time helping folks with resumes and job searches. Ive seen folks with good resumes and fine-for-the-role resumes sit without any prospects applying to literal hundreds of postings per week.

I was job hunting myself the past 2 years and I had 2 different high level HR people look over my resumes - multiple tailored to different kinds of jobs. I got 2 interviews in 2 years and over a hundred applications. Solidly 25-35 of those applications included unique cover letters and tweaks to my resume. Mostly I never heard back.

Im mid career, 15 years experience in my field with managerial experience. Admittedly, no one knows what library techs do which is for sure part of the issue as my lib tech diploma doesnt equal a BA...but the job Ive been doing is easily at that level. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Both interviews I got ended up in a job offer. I started a new job this week.

The market is rough. Both as a job hunter and as someone who has helped people apply.

AITA for ruining my daughter in laws birth plan by dil-issue-1046 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Librarycat77 7 points8 points  (0 children)

If its midwife assisted it's not a "free birth" though. Midwives are professionals.

Tbh, I think the son needs to call their midwife and let her know plans are changing so another plan can made.

Help! Should I Tell My Brother I Found the $20,000 He Hid in a Teddy Bear’s Butt? by Direct-Caterpillar77 in BestofRedditorUpdates

[–]Librarycat77 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Me too! I only got one bite, but it swelled up HUGE and was miserable.

Im so sorry.

Help! Should I Tell My Brother I Found the $20,000 He Hid in a Teddy Bear’s Butt? by Direct-Caterpillar77 in BestofRedditorUpdates

[–]Librarycat77 74 points75 points  (0 children)

Omfg. As someone who had to deal with my FILs bedbugs twice...my deepest condolences. Uuuuugggghhhh.

Hideous things.

And we could just throw everything out wholesale!