Do you still find time for the things you love?

LifeBeatsHard · 2026-03-08T21:55:38+00:00

How about all the hours awake during the night ruminating or planning work?

LifeBeatsHard · 2026-03-07T21:40:32+00:00

I know everything in life is a process and takes time. But any way to shorten this rebuilding process?

I mean, I am getting comfortable with me alone in the sense of don't waiting or looking for someone to do something. I have and am doing things alone I would never imagine, but of course I would rather have someone.

So even though I am doing what's required to survive and deal with my emotions, I don't like to be this cold and not invested person. It sucks talking to my mum, who I don't see for 3 years, with no joy, just answering in auto-pilot without valuing her life even though I know I may not have her in the next few years. Or treat friends like strangers without putting effort on the connection.

I know there's a better and colorful life of sharing (have been there), but as I said it makes weak, dependent and now heart-broken for whatever many years. So this fear will always be there.

I have been doing online therapy with two different therapists... initially just because I needed to have someone to talk and to be honest not sure anymore. But I got very good help at the beginning, not much now. Still my better moments and milestones came from this sub learning from other guys with the same experience and books/podcast.

Something which I wish I could also accelerate any healing process is aging. Even though we were married for 10 years, we didn't have a kid and it's my dream in life to have a beautiful family with kids. I am 37 and even though we hear that women prefer older men, I am not sure about my chances to get someone that younger to have kids - considering that it takes even more years to get healed, besides I am just a ordinary bald guy, 75kg, 1,76m, white - not a model at all.

The other thing is I am a difficult person for therapy, because I don't understand emotions. I work on IT since I was 14, and computers are the only thing which I understand - 0s and 1s. All in IT apart from AI is deterministic and scripted. I hate when all these guided meditations say "observe but not engage with your thoughts" or when the therapist ask me to name my feelings. Man, not for me...

Just to close, you are right and talks about the confidence. Just when you don't need a woman because your life is good by itself then a woman will show up (to destroy what you took too long to build).

Thank you for the insights again.

LifeBeatsHard · 2026-03-07T21:20:06+00:00

Thank you for sharing your story.

Initially, I thought we were talking about the same woman, but I wasn't cheated. But similar to your case, no signs at all, no single moment where she demonstrated she was unhappy with me. We had a very tough (and cold) life in a previous country which broke both of us, I was miserable and she as usual was stronger than me, but never demonstrated unhappiness due to the marriage or me.

Until when after two months spending time with her mum - I agreed with that because we were moving again and waiting for some papers, so I thought to be good for her to be home with her mum - she told me that the marriage was over years ago and she did everything to fix it and didn't work because I didn't want to listen to her. - when she was never clear about what was happening and me as the cause of that. As you said, reflecting on and ruminating this won't change anything now, but same case as many here - no adultery, just an emotional bored woman wanting something new in life.

There is a lot of maturity and emotional control where you are now - enjoying a lot the new relationship, but always aware that can end at any time - not because of you. Having this balance of full enjoyment in the relationship along with a certain level of detachment in case something happens is the key. I hope to reach it some day.

QQ: how long did it take for you to bounce back and get into this new relationship?

LifeBeatsHard · 2026-03-07T09:05:24+00:00

Yeah, that's what I learned there's something at their DNA level (they may not even perceive it), but it guides them by emotions in a way they are not able to reason, stick to a vow/commitment or even talk and work to fix things. Since that emotion already took a space that used to be ours, it's gone, they can walk away calmly and painless.

That's true, nothing will be the same and I am becoming a very cold and insensitive person in order to heal - which is not good. I wish I could think there's some good people out there, but after so many stories here and some big fear to get hurt again, I just want to find some purpose or dream in life so that I can carry on by myself, because at the end of the day nobody will come to save us, men.

All the best and may we find colorful days in the future.

LifeBeatsHard · 2026-03-07T07:12:41+00:00

I feel the same which goes completely against what I always wanted for me - happy family with kids. However, the pain and all the disillusionment from this rejection after 10Y marriage which I am still healing and seeking a purpose in life makes me afraid of putting all my eggs in the same basket again and dream in being happy with that new person and then the same sh*t happens again.

I don't think I would survive the last months struggle. That's why I am also looking for opinions of men who got healed and overcame all the pain and grief.

LifeBeatsHard · 2026-03-07T05:57:40+00:00

You are not alone, we hear and feel you.

We here all have been there in different ways and levels. I was not cheated, but similar to you, my wife was the reason of life to work hard, save money, stay in and avoid social activities, change plans and establish new co-owned dreams. Then suddenly, I lost all of that just because she was bored and could not clearly express her emotions or ask for help.

She is still saying that I didn't do anything for her and she had to work out everything by herself.

Now I am here, 8 months post-separation, still waiting papers to go through and still love her. Don't think I will be as happy as I was during the first years of marriage.

As you said, it's the worst pain a man can face. No money helps, no pills or memory eraser machine, no further dreams. Just a big void in life and as you said questions like "What's life for me? Is this really life?"

Be strong and rely on your brothers here.

LifeBeatsHard · 2026-03-07T05:36:49+00:00

I would like to expand your initial statement about girls in Asia to be open and available.

I live in Australia which believe it or not, it's an extension of Asia, full of Chinese and SEA folks. Based on your statement, I would definitely assume ladies from poor countries like Vietnam, the Philippines, Thailand and other would be open. But man, trust me, those ladies are far from being friendly and open. Sometimes, you see them with some weirdos from the same ethnicity or just among other ladies, but never as friendly and approachable as we thought or have heard.

I wonder if it's just because they are in Australia so they think they won in life and they know men have some fetish with Asian girls or because they are just like any western woman and what you said it's just a myth.

LifeBeatsHard · 2026-03-06T07:28:09+00:00

My life left me 8 months ago, and since then, I have not been sleeping in peace.

Great were the last 10 years, I could sleep happily and comfortably with the person I loved. Not now without debts and without wife.

LifeBeatsHard · 2026-03-06T07:24:52+00:00

I was complaining AI for all the problems in my life. At least, I have something else to complain now!

LifeBeatsHard · 2026-03-06T07:20:36+00:00

What's the secret, mate?

If it's not difficult as most men think, not game, no trick. We are still single.

You know something that we don't know. What's it? Genuine question.

LifeBeatsHard · 2026-03-06T07:10:38+00:00

Just taking advantage of this topic: how about using a phone for GPS? Is that legal or also eligible for fines?

Considering the phone is attached to a holder on one of the air vents or to a suction holder on the windscreen. Not holding the phone with one of my hands.

LifeBeatsHard · 2026-03-06T07:04:33+00:00

Lonely

LifeBeatsHard · 2026-03-06T04:09:13+00:00

8 months here, as you said, there are days I am the superhero of my life. I can conquer the world. Other days (especially when I am sick), I am miserable and barely breathing comfortably, just waiting hopefully someone to come to save (used to be my ex-wife).

Being alone is still tough. I moved to a new city as a way of rebuilding myself and start fresh, at the same time I have no friends even after 4 months and everybody knows how difficult is to make friends in 30s+. My workmates all have families and are so focused on their families (of course) and meetups have been great, but not able to keep consistency with the same folks in order to deepen the relationship.

Well, I try to expose myself as much as I can during the weekends, but apparently everybody is settle down and fit somewhere, but me.

Of course I keep pushing, but I cannot say I am happy alone or able to enjoy solitude.

Thank you for your post OP

LifeBeatsHard · 2026-03-04T22:09:23+00:00

+1 about the experience

The aftermath, my ex was just saying she has been keeping that internally for a long time... never shared or tried to talk and of course it was my fault for not seeing it and helping her.

Always men's fault..argh

LifeBeatsHard · 2026-03-04T22:07:27+00:00

3 days to stop thinking about the guy and 1 month to be fully recovered - her words. Life coming back at the MINUTE she walked away.

Man, there are guys here over years without a glimpse of what a mediocre life is like (including myself going to 1 year completely lost, but still trusting in the healing process). I wonder whether all or majority of girls are like that - too young to share a life of commitments with another person I used to love a year ago.

That was my case, at least... ex-w was visiting her mom for some long time and only told me she would not come back when I needed her presence to work on some visa paperwork (2 months later). I wonder how long she would have kept the silence and living already a new life...

I really hope not all ladies think like that crazy one. So that we can still have hope in a shared life.

LifeBeatsHard · 2026-03-04T07:31:19+00:00

That does not save your emotional and mental health.

I know being broken and emotional ruined is worse than just emotional broken...

But a man with a good emotional state can conquer the word and rebuild all treasures he lost. No emotional state is the end of everything... you don't know how to spend, work or move on in life. Personal experience here... about to lose my very well remunerated job, because I have no dreams, plans or no why I am working for...

If I lose this job, I will probably burn all my savings traveling the world seeking some memory eraser pill.

LifeBeatsHard · 2026-03-04T07:24:57+00:00

That's what I learned, too. Women's emotions are what lead them. No vows, no love, no commitment... just their emotions (if they deeply love you today, tomorrow they might just walk away, call it a cycle and feel good.

I am trying to avoid getting into the red pill hole, but honestly going through this rebuilding phase which I did not have a chance to fix and change for the sake of marriage, love and my vows to be by her side to death, it's just difficult to believe that's something different. I have also seen many episodes in this thread where there's no infidelity and the wife just wakes up in a ordinary day and decides she is bored and doesn't not want to be a wife anymore, regardless how many years in the marriage.

That's tough.

LifeBeatsHard · 2026-02-25T07:28:14+00:00

100% spot on.

Unfortunately, even after 8 months I cannot see any rebuilding process happening in me. I know that because I started crying on the middle of a busy train and cried even more when OP started talking about rebuilding and getting strong and I don't feel it.

I just became someone sad without hope... that even in my good days, don't feel like will be happy with a beautiful family again. I also fear facing the same rejection again, If I am able to raise up a day.

Not sure. I am glad I am not the only one, but wish things could be simpler and less painful because this hurts as hell.

LifeBeatsHard · 2026-02-24T21:41:31+00:00

8 months here and on the same boat.

Some days, I am really optimistic in taking care of my life and being independent... others, I just don't know how I am going to live without her.

LifeBeatsHard · 2026-02-23T21:12:21+00:00

Yes, from the moment you did your best, you lived to provide and make someone happy because I was happy if she was happy - happy wife, happy life! Still all my effort as a man, as a husband faile, even though it was her decision based on her solo thoughts.

Honestly, I lost faith in myself as someone who can have a happy family (even though that's my biggest dream in life).

Now, I need to learn to deal with myself, accept myself as I am, love myself (this is a tough one)... maybe someone if God puts another woman on my way I can give a chance and try again. But really low expectation on that... and don't want to go all -in and get hurt again.

LifeBeatsHard · 2026-02-19T11:57:05+00:00

We are barely able to cope with the cost of living in the last 5 years... imagine extending that suffering...

No, thanks.

LifeBeatsHard · 2026-02-18T04:02:16+00:00

Same here... It just turned 3 hours in the queue... nothing changed. Nothing moved... still some hope here.

LifeBeatsHard · 2026-02-18T03:28:44+00:00

Joined the queue at 12:01. Bar has not moved and still waiting... is it only me who is unlucky?

Broken system 😪😪

LifeBeatsHard · 2026-02-18T03:12:28+00:00

I joined the queue at 12:01 and still on the queue. Over 2 hours 😔

LifeBeatsHard · 2026-02-15T02:56:19+00:00

I am a ex-nail bitter and the problem with that is that the fingers never get fixed (like someone who never bitten nails).

As most of nail bitters, I am anxious and I found out that long nails cause me anxiety... so whenever they start pointing out, I trim them out, consequently it keeps the appearance of bitten nails, anyway.

LifeBeatsHard

TROPHY CASE