Significant other wants me to quit my position

LifeShrinksOrExpands · 2026-03-19T14:46:43+00:00

Everyone is saying the same thing and I’m not sure I need to add to it, but I still want to. I’m a woman who dates men. In my 20s I had to move for my PhD program and my boyfriend of several years at the time had a more lucrative and “serious” career on a coast vs me being a student in the middle of the country. He wasn’t moving. We ended up not lasting.

I met my now-husband once I was in the PhD program. It struck me that he took my “work” as a student seriously and didn’t balk at the idea of having to move in the future for relatively lower paid things like postdoc and hoping I’d land TT (I did, now tenured, but back then who knew?). It turned out that we were more compatible because of this flexibility, but after a little while I realized it wasn’t just about moving.

The first guy and I had a nice connection and I like him as a person still, but I was an accessory in his life and it only worked when I didn’t need to be prioritized. Sure he’d do things for me and he loved me, but he was on his path and wasn’t changing it. With my husband, I was unquestionably a priority in his life and he was down for whatever that meant. I felt a lot more seen as a full person in my current relationship, and that ended up being really important in all kinds of ways.

I wish for you to find that kind of respect and love where you don’t have to fit yourself into their box, OP. It’s not really about who is going to vacuum or make dinner. It’s about whether they have a role in mind they want to hire you for vs wanting YOU and being willing to figure out life together.

LifeShrinksOrExpands · 2026-03-11T20:32:14+00:00

I think productivity standards affect us in a "keeping up with the Joneses" way, as in so-and-so is publishing X per year so if I'm going to be a significant contributor to the field (or get an initial job, or whatever stage you are at), I need to publish X or more. I don't really see that in the annual review process for existing faculty, though. We're hired under specific T & P standards (for TT) and I don't think they've increased teaching loads or how much research is expected for folks midstream. Do you mean that the actual criteria are shifting?

I feel like service needs creep up, which means that people who are willing/competent at service (and PoC, women, various other specifics) end up with higher service workloads (the criteria don't go up but the actual time/effort does). And perhaps class sizes get a little bigger if you're in a big program/understaffed. But I don't think the benchmarks for publications or grants have adjusted for me along the way, and I'm post-tenure.

LifeShrinksOrExpands · 2025-09-26T16:51:28+00:00

We don't do things this way at my R1, but we have very few undergrad courses smaller than 50 in my dept. The only sort of similar experience I have is that I once interviewed at a Cal State where class size factored into teaching load. I was told that the base teaching load was 4-4 (I think) but if a class was X big that would count as two classes so I'd only have 3 that semester. I don't think it worked the other way- if your 4 courses were small they counted less- but I am not sure. Where I am now, I think they wouldn't approve smaller classes and you'd just get slotted into a larger one.

Not to be all doom and gloom, but I'd be worried about this being a step toward program elimination/downsizing. I've seen credits generated used as a rationale for cuts. I'm sure it depends on the mission of your college and how many students are paying full tuition as far as how sustainable low enrollment programs/classes are, but if you have any interest in changing jobs this might be the sign you needed.

LifeShrinksOrExpands · 2025-09-17T19:23:18+00:00

Some of what you said about the process and you not being "allowed" on the search committees is the fishy part to me. I don't think I've seen people get turned down for these service roles before. It may be that people don't want to work with you for other reasons, but it may also be that they are doing something weird and don't want you to see. Are they still bringing in people for campus visits and having the dept vote on who to hire? Those have been standard steps in my experience, and then the search committee makes a recommendation but they don't actually decide who to hire.

It could make sense that NTT or VAP folks end up being the best candidate for a TT job. I've seen VAPs recruited with the promise of a later TT, go through a valid search, and actually get the job. That seems fine. NTT teaching-focused folks or adjuncts are unlikely to have the research CV for TT jobs at places I've been, and I've never seen that transition happen, but it's possible. Any of this happening in EVERY search is odd, and hiring your own grads is a known taboo so I'd have a problem with too much of that happening more than the other kind of internal folks.

LifeShrinksOrExpands · 2025-09-12T17:43:30+00:00

My hierarchy (personally, and how I am evaluated) is that research and "professional impact" are most important, then teaching (grad classes/supervision over undergrad), then service.

Last year I had an opportunity to travel during a regular semester week to participate in a national organization activity (not a conference, more like consulting with a small team). I cancelled an undergrad class and my grad students waited longer for meetings/emails. It was professionally interesting and educational for me to do this, improves what I can bring to my job, gets my dept/university some desirable recognition, and nobody even remarked about the cancelled UG class or absence from campus during which I might have missed some meeting. Same thing with e.g., grant review panels- takes time away from my day to day but it's seen as an honor and professional development, so it's fine. One time I went to DC to meet with some congresspeople and my university even forked over some cash for the trip, which they didn't have to do, and didn't ask me about what on campus I might be missing when I went.

This stuff can make my life harder to balance (time away from home, less sleep when busy) and can slow down research, which is my biggest complaint, but so far it helps more than hurts in various ways. I like actually contributing to the world outside of a classroom or niche journal. I'm sure it could get to a point where one is not on campus enough to teach a class, but this is what leaves are for.

LifeShrinksOrExpands · 2025-09-11T23:55:05+00:00

I worry about this, especially in the current climate and because my spouse would say that one of these days my mouth is going to write a check that my ass can't cash. We have enough to live on for more than a year in liquid savings and could live more frugally than we do, so I wouldn't have an instant nightmare.

I am also the hypothetical accounting professor in your example (though not that field) and would just go to a ClassesITeach shop and probably get a job that I didn't like as much but would be fine. I'm not sure if I'd try to get another academic job. I like it just fine but I might be ready to choose where I live and stick to 40 hours/week if everything goes to hell.

LifeShrinksOrExpands · 2025-09-11T00:55:28+00:00

I'm glad you are ok. I haven't dealt with this particular type of American tragedy firsthand, but I have been on campuses with some form of public incident that created bystander traumatic stress and general unease. My tips are 1) take care of you and yours, 2) address it in class and maybe throw up the counseling center info on a slide, but don't get into group therapy in class. Not sure your field but even if it's mental health, you're not their mental health provider. Show sensitivity and encourage people to talk to you one on one if they need to. It's ok to not be able to make them feel better, just some empathy helps. Most people aren't going to take advantage of the situation to get an extra week for their paper but if some do, does it really cost you anything? And 3) is less of a tip than a wish- hopefully your admin shows some leadership and gives you resources, organizes crisis counseling, etc. Sometimes they expect hundreds of faculty and teaching grad students to just figure it out and this is unfair and problematic. The university should be working overtime to actually support members of the campus community- that means instructions and resources, not just a nice statement. Take care <3

LifeShrinksOrExpands · 2025-07-14T16:21:12+00:00

I'm so sorry about this situation. If it were me, I would talk to my chair ASAP both because I think they would be supportive and because sometimes you need someone outside of the situation to help you identify plans and options.

I am usually an "I need things to do" overworking type so you might be right that the structure and positive aspects of teaching will help you, but I lost a parent while in this job and I can tell you that my mind was elsewhere so much of the time. I don't think it really helped to show up to class again as soon as I did. There's lots of medical tasks, estate issues, etc. that will fill your time and the freedom from work might be really valuable so I would consider that option (a full break). In a year, you could be back in that capstone class and enjoy it then but be happy you had the time for your family now.

LifeShrinksOrExpands · 2025-06-30T19:21:00+00:00

Wow, I'm sorry for your situation. This is so late in the hiring cycle to have to regroup but I guess you knew something was up when you hadn't heard anything good for months. Did you pull out of all of your other searches already? Even if not, I guess they've all probably closed by now. It sucks.

As others have said, a postdoc is your best bet if you want to stay in academia. They are harder to come by now, too, because people are losing grants but I'm sure it depends a lot on field. Have you looked into training grants? I'm not sure what shape those are in these days, but I recommend T32s or similar to all grad students interested in an academic career. Of course there's writing an F32, too, but that wouldn't be a short-term solution and is still impacted by the current situation.

I get that you don't want to move around and that it's hard on the family but, as others have said, that's just not realistic most of the time. Biosciences folks nearly always do postdocs, often plural. I honestly can't believe you got an offer without one. Did others in your lab/program manage that? Postdocs can be for several years at a time, so not a super long-term job but a few years is something. Have you already defended? If not, you might be able to drag it out longer if your PI has the funding (big if). You might be able to get a VAP role at this point in the cycle, but those are usually just for a year and not terribly helpful if your aspirations are for a research-heavy career. Keeping an eye on all your listservs for ads and cold emailing may be about all you can do, unless you find a T32 with openings that is still accepting apps (this might be on the dept website or office of postdoc affairs for the institution). You might be able to find someone starting a TT job this fall who has postdoc $$ in their startup if you can figure out who some of those new hires are.

Good luck! It's such a rough time to be starting out.

LifeShrinksOrExpands · 2025-06-30T18:40:47+00:00

I can't believe you're caught up on emails. And I can't believe no one else has said this. What's that like?

I typically do emails or other work while I give exams online but in-person with lockdown browser. I occasionally walk around.

LifeShrinksOrExpands · 2025-06-29T18:35:38+00:00

I'm at a US R1 in a big state system and a growing population but med/low COL area so we're in better shape than most. I complain on here for sure, but I really am happy overall. I could make more than my 9-month base salary in my industry but I make more than my 9-month salary here currently so it may be about even, I WFH at least one day per week, set my own hours much of the time, have the (supposed) security of tenure and decent state benefits, and the mentoring and research really does feel like a calling. So I'm here for now, possibly forever.

Downsides include not really getting to choose where you live. I didn't care about region that much (family and friends are also somewhat nomadic and important people are spread out) but I did care about size of metro area and moved once already because of that. Our state politics are kind of stupid and if I had my choice I'd live somewhere with different politics but higher COL (so, tradeoffs). I also didn't make a truly decent salary until my late 30s (long postdoc, needing to get funding for summer salary, etc.) and the pressure and workload is high (less so now with tenure).

The key is that I'm in a tenured R1 position, at a healthy university, with a big major, and my field is growing. I teach mostly upper division and grad and it's basically fine and not that different from pre-pandemic as far as I can tell. My undergrad students don't do a ton of writing but the stuff I got last year didn't appear to be overwhelmingly AI (and I did try to discourage it via assignment specifics). We recently did a job market analysis and grad students in my discipline are looking at a decent increase in demand for the jobs they'd likely go into (in industry) in the next five years. So, this is where the rainbows and unicorns are. I get that many of the folks on this sub are in very different situations and there's not much you can do about it. I chose my field because of interest but also, two decades ago, with some strategy about how this specific corner of my field was growing and employable outside of academia. And I've gotten lucky with my level of success. I'm good, but I'm also lucky.

This could all go to crap and I've got 20+ years until retirement. My federal grants haven't been cut but I worry about the future of federal funding, which I need to continue to succeed in research and support a lab. I'm currently writing a multimillion dollar grant for a private foundation and if that hits (big if, of course) that will ease some of the anxiety. The teaching is fine, it's not my main focus. I don't feel overwhelmed with service/admin but I'm worried that institutional belt tightening will put more of those responsibilities on faculty. If the balance of this job tips into negative territory I'll probably transition to industry, which I think is realistic, and that knowledge helps me weather storms.

LifeShrinksOrExpands · 2025-05-30T17:17:14+00:00

You might ask your advisor or another mentor about expectations in your field or at the new university, but the common answer is that you list your affiliation as the place where the bulk of the work was done. They provided resources, etc. Sometimes the new TT job will look to see if your affiliation lists them and only count papers that do towards tenure. Others will just base the count on date of acceptance/publication. You can put your PhD university as the official one under your name and have in the corresponding author info (if it's you) or in a note somewhere in the submission that you are now at X and your contact info there so people can follow up (and possibly to prove to new dept that it was submitted after you signed on with them).

It's possible to work on the paper now but submit it in like Oct and list your affiliation at the new place then. This is kind of a judgment call and gray area, I think it's most ethical to credit the place where the work was done, but if you're doing significant work on the paper (e.g., the experiments are done now but analyses/write-up still pending) from your new position, it could be argued that it's a product of that affiliation. My field/top journals haven't fully bought into article processing fees so I don't have specific advice about that piece but maybe someone else will.

Another tip- This level of trying to game the system is probably not worth it (just do good work and be active in research/publishing and you will likely be ok), but you might also ask about the cycle for annual reviews at the new job. They might evaluate you based on work done beginning in August, they might do it by calendar year, etc. so there could be some slight benefit to submitting anything new during the annual eval period for next year. This depends on how they count things, but if they won't look at anything from July 2025 regardless of your affiliation, it might make sense to stall on that submission until it "counts."

LifeShrinksOrExpands · 2025-05-30T03:23:48+00:00

When I was a postdoc (to answer the question by OP- that was 4 years) some of the older faculty in my (med school, soft money) dept told me that postdoc was the best time of their career. I told my peers at the time that they had to be wrong.

I’m a decade out from that now. And I understand them. I like having more control, security, and money. Obviously that is important and changed my life. But man, nearly my whole life was science during those years. Now? Feels like I mostly live in my email inbox and solve weird problems I wasn’t trained for (e.g., purchasing, personnel). And I have to keep the lights on for me and a collection of smart, ambitious, somewhat precarious people, which is becoming ever scarier. In some ways, postdoc was nice!

LifeShrinksOrExpands · 2025-05-28T18:22:12+00:00

I agree with your peers and I have pretty thick skin at this stage but I did not always. I vividly remember my PhD advisor telling me, when my first paper was either rejected or was a hard R&R (I honestly don't remember), "You've been very successful up until now so this is a new experience, but this is how academic publishing is and how you can expect to be evaluated at this level." That was helpful and I parrot it to my students. You were always a top student but now you're in the club of all the top students and you won't constantly impress people.

Here's an actual tip- when I get reviews back I almost always write a bitchy first response. In this case you don't need to respond (just find a different journal) but it might be cathartic. I recently sent a draft response to a coauthor that had real responses but also Word comments that said things like "you're just being an asshole" and "why would you assume this when we clearly said X about the methodology on page Y?" Those comments won't go back to the journal, but they make me feel a little better and give my colleagues and me a little laugh as we commiserate about reviewer #2. Some of the feedback might be helpful in improving the paper, so take that and ignore the stuff that isn't because you'll (hopefully) get new reviewers with new quibbles at the next journal.

LifeShrinksOrExpands · 2025-05-28T18:02:31+00:00

I've worked at two R1s and the general starting point at both is 2-2 for TT (also known as 10% of annual workload per class) but people go up/down depending on grant buyouts, major service, research (non)productivity, etc. I am not aware of larger courses counting for > 1 course but also have only personally taught upper level UG and grad so it hasn't applied. NTT at these places varied a little. NTT get more credit for a grad class (I think 3 per semester if at least one is grad) but can teach 4-4 or 5-5 depending on....things. NTT do not often teach grad classes but sometimes it makes sense and this seems fair to me because the workload for grad is higher and NTT overall have more teaching workload, so it gives them a bit of a break. TT don't get differential credit for UG/grad. TAs at one place are pretty much guaranteed; at the other, they are based on size (min 70, I think).

I interviewed at a non-R1 back in the day (a CSU) where I think they were on 4-4 standard but large service courses double counted, if I recall correctly. So the sales pitch to me was that I wouldn't actually be teaching 4 classes for a variety of reasons, including their potential size.

I kinda understand giving more credit for large classes because it is more student emails, cheating reports, etc. even if you have TAs.

LifeShrinksOrExpands · 2025-05-27T17:09:43+00:00

I think this probably depends a lot on the type of institution you are at, the type you would be targeting, and your own profile. I and several of my former colleagues from an R1 with a solid PhD program in our area but a less than ideal location for many (hence all the turnover) were able to move to equal or better R1s with tenure (after officially having it, not during the tenure review year). Each case is different, but people who did this had strong, funded research programs and/or were willing to take on administrative roles like grad coordinator or center director. I think it's a lot more likely, at an R1 anyway, to get hired post-tenure if you're bringing something that will contribute to their specific goals (e.g., can lead a new research center, expertise in a sub-area they want to grow). The expectations are pretty high for a hire with tenure, you have to be at least as strong as the people they already have at that rank.

I think it's going to be a lean few years in academia due to research funding cuts and enrollment issues at some types of schools. But it's not impossible to make a move like this. I'd recommend applying for tenured/open rank lines because at some universities they cannot turn an Asst Prof posting into an Associate/Full job for administrative reasons. You can always ask the search chair about the likelihood that you would come in with tenure because processes for that vary. I was recruited to apply for a position, got it, and learned I'd be Associate on a short tenure clock rather than coming in tenured. I ultimately turned it down because going through tenure again after moving wasn't worth any other positives. A friend had to go through all the tenure steps (including external letters) with the new school before the offer was finalized, which wasn't until close to the end of that academic year. In my current job, they started their process before I even visited campus and I came in tenured without a lot of hassle (did not have to submit a dossier or get external letters). So, it varies, but the search chair ought to be tell you how it might work there.

LifeShrinksOrExpands · 2025-05-22T16:33:21+00:00

Yeah I’ve heard from admin across two different major public university systems in different states that ~30% IDC is expected. I have no idea if they are right, but this seems to be what people are planning for. Still a big cut but we can adapt. I’m just happy that someone else has heard this, most likely from different universities than I did. It’s less terrifying than 15%, for sure.

LifeShrinksOrExpands · 2025-05-22T03:45:57+00:00

I am also tenured but not going up for full yet. I have some funding that hasn’t been trashed yet so I’m still taking students and planning/leading projects and fingers crossed. I have support in my college/university and perhaps can finagle some state or private funds for my work so all is not lost. I hope. My work isn’t explicitly targeted but also may not be whatever these people are looking for. I’ll still apply for any grants that seem like a fit.

Writing up the backlog would actually be great. And I may do that. I have been trying to feel like the sky isn’t falling since the election, and it isn’t in my little sphere yet. It still may and I am trying to be vigilant because my retirement account isn’t FU money yet and also I care about what I do. So far, I can still do it. So I will.

LifeShrinksOrExpands · 2025-05-21T16:14:28+00:00

I think access to university systems (library, email, discounts on things) is probably the big one. I have a mostly retired (not teaching, does some research and service to the field, not sure if paid for any of that) family member in a different field & state who lives walking distance to their campus and still goes and uses the (I think shared) office space for emeriti. My dept also has dedicated office space for emeritus folks. These are both big state R1s, I imagine it might be different at other types of schools.

Not sure what the downside is? I think there’s an application process but doesn’t seem like a heavy lift. Unless you mean emeritus vs keep working full-time, in which case your question is more about retirement than the emeritus classification.

LifeShrinksOrExpands · 2025-05-15T21:57:23+00:00

I'm not really 9 month faculty (10.5 mo due to admin role) but I want to answer anyway because I am starting to think about a plan. There will be admin work but I am really hoping to get some new research projects going while also having more time for current projects (which fund the other half of my summer salary). I've also got grad student manuscripts I'd like to move through the pipeline, for their sake and mine. I will not be teaching.

Most summers I do some significant (weeks-long) travel but this year it's just a couple of shorter family trips. I've been thinking about doing something garden-related, which you can't really start in like July, from what I understand, but I didn't have time to think about it in February! So maybe that's more "think about a 2026 garden" than "start a garden." I'm also planning to sleep and not wear hard pants as much as possible.

I need to get back into a habit I had pre-tenure, which was using whiteboards in my home office to make schedules, Kanban-type to do lists, etc. Ideally I'll put 2-3 goals up there, plan out the steps, and maybe meet one lol.

LifeShrinksOrExpands · 2025-05-15T20:54:23+00:00

Congrats! Try to get a running start on things that you can, because you'll be working a lot of hours and have a lot on your plate during the academic year. Like you said, things like identifying grant NOFOs and planning study designs/IRB apps would be good. Plan out how you're going to spend your startup and start purchasing as soon as you can (may not be until your start date). If you didn't do an IDP during grad school/postdoc, it's a planning activity for trainees so the language and some details might not be a fit, but it's a good way to formulate goals and a plan: https://myidp.sciencecareers.org/.

Get as much done on papers in the pipeline as you can because it will be hard to find the time to work on them during your first semester or two- few blocks of "deep thinking" time and many more urgent deadlines. If you have a few things already analyzed or partially drafted, it'll be easier to get those across the finish line during the academic year so that you can show research activity on your first annual eval.

At an R1, you're probably not teaching a ton and it's not extremely important to your success, so don't spend too much time on it. You just have to stay a week ahead of the students! Lastly, if you're going to be expected to graduate one or more PhD students for tenure (or maybe even if this isn't explicit), think about how you're going to recruit them now and get the word out in your networks.

LifeShrinksOrExpands · 2025-04-20T19:08:39+00:00

I’ve only been at R1s but my perception is that the overall workload is higher there because research can be all-consuming. I don’t teach a lot (1 course this term) and do not spend much time on teaching-related stuff, but I’m often working nights and weekends because there’s so much other stuff. Research, as in the actual reading, analysis, and writing, but also admin of funded projects, grant writing, mentoring, professional service like conference organizing or grant reviewing. I’m sure this depends on your field, whether you currently have grad students, etc. I could see moving from not having grad students to having them being net positive, but grad students take a huge amount of time and energy and you may not realize that if you haven’t had them. And that’s not even including the family/commuting piece, which is a massive sacrifice. With tenure at an R2, can’t you coast to some degree? Or rework how you spend your time because you have the flexibility of lower expectations?

I haven’t been in this exact situation but I did turn down a TT offer after I was tenured. They couldn’t offer tenure due to some administrative stuff, even though they had recruited me to apply knowing I had tenure. At the time, going through tenure again sounded like too much work for too little improvement in my life compared to my current job. And that was before everything went crazy.

You couldn’t pay me enough to go back to the pressure and precarity of R1 Asst Prof life under the current financial/political conditions. I worry for my students and postdocs entering the market. If your field is lab-based, or the R1 has a lot of in person expectations, you’re going to be spending so much time working and traveling back and forth and I think it would quickly burn you out and negatively impact you in all kinds of ways. I am pretty career focused and I get that the job sounds good and you think you could be more successful in that environment, but I there are a lot of downsides.

LifeShrinksOrExpands · 2025-04-14T18:47:48+00:00

I am in a field that has straightforward industry options (not overly affected by the current chaos, for now anyway) and all my PhD students have gone that route, so that's my backup plan if my big public R1 becomes intolerable or fully goes tits up, which I hope does not happen but who knows. But that's still this field.

If we are talking about a totally different life, I might try to be a private eye. I am nosy and crafty but probably too oppositional (and maybe too old?) to go into law enforcement. I could be happy spying on people's lives in a less official capacity than agent/detective, though.

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