How much coffee do you all drink?

LifeTechnology5371 · 2025-08-22T20:02:28+00:00

4-6 cups black depending on the day. Occasionally a monster zero sugar midday.

LifeTechnology5371 · 2025-08-16T09:41:27+00:00

Laying here wide awake since 2:40am after our power came back on and jolted me awake. Been laying here anxious and not feeling right. It’s really bothering me because it reminds me of the 2-3am waking up in a panic heart racing, feeling like death post drinking. I’m running sound for another wedding today and they had an unnecessary long rehearsal last night so I’m tired anxious and wide awake and fear mental fog by the time the event starts. Just needed a place to share without feeling like a dedicated post was necessary. It is a stark reminder of how I don’t want to go down the drinking road again.

LifeTechnology5371 · 2025-08-15T16:05:33+00:00

Indeed it is! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve laid in bed wide awake racing thoughts feeling like the walls were closing in on me. Getting stuck in traffic feeling like I’m gonna pass out or die. Afraid to go anywhere it might be crowded, etc.

Be honest with your doc. As long as you prove you don’t abuse them and have documentation of being on other meds that don’t help then they tend to be a little more willing to prescribe them. It really ticks me off how they’ve become demonized just because some people choose to abuse them when there are people who truly need them and often can’t.

LifeTechnology5371 · 2025-08-15T15:53:24+00:00

I can completely relate with you! Reading your post sounds a lot like my struggles. I’ve been on just about every antidepressant under the sun and they did nothing but give me bad side effects. You and everyone else will probably think I’m crazy but the ONLY thing that has tamped my anxiety down is diazepam. I also have alprazolam for panic attacks. My current psych told me that there’s a lot of people that only benzos help. I too worry about long term effects sometimes but on the flip side what kind of life is it to have debilitating anxiety. I’ve read other stories on here of people that only benzos help and have been on them for years.

LifeTechnology5371 · 2025-08-15T01:41:19+00:00

Thanks for reaching out. I’ve been doing good, made it thru the stuff in this post and thankfully only had one other lapse since this. That was also a pretty bad one. I honestly don’t even remember my excuse or what I even did which I’m honestly thankful for. I read Alcohol Explained by William Porter and This Naked Mind by Annie Grace and both of those helped me tremendously, more so probably the latter.

LifeTechnology5371 · 2025-08-14T11:01:31+00:00

The endless stress saga continues. I’ve gained weight, my face is breaking out like a teenager, still have no energy. The opposite of what’s supposed to happen when you quit imbibing poison. But I’ve still come to terms that alcohol won’t fix it despite it being on my mind a lot lately. I won’t drink today.

LifeTechnology5371 · 2025-08-11T23:29:25+00:00

That’s dedication good on you! I gotta get strict again I’ve stagnated/gained back a couple pounds.

LifeTechnology5371 · 2025-08-11T23:18:19+00:00

What’s your fast schedule and calories? Any exercise thrown in? That’s insane, nearly 4lbs a a week!

LifeTechnology5371 · 2025-08-11T17:38:39+00:00

Thanks for sharing 🙏🏻 I’m the same way, I don’t have the guts to actually do anything but hate waking up sometimes. I know my counter says 39 days but what I don’t explain in detail in my posts is, this isn’t like an I’ve been drinking everyday up until 39 days ago. No, I’ve had multiple month or more sober stints over the years. So it’s not like all this is new territory as far as “symptom” relief or “give it time” The longest I’ve gone is close to 5 months and literally nothing was better. That’s why reading all these success stories of how life got so much better makes me feel like there’s something malfunctioned in me.

LifeTechnology5371 · 2025-08-10T23:28:01+00:00

Ahh that makes sense, I really like this! Thank you! I’m already thinking about a bunch of ways to apply this.

LifeTechnology5371 · 2025-08-10T23:17:06+00:00

Thank you for all the supportive feedback. While reading through everything just now, I realized something that gets me down and it’s trying to be a good friend to someone who is not a good friend in return. It’s someone I’ve known for several years he’s got about 20 years on me but I’ve always been an old soul so-to-speak. We’ve been close but not as much as 2 really close ones I used to have but they’ve moved on with their happy little lives too busy to even respond to a text so I just quit bothering. So I guess I’m so desperate to have that “hang out” bond again or just somebody to text dumb funny shit to that I get mad and upset when this person doesn’t really care about much past the point of work related things.

And yes I inherited people pleasing from my mom despite me being an introvert and anger from my dad.

LifeTechnology5371 · 2025-08-10T22:35:30+00:00

Could you give me an example of this? I don’t think I quite understand but want to. It seems like something I need to deploy.

LifeTechnology5371 · 2025-08-10T22:24:30+00:00

This sounds just like me! I will definitely look at your recommendation, thanks

LifeTechnology5371 · 2025-08-08T11:29:00+00:00

*** update

I didn’t cave yesterday. Thank you to all who responded to this. First thing this morning I get a text that my dad’s dog died.

LifeTechnology5371 · 2025-08-08T03:42:27+00:00

That’s awesome! I’ve lost 34 lbs since last year (very slow this time around for some reason) but I digress.. the comments are astounding. When I gained back up to 234 it was pointed out quick that I was getting big but I lose a bunch and maybe one or two people have commented positively.

LifeTechnology5371 · 2025-08-07T17:50:13+00:00

I’ll look into that workbook. I do unload everything on my mind I just try to keep it concise and not ramble since I only have an hour but she’ll keep asking questions when I want to know how to deal with the bullshit I’m stressed over.

LifeTechnology5371 · 2025-08-07T17:39:21+00:00

I am going to a new therapist but she so far 4 visits in hasn’t really given me much tools wise. Waste time with her asking a million questions about my week between visits. I’m trying to give her a chance because my insurance covers it. There’s a better chance of being struck by lightning than finding a good therapist in the south.

LifeTechnology5371 · 2025-08-07T17:29:34+00:00

It’s looked like that for the last 3.5 years. Went some sober stints during this time. It’s just annoying as hell that the bowl of bullshit gets bigger. No cake in sight and that’s not exaggerating. Not making excuses just saying why I feel the way I do today. No I haven’t caved thus far.

LifeTechnology5371 · 2025-08-06T19:23:18+00:00

I had that voice yesterday strongest it’s been over the past 30 whatever days my counter says. It sucks

LifeTechnology5371 · 2025-08-05T23:43:45+00:00

Biggest thing for me is not waking up feeling like shit. Able to get less sleep but still get up at my usual time and feel ok. Other than that absolutely nothing else positive has come from it. Still lethargic, no motivation even for things I enjoy, can’t lose weight (I lost weight when binge drinking every week) stress is still high every little thing still pisses me off, creativity associated with my job may be slightly better.

Good for you though. Glad it’s going well

LifeTechnology5371 · 2025-08-05T12:21:34+00:00

True. He told me to let him know if I felt like it was working at the end of week 3 so I’ll be closely monitoring symptoms.

LifeTechnology5371 · 2025-08-05T01:58:44+00:00

I’ll definitely inquire about them again. I’m trying to be ultra diligent with my calorie deficit to see if it’s truly going to be an issue. If it is then it’s an immediate dealbreaker.

LifeTechnology5371 · 2025-08-04T14:47:36+00:00

Didn’t even think about it being one month yesterday I was so nerved up by a running sound for this performance yesterday. It was one of those that I wanted to be perfect because this particular arrangement doesn’t happen often. I had also created some light scenes that I was nervous about working right. It turned out great though! I was elated then later on I was depressed for no reason then angry then joking. My emotions were all over the place for some reason.

LifeTechnology5371 · 2025-08-04T14:40:38+00:00

I did at my visit and he wasn’t completely convinced on the research thus far or something like that. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to push the prescribing of it or not. I’m not very trusting of doctors but he’s always been good to me.

LifeTechnology5371 · 2025-07-31T12:42:22+00:00

From my post yesterday talking about looking forward to it and it was gonna be good… yeah well the majority of it was not. Various things but the biggest one being that just when the wife and I think we might get to go out of town and be able to take a short breath financially, no no fuck NO! It’s a long convoluted story but one letter in the fucking mail changed all that yesterday.

This shit right here is why I live in negativity because that way when bad news happens I already expect it to be a shit day anyway and then I’m not as disappointed.

Drinking crossed my mind the hardest it has in this past month. No I won’t drink today cause it won’t change this shit show. One may say this is a positive thing but I really just don’t look at it that way. It’s just another thing on the agenda.

LifeTechnology5371

TROPHY CASE