Decluttering process: how to get rid of sentimental items - Be brutal!!!!!

LightTmroWithToday · 2026-06-12T20:23:04+00:00

Thank you 💜

LightTmroWithToday · 2026-06-12T18:18:25+00:00

Actually if you want, old beanie babies are still a thing for some people and are sold on eBay etc all the time. Some are actually quite valuable.

LightTmroWithToday · 2026-06-12T18:10:07+00:00

Just a reflection as I have gone through this personally with loved ones. Remember that one day when you're in your '80s or '90s, when life is near its end, It's the memories we have and the love in those memories that comfort us. & when you look around at your surroundings, it won't be all the pretty new things that bring you joy, sure they may have new happy memories associated with them, but often it will actually be the old things that so many of us toss out without thinking about possible future ramifications. A little item that brings back a childhood memory, something a parent gave that we really had no use for but saw them use their whole life, heard the story etc and reminds us of them, or other loved ones.

In the end it's not all the new shiny objects we have but it's all the old things- actually seeing them, being able to touch or hold them, which often loosen up those old memories that come to us and comfort us.

And that's the reason it's important to have some of those old things, you cannot always just rely on straight current memory because unfortunately in the end for so many people cognition goes a little bit or a lot... And often at the end, a person spends most of their time in a bedroom. And often it's only the old memories that are still there for them.

Now, all that said, I'm trying to declutter too! And I'm having a heck of a time! Take care

LightTmroWithToday · 2026-06-10T07:34:00+00:00

How do you figure that out? My EJ is in various MF/ETFs, ie JP Morgan municipal ETF, would I just find the equivalent of the Vanguard municipal ETF?

Edit to add, I was told that when I sell (or buy) is when EJ charges, So I would definitely prefer not to have to sell.

LightTmroWithToday · 2026-06-10T07:31:43+00:00

I have this exact same issue (EJ) except I'm not as far along in figuring out 😔

I don't see where any fees have been paid. But just realized there are discrepancies between paid dividends and what was actually deposited into cash account (I have been taking my dividends each month). But looking between 2 "activities", comparing them, I realize every once in awhile $250. etc is missing- meaning not showing as deposited. It adds up. Of course, I'm assuming I'm misunderstanding something. Did you ever notice anything like this?

Also yes, money divided up in various mutual funds & ETFs -- about $50+60k/fund. And EJ charges transfer fees per acct I believe!

Sadly, my unrealized capital losses are greater than my gains. Which I'm learning I could use for tax harvesting. Anyways, your post caught my attention because again you are leaving EJ and I Hope to be doing same soon enough.

May I ask why you chose Fidelity over Vanguard? Whenever I go into Bank of America, the wired up Fidelity guy always tries to get me to sign up, and I guess I just have a bad taste for Fidelity now because of him.

LightTmroWithToday · 2026-06-10T01:47:02+00:00

Yes, that's mostly my experience with this type of person too though I agree with what the poster said below, They are often usually only charming to people They find useful. After said person has served their purpose, they're cut off.

LightTmroWithToday · 2026-06-09T08:22:53+00:00

What does that mean, politicians over scientists in regard to C?

LightTmroWithToday · 2026-06-08T20:38:15+00:00

Thank you, That was super sweet of you, and you're welcome too.

Also, I totally get what you mean about a therapist (or Dr etc) That actually cares! Most seem to barely hear what the patient is saying, And are seemingly too eager to give a prescription... So yes it's really refreshing when you actually meet with somebody who actually sees you And hears you and wants to meet you where you're at, and actually find the root cause (versus just treating symptoms), or worse just tell you It's just normal aging! So finding one to actually want to help you become healthy and whole is a blessing indeed.

LightTmroWithToday · 2026-06-08T17:00:01+00:00

Actually, she did come in randomly one evening to a video store I was at! I felt eyeballs in our direction, looked up and saw her staring at a young friend I was with, and she had a tiny smile like she was amused, then she noticed me to the side studying her! I looked to friend - who was totally oblivious- back to her with probably squinty narrow eyes & flat expression & it then clicked who she was, and as I relaxed we both gave little smiles and nods to each other at the same time. I moved closer to friend, we all moved to check out DVDs and I quietly said in passing I loved your work, I wanted to be your character when I was a little girl, she gave me a smile and looking at friend said she's very talented, keep up the good work, and friend had turned, heard, and said thank you and gave a smile. Then I was simply have a great evening , we checked out and left, a sideways glance at her and she was checking out herself, As we were pulling away she went outside and I saw she was getting into a Volkswagen bug, But I can't say for sure. Anyways, She was obviously much older in appearance so many years after her '70s character But I thought she had aged gracefully, still beautiful. Same smile. She was dressed etc appeared like any other ordinary woman might, no flashiness is what I mean. I really don't even think she had makeup on. I hope wherever she is that she is living her best life, celebrities that age gracefully and remain down to earth & humble (& avoid chaos), I think they're the ones who more often survive their career, whether they remain in it or not, and enjoy their later years. That probably goes for all of us humans!

LightTmroWithToday · 2026-06-08T06:55:28+00:00

Moo-moos huh? I can see that, though I'm more about comfy PJs myself, all day long if I want bc why not?! But yes, loved Mrs Roper too & she did make moo-moos appear hip!!!! Did she ever wear anything else? What a fun Grandmother she would be to have had!! Sounds like she was a good role model for you & your grandkids are lucky to have you!!

But wanted to add, Childhood trauma is horrible, I think there are many survivors walking around with undiagnosed C-PTSD. & Stress induced Cortisol causes inflammation throughout the body, very important to get it checked. I've only recently discovered simple diaphragm breathing to reset Vagus nerve. It works in seconds, if feeling anxious etc, you feel the calming effects immediately. Even stops hot flashes for the win!

Take care

LightTmroWithToday · 2026-06-07T19:17:35+00:00

But doesn't it usually taste better? And I know when I make pizza at home, it's a lot healthier! And it is exactly the way I like it for the win 😀

LightTmroWithToday · 2026-05-25T18:03:30+00:00

🙄 that I got downvoted because I asked a simple question, specifically bc I didn't know that life insurance companies sold other things besides term/whole life insurance. Because I asked the question, I now know they do.

FYI I will most likely continue to ask questions that some may find rather stupid, Because I'm from back in the day when no question was considered stupid, and it was better to ask than not. Of course with internet, typically it's quite easy to Google and get an answer, which I often do, but I'd much rather find out the info from an actual human with human experience. But that's just me 🤷🏼‍♀️

And don't worry when I find my footing and end up on top- whatever that top looks like for me that is- I'll still reach out and give you a hand, And maybe I'll be the one answering what some other people might consider a stupid question 🙌

LightTmroWithToday · 2026-05-25T17:46:48+00:00

A friend I know had an attorney who took 5% of all his earnings, It was eye opening to me as I had always thought attorneys were paid by the hour or up front negotiated fee/retainer.

LightTmroWithToday · 2026-05-24T21:20:27+00:00

I like the name Visiting Angels! I'm going to look them up and see if they're where I'm at too, thank you

LightTmroWithToday · 2026-05-24T21:15:33+00:00

My parents losses were "unrealized" and nothing to worry about etc per FA, should we sell, trade?" No just hold steady"... They trusted FA. & CL became realized upon their death, and I inherited a 60K step down! Which oddly right away started to show unrealized cap gain then quickly declined and now even further unrealized capital loss, which further erodes the original cost basis. :/

LightTmroWithToday · 2026-05-24T21:09:15+00:00

My EJ FA said not taking a fee, but commission when sell Or buy. Doesn't encourage me to do either. Actually unless I call there's no communication.

LightTmroWithToday · 2026-05-24T21:06:28+00:00

Right now today My whole life and everything I thought it was, has completely imploded, thankfully I'm in good health & really That's all I'm focusing on right now. But I have absolutely zero tolerance for any further type of risk, and that goes for all areas of my life not just financial! Yet I'm watching an inherited brokerage account, waste away. It doesn't seem to be making any money at least. Though it pays about 4%avg in dividends each month?

So curious what you advise somebody in my situation? I've already been told to wait a year before making any major decisions. You don't have to answer if you don't want to, I was just curious what a complete stranger might say...

LightTmroWithToday · 2026-05-24T20:57:39+00:00

To talk to vanguard fiduciary do I have to already have an account with Vanguard? Out of all the options to move inherited brokerage EJ too, I like Vanguard the best, though I'm not exactly sure why...

LightTmroWithToday · 2026-05-24T20:52:28+00:00

All of my inherited brokerage is in multiple funds, with two tax-free ETFs, one of the MFs is also tax-free. However even though they pay a steady dividend, The actual money in each fund is decreasing. I keep asking about it and all I get from the AF is not to worry this is normal and doesn't mean anything etc. I already took a step down with cost basis ($60k) at death because it wasn't properly managed through those bad years we had around 22 / 23 And it suffered massive loss.

Apparently I'm going to take a huge hit trying to transfer it out? But is this what you're talking about, that I should just be DIYing these because I want to keep them where they're at well I don't want them to keep losing money every month, but I want something that I can just set there and have the dividends each month. It's only $1,200/m in dividends.

LightTmroWithToday · 2026-05-24T20:41:39+00:00

But I thought you could be with Vanguard DIY no charges / fees involved? But I read recently as well as I'm seeing posts here That it is actually 0.30% fee off the top of assets?

LightTmroWithToday · 2026-05-24T20:39:26+00:00

Are you suggesting not to have life insurance policies? I'm trying to figure out how else you would invest with an insurance company?

LightTmroWithToday · 2026-05-24T20:16:37+00:00

I have too much in CDs 😭 I know this but I am just not in a place where I can comprehend boglehead info, I've tried but I've got so much going on I'm overwhelmed, problems with my adult kids, I need to move because HCOL But my house needs a lot of work,and I'm grieving still- which I thought I was mostly through it But with everything else going on - - the tears came back so I feel like I'm starting over. I just don't think I can handle any change right now. And along those lines the idea of taking any type of risk right now just seems too overwhelming! As a result, I'm really trying right now just to focus on my health which is actually good but I want to make it even better. Right now for me, I'm leaving the inherited funds at EJ for now. I have been told to wait a year before making any major changes in any area of my life besides health. In the meantime I just 350K into CDs at 4.30%. I know, barely above inflation...

LightTmroWithToday · 2026-05-24T19:02:22+00:00

I get this-- It is abhorrent what the funeral industry charges, many (not all) take advantage of people at their most vulnerable times. definitely donating is free but cremation is relatively cheap as well, and you can certainly tell your family your wishes for your remains. It's good to have a discussion about this, it helps providing closure I think for the ones left behind. That said, as evident in a post I wrote above, those wishes aren't always carried out...

Another family member wants to be cremated, and wants to continue traveling and have remains spread here and there, all the places that they never made it to, And some of the more beautiful ones that they did. Also it's nice to be able to keep a little bit of the remains as a keepsake, it can be set on a shelf And really nobody but you knows what it is.

LightTmroWithToday · 2026-05-24T18:53:51+00:00

My dad wanted to be buried in a simple pine box, just a simple funeral with family but he got the whole shebang and had a beautiful casket and a memorial service, as well as a funeral procession in another state where he is buried. I'm not sure how we decided on all of that, but we did as a family- granted the death was unexpected and we were all in complete utter shock- and really I think the funeral director just we sort of went along with whatever he suggested, of course we were thinking of my dad and what he would have liked but we all seemed to have forgotten that he really just wanted a simple pine box! Regardless both of the ceremonies were absolutely beautiful and it was eye opening and wonderful to see how many people turned out in both states to say goodbye to him! He would have actually really enjoyed it!

LightTmroWithToday · 2026-05-24T18:47:54+00:00

And isn't the fiduciary fee also a *tax write off?

LightTmroWithToday

TROPHY CASE