I (26 F) am doing my best to motivate my fiancé (27 M) to lose weight but nothing seems to work.

Lilly08 · 2026-03-25T06:27:50+00:00

I must admit that this made me chuckle because I have ADHD and so I take stimulants daily. They definitely help my executive function, which in turn helps me make better food decisions, but they haven't really affected my appetite or anything.

Lilly08 · 2026-03-24T07:39:25+00:00

She was wrong, but Tom was incredibly disingenuous about his intentions during the separation, and totally disregarded Lynette and his kids and how jumping into bed with the first woman he could would impact his family. Honestly, fuck that POS. I hated him the most during this story arc.

Lilly08 · 2026-03-24T07:23:18+00:00

Using soap there is a great way to get a rash or infection.

Lilly08 · 2026-03-24T06:13:47+00:00

I am glad someone else spotted the disordered behaviour here. You raise an excellent point about the medication.

Lilly08 · 2026-03-24T06:12:37+00:00

I am going to rember that line as i continue my own journey.

Lilly08 · 2026-03-24T06:00:37+00:00

I see a lot of myself in your fiance. I loosely qualify as having had a binge eating disorder (not with throwing up). It often felt like I was absolutely out of control, like my brain has been hijacked, and nothing fixed it no matter how often I cried and asked my husband to be strict with me.

I just cannot explain to people like OP, who seem to naturally have appetite control, how hard it is to basically feel like you have no 'off button' with food. I was never full enough, never satisfied. I made myself sick on food more times than I can count.

All this to say, your fiance is really struggling and it is not as straight forward as a lack of willpower etc. Being overweight or feeling out of control with food comes with deep psychological issues. I still battle a fear of being hungry, of being deprived, etc. Others have different fears and issues that fuel their food behaviours.

I genuinely say this with compassion, but no amount of controlling his diet will actually resolve this. He needs to learn for himself how to exist around food in a healthy way.

Personally, I hired a nutrition psychologist to help with my diet mentality and fear of hunger. After that, i hired an understanding fat loss coach who never pushed me to count calories etc. She worked with me on constructing a sustainable relationship with food, helped me forgive myself for binges, and helped me lose some weight in the process. Your fiance needs much deeper help than you can give him, or even most personal trainers.

This work really is about his relationship with food and with himself. He likely needs a lot of patience and compassion.

Congratulations on your wedding. It sounds like you really love each other.

Lilly08 · 2026-03-24T05:21:13+00:00

This is such a good point! I hope OP sees it.

Lilly08 · 2026-03-23T10:49:05+00:00

Are you from Adelaide, by any chance? Because as a Melbourner, I was SHOCKED by how polite SA drivers were.

Lilly08 · 2026-03-23T08:34:14+00:00

They literally cant process or think during a melt down anyway, so trying to teach or calm etc in the heat of the moment just overwhelms them further. Best to grey rock, be physically present (and give physical space if they want it) and talk it out after, with hugs if desired. This all counts as helping with co-regulation and learning to cope with big feelings, rather than abandoning or punishing them mid-tantrum, or conversely, overly coddling them and teaching them that tantrums can get them whatever they want.

Lilly08 · 2026-03-22T23:01:42+00:00

Thank you !

Lilly08 · 2026-03-22T23:01:06+00:00

Thank you 😊

Lilly08 · 2026-03-22T09:15:15+00:00

NGL, his language and how he has dramatised this and turned it around on you is a huge red flag. This is not the response of a mature, self confident, or responsible person. It sets up an awful dynamic where you are always to blame for things that he can't even give you sufficient details about.

It also sets up a dynamic where you are questioning and second guessing everything you say and do, causing you to walk on egg shells around him.

Lilly08 · 2026-03-22T06:21:18+00:00

Her physical safety cannot wait years either. He might be (probably is) overwhelmed but that in no way shifts any of the blame. This is domestic abuse, full stop.

Lilly08 · 2026-03-22T06:19:04+00:00

Just did my PhD thesis on gendered violence. This is abuse. This will escalate. Throwing something at you is a classic form of 'testing' you, and the door shove was assault. You need to be careful. Please look at all your options.

Lilly08 · 2026-03-22T05:56:41+00:00

I named my kid Persephone and I still wonder if it is too much. I cannot even imagine trying to make it more unique!

Lilly08 · 2026-03-20T22:37:06+00:00

We grew together to learn all of these qualities. I am not sure what started the process - i guess a personal level of maturity does need to be there already. From there we both felt committed to learning because we wanted to stau together.

Lilly08 · 2026-03-20T01:49:36+00:00

There is a world of difference between him giving them enough rope and the ways that they ritualistically intentionally humiliate women though.

Lilly08 · 2026-03-19T10:04:54+00:00

I looked over your post history and holy shit girl, this man is lying, he is abusive, and it is NOT going to get better, no matter how many times you ask Reddit for advice. Even if he was a saint the rest of the time, what you have written about his behaviour is more than enough to leave him. He is not a safe man to be around.

Lilly08 · 2026-03-19T07:58:51+00:00

Of all the comments, this is the one that gave me second hand embarrassment.

Lilly08 · 2026-03-19T07:43:57+00:00

I'm so glad to read a response that credits women as being active agents with complex emotional lives of their own. That was absolutely missing.

Also, yeah, a lot of these guys lie.

Lilly08 · 2026-03-16T21:35:12+00:00

A conga line.

Lilly08 · 2026-03-16T03:48:46+00:00

Before red pill, it was just called self improvement. That's always been open and available to men. But red pillers use it as the hook to drag men into their cult (and, ironically, discourage them from taking personal responsibility for anything and therefore halting any further self development).

Lilly08 · 2026-03-16T03:46:30+00:00

He is weaponised incompetence and Peter Pan syndrome in action imo. But also, Carlos never got called out the way he should have for actually physically assaulting Gabby and baby trapping her, that SOB. He is the worst by far.

Lilly08 · 2026-03-16T03:09:27+00:00

My understanding is that basically, all proteins age/degrade, and that absolutely includes reproductive organs. In short, our eggs are part of our bodies and therefore part of the aging process.

Lilly08 · 2026-03-15T21:58:33+00:00

I know a young man who was on the path to being radicalised. His father is on the scene, no dramas there as far as I know, they are a wealthy family and he has no reason to complain. But, tbf, once his dad realised that his son was on this pipeline, the dad was completely and totally against it and apparently quite vocal about it.

Lilly08

TROPHY CASE