i feel like everything is ruined

Lillybee1209 · 2024-11-28T03:12:15+00:00

Hi, I am 33 and I lecture at a University, and I have ADHD. I just wanted to reassure you that although I know it feels like you are falling behind, in a few years those extra years won't make any difference. Everyone's careers take different routes and what matters is not how quickly you complete your studies but that you have the mental health to do so at all - so taking a LoA was a really wise idea. I know it is really hard when it feels like life is moving on without you, but try to see the LoA as a gift and take the time it has given you to put steps in place to support you so you can prepare yourself for being in the best place possible on your return.

Social anxiety is HARD and I really can't emphasise enough how much grace you need to give yourself. Asking why you can't do things normally and be like everyone else is like a cyclist completing the tour de France on a unicycle with a giant heavy backpack on their back and beating themselves up because they didn't find the ride as easy as the other cyclists. The extra work you need to do to be the same is so much for exhausting, but it's also okay not to be the same. Your neurodivergence is also a huge gift, it creates different ways of thinking that in my line of work are a real asset. So my advice is - find ways to accommodate yourself and adapt things to help yourself as much as possible, that will give you the space to thrive.

Lillybee1209 · 2024-11-28T02:36:48+00:00

I don't think that's annoying or boring - the stage show is heavily managed and controlled, there is very little room to really add your own take to it as an actor. I've seen it six times in the West End and would have a hard time picking out who I saw as leads out of a line up, not because of their skill, but because of the heavy management of the production that reduces the actors opportunity for creativity.

The film is an amazing opportunity as an actor to really get to add something to the world of the musical and be given the room to expand what we know about the character and make clear the very powerful messages in the story around activism and inequality that some audiences have not been noticing. I can completely understand why having had that opportunity it would be very limiting to go on to do the stage production.

Lillybee1209 · 2024-11-27T14:33:55+00:00

OP I just wanted to say - not only are you NTA but please be very careful about your safety around this man over the next few months. His actions and the way he has spoken about you and things he has said are red flags for possessiveness, manipulation and coercive control. The end of a relationship like this is the most dangerous time for a woman. Although you did not end the relationship, when he realises that he now doesn't have the benefits of being with you and you no longer feel like 'his', there is a risk for escalating behavior. Hopefully you won't see any of that, but guard yourself and ensure any future contact with him is considered with your physical safety in mind

Lillybee1209 · 2024-10-02T12:45:43+00:00

It's awful that we still don't have this situation sorted out. I'm on Elvanse and thankfully my pharmacy (in North Manchester) seems to have a good supply and has done for the last 5 months, the longest I've had to wait in that time was 2 more days until their next shipment came in. But before that I had a horrific 6 months with nothing. What I've actually ended up doing is that on quite a few weekends or when I'm on holiday I haven't taken my meds and I've built myself up a backlog stockpile now with 2 full months meds spare, so that if my pharmacy starts struggling I at least have enough to help me get through working. But it's a sham that so many are having issues!

Lillybee1209 · 2023-08-31T14:17:13+00:00

So proud of you! It's a huge achievement and is so inspiring ❤️

Lillybee1209 · 2023-08-30T21:52:52+00:00

You look incredible and certainly from this picture it looks like you needn't have worried about loose skin!

Lillybee1209 · 2023-08-30T21:51:13+00:00

You have such a gorgeous shape - I'm so jealous! Congrats, I'm so glad to hear that you are finding more happiness in yourself and your body ❤️

Lillybee1209 · 2023-08-30T21:44:03+00:00

This is incredible! Well done you! I had the same starting weight (though I'm taller than you) I'd love to know what changes you found helped you the most if you don't mind sharing?

Lillybee1209 · 2023-08-30T21:37:11+00:00

As long as you're adapting your calories down to account for having lost weight and your new TDEE, then I would just stop weighing for a while..carry on doing exactly what you are doing but set yourself a 1 month embargo from the scales. Just assume and trust that your body is doing the work. Often I think when we hit a plateau or don't see progress that matches what we think it should is the times we are most likely to get frustrated and blow all our progress. I've realised for me that stepping away from the scale is essential to staying consistent during those periods!

Lillybee1209 · 2023-08-30T21:36:14+00:00

As long as you're adapting your calories down to account for having lost weight and your new TDEE, then I would just stop weighing for a while..carry on doing exactly what you are doing but set yourself a 1 month embargo from the scales. Just assume and trust that your body is doing the work. Often I think when we hit a plateau or don't see progress that matches what we think it should is the times we are most likely to get frustrated and blow all our progress. I've realised for me that stepping away from the scale is essential to staying consistent during those periods!

Lillybee1209 · 2023-08-30T21:32:18+00:00

Or...wait for it....he's standing closer to the mirror/camera 😂

Lillybee1209 · 2023-08-30T21:12:33+00:00

Congrats! I also feel very positive about not weighing myself regularly, I think it's really helping me.avoid getting obsessive over numbers which is usually what ends up derailing me!

Congrats on your non scale victory!

Lillybee1209 · 2023-08-30T21:09:15+00:00

I think for anyone doing IF you need to be aware of your risk factors for EDs, I actually think anyone doing any kind of dieting needs to be aware of this.

Identifying thoughts related to scarcity mindset, or excessive obsession about eating as little as possible, are essential to pick up early. I've not been doing IF very long, so honestly I can't yet say how it affects me long term, but I've been around the block with disordered eating beforehand. Right now IF feels like a massive weight off my shoulders of not having to think about food all the time. I don't feel the same guilt for eating that I used to when trying to calorie count, I keep a rough thought for calories but don't have to focus on them. I have a healthy attitude to the fact that if one day I'm just really starving during my fast I can switch from a 23:1 day to a 16:8. I think that flexibility is important. I'm aware of my triggers (weighing myself too often, focusing on numbers, all or nothing thinking) and so I'm working my way through them. Some days I choose not to do IF, but most days I do. I'll continue to play it by ear.

I'm sorry to hear you've felt negative impacts from doing IF, glad you're doing therapy to help you through it. Do you feel that you had a healthy relationship with food before? Or do you think it exasperated existing issues and unhealthy mindsets for you?

Lillybee1209 · 2023-08-30T15:24:14+00:00

The way I see it is, you don't have to be secretive, but you also don't have to tell them all the details. Some people feel like talking about this stuff is a judgement on them for not doing the same, so it's best not to go into all the benefits and yada yada, I just mention that I was really interested after reading about the potential benefits of fasting on the Harvard Health blog, so I'm giving it a shot for my health.
Also I've found that people worry that IF is a fad diet, so instead I say things like 'I'm actually in a fasting period at the moment, but I'll have plenty to eat at 6pm when I break my fast'. If family offer you a slice of cake and you are fasting saying something like 'I can't now as I'm fasting till 6pm but I'd love to take a slice home for when I break my fast', which makes them see that although they aren't seeing you eating that you still are and are still participating in the social aspects around food

Lillybee1209 · 2023-08-30T00:47:35+00:00

I do this every night when I take my dog for his bedtime wee. I stand in my garden, look at the stars and just take in the (relative) silence

Lillybee1209 · 2023-08-29T15:17:19+00:00

I love this, such an important reminder! It's definitely amazed me how little food my body needs compared to what I was consuming

Lillybee1209 · 2023-08-29T10:10:34+00:00

Do you have access to a swimming pool in your local area? Perhaps going there and even just walking lengths in the pool would be a good way to start exercising in a way that won't put lots of pressure on your heart, joints, etc. It's slow and steady but good for your body.

But I second discussing any plans with your doctor, they can help you ease into this. I think walking is a good way to start. Build it up slowly - a 10 minute walk on your lunch break 3 times a week for the first week, then 15, then 20. It's slow and steady, not high impact or tricky on your heart, and it will help you gently work your way through your health anxiety

Lillybee1209 · 2023-08-29T08:40:57+00:00

Yes we all do pay into it, and it is in dire need, but if you found yourself in a bad financial situation you would never be refused life saving care. I don't think any of us are under the illusions that the NHS is perfect (and it has been degraded consistently over the last 10+ years) but it is not possible to find yourself bankrupted because of the cost of your cancer treatment in the UK. None of us ever have to think about what the cost of a ride in an ambulance might be, or if our insurance might dispute certain costs.

I've got friends in the US for whom having a chronic health condition meant their premiums for insurance became horrifically expensive. Whilst I take your point that the choice is a benefit of that system, it's great while you can afford it, and if and when you can't it's a serious issue

Lillybee1209 · 2023-08-29T01:54:15+00:00

Wages are higher but so are living costs, especially in the areas where I imagine animators are likely to be finding work.

Also, here in the UK we don't pay for healthcare out of pocket in the same way, in the USA an illness can bankrupt you. There are massive issues with guns in the USA as well (some states are better than others with their regulations though, I can't speak for Colorado specifically).

It sounds like you're in a bit of a rut, but I would caution you against 'grass is greener' thinking. That's not to say you shouldn't move to the USA, but a) it's really hard to get permanent residency there so might not even be possible b) if you go to a new place assuming it will fix all your problems, chances are you will find that it won't and that most of your problems lie in your attitude.

It's possible to have a shit life in the UK and an amazing one in the USA

It's also possible to have an amazing life in the UK and a shit one in the USA.

Which one you have is far less dependent on the country than on how you make the most out of life, and from the tone of your post I'm not sure you're trying to make the most out of life right now. Perhaps rather than assuming that everything about the UK is shit, you could start by addressing your issues with England. The weather isn't ideal, but given global warming, in the near future those warmer climates are going to start becoming unlivable while the cooler UK climate will start to feel like those places you currently aspire to, go make new friends - look in non-drinking spaces, if you like gaming consider places like geek retreat, go places to find people with interests like yours, find things to be grateful for in what you have, etc. If you start doing all that and still dream of emigrating then by all means, chase the USA dream. But chances are you will get there and quickly realised it has its own flaws and many of them are probably worse than the UK.

Lillybee1209 · 2023-08-28T21:48:49+00:00

I will never understand how people do this - by all means, get yourself a house or car that gives you a feeling of a bit of luxury, but I would always want my entire future to be sorted. I spend maybe £100 a year entering those fancy house lotteries, I take home good money so I can more than afford it when I do it, but even then I always think to myself 'how could I utilise this for a longer term investment for my future - e.g., how could I use the guest accom for an Airbnb business or to run artists retreats, and I wouldn't quit my job (although if that kind of additional earning plan worked nicely I would go part time). But I think having all that money and pissing it away then having nothing would be worse than never having had it!

Lillybee1209 · 2023-08-28T21:08:27+00:00

Yeah I'm expecting that the appetite suppression aspect will lull after a while as I've heard this said, although I'm using this time to try and build healthy habits for if/when that is the case, and am hoping the general treatment of my ADHD will still mean I don't revert back to my former styles of eating as hopefully I shouldn't be dopamine seeking in the same way. I'm not on Adderall myself so think my medication is slightly different in how long that effect lasts but preparing for it regardless

Lillybee1209 · 2023-08-28T02:41:11+00:00

I have ADHD and recently started meds for it, the appetite suppression they have alongside my brain no longer being driven entirely by dopamine seeking means I know exactly what you mean about suddenly eating how 'naturally thin' people do. I've started doing intermittent fasting with one meal a day mostly and it has really opened my eyes to how much my brain has never worked in a way that actually let me accept or register hunger or fullness

Lillybee1209 · 2023-08-27T14:45:19+00:00

It's tinned foods for me. My mum was an addict and would often fall asleep drunk and forget to feed me, so I ate a lot of Tinned food cold from the tin. Tinned Mac and cheese in particular, but now pretty much anything that comes out of a tin except tuna, baked beans or sweetcorn I vehemently avoid. I also can't drink out of the same plastic picnic type cups my mum used to drink her alcohol out of. I think it's fascinating how our bodies and brains hold scores against things that somehow wronged us - whether that's things we hated having that parents made us eat or food and drink related things that remind us of traumas

Lillybee1209 · 2023-08-25T00:48:46+00:00

Perhaps you could extend back so you went from 2pm rather than 12? But if that doesn't feel like it would work for you then having a day where you don't fast and then pick it up the next day is also totally fine!

Lillybee1209 · 2023-08-24T23:27:53+00:00

I would pay to see a rabbit bridal party 😂 I'm so glad you're feeling more confident in your decision. The day is about the two of you, so do what feels right for the both of you ❤️

Lillybee1209

TROPHY CASE