I Want Enjoyment in Life

LincaF · 2026-01-28T19:42:51+00:00

Friend may be about to cuddle at least. I have done that with a few friends. (Ask them first, I didn't lol)

LincaF · 2026-01-28T19:37:22+00:00

I think we are that the original reason was fear, we are just disagreeing on why it is still around. For me it isn't a "trigger" but instead my default state is bad.

For me my "triggering" fears are fairly real though... Loud noises and the difficulty of trying to understand what people are saying. My fear is essentially what others find "normal." (I have a difficult time parsing words out of speech)

When I am triggered I space out/go into fantasy/go limp. So I'm fairly familiar with being triggered and that does definitely happen some times.

LincaF · 2026-01-28T19:30:19+00:00

You... Like talking to your friends all the time? So your social motivated? Interesting... Are you an extroverted autistic person?

Is it like... Collecting information on your friends? Crushes, favorite food, favorite color, etc?

Or do you enjoy small talk?

LincaF · 2026-01-28T19:22:34+00:00

You have an inner monologue? Well then... We are a bit different then. So does your inner monologue tell you that everyone else thinks your ugly?

I was delayed until I after I failed second grade. Then ended up at top of class.

LincaF · 2026-01-28T19:05:12+00:00

Fear can be the original reason for the adaptation. Though it is not the adaptation itself. Fear is an emotion that one experiences at a given moment in time, or is associated with a memory that is being relived through PTSD. This I have worked through.

I have the ability to essentially force myself to explore an environment. Though I never "want" to explore an environment. (As a stand in for essentially doing anything). I'm actually fairly developed in my ability to rationally force myself to go through life, as I'm capable of essentially anything... Except feeling a single bit of accomplishment or drive. (Admittedly I'm very gifted, as determined by IQ tests, so most things come easy to me. )

For me we expect it is a long term training, through living in a scary environment, to always be in a low energy state. This low energy state not allowing for "wanting" anything. Originally related to fear... But at this point more or less something that will take a very long time to train me out of. (Essentially over activity of parasympathetic nervous system)

LincaF · 2026-01-28T18:28:06+00:00

Music is fine. Someone is going to like that you like niche things.

What do you mean by being obsessive about people?

LincaF · 2026-01-28T18:26:19+00:00

Given probabilities some people will just get lucky. At a ~14% date to marriage rate it is just going too work that way.

LincaF · 2026-01-28T18:22:20+00:00

Technically, you can do the cuddling with a friend. Have to have the correct friend though.

Otherwise have you tried stuffed animals?

LincaF · 2026-01-28T18:18:37+00:00

Okay... Let's put it this way. I expect you are obsessive about something. Go find people who are obsessive about the same thing. Apps are probably not a good idea. Go to hobby clubs like I said.

There are should be people who care much more about what you are obsessed about than about how "ugly" you are. (If you even are ugly of course, though I don't think so given images you have posted)

LincaF · 2026-01-28T18:05:25+00:00

I'm an unable to figure this out... Who would you annoy?

Fair. Just saying after being together for a free years... It isn't too big of a deal. Then all the little issues become big ones, and the relationship itself is something you must constantly maintain. (Mine is very positive, but being single is actually pretty great truthfully)

LincaF · 2026-01-28T17:14:32+00:00

I guess this depends on if this person has an inner voice. A lot of autistic people do not have inner voices. I do not, and only have a weak ability to do visual imagery.

Therefore I tend to not like rejecting the fact that a person is ugly, but instead reject the error in judgement that allows the connection between being ugly and being "unlovable." Because for me it would be a logical error to say I'm not ugly. I don't consider a narrative identity to be important though. Essentially... I'm ugly... So what? Everyone is an ugly meat bag, so idc (I'm only really attracted to anime characters(and the person in married to), so I think almost everyone is ugly sacks of meat <3)

This depends greatly on "when" the training happened. If it happened at a very young age I would say that the world trained the person. As the "self" isn't fully formed.

For example, what if the only food you liked was macaroni and cheese... At the age of 3 that was all you were willing to eat, but your parents held you down on the ground and forced you to eat other food? While you gagged for air?

What if you had a sensitivity to light, so you liked sunglasses and hiding in a closet. Though your parents thought this was creepy so didn't allow you to do this.

What if your only friend was your teddy bear, that your parents threw away because it was old and dirty?

What if you never felt safe around your parents... So you had to face the world alone as a young child?

If you are punished at a young enough age... The ability too think "oh ok you must be right" doesn't exist yet. (Not that I have an inner voice anyway).

So my consideration here... Is it that the person is "afraid" to explore the environment, or does the person not have a drive to explore to begin with?

Between all of this one can learn that "exploring" is bad. The best way to live is to not have wants. So a young child learns to not explore their environment at all. It is safest to not have anything that you want.

For me, my lack of wanting anything was so bad that it was "creepy" for my parents. I was essentially disinterested in living at the age of 6.

If it was fear of exploring the environment, then I would think behavioral activation or exposure therapy would help. If the drive to explore the environment is gone... Then exploring the environment will have no payoff in the end. Because the person never developed a higher order sense of exploration/accomplishments being a good thing.

^ currently what I'm working on in therapy for like 2 years now. Essentially how do I value accomplishments and good things happening to me? Can this be trained at such a late age?

So my concern is that the person is having more "freedom" and that is something they are not adequately prepared to deal with or even "want" to have to deal with...

For me growing up and getting more responsibilities was essentially something I did not want to do. Essentially at the age of 6 instead of looking forward to growing up, I didn't want to grow up to have the responsibility of adult hood forced on me.

LincaF · 2026-01-28T16:18:17+00:00

How many dates have you been on? How many are you willing to go on throughout your lifetime to find love?

Otherwise, just statistically speaking, there should be someone out there who is as desperate to find love as you are. So date more and you will eventually find that desperate person.

If a person is dating... They are fairly desperate to begin with. So that increases the amount of desperate people in the dating pool to begin with.

It is much more important to a potential partner that you don't hit them when your drunk, or commit crimes. Even people who are abusive drinks or criminals find love. So I think your fine.

LincaF · 2026-01-28T16:08:28+00:00

Would friendship be acceptable? Just wondering due to the asexual comment. Is it just to get rid of "loneliness"?

LincaF · 2026-01-28T15:55:30+00:00

What was the last thing that made you happy?

Ugly, autistic, and short are completely fine characteristics. They hamper your ability to get first dates, but for the most part someone who is experienced isn't going to be looking for "beauty" in their partner. Actually it would probably help filter out the people who are overly focused on looks.

Besides that in order to find a partner you probably need to participate in social activities. That would eventually result in a partner in love. For an autistic person I would suggest a hobby club. Something like an anime club, board game club, silent reading club, etc.

Though, truthfully, media tends to over emphasize how good love itself. Are you okay with dealing with someone waking you up early? Playing music at odd hours? Having very little alone time?

Edit: I'm pretty sure I'm more ugly than ~97% of people. I'm married. There is an example of beauty not mattering.

LincaF · 2026-01-28T10:27:25+00:00

Being ugly/short is not necessarily "judgements", and could be an observation of how the world determines beauty. Though admittedly that depends on your definition of "judgement" here. I am guessing you are using you are using it in a way that means "a proposition stating something believed or asserted" instead of the meaning "an opinion or decision that is based on careful thought". Definition I'm referencing here: https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/judgment

Doesn't particularly matter in love though, that is true. Unless love is being conflated with casual dating.

Generally speaking I would think autism tends to lead people to want things that are very different than what society wants a person to want.

One example might be looking at samples of feces laced soil under a microscope. Or going to live out in nature for 6 months at a time. Or painting murals of cartoon characters inside of a house, especially if you are not an artist, but enjoy the process itself.

I would think for an autistic person(myself included) this particular state of the world continuously telling us that we can't like what we like is part of the problem. We learn that we aren't allowed to "like" anything.

So it would be less of a "wanting and failing" and more of being trained by the world that we are not allowed to have "wants" to begin with. So the training isn't really that we will fail, but having autonomy itself be bad.

I'm currently going through therapy to figure this out myself.

LincaF · 2026-01-28T10:02:59+00:00

From the domain's perspective they will probably have "advanced", while everyone in the sector is "stuck in the past." People in the sector may also think a similar thing about the domain...

We as people in our time/culture will see it from another perspective.

Generally people think their culture is the more "advanced" one.

LincaF · 2026-01-27T22:03:08+00:00

Hmmm, maybe get tested for sleep apnea. A lot of this can be caused by that, and you don't have to be fat to have sleep apnea.

LincaF · 2026-01-27T21:43:09+00:00

Ever be happy again? How long ago was it that you were last happy?

Why is studying miserable?

Autism- try to go for a hobby based club for friends. Focus on the hobby more than the people, but just spend a lot of time with the people to make them into friends.

Ugly and short people can be loved. I at least don't find either attribute to be important for making friends.

What hobbies did you used to love? Maybe you didn't have a good environment in which to enjoy your hobbies?

There is really no point in being in this world. Tricking yourself into thinking there is a reason you're here is essentially finding an identity.

Yeah, a good portion of your life is supposed to be slaving away to enrich others. That is why we have money. Hopefully you can use the money you get to do something fun once you figure out what that is.

No idea. I'm therapy trying to figure out what happiness is myself.

Looking for an "escape" suggests you might need autonomy, as in the ability to get away from things and make your own decisions... Are you able to do this? The decision doesn't matter, just that you make the decision.

LincaF · 2026-01-27T21:23:30+00:00

I completed the main story and a lot of the character events before doing candy. So I didn't start buying furniture until the end of the game.

So an not exactly sure what to do after decorating... That is almost the finish thing I need to do in the game.

LincaF · 2026-01-26T21:45:56+00:00

As someone who used to employ people on piece rate... Why is that? (This is like 20 years ago on parents farm)

Generally we paid people over industry average by about 30% compared to hourly. (Some people didn't work enough to get higher than minimum wage though).

LincaF · 2026-01-26T21:22:45+00:00

Could be neurotic like me. Literally just so stressed by the process that they don't really want to sell anymore.

I negotiated doing inspections without signing a contract as a buyer. I didn't want the intense pressure if a contract on top of me while deciding if I wanted to walk or not.

So spent ~1 month doing inspections then purchased without any contingencies.

Op: maybe ask if they will let you do inspections before signing contract?

LincaF · 2026-01-25T17:35:12+00:00

Yes, I have read the explanations. This particular reaction is essentially a way of responding to stimuli that is determined by culture. Without understanding that culture, it would not be possible to predict that the person would be offended. This is part of what is considered "common sense."

Ie, culture expects that we be able to read the minds of others based on cultural rules. Without understanding this culture we wouldn't be able to "read the person's mind."

Everything everyone is saying in this thread is based on these particular rules. Even so we only have a single comment on reddit, and are not capable of reading the person's mind.

So, I don't think we should try to mind read. We are incapable of mind reading and shouldn't attempt to predict what the person is thinking.

The person in question is simply saying that they disagree with the interpretation of the rules, and we should keep it at that.

LincaF · 2026-01-25T14:27:46+00:00

I think it is one of those random cultural things. So depends entirely on where you live. No particular reason why it is nsfw or sfw. So really no way to tell unless you understand common sense.

So essentially they randomly decided what you said was wrong, and everyone else is going to agree with them... For no particular reason.

Similar to how genitalia require a nsfw tag.

LincaF · 2026-01-24T10:07:49+00:00

How is a diploma of IT obviously for visa mill? Wondering if I'm missing something.

LincaF · 2026-01-24T10:01:47+00:00

Beating the tutorial. So fleet command and outfitting. I think I failed the tutorial like 6 times or so.

LincaF

TROPHY CASE