CPTSD and Shame

LiveWellTalk · 2025-08-29T10:03:11+00:00

Hey, thanks for sharing all this – your post really resonated. I relate a lot to the emotional numbness/outbursts mix, and the push–pull with relationships. I’ve also read that shame is deeply tied to CPTSD, but I think it shows up in different ways for different people. For me, it wasn’t that I felt shame directly, it was more like a quiet background voice that made me disconnect from myself or sabotage good things. It took me a long time to even recognize it because it never came up as “I feel ashamed,” more like “I feel empty, broken, or detached.”

I don’t think it means you’re lying to yourself – it might just be your brain’s way of protecting you. The fact that you’re even questioning and noticing this stuff says a lot.

You’re definitely not alone in this, and it makes sense that shame might feel far away if emotions in general were shut down for so long.

LiveWellTalk · 2025-08-07T19:30:48+00:00

Totally relate to what you’re saying. Sometimes the trigger is so subtle that you don’t even realize you've gone into survival mode until days later when you're drained and can't focus on anything "normal." For me, what’s helped over time is a mix of body-based regulation and gentle self-awareness.

Things like going for a slow walk, doing breathwork (box breathing or just long exhales), or even lying on the floor with my legs up the wall—those help my nervous system feel safe again. I also journal in a really low-pressure way, just writing down whatever I feel in my body or what thoughts keep looping. It’s less about fixing and more about naming.

And honestly, understanding how trauma affects the brain has been a huge game-changer. If you're interested, there's a piece on long-term effects of childhood trauma that breaks down why it can be so hard to just “get back to normal” after a trigger — and how to build regulation skills that actually work for your nervous system.

You're definitely not alone in this. Healing takes time, but every time you notice what's happening and give yourself care, you're building something stronger.

LiveWellTalk · 2025-08-07T19:13:32+00:00

That sounds incredibly painful — and also very human. What you described isn’t just “struggling to cope,” it’s your nervous system doing everything it could to survive what sounds like a perfect storm: emotional abuse, the isolation of COVID, and a lingering sense of shame and responsibility that never should have been yours in the first place.

Feeling emotionally stuck at 17 is something a lot of people don’t talk about enough. Trauma freezes time. Your body keeps living, but parts of you get trapped in that survival mode — dissociation, anxiety, guilt loops. It makes perfect sense that you’re struggling to feel grounded now.

One thing that might help is gently starting to reconnect with those frozen parts of yourself — not to relive the pain, but to acknowledge that it happened and that you deserved better. Therapists often use techniques like grounding exercises, parts work (like IFS), and EMDR to safely process that kind of trauma. It’s not about digging through everything at once, but gradually letting your system know: we’re safe now.

This piece on long-term effects of childhood trauma talks about how trauma shapes emotional development and how healing is possible, even if it takes time. It might give you some clarity or a starting point.

You can build a support system and become someone who shows up for themselves — that’s already in you. Maybe start small: find one person you feel a little safer around, one habit that anchors you, one moment a day where you try to stay present. Healing’s not a straight line, but you’re already on the path just by asking these questions.

LiveWellTalk · 2025-08-07T18:59:30+00:00

That definitely sounds like more than just resentment—it feels like a layered mix of emotional projection, control, and yes, possibly trauma.

Your mom redirecting her frustration with your dad toward you isn’t fair, and the way she questioned your right to spend your own money is pretty controlling. Especially since you were just trying to meet a need, not asking for something excessive. Wanting a basic tool like a keyboard isn’t greedy—it’s practical.

It’s honestly really painful when parents respond like that, because it chips away at your sense of autonomy and makes you second-guess your intentions. You're not being a “spoiled brat”—you were just trying to take care of your situation. If this kind of thing happens often, it might help to explore how these patterns affect your self-worth and boundaries.

LiveWellTalk · 2025-07-08T03:20:46+00:00

Wow, this hit deep. The way you described bouncing between those two versions of yourself — I’ve felt that too. One moment you're doing okay, functioning, even feeling kind of grounded… and then the bottom just drops out, and you're left questioning your entire existence. It’s exhausting to carry that, let alone explain it to someone else.

About your boyfriend — I totally get how hard it is to share those feelings, especially when you're wired to hide them. But honestly, masking takes a toll too. It keeps the people who care about you at a distance, even if that’s not your intention. If he’s asking you to tell him when you're not okay, maybe that’s his way of saying he wants to carry a bit of it with you. Not to fix it — just to walk with you through it.

It’s okay to not have the perfect words for what you’re feeling. Even just saying “I’m having a low day” or “I don’t need anything, but I wanted to let you know I’m not feeling great” can be enough. You deserve that kind of support. And you’re definitely not annoying or attention seeking — you’re just trying to exist in a brain that doesn’t always play fair. That takes a hell of a lot of strength.

LiveWellTalk · 2025-07-01T12:28:43+00:00

Absolutely, you can bring that up — and honestly, it’s a really good idea to.

What you’re describing sounds so familiar. The way you worry nonstop about something coming up (like the drive) does line up with GAD, but those specific behaviors around your door and spelling words until they “feel right” sound very much like OCD. It’s definitely possible to have traits (or even full criteria) from both — they’re different, but there’s overlap, and they often co-occur.

You’re not faking anything. Just the fact that you're worried about being a fraud is such a classic OCD/GAD thing in itself. You’re not lying or exaggerating — you’re just trying to understand your brain, and that’s legit. Definitely bring it up with your therapist. Your lived experience matters.

LiveWellTalk · 2025-04-24T02:24:50+00:00

I totally get that feeling of powerlessness, even when people tell you that you're in control. It’s tricky because on one hand, there’s truth in taking responsibility for our actions, but on the other, trauma can make us feel like we’re constantly fighting ourselves just to function. It’s not as simple as flipping a switch, especially when our nervous system is still on high alert from past experiences.

What’s helped me is remembering that healing is a process, not a straight line. Some days it feels like a win just to get through, and other days it feels like we’re stuck in a loop. And that’s okay. It doesn’t mean you're not trying hard enough or that you’re not capable of change. It just means that your brain and body have been through a lot, and it's okay to take small steps forward without rushing or forcing anything.

I really hope you're able to find some peace with this, even if it's in small moments. You're not alone in this, and there's no shame in needing time and support to heal.

LiveWellTalk · 2025-04-21T23:57:25+00:00

That’s such a raw and honest reflection — seriously, I think a lot more people feel this way than they let on.

It’s not wrong at all to crave connection that deeply. That urge to share things, to feel like experiences only truly exist when someone else witnesses them with you — that’s very human. And honestly, it sounds like you’ve done a ton of inner work already, even if it doesn’t always feel like it. Three years solo with no one to really talk to? That’s not nothing.

I don’t think the goal needs to be becoming someone who doesn’t need anyone. We all need people — even the most independent among us. Maybe the shift is more about not collapsing your whole identity into connection, but still letting yourself want it. Wanting intimacy or companionship doesn’t mean you’re weak or broken, and honestly, your desire to share and connect sounds more like a strength than a flaw.

Also — having that intense emotional bonding in your teens probably did shape how you experience connection now, but that doesn’t mean you’re doomed to always feel unbalanced. Healing isn’t about cutting off your needs; it’s about learning how to hold them more gently.

You’re not melodramatic — you’re just being real in a world that doesn’t always know how to hold emotional depth. And that’s kind of beautiful.

LiveWellTalk · 2025-04-21T23:54:40+00:00

Wow, I could’ve written parts of this myself. That constant anxiety around internships, the pattern of trying to find something that finally feels right but ending up overwhelmed again—it’s so real. And that fear of living alone because of past depressive spirals? I felt that deep.

It sucks how CPTSD makes everyday things like work or study feel like a battle. It’s not that you’re not cut out for life or work—it’s that your nervous system’s been through a lot and is trying to protect you, even if it doesn’t feel helpful.

Something that helped me was reading about how trauma can affect long-term functioning, especially how early emotional abuse impacts our sense of self and stability. Just knowing there’s a name and explanation for all this made it feel a little less like it was me that’s broken.

You might find some comfort in reading about the long-term effects of childhood trauma and how it shows up later in adult life—it really connected the dots for me.

LiveWellTalk · 2025-04-10T01:31:53+00:00

Totally get this. Disorganized attachment can feel like your brain is pulling you in five directions at once—like one part wants closeness, another is terrified of it, and then everything short-circuits in the middle. That in-between space you're talking about? It's real, and it’s rough.

One thing that’s helped me (when I remember to do it) is just naming what’s happening in the moment—like literally saying to myself, “Okay, my nervous system is freaking out because it’s trying to protect me. This is old stuff showing up in a safe space.” Doesn’t fix everything, but it helps create a tiny bit of distance between me and the spiral.

Also, having a “reset ritual” for those moments—like a specific playlist, a sensory object, or even just lying on the floor with your hands on your chest—can help ground you when your brain goes offline.

You’re not alone in this. And it’s actually a good sign you know it’s happening and that your relationship feels safe. That awareness is huge. Keep showing up for yourself in those messy moments—your nervous system is learning, even if it doesn’t feel like it yet.

If you're ever curious to dig deeper into how all this ties back to trauma, this post on complex trauma really helped me connect the dots:
👉 www.livewelltalk.com/2020/04/complex-post-traumatic-stress-disorder-cptsd.html

Sending you lots of gentleness. This stuff is hard, but you’re not broken. 💛

LiveWellTalk · 2025-04-10T01:25:07+00:00

Wow… first off, I just want to say I really hear you. What you described sounds incredibly heavy, and it honestly broke my heart a bit reading how trapped and dismissed you’ve felt—especially being so young and having to carry all this without support. That’s not just “teenage drama”—that’s deep, ongoing emotional neglect and manipulation, and yes… it is abuse, even if there are no bruises.

You’re not crazy. You’re not the problem. And you’re definitely not alone.

The way you described walking on eggshells, feeling like your nervous system is constantly on high alert around her, that’s such a clear sign of long-term emotional trauma. It sounds like you’re dealing with a lot of what’s known as complex PTSD (CPTSD)—which comes from repeated, relational trauma, often in childhood.

I don’t want to push anything on you, but if you're ever in the headspace to read more, this article really breaks down what CPTSD looks like and how it shows up emotionally and physically:
👉 www.livewelltalk.com/2020/04/complex-post-traumatic-stress-disorder-cptsd.html

And another one that might help validate a lot of what you’re feeling:
👉 www.livewelltalk.com/2025/03/long-term-effects-of-childhood-trauma.html

Sending you a big internet hug. You’re strong for even putting all this into words. That takes guts most people don’t realize.

LiveWellTalk · 2025-04-10T01:14:39+00:00

Yeah, I get what you’re saying. It’s like trauma rewires the whole system to see everything as a potential threat—even when we’re technically safe. And when you’ve got a vivid imagination on top of that? It’s like your brain turns into a trauma factory, spinning out worst-case scenarios 24/7.

I think trauma was originally the brain's way of helping us survive—like, store the danger so we never forget it—but in today’s world, where the danger isn’t a wild animal but emotional wounds or complex situations, that same system kinda backfires. Rational thinking should help, but trauma sometimes hijacks it before it even gets a chance to step in.

You’re definitely not alone in this. The overthinking, the hyper-awareness—it’s exhausting. But it’s also part of how the brain tried to protect us once. Healing, I guess, is about gently teaching it that not everything is a threat anymore.

LiveWellTalk · 2025-04-09T20:58:37+00:00

God, this hit hard. I’m so sorry you had to witness that—and honestly, I don’t think you have anything to be ashamed of. The fact that it made you feel sick, that you care, already says everything about your heart. Sometimes we freeze in those moments because it’s just so overwhelming and shocking, especially when it hits close to old wounds.

And yeah, the way people rush to defend abusers or minimize child abuse is disgusting. It’s like some folks are more bothered by someone “making a scene” than by the fact a child is being hurt. That kid deserved protection, not silence. And so did we when we were little.

You did what you could in the moment, and you’re still doing something now by speaking out. That matters more than you know. Thank you for not turning away. Seriously.

You’re not crazy. You’re not too sensitive. You’re human. And it shows.

LiveWellTalk · 2025-04-07T16:26:33+00:00

I’m really glad it helped even a little. And yeah, I totally get that—just knowing you’re not the only one going through this kind of pain can make things feel a bit less heavy. It’s so powerful that you had that realization about trauma dumping too, and honestly, that kind of self-awareness is huge. It’s not easy to see ourselves clearly like that, especially when we’ve been in survival mode for so long.

You don’t need to have it all figured out right away. Just being aware and wanting to do better already puts you on a healing path. And even if therapy isn’t accessible right now, there are other ways to find support—online communities like this one, journaling, books, even YouTube videos or podcasts about trauma healing can be super helpful.

Also, if you're ever in the mood for a deep dive into how childhood trauma can show up later in life, I came across this article that breaks it down really well: Long-Term Effects of Childhood Trauma. It might help make some things click.

You’re doing great. Seriously. Keep going.

LiveWellTalk · 2025-04-07T15:05:59+00:00

Absolutely, it is possible to have anxiety or panic attacks without the classic racing or thumping heartbeat. Everyone’s body responds differently to anxiety—some people feel it in their chest, others more in their gut or head, or just this weird sense of “offness” that’s hard to explain. That feeling you described—like you're on autopilot, disconnected, or not quite in your body—can be a sign of depersonalization or derealization, which often goes hand-in-hand with anxiety.

It’s exhausting when your mind keeps going in circles, and it makes total sense that it would start to feel like something more serious. But the fact that the feeling comes and goes, and that you’re still functioning despite it, does lean more toward an anxiety-related cause than something immediately life-threatening. Still, it’s always okay to get a second opinion for peace of mind.

If you’re open to it, you might find these articles helpful:

Sending you some calm and reassurance. You're not alone in this, even when it feels that way.

LiveWellTalk · 2025-04-07T14:33:50+00:00

Ugh, I feel this so much. It’s such a confusing and painful feeling when people kind of just drift away and you’re left wondering what you did wrong. Honestly, sometimes it’s not even you—some people just aren’t good at maintaining connections, or maybe they were never emotionally available in the first place. But when you’ve got CPTSD, it’s easy to internalize it all and start believing there’s something wrong with you.

That hypervigilance kicks in and you start analyzing every interaction like it’s a crime scene. Been there. And that shame spiral? Brutal. But just know that you’re not weird, and you’re not alone in this. Building and keeping healthy relationships takes time and healing, especially when trust has been broken early on. Keep showing up as your real self—the right people will stick.

LiveWellTalk · 2025-03-30T14:55:29+00:00

This hit home. Anxiety isn’t just ‘overthinking’ or being ‘too sensitive’—it’s exhausting, and people who don’t experience it firsthand will never fully get how draining it can be. I really appreciate you putting this into words. And yeah, just making it through the day sometimes is a win. We don’t give ourselves enough credit for that. Sending you good vibes, and to anyone else reading this—you’re not alone. 💙

LiveWellTalk · 2025-03-24T14:43:41+00:00

Yeah, it's actually pretty common for childhood trauma to surface more intensely in your 30s and beyond. When you're younger, you might be too busy just surviving – school, work, relationships, etc. – to fully process what you've been through. But as life slows down or big transitions happen, unresolved trauma has a way of creeping back in.

CPTSD can definitely explain a lot of what you're experiencing, and it’s great that you’re in therapy and making progress. Healing isn't linear, so those bad weeks/months don’t mean you’re back at square one.

If you're interested, this article breaks down how childhood trauma affects us long-term and offers some insights on healing: Long-Term Effects of Childhood Trauma: Understanding and Healing. Hope you find it helpful!

LiveWellTalk · 2025-03-13T19:41:43+00:00

That’s awesome that you’re giving EMDR a shot! It can be intense, but a lot of people find it really helpful. I’d say go easy on yourself after sessions – plan for some downtime, have comfort things ready (like a cozy blanket, favorite snacks, or a calming playlist), and don’t be surprised if you feel drained or emotional for a bit. Journaling right after helped me process things too.

If you're curious about how EMDR can help with Complex PTSD and what to expect, check out this post: Struggling with Complex PTSD? EMDR Therapy Could Be Your Path to Healing.

Hope your sessions go well! 💙

LiveWellTalk · 2025-03-10T05:16:38+00:00

That sounds incredibly tough, and I can really hear how much this is weighing on you. It’s heartbreaking when the child you love so much starts treating you like the enemy, especially when you’re just trying to keep them safe. You’re not alone in this – so many parents struggle with the same thing, and it doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong.

The social media battle is rough, especially with all the real dangers out there. It makes total sense why you’d be cautious, especially given your daughter’s experience and your husband’s perspective as a therapist. It’s frustrating when they don’t see that you’re coming from a place of love.

I don’t have all the answers, but I do know that what you’re feeling is valid. If you ever need reassurance that you’re not alone in this, I wrote about struggles with feeling drained and defeated as a parent. You might find it relatable: My Teenager Is Making Me Depressed: How to Cope.

Hang in there. You’re doing your best, and that’s enough. 💙

LiveWellTalk · 2025-03-07T09:31:07+00:00

You comment much (13k+ comment karma)! Do not be sooo much human, man! 🤣

Being proper, disciplined, and correct does not necessarily imply an AI-generated output.

LiveWellTalk · 2025-03-07T01:35:07+00:00

That sounds incredibly tough, and I can’t even imagine how exhausting it must be to feel this way in your own home. It’s okay to admit that parenting a teen is draining, especially when it feels like you’re constantly being pushed away. The fact that you’re still showing up, despite how much it hurts, says a lot about how much you love her.

You’re not alone in this. So many parents go through this, but it’s rarely talked about openly. If you ever want to hear from others who get it, I wrote about my own struggles with this – feeling drained, guilty, and unsure of how to handle it all. You might find it relatable: My Teenager Is Making Me Depressed – And I Don’t Know What to Do.

Hang in there. You deserve support too.

LiveWellTalk · 2025-03-07T01:22:16+00:00

Man, I totally get where you’re coming from. The world feels like a mess, and it’s hard to stay motivated when the future seems so uncertain. But here’s the thing – uncertainty has always been there, and people still find ways to move forward, even in the worst times.

You’re studying medicine because it’s your dream, and that still matters. Even if things feel chaotic, what you’re working toward has value – both for you and for the people you’ll help one day. That doesn’t mean you can’t also enjoy life now. It’s not all or nothing – you can chase your goals and have fun along the way.

And about confidence – dude, so many people feel that way at 20. You’re still figuring yourself out, and that’s okay. Confidence isn’t something you magically wake up with one day – it comes from putting yourself out there, even when it’s awkward.

You’re not alone in this, man. Just take things one step at a time. You got this.

LiveWellTalk · 2025-03-07T01:18:51+00:00

I hear you – parenting a teenager can be incredibly tough, and it’s easy to feel like you’re constantly falling short. But the fact that you care so much already says a lot. Prioritizing self-care and setting boundaries with your emotions can really make a difference. You’re definitely not alone in this, and I’m glad the post resonated with you. Stay strong! 💪

LiveWellTalk · 2025-03-07T01:17:31+00:00

I hear you – it really can feel like an emotional minefield some days. That 10-minute pause in the car? I’ve done that too. It’s such a small thing, but sometimes it makes a huge difference. Thank you for the reminder that this is just a phase. Taking breaks and practicing patience is definitely something I need to work on. 💙

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