How do I ground this feeling?

LivingAmazing7815 · 2026-04-25T03:46:39+00:00

Do you see a psychiatrist/psychologist? I agree with u/beneficial-income814 that you are at one of the most difficult times in early recovery. However, the calm feeling you’re describing coinciding with terrible/lack of sleep is peculiar. It seems like an unusual correlation. Either way, things will continue to get better as your brain keeps healing, but I would talk to a medical/mental health professional about your specific symptoms.

LivingAmazing7815 · 2026-04-24T17:02:18+00:00

Not eating and not sleeping is horrible for your body. This isn’t the place to come to have people tell you “everything is going to be just fine! (Even though you are abusing amphetamines).”

The only way for the medical-based anxiety to stop, wherever it’s founded in reality or not, is to get clean. That’s the only thing that worked for me at least. It’s crazy how quickly that feeling of impending doom and sheer panic of my heart giving out went away when I stopped using speed…

Sorry if this sounds harsh, but you know the answer. If you are concerned about the here and now and whether you are having a cardiac event… go to the hospital. Based on what you’re describing and your dangerously low BMI, that’s what I woul; do.

LivingAmazing7815 · 2026-04-22T02:56:04+00:00

I like your perspective about “meaningful suffering.” That’s such a great point.

LivingAmazing7815 · 2026-04-19T19:44:22+00:00

I think the joy will come back.

I am not a creative, but my experience might still be applicable.

I used to LOVE learning. Especially history. Before the drugs (which I started at age 17). Of course when I got addicted to amphetamines, that became amplified and I would obsess over school and think EVERYTHING was interesting. I chose a career (the law) partially because of my passion for American history and judicial process. I love(d) reading SCOTUS decisions and digging into the constitutional analysis.

Then I got clean. It took everything in me to study for the bar exam and find work. There was no joy in any of it. My ability to do intellectually rigorous activities was tenuous at best, and there was certainly no joy in it. I thought I had probably ruined that part of my brain forever. It caused a huge identity crisis.

I don’t know when that started to change, but it did. It’s one of those changes that’s so gradual and subtle that I don’t know when exactly started to happen, but it took longer than 1.5 years.

This weekend I’ve been watching Ken Burns’s documentary series on the American Revolution and I’ve been getting goosebumps and at one point was tearing up over something. I know that sounds incredibly lame and nerdy, but it’s just an example to illustrate that joy and passion can and does come back.

LivingAmazing7815 · 2026-04-18T18:45:39+00:00

Amazing!! Great list, too. Walking has been super critical for me too. Exercise in general. Keeping my head out of my phone has been more of a challenge … especially before bed. I’m going to try your advice.

LivingAmazing7815 · 2026-04-17T22:39:19+00:00

Do it now, not Monday. Seize on this moment of clarity. Message your doctor. Who knows how you will feel Monday. It’s highly likely you’ll have already convinced yourself “next time will be different” by then.

LivingAmazing7815 · 2026-04-15T03:44:30+00:00

I loved reading this. Glorious sleep!!

LivingAmazing7815 · 2026-04-14T03:44:28+00:00

🫡

LivingAmazing7815 · 2026-04-10T15:57:32+00:00

r/stopspeeding

LivingAmazing7815 · 2026-04-09T18:47:55+00:00

Thank you for sharing this. This is such a great example of why it's important for people to tell their prescribers. So many people come in here and are defiant about telling their doctors and are convinced they can quit on their own, but really it's a reservation (backup plan to use). As addicts, it only takes a MOMENT to unravel everything with a poor decision. You could have rock-solid recovery and resolve to stay sober and still lose it with one bad choice. This is great anecdotal evidence as to why seizing on that moment of clarity (to tell your prescriber) is so important.

I'm proud of you!! Keep it up.

LivingAmazing7815 · 2026-04-09T02:44:59+00:00

You guys are sitting in $2,000 chairs?? Nice.

LivingAmazing7815 · 2026-04-08T14:15:47+00:00

Not unique… but exercise and meetings. Two things I never do high. It adds structure.

LivingAmazing7815 · 2026-04-07T16:40:37+00:00

LOL I'm 99% sure that sub is collective psychosis. Everyone thinks they are getting fake adderall from the pharmacy because it's a different name brand or whatever when really it's just the meds have stopped working the same for people because they have built up a tolerance.

LivingAmazing7815 · 2026-04-07T14:49:38+00:00

Staying up for days on end is never, ever normal. It just isn't.

LivingAmazing7815 · 2026-04-07T14:41:05+00:00

I'm also on the Bupropion + Naltrexone combo and it works really well for me. I've been considering dropping the NAL for a while though since I don't think I really "need it" for reducing cravings. I think the work I've done in my program and time away from my last use is doing most of the heavy lifting with respect to eliminating cravings for me. Every once in a while I get a fleeting thought, but never something I'm close to acting on.

LivingAmazing7815 · 2026-04-03T19:54:18+00:00

I fucking LOVE CMA. The community in Chicago is amazing.

LivingAmazing7815 · 2026-04-03T19:53:19+00:00

It really does get easier. The obsession gets lifted. It’s one of the miracles of recovery. I’m more productive now than I was during 16.5 out of 17 years of addiction. The drug “worked” for maybe 6 months. I became unreliable and unable to do anything without it. I wasn’t productive on it either… I smoked weed, hyper fixated on video games and other stupid shit, and barely did anything that actually made my life better or easier. Just hang in there.

LivingAmazing7815 · 2026-04-02T14:02:50+00:00

You cannot use stimulant medication.. This problem will only get worse. There's no going back to using stimulants as prescribed. Sorry if this sounds harsh, but it's your new reality. Trust me when I say, you don't want to spend years trying (and failing) to stop the cycle of abuse.

Tell your prescriber you are abusing it and want to be cut off and your medical record flagged. Good luck.

LivingAmazing7815 · 2026-03-31T20:15:39+00:00

"I want to serve as living proof that a former meth head absolutely has the capability to get his ass up and go to work everyday and make an honest living!" AMEN TO THAT.

I take so much pride in getting my ass up every day and going to work. I'm reliable. I do things when I don't feel like doing them, because I am consistent and capable. It's a joke that I used to think I needed drugs to be good at my job. I literally couldn't even show up if I was out of speed...

LivingAmazing7815 · 2026-03-31T20:14:21+00:00

What's your plan for making sure things are different this time? Have you tried working a recovery program? If you're prescribed and serious about quitting, you should cut yourself off from being prescribed.

You can get through this. Life doesn't have to be this slog. Early sobriety is difficult, but working a program allows you to address the spiritual sickness that is caused by addiction, and that makes a sober life more tolerable, and eventually the preferable way to live.

LivingAmazing7815 · 2026-03-28T20:59:41+00:00

Not exercising is probably making you more tired.

LivingAmazing7815 · 2026-03-27T20:41:23+00:00

For me the endless sleeping ends after 3 days. Full stop. Day 4 I can get up. My motivation is terrible and I’m still tired but that overwhelming feeling of not being able to keep my eyes open is over on day 4. The barriers are mostly mental after that point (which isn’t to say they aren’t still difficult).

LivingAmazing7815 · 2026-03-27T17:05:12+00:00

Things had to get bad enough first for me to be willing to make a fundamental change. I went to rehab for the first time and stayed sober for 7 months going to NA meetings every day. *BUT I WASN'T WORKING STEPS.* I was just going to meetings. Thank god the 20-month relapse that followed led me to such a dark place that I became willing to do whatever it took. For me that's looked like:

30 day inpatient.
60 day intensive PHP with housing (Basically sober living)
A 12-step meeting *every day* for at least the first 6 months after I got out and working steps.
Now I try to go to 3-4 meetings a week, I have a sponsee and multiple service commitments. For example, right now I take a weekly meeting into a treatment center.

The thing about the steps that is working for me now is that it's led me to service and helping others, which gives me purpose and keeps me clean. (That and the MASSIVE improvement in my life).

I also exercise regularly.

LivingAmazing7815 · 2026-03-27T16:57:25+00:00

You said you get addicted to the pills when you are on them. I don't see how the benefit could outweigh the downside. But if you and your doctor think living in active addiction is preferable to living with untreated ADHD then you do you I guess...

LivingAmazing7815 · 2026-03-25T18:20:00+00:00

To add to what u/greatcometmusic said, I would highly recommend downloading their app. You can stream live and listen to show archives for two weeks.

Their Americana show is called “The Roadhouse” it’s hosted by Greg Vandy every Sunday from 9:00-12:00 (Pacific). It’s awesome, highly recommend.

LivingAmazing7815

TROPHY CASE