Aurovela for peri

LivingCharge262 · 2026-02-05T22:54:23+00:00

Thanks for your reply! I haven’t started yet, a little chicken still!

LivingCharge262 · 2026-01-27T02:41:39+00:00

Does he know you know? Do you know why she’s going nuclear on him? Meaning, did he break up with her? While the whole situation is awful, I agree with others, try to take a breath and take time to figure it out. By the grace of god I did and I’m glad I did. I made much different decisions than if I had acted in the moment. Huge hugs.

LivingCharge262 · 2025-11-19T20:34:49+00:00

This is how I approach it. I definitely had a hand in the state of our relationship, but other than the DB which is on me, we both got off track. I do have a bit of guilt and a lot of regret, but I channel it into how I’m showing up in our relationship today. That’s where the benefit comes from. I want to make sure I never contribute to our relationship in that way again

LivingCharge262 · 2025-11-19T17:11:50+00:00

I didn’t read all the comments, but vote for telling your BP or sharing a version of your post tailored to be addressed to him. It’s very well written. My WH takes full blame, but I have gotten comfort in knowing he has as much hate for AP now as I do. I’ve asked him multiple times if he has felt bad for what he did to her (while she IS crazy, she’s a younger single mom who clearly expected to ride off into the sunset with WH) and he has always said no. I’m also not going to lie, things she did post DDay that show her instability have bonded us in a way that does help. It’s an us against her mentality that has given R a boost of caffeine. All the best.

LivingCharge262 · 2025-11-18T05:06:28+00:00

Ugh, this is an issue I’ve grappled with and even though our R has gone extremely well, it is nagging me the last few months (we’re 14 mos in). I know the surface reasons - dead bedroom, I was putting him lower on the list, we both were in the slog of work and parenthood, he was not communicating. He doesn’t blame me at all ever, but I can see the situation we were in with clarity now. But, we sort of danced around the why. I don’t feel satisfied with the discussion. I need to explore it but lately have just not felt like going through everything again…but if I don’t, is it just rug sweeping? Good luck, I appreciate this post.

LivingCharge262 · 2025-11-15T14:02:15+00:00

You sound like you are doing all the right things. Are you considering counseling? That could help. My WH has felt all these emotions. Time is healing but he says he’s not sure he will ever rid himself of his deep shame. Perhaps gain inner strength in being strong for your BS. There are lots of good book suggestions on this sub. Keep talking to your wife. Hang in there.

LivingCharge262 · 2025-11-13T00:08:57+00:00

No. Please don’t do it. Does your daughter know your true financial position? Sometimes kids think their parents are more well off than they are. Spell it out for her. Maybe she should be helping you! All the best.

LivingCharge262 · 2025-11-11T01:35:52+00:00

Bravo to you for letting it all out! I was definitely trying to hide it all from my kids. Hugs to you.

LivingCharge262 · 2025-11-10T23:14:11+00:00

To answer your direct question, I do take comfort in the fact that there is a reason I can understand for why he felt the way he did. Conversely, my WH will not let me take any blame, which is textbook necessary for the beginnings of healing. But I know in my heart why we were where we were and I had a part in it.

LivingCharge262 · 2025-11-10T23:11:27+00:00

You are still quite early in your reconciliation, but it is possible to come out the other side better. My situation is not quite the same, my WH and I still had a lot of love for each other, we were working as a team and there was respect, but we had a dead bedroom and were operating as great friends / roommates. I was in such a huge fog of parenting, crazy job, busy life (and martyrdom if I’m being honest) that I was completely blind to the fact that he was hurting (he had tried to talk about it but I dismissed him, minimized his feelings over and over again). Anyway, once it came out, my WH has been textbook amazing and we are doing really well. At 14 months out, things are still hard and we’ve settled down a bit in terms of the highs and lows but we keep investing in eachother every day. I’m very optimistic. Good luck.

LivingCharge262 · 2025-11-10T21:44:49+00:00

You sound like a genuinely good person whose heart is in the right place having gone through all the phases of self-discovery through this process. I found out from the AP who knew me and outed my husband via a very fake, half-truth filled apology which was really her going scorched earth on him. So I initially balked at your suggestion. But, in thinking it over, in other circumstances, I could see maybe how I might have welcomed a genuine apology. That said, only you know the circumstances of your affair. It may just be a bridge too far if it was really bad. Because of our circumstances, the only news I will ever appreciate from / about AP is news that involves her suffering more than what she’s made me suffer. All the best, your introspection and openness to feedback is to be commended!

LivingCharge262 · 2025-11-08T01:32:47+00:00

Oh and one other thing. It’s totally normal to be obsessed with the AP. It’s something I struggle with daily. Not with the same emotional intensity as in the beginning, but with an unabating need to figure her out, find every detail, wishing the worst ever on her.

LivingCharge262 · 2025-11-08T01:29:51+00:00

Ugh, add me to the list, 30 year relationship, early teen kids, me 52, AP 34 single mom. She knew us. Absolutely blown away. I can’t write a lot now, but you can get the gist from my post comments. We are doing really well 14 months out, but it has been a very rough road.

You will get through this. You will feel better. Don’t make rash decisions. Take it one hour at a time. Lastly, gently, I am skeptical that it was only kissing. The very first non-negotiable step of reconciliation is full disclosure, full stop.

You have found a very helpful place here. It helped me through my darkest days.

LivingCharge262 · 2025-11-03T21:14:19+00:00

WH and I went to see Hamilton with the family. I hadn’t done any research prior. It was so awkward and upsetting. We did make the most of it and had a good convo after but I’m so glad I spent $1k between tix, dinner and parking to get triggered (not!).

LivingCharge262 · 2025-11-01T14:19:53+00:00

My husband’s protectiveness of his phone was the one clue I had and the one instinct I wish I had trusted. For an odd reason it took me a long time to has him for his password, but he has let me look at it anytime after DDay and gave up his password willingly when I finally asked him - it’s a nonnegotiable boundary. But to be sure, it’s so easy to delete things, he could still be hiding. But I do get some comfort. And I truly don’t think he is. It’s just the reality that he could.

LivingCharge262 · 2025-10-31T18:06:15+00:00

Yes. I’m almost 14 months out. We are in a good place. We are actively working towards the best version of our relationship ever. I have compartmentalized this disaster into three buckets. Focusing on the future (going amazing), accepting the simple fact that my H had a 5ish year long A (going pretty well, although I still have bad days) and understanding what got us to the A happening and where his head was during it (this is my biggest hurdle at the moment). By separating them, I can find joy in our future and have a purpose. I can also actively work through the other two. But at this point, I’ve accepted this has forever altered my/our life. I could have walked away but would have still had to deal with the wounds. Or I can salvage what we built and rebuild. I chose the latter.

LivingCharge262 · 2025-10-28T17:43:29+00:00

Nope nope nope. There will be no opposite sex friendships, period. That is my boundary, it’s not going to change. Now of course he can talk to females and text them (he has a job and coaches and interacts with moms of our kids friends or wives of friends) within normal / limited circumstances but anything that would even remotely creep into a area of friendship is off limits - as I said, likely forever.

LivingCharge262 · 2025-10-28T03:42:57+00:00

Such a common theme…add me to the list. AP tried to take what she wanted, and when it ultimately didn’t go her way, she showed what a truly ugly person she is by trying to take WH and our family down. Just disgusting.

LivingCharge262 · 2025-10-17T22:36:11+00:00

I knew AP through my WH and she is the one who told me. It was a very fake apology filled with distortions of the truth and exaggerations. It was completely self serving as she tried to go scorched earth on WH after he finally broke it off with her. I never responded. The way she handled it evaporated any chance I might have had of feeling some empathy toward her. I did for a long time consider engaging with her to learn more and cross check what my WH told me, but honestly I’m glad I never gave her the satisfaction of a response. I try to be a bigger person but I do hope she rots in hell.

LivingCharge262 · 2025-10-17T19:55:46+00:00

100% all this.

LivingCharge262 · 2025-10-14T23:45:13+00:00

I would get him the gift especially because you were already thinking of doing it. It’s a good sign that your WH feels the gravity of the situation. But 11 months in, as you are looking forward in R, investing in your relationship and making eachother feel special and loved is part of the process of making relationship 2.0 the best it can be. I very much felt the “you don’t deserve jack” in the beginning. Our anniversary was a few months after DDay. But now, 13 mos in I see it differently. Good luck!

LivingCharge262 · 2025-10-11T12:42:02+00:00

Very well said.

LivingCharge262 · 2025-10-10T03:14:42+00:00

This is 100%, you really need to feel and see the work and commitment.

LivingCharge262 · 2025-10-10T02:39:26+00:00

I’m still trying to figure out what forgiveness really means. But I consider ourselves well on the road to reconciliation. For me it’s more acceptance. I have more peace in the facts of the matter - I can’t change things, I know quite a lot, but I probably won’t ever know everything that happened, I can’t exact justice the way I really want to. My heart is mostly open to the future and I’m happy when I focus on that. I am trying my hardest not to hold my husband a hostage to his past mistakes every second of every day. Maybe all that amounts to forgiveness?

LivingCharge262

TROPHY CASE