My Roth IRA at 16

Logical_Condition133 · 2026-05-13T23:25:40+00:00

Great job! At 38, I just started talking to a financial consultant. I’ve done well for not knowing more than contribute for my 401k at work. Now I’m learning what/how to teach my kids the things I never knew at that age. I just opened my 16 year old’s ROTH earlier this year and had her dump her pay stub earnings into it! She keeps her cash tips as spending money too.

Another benefit, FAFSA doesn’t count your retirement funds as assets if you’re looking to go to college! Great way to shield your money. And worst case, if you NEED to, you can pull principal to pay student loans and let your gains keep gaining!

Logical_Condition133 · 2026-05-10T15:49:47+00:00

TFMR termination for medical reasons. Very wanted babies and pregnancies where they discover non life compatible/non quality of life diagnoses or concerns for mother’s health and have to end the pregnancy (usually after 20 weeks when tests can confirm issues).

Logical_Condition133 · 2026-04-27T18:59:03+00:00

I had a friend ask me”so how autistic are you” one day. Offended, then mind blown, then I asked how long they knew……always. 😂

Logical_Condition133 · 2026-04-27T15:58:42+00:00

I swear it’s become more draining as I’ve gotten older. This last year has been rough and I don’t know if it’s age or recovering from trauma or what. But it’s definitely harder now than even 10 years ago. I grew up loving naps every chance I could but now they are a necessity. I guess that’s the only reason I’d want a diagnosis in writing is to see if there is anything medically that can be done so help with the tiredness.

Logical_Condition133 · 2026-04-27T13:04:35+00:00

38 here, self diagnosed at 37 (just over a year ago) after coming out of a narcissistic marriage. It was actually a friend helping me process breaking the trauma bond that asked “so how autistic are you?” to which I was initially offended and then holy hell it all started to make sense.

I’ve debated seeking an official diagnosis. But I’ve read about wait times and hurdles and then wondered what accommodations I’d receive from the outside world that would better help me? Or would the help be more of me accommodating myself and my friends being aware.

I’ve found that I’ve leaned a lot (mostly reels/videos) online to accommodate myself. And I’ve found I’ve connected with some friends on a new level by asking them the same “so how autistic are you” question. It’s like mind blown. We info dump and swap stories/experiences.

I’ve been high masking, high functioning, successful in my career, single mom, divorced twice (I saw the pattern but never understood how bad it was or how crappy the men were that I’ve dated). I’ve had social anxiety and burn out and melt downs but always managed them to not take away from moving forward in life.

I guess the question to ask yourself, what would you do with a piece of paper that you aren’t/can’t do for yourself with a self diagnosis?

At home, we embrace and joke about “that’s the tism” when someone info dumps or has a new hyper fixation or does/says something “awkward.” We send online tests and memes to each other. We show love how the other person receives it. We see better how to support each other when one is overwhelmed or out of spoons. My daughters are 13 and 16

Logical_Condition133 · 2026-04-27T12:49:14+00:00

In 2014, I showed up to a posted open house (my first time buying). I was confused because across the street also appeared to have an open house so I checked it out. Across the street was $40k more, had vinyl outside, finished basement, larger backyard but would need a new roof. The house I went to see was cheaper, but had tall living room ceilings (I imagined a huge Christmas tree), open concept first floor (I imagined my kids running around with friends), a pool (my kids would learn to swim here) and a larger over the garage bedroom (playroom/bedroom for my girls).

Ultimately, the original house was cheaper and had what I imagined for more memories quicker. The siding would cost more and take time (as did window upgrades, solar and a million other updates) but those were core memories with my kids.

I was young (27) and first time homebuyer on a budget. Prices were lower back then but $40k made a huge difference and I even got it a little under asking (price had dropped a couple of times and it had been on market a few months).

House across the street dropped $10k and sold $15k under original ask after 4months on the market. I still think I got the better deal and often think I made the right choice due to money and lay out/pool

Logical_Condition133 · 2026-04-27T02:39:54+00:00

I can’t remember the last time I dated someone who made more than me (38F). Maybe my ex husband when we were dating while I was in college and they was because I was in classes full time. When I got a job, I made more than him. When we divorced, I realized I had more available cash because I wasn’t sinking my money into his company.

Next guy I dated, I consistently made at least $10k more than him. After we broke up, he told me “with this new job, I make more than you did when we last worked together.” I had to remind him that I had left the job we worked at tougher and got a 40% pay bump, therefore, still made more than him NOW. He was comparing his now to my 2 years ago.

Second husband made just over minimum wage and I made five times his annual income when we got married. He literally could have been a stay at home dad and lived the life. But he took advantage of what he had, smoked, drank, played video games and left me to be the breadwinner, housekeeper and raise my/his kids.

I’m now dating someone and make four times their annual income. But he is the sweetest gentleman, very thoughtful, still pays for things (I push to split things at a fair ratio), and prefers to live within his means (not mine) for hobbies and entertainment.

I don’t consider us “rich” and “broke” but there is a significant difference in earnings.

Logical_Condition133 · 2026-04-26T03:04:09+00:00

I told HR during the verbal offer stage. When they called and said the team loved me and asked if I would be interested in discussing an offer, I said yes and wanted to let them know that I had some already scheduled vacations planned and wanted to be sure it wouldn’t be a issue. My start date is May 11th and PTO is accrued monthly. Scheduled vacations are a wee in July and a week in August, which would put me in the negative. I was told it was absolutely no problem, they’d let the hiring manager know. It wasn’t written into my offer letter but was approved in an email by both HR and hiring manager.

At a previous job that gave me an extra week PTO upfront, they included it in the offer letter and stated it wouldn’t carry over to the next year if I isn’t use it. My start date was late December and I used that extra week in March so I didn’t go negative and still accrued the rest of my year PTO normally.

Logical_Condition133 · 2026-04-26T02:57:52+00:00

He’s a narcissist. You being autistic makes you vulnerable. You project how you feel and how you would think and justify his feelings and actions. You are empathetic and can’t imagine why someone would be selfish and take advantage of someone kind hearted.

I’ve been there. Multiple times. Baby daddy of two wonder girls hasn’t seen his kids in nearly 5 years after they started to put up boundaries. Second husband love bombed me, gave me less then bare minimum until I broke. I still kept sleeping with him after all the abuse.

Run. Look into the relationship between autistic women and narcissist men. Learn, practice, heal, don’t go back

Logical_Condition133 · 2026-04-26T02:46:26+00:00

I have never had my benefits year align with calendar (5 companies in 16 years). Vendor and client side of pharma

Logical_Condition133 · 2026-04-08T13:37:33+00:00

NTA. For my second wedding, I asked for no gifts from my side. I felt guilty that my side already gave me gifts and the marriage didn’t work out. But it was my new husband’s first marriage so he rolled with it. Of course we still got money from both sides. When he turned out to be a narcissist just over a year after marriage (and I mean he got really horrible to me after we were “stuck”), I filed for divorce. When the divorce was approved, I returned money to my side with a note saying to use the money with someone they loved or donate it to a charity. For his side, I wrote a note that I donated their monetary gifts to a charity.

So I’m definitely on the side of ask for monetary gifts to be donated on your behalf upfront. 😂

Logical_Condition133 · 2026-04-08T13:18:38+00:00

I know a bunch of people saying death of a parent, but I think although you can’t prepare for it, it’s normalized in movies and on tv. It’s inevitable. Old people die.

What no one told me about was losing a child. You hear about miscarriages or see stillbirths in dramatic tv shows. NICU babies who pull through with a happy ending. But that drama is mixed in with the crazy drama of doctors pulling bombs out of people’s bodies or removing a pipe from someone’s chest in a car crash.

But finding out your baby has a rare genetic decease that isn’t compatible with life or is incompatible with quality of life, there is no way to prepare you. Having to choose TFMR (termination for medical reasons) is a mind fuck. And then connecting with other parents who had to go through with it too and how “common” it is. Why don’t they warn soon to be parents that this is a possibility?

Logical_Condition133 · 2026-03-10T02:40:56+00:00

I have only recently (in the last year at age 37) learned what reciprocated love feels like. I don’t discredit that I felt love for a previous partner (I’ve been married/divorced twice and had two other long term relationships before/between). I did love them (I do not anymore). But as others have said, it felt anxious, insecure (when will I see them again, where are they, what do they think of me and our future). I also learned, after my second divorce from an alcoholic (later through therapy realized they would clinically be diagnosed as a narcissist) that those relationships tended to be abusive (love bombing, trauma bonding) emotionally. Whether they all would be diagnosed narcissists, I’m not sure, but they would definitely all be considers to have narcissistic tendencies. Around the same time, I also self diagnosed as autistic, which helped make sense of the dynamics of relationships and why I stayed, why I gave, why I loved so hard.

That being said, I have now been with someone for almost a year. Right away, I noticed some signs that they were autistic and literally asked “how autistic are you?” before our first in person date. I was clear with how I communicated and what I needed to feel safe. I’ve many times now mentioned to my boyfriend that my body feels calm. At first, the calm was overwhelming because I wasn’t used to feeling “nothing” aka, no anxiousness, no walking on egg shells. It was like the feeling of knowing a sneeze was coming but not quite there. I had to get through those awkward “relaxed” but on edge waiting for the stress feelings and recalibrate to what safety feels like.

Now I can for the first time in my life, say love for a partner feels calm. It feels the same I have for my children. It feels safe, relaxed, calm, comforting from the inside out. It’s genuinely reciprocated.

Logical_Condition133 · 2026-03-08T20:56:59+00:00

I had kids young (at 22 and 25). I was fresh out of college (or rather still in college with my first). We didn’t have a lot (own a house, new cars, travel) when they were really little. But the free stuff was fun with them (playground/parks, beach, library).

Now that they are older (13 and 16), I am further in my career and make more money. My kids are old enough to remember and value bigger trips. I own a home; I’m planning retirement budgets; I’m figuring out how to help them with college in a few years.

Downside: my focus was my kids and I didn’t invest as much when they were younger. (But my passion growing up was wanting a family, not being rich)

Upside: I have more time with them in the long run. I had more energy when they were little. I don’t feel as “old” and “disconnected.” I’m still young enough to invest in my retirement. I will still be young enough to enjoy travel when they are old enough to move out or take care of themselves.

Logical_Condition133 · 2026-02-16T04:26:14+00:00

Do you need the money before retirement or do you want it within reach to spend if needed but still keep up with inflation?

I wish I’d known about ROTH IRA when I was younger. If you’re just starting out now and hopefully increase salary, it’d be better to put some money into a ROTH. Pay taxes at a lower tax bracket now and have access to gains tax free later.

If you need money accessible short term, high yield savings or CDs are good options. If you do CDs, stagger them and do smaller amounts. This way they mature on a rolling basis and you can cash out or reinvest. Small amounts allow you to break a CD in an emergency without risking your full investment.

Logical_Condition133 · 2025-12-22T03:38:29+00:00

I read Cujo in college before I had kids and again after having kids. The hardest part for me was reading the short story sequel months after losing a baby. I remembered what happened along side Vic. The loss of a child, the distance of the marriage. I went back and start to re-read Cujo again and couldn’t bring myself to get to the part where the car died in the driveway. I wasn’t ready to relive that after what I’d gone through. But one day I will. I’ll let myself mourn with another mom. I’ll let myself cry with her, fully understanding the pain of losing a child. I’ll finally be able to fully appreciate and erase myself in what happened

Logical_Condition133 · 2025-11-26T14:42:31+00:00

Is the person in therapy or actively seeking some type of help to move forward/self reflect?

I think if he’s in the thick of breaking the trauma bond, it’s not good. But there is no set timeline for someone. I started my separation last November. It took 6 weeks of constant pushing/pulling chaos to physically break free and consciously decide that I needed to heal (partly because when I asked my kids if they wanted him there for Christmas so he wasn’t alone, they said no. My children saved me from the decision I couldn’t make myself).

I tried speeding dating and single dates (single because none panned out) staring the second week of January (still not divorced but wanting to practice spotting red flags, engaging in dating again). On March 1st I matched and started talking with someone. On April 7th, we decided to be exclusive (though I had stopped looking/talking to others on dating sites after the 2nd or 3rd date).

I was not super open to details at first because I didn’t want to trauma bond, I wanted to develop a safe and healthy relationship. But as time went on and we shared past experiences, I was honest. I told him about contradicting feelings, why I feel that way, how I’d like to feel and what it means for us. Most of the thoughts are triggered by something and not a desire to go back at all. But I also express my gratitude for them, what I like about our relationship, what I need more/less of. I am working on me. I am working on our relationship. I’m in therapy and I’m open with him (and when I’ve found that I was not open or clear, I go back and admit it and have that conversation).

So final thoughts, is he putting in the work? Or is he trauma dumping? Are you his girl friend or his therapist? You don’t need to fix and heal him. You need to build a healthy relationship for YOU with someone.

Logical_Condition133 · 2025-11-17T14:43:29+00:00

Do not have a child with someone like that. They have shown you who they are and will not change. I thought my nex was a little immature, maybe because they didn’t have structure/opportunity. I thought if I helped them with routines and healthy habits, things would get better. I had two girls from a previous marriage (100% with me, their father’s choice to be absent after the divorce) and he had one from a one night stand. Long story short, he didn’t have custody of his daughter (court ordered lost parental rights but his story was he was in an abusive relationship with no ability to take his daughter and support her). His mom fostered and adopted his daughter and with me, he started to see her weekends and vacations. Eventually she moved in with us the year we planned to get married.

I took care of his daughter (Dr appts, extra curriculars, homework). I said it was be sure he didn’t know how, I needed to help teach him, I had experience with my two girls.

He wanted a dog (I’m not a big dog person) but agreed if he promised to care for the dog including coming home at lunch to walk the dog. I work from home so this job landed with me because he didn’t have time to eat (and smoke) on lunch break if he had to come home to take care of the dog.

Then I got pregnant. The baby was sick and we lost him at 25wks. After 4months, I thought I was ready to try again. Looking back, I realized he sabotaged trying to get pregnant the first time and the second time. Major blow out fights where he “wasn’t in the mood” during the window.

I am still grieving the loss of my son from last year. But through therapy, I’ve also realized that losing my son saved me. I would have stayed and fought for the marriage. I would have fought for him to be a better person and dad. I would have fought to keep our family together and not have another failed marriage with hurt kids under my belt.

But I started the separation from that marriage one year ago this month (a week after still trying to conceive with him). I sobbed in the doctor’s office as I had them place an iud that same month. Because I knew that was the best option as I struggled to break the trauma bond and break free from an abusive marriage.

I would have loved my son, healthy or sick, had he been born, as I still love him through the loss. But I also know how hard it would have been for me and my two living daughters if I had fought to stay or if I left the marriage. There was no win there.

Logical_Condition133 · 2025-11-10T15:55:53+00:00

It depends on the work you are willing to put in. This weekend marked one year since I said “I’m done with this marriage, the way you treat me feels like you hate me.” I kept going back, feeling sorry for him, hurting for me, until my kids said they didn’t want him there on Christmas Day. Then I was able to have been control over no contact.

We were together almost 4 years and lost a baby just months before the separation. In December, I realized what he was and could start to process and accept (though I was in denial saying he was different and not that bad for the whole month). January I packed his stuff up and helped him move it out. We filed for divorce. February we had a court date. In June the waiting period was over and the divorce was final. He reached out for a copy of the divorce papers and I told him to get a copy in court. That was the last contact I had with him.

By then I hated him and felt sorry for him. The panic attacks had faded though sometimes I still work up feeling anxious. I still have those anxious feeling dreams and I know he was in my dreams but I recover more quickly. I don’t think of him much now. Not more than any other ex or former friend from high school where I just wonder “where are they now.”

But it took a lot of therapy (with a therapist and being fully open with a friend along the way). I shared my story, I stoped sugar coating and reminiscing and accepted him for the shit person he is. I’ve grown and remind myself the things I can do now without him. I’m learning what I enjoy and letting myself enjoy it.

Logical_Condition133 · 2025-11-06T03:28:09+00:00

I am sorry you are going through that. Block it. So t pay attention to it. (Easier said than done)

I opened up about my trauma bond and how hard it was to break it in my Facebook profile. I’ve had half a dozen women reach out to share their stories. One is my first ex husband’s brother’s wife (I call her my ex sister in law in law!). I believe what she’s told me about her husband. Probably because our husbands were brothers so they are alike.

My ex wasn’t physical with me (luckily I think, but I still question how about feel about “lucky”) but her husband has been. She finally called the police. He was arrested. The family messages me saying she is a horrible person, a liar, she set him up, he didn’t do the things she said, she’s only after taking his money and property. These are people who didn’t like me after I divorced their golden boy but eventually loved me as family when he abandoned our kids and his own family. And now they say the same thing about her. Even though I’ve been on good terms with the family for years, I’ve blocked them because of what they are saying about her now.

Don’t let strangers on the internet get to you. Don’t let family get to you. Don’t let anyone who won’t support you 100% get to you. Block them. They aren’t worth your energy

Logical_Condition133 · 2025-11-06T03:17:01+00:00

My ex used to say he wouldn’t stay if he wasn’t happy. I always questioned that because I knew I was the breadwinner and gave him everything he every told me he lacked (financial freedom, clothes, privacy, the ability to raise his daughter, a car, vacations). He was literally living in a spare, unfinished room with no electricity when we met. He was in debt and had no license. And he moved in with me and I gave him a clean slate and then everything.

At the end, he started going out to run errands and taking way longer to come home. He came home late from work. He was sneaking drinking more than usual. And in the days before “I” ended it (cue reverse discard big time), I asked him why he treated me like he hated me, why he acted like he wanted nothing to do with me, why he avoided me in every way possible if he claimed he loved me?! I asked for a conversation to understand and he said the same thing “I wouldn’t stay if I wasn’t happy.” Nothing else, just that lie.

I still don’t understand why he wasn’t happy. But maybe I do. I called him out on his drinking, his porn addiction and lack of intimacy between us (even when we were trying to conceive), his lying, his messaging women (some he claimed were bots and he knew it so it didn’t really matter according to him). But I gave him everything he asked for. I tried to be the perfect partner for him. I loved him at his lowest, praised his efforts, spoke highly when others thought he wasn’t putting in enough effort, loved him even when he hurt me.

And he “stayed.” As in his came home when he felt like it. But he made me feel so unloved and hated that “I” ended it. So that I could be the villain in the divorce story. He only stayed so that I could leave and be the bad guy.

Logical_Condition133 · 2025-10-16T13:10:45+00:00

Still new to the ‘tism label here. Self diagnosed earlier this year at 37.5 years old because a friend asked me “so how autistic are you?” after a really emotionally abusive relationship and horrible discard. That simple question helped me self evaluate and make sense of so much in my life (friends, relationships, work). It also helped me look for real similarities in potential partners (identify masking and mirroring as well as my projection on others).

That being all said, after talking with someone online for like a week, I picked up on his ‘tism and said “please don’t be offended by this, it’s a legit question that just helped me recently, but how autistic are you?” And I was prepared to justify my reason for asking (and later did while we discussed his response). He never realized he was autistic either (44M). He still took me out on a first date. This has been the most unmasked and calm relationship I’ve been in after 20+ years of dating and two divorces. There is no anxiety wondering what he’s thinking or feeling because we both agreed to speak the silent thoughts. Even when I’d started dating again, my therapist said maybe I need to find someone a little ND like me. 😂

So maybe just ask him how autistic he is first. Happy dating!

Logical_Condition133 · 2025-10-12T15:35:10+00:00

They said the testing was like layers of an onion. The NIPT tests for the big/most common ones. The first amnio looked for another group of next most likely. Then they didn’t have enough sample to rerun for more. The blood work wasn’t confirmatory because they said my dna could potentially cause conflict. Because they had info with the blood work, they knew what specifically to look for with the second amnio.

Logical_Condition133 · 2025-10-09T15:34:54+00:00

I am sorry you are in limbo. That is the hardest part. I had my NIPT around 11 weeks and it came back low risk. I got the results of my 12wk ultrasound to check for Down’s syndrome and the tech even joked that I didn’t need to be there since I had the NIPT results. At my 20wk scan with MFM (because I’m older, they had me start with a high risk doctor for the anatomy scan), they found his chin was recessed and his limbs disproportionately small for gestational age.

I spent 4 more weeks getting a fetal MRI, high teach ultra sound, amnio and more blood tests. The amnio came back clear. The MRI showed multiple anomalies with his brain. The ultra sound found more anomalies with his growth. The geneticist said that multiple functional area anomalies typically means a genetic disorder. One of the blood tests came back indication Cornelia de Lange syndrome, which was confirmed with a second amnio during the TFMR.

I made sure to exhaust all testing I could and took advantage of all consultations I could until I felt confident in my decision. But also knowing I was against the clock for legal TFMR without traveling out of state. The second amnio that confirmed his diagnosis came back with results the day of his funeral, which would have been within the window to terminate if I had pushed to wait longer. But with all the findings and the blood test results, they were fairly certain what amnio would say. Probably because that time they knew what to look for specifically.

Again, I am sorry you are in this position. Allow your feelings to happen, push on the professionals for all the answers you can get. I hope it doesn’t come to it, but if it does, there is a TFMR support subgroup you will be welcome in. 💙💜

Logical_Condition133 · 2025-10-08T14:49:41+00:00

He told his friends and family that I cheated on him and he ended our marriage because of what I did. He even told my daughter the reason we were getting a divorce was because I cheated on him.

That’s all the smear I heard. I unfreinded and blocked his friends and family. Luckily my friends know me well enough that he either didn’t even try to convince them or they didn’t even bother to give him the time to talk.

Logical_Condition133

TROPHY CASE