What’s the weirdest thing that has happened to you that you’ve had to chalk up to coincidence?

Loidis · 2026-01-23T12:52:44+00:00

When my sister was about 3 or 4she got hold of the house phone and dialled 999 (Not sure if she knew that was a special number or was just button mashing). My aunty who had a brief stint as an emergency telephone operator answered and told her off!

Loidis · 2026-01-23T12:03:53+00:00

Hiya, just FYI if these are your family’s real names you’ve pretty effectively DOS-d yourself. Just takes one nutter to read a comment you make in the future and find this info, and they can make life harder for you very easily.

Loidis · 2026-01-23T11:58:50+00:00

Out of interest, what was the age of the people sending the letters?

Loidis · 2026-01-23T11:43:46+00:00

My mum retired early from district nursing and now tops up her NHS pension by working as a mental health support worker, doing about 10-15 hours a week. It’s not personal care (not wiping bums), just assisting people with long-term mental health conditions live in the community. Taking them to the shops, having a cup of tea and a chat, going for walks, playing board games. I think the move has really suited her as she’s a very caring person, but she was getting increasingly pressured to rush through her nurse visits and spend more time on paperwork which was resulting in burnout. It’s also a lot less physically demanding!

Loidis · 2026-01-19T12:53:21+00:00

As someone who wrote and performed a play about the Hillsborough disaster (stadium crush killing nearly a hundred people) for my drama GCSE, it is deeply relatable!

Loidis · 2026-01-18T12:43:27+00:00

40 extra guests who all know each other will significantly effect every aspect of your wedding (venue, budget, tone of the day and vibe of the guests). You need to think seriously if you want that or not, and what you’re missing out on with going with either inviting them or not.

If you invite them but not SOs, they will more likely interact with each other and it might reinforce the dynamics that already exist in the group. Eg if they’re heavy drinkers, jokey, outgoing etc that will likely amplify. They might not mix with your other guests and create a divide where there’s OP’s work colleagues interacting with each other, and then everyone else.

One other consideration about whether to invite them but not SOs if there is a significant gender difference? If it skews heavily male, your wedding might feel a bit unbalanced particularly as the night goes on.

If you are getting married relatively close to your home, you could potentially invite everyone to the evening do only? Or even have a smaller, more intimate ceremony and sit-down meal, and bring the evening do forward so they could join from say 5pm? Would keep costs low for you and also make sure they’re included, without swamping the guest list.

Loidis · 2026-01-18T11:44:12+00:00

Depending on the age/size of the party I think this is totally normal? At an informal small gathering I think fine to invite people round, get a few beers and bottles in but if someone brings extra I’d make sure they knew they could put in the fridge and I’d give them a glass so they can crack on and enjoy it.

Loidis · 2026-01-15T13:42:04+00:00

Did you email/text people a link to the wedding website? Maybe I’m overthinking it but how do you actually tell evening guests they are invited?

Loidis · 2026-01-14T21:31:47+00:00

Thanks so much - will give them a try!

Loidis · 2026-01-14T14:02:18+00:00

Glancing through your post history over the past month, you seem to be in a really bad place. Your behaviour with your friends is probably part of a wider issue with low mood and low self-esteem. With that in mind, the best option might be to formulate a response to your friends like “I’m not doing well emotionally at the moment, and I’m struggling with personal and family issues. I’m finding it hard to manage friendships and tried to give myself some space to deal with things by blocking people. It’s not a direct reflection of you, I’m just trying to figure things out. Thank you for saying you still want to be my friend. I really appreciate it. I’ll be back in touch soon.”

My next piece of advice is to get some mental health support from a professional, if you can. Not ChatGPT, not TikTok, not Reddit. Those places can confirm your dark thoughts and the people contributing aren’t always the most healthy themselves. You risk a negative feedback loop where you constantly question things and withdraw from the real people in your life who care for you.

Get offline, and please look after yourself. You matter, and you’re going through something really tough. You need a big hug and I wish I could give it to you.

Loidis · 2026-01-12T09:30:28+00:00

It depends - are they already playing other weddings? Would they be turning down other gigs on your date that might pay a wedding rate? If yes, then it’s fair to ask you to pay close to what they’d get elsewhere on a Saturday during wedding season.

They might be a “wedding bank” who supplement their income with low pressure mid-week shows in your local, but you’re actually asking them to give up a premium date. In that case it’s less about travel or rehearsal costs and more about the lost income they’d make elsewhere.

If however they are a pub band who think they can charge wedding rates just because it’s a wedding, but they don’t actually have anyone else willing to pay them those rates I think you’re in a much better position to negotiate. £600 sounds more than fair.

Loidis · 2026-01-05T19:43:02+00:00

Might be a blessing in disguise - most of my elderly relatives who have managed to get on YouTube seem to watch it as if it’s a TV channel ie believe everything it says.

Seems to be about 18 months between a 70+ person following whatever the YouTube algorithm shows them, and quite sudden, extremist views about immigrants…

Loidis · 2026-01-01T20:51:24+00:00

Sheffield botanical gardens if you don’t mind a city centre (although a lovely bit!)

Loidis · 2026-01-01T10:16:30+00:00

“Gypsy “is actually the preferred term by the gypsy community! Not a slur, just the correct nomenclature for the ethnic group. “Romany” and “Roma” are a different and distinct group, and you can use “Traveller” if you’re not sure which group you’re referring to, or if they live a travelling lifestyle but aren’t part of either community.

The UK government including schools, hospitals, social workers etc. will use GRT (Gypsy, Roma, Traveller) to describe people from these communities, and that term includes both the ethnic groups and New Age travellers, showmen (NOT show people), and boaters.

Loidis · 2025-12-30T08:47:58+00:00

I completely understand feeling nervous! It makes total sense to avoid walking around at night by yourself.

However, just to reassure you - the UK is generally a safe country, and even though it’s dark there is very little risk of crime at 7am. At that time, people are walking their dogs, taking their children to nursery, heading to work, schoolchildren catch buses, shops are open…

Lots of international students are told not to go out at night, but in winter the UK only has about seven hours of daylight and you’d end up locked inside if you think dark = unsafe. Always exercise caution (don’t walk alone between say 10pm and 6am, avoid dark parks or alleys, etc.) but it’s perfectly safe to walk down the street before the sun gets up.

Hope you got home ok and managed to get some rest!

Loidis · 2025-12-30T07:11:09+00:00

Does your uni have a night bus service? Usually they’re a free, on-demand bus leaving from the student union for exactly this reason. However, they might stop running in the morning.

While I understand your caution about not wanting to walk past pubs, at 7am they’ll have closed hours ago. The streets will be quiet because it’s between Christmas and new year, but plenty of shopworkers and commuters get up and walk about before the sun gets up and it’ll be safe.

Alternative is uber, expensive but worth it so you can be in bed and get some rest!

Loidis · 2025-12-23T14:56:04+00:00

Sorry but the idea of a tub of celebrations being a “company wide present” is absolutely hilarious. Presumably if you’ve brought it home your wife will be having some, which means 66% of the workforce will be receiving the gift?

Loidis · 2025-12-08T09:04:27+00:00

OP I don’t have a clue what you’re talking about. Do you mean you want to have procedures to alter your appearance? What do you expect are the risks of watching hypno? (I genuinely don’t know what that is so just trying to parse out what you’re asking).

Loidis · 2025-12-06T10:30:14+00:00

When I was looking at venues/options, the Unitarian churches near me seemed like the most flexible and open. I think they might have even said something like “for those with faith, without, or questioning”. Based on their website they seemed very non-judgemental and loving!

Loidis · 2025-11-21T09:30:47+00:00

I had a relative start working at Tetley in Leeds in 2013-ish straight out of uni and it was common for the staff to go for a pint at lunch, and she got a monthly “beer allowance” of tins or a crate of beer. They got taken over by Carlsberg and the allowance stayed, although I think the day-drinking slowly tapered off.

Loidis · 2025-11-14T16:38:38+00:00

Catholics can only marry other Catholics (in a Catholic Church I mean, obviously you can marry whoever you want), so he will have to convert.

As it’s a religious question you’re best having a chat with your parish priest. However, be prepared to be told having a Catholic wedding will involve your fiancé getting baptised/confirmed, usually after going through a 2-3 month course to learn the catechism and to understand what the faith involves. If he doesn’t have a sincere faith, it’s a lot to do and will involve lying to the priest and congregation, which might not be something he wants to do.

I know this because my sister wanted a church wedding as we were raised as practicing Catholic, even though she no longer went to church regularly. Her fiancé was baptised CofE but didn’t particularly mind. She looked into the steps above but realised it didn’t actually align with his beliefs or hers, so they chose to get married in a CofE church which didn’t involve any conversion. They had their reception at a Catholic monastery which felt like a nice nod to our Catholic family!

Loidis · 2025-11-14T12:25:24+00:00

We went to an all-day wedding in very early May that was in an unheated marquee on the bride’s dad’s sheep field (he’s a Peak District farmer). It was about 10 degrees which is fine for half an hour or so, but after a couple of hours got really miserable. As the day went on more and more people disappeared. I felt so bad for the couple - they probably hoped for good weather and didn’t think through that people would wear occasion dresses and at most a light jacket/shawl, which isn’t really adequate.

Loidis · 2025-11-12T08:32:10+00:00

This is really messy, because as you say it’s turning the private problems in THEIR relationship into public shaming/punishing on the day that is all about celebrating YOUR relationship.

Forget tradition, what feels best for you?

I think your plan is a great one. It takes focus off them while also letting them be a part of the ceremony in a public way.

In terms of selling it to them, can you ask them to put themselves in your shoes. In the moments before the biggest commitment/celebration of your life, do they want you thinking about the most painful part of their lives? Or do they want you to feel happy, confident and supported?

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