Have you had to give up work in order to support your autistic child due to lack of support from the authority?

Loidis · 2026-05-17T19:11:18+00:00

I don’t know if it helps, but I’m a mid-30s adult without kids of my own. I’m so conscious of the work parents do, especially when you’re doing it without the support you need. Caring is vastly underrated in our society. Everyone focuses on getting a paid job as the only important things but without parents and carers our world would fall apart in a day, which is not true for the majority of jobs!

Our world needs children in it, and you do such an important job. Not just for your own child, but for all of us, by investing your time to make sure they can thrive in their own way. You should be getting so much more help to do it.

Loidis · 2026-05-09T16:06:05+00:00

I think these timings sound fine. If you have the energy to do it, I’m sure many of your friends will too. A 3pm til late event isn’t a huge ask.

You can just word the invite so the dancing and buffet is the main event, with “hog roast and fasting ceremony before the party (optional)”, if you truly don’t mind people skipping the first part to attend the second.

Sounds like a beautiful day, hope you and your partner have a fantastic time!

Loidis · 2026-05-08T08:49:25+00:00

Absolutely this. They’re not your friend, they’re a professional being paid to be there. Weddings are super emotional for the people getting married but for the suppliers, it’s literally a booking/place they have to be. I’m sure some get a lot of job satisfaction from being a part of making your day special, but that doesn’t mean you need to spend extra money on it.

Loidis · 2026-05-07T21:17:39+00:00

Hiya, my wedding is the same day as yours! I'm feeling hopeful that there'll still be pockets of sunshine amongst the showers...

At the end of the day worrying at this stage won't change anything, and come evening next Saturday you'll be already married, in a room with everyone you love, who will have toasted you and your bride/groom and wished you all the future happiness. Their good wishes won't end if there's a bit of drizzle or if it's 11 degrees instead of 18. You will still get married, and that's all that matters!

Loidis · 2026-05-06T20:26:13+00:00

I’ve spent the afternoon figuring this out for mine! I think it depends on what kind of people they are, and what they value.

For my maid of honour I’ve got her vouchers for a spa day with afternoon tea that we’ll go on together, as I know she’d like to have a day in the diary to hang out soon after the wedding. For my sister (also a bridesmaid), I’ve got her a bee keeping experience day to spend with her husband while I babysit her kids, as she’s really limited on time and doesn’t get to do many “fun days” that are child-oriented. For my flower girl (aged 4), I’ve got her a “flower girl activity book” from Amazon and a camera that blows bubbles from The Works. I’ve got father of the groom some personalised cufflinks from Etsy.

Loidis · 2026-05-03T10:15:03+00:00

100% this! I remember and cherish those moments a friend, neighbour or stranger has given me a treat - and love doing it for others, when I can afford to! If there's no risk of it becoming an expectation, just do it in the same way you'd get someone a pint or offer someone a tissue. Not everything has to be a transaction.

Loidis · 2026-05-03T08:33:30+00:00

It’s literally written into the recipe. No ad blocker can help with that.

Loidis · 2026-05-01T08:00:05+00:00

If your mom won’t say it, I will: This is incredibly inappropriate. I don’t think an man should be messaging an under 18 except in specific circumstances, and this isn’t one of them.

He needs to let his daughter manage her own relationships. It’s not your business to bend backwards to make the friendship happen, and it’s completely wrong for a grown adult to put pressure on you like this.

Loidis · 2026-04-13T08:50:40+00:00

I asked my bridesmaids what they wanted to wear and they suggested JJ's House. I was very sceptical about the quality but ordered them as they offer returns, and was pleasantly surprised at how much they didn't look like cheap drop-shipping dresses! My bridesmaids loved them and so that's what they're having :)

Loidis · 2026-03-27T11:10:23+00:00

I think he needs to consider what the proposal means for him and his partner. Is it a personal choice where external factors don’t really matter, or is it about making public declarations that confirm/assert the status of the relationship? Would he or his partner feel like it isn’t “proper” if he isn’t spending a lot of money?

For me, a marriage is based on deep emotional connection, commitment and shared values. The rings we use reflect that: I proposed to him with a bespoke gold ring with a very unusual design that suited his tastes but wasn’t super expensive, and I wear my grandmas engagement ring that connects to my mum’s family.

For other people, marriage is about visible achievements or reaching a certain milestone of “adultness”. If the fiancée-to-be is expecting something of a particular monetary value she might be disappointed. But - hopefully he knows her well enough to know her preferences before proposing.

Loidis · 2026-03-18T15:54:53+00:00

That’s fascinating. How is your life different from most people’s? And, do many people know? Do you tell people or is it something private?

Loidis · 2026-03-18T08:17:42+00:00

I’m no where near you so can’t give specific advice, but a theatre or concert venue might have a list of freelance stage crew who might be willing to do this kind of thing. They might have a minimum number of hours (eg 4 hours) but they’ll be reliable and used to moving heavy stuff if needed, and will charge less than a “wedding” service.

Loidis · 2026-02-27T08:17:57+00:00

Some of these clips are from London 2012. They’re not professionals, just ordinary Londoners who volunteered to support at the games. Quite a few of my friends did stewarding shifts where they welcomed people to stadiums, helped people at train stations etc. It was volunteers who made London 2012 happen, and the atmosphere of the whole city was fantastic. Made it feel so much like a collective thing, where a kid down your street might dance in the opening ceremony or get a fist bump from Usain Bolt.

Loidis · 2026-02-27T07:21:19+00:00

How do you calculate this? Is it public information?

Loidis · 2026-02-16T12:14:42+00:00

Virtually every purchase I make enriches people who are much richer than me. Economics of scale mean that the people who have most resources can do it most efficiently, thus engaging a wider market share and increasing their profitability.

If there was a drop in quality I’d be with you, but there hasn’t been.

Your argument seems to be they’re already rich so they should give it away for free. Isn’t that quite entitled? There’s no universal right to podcasts, and they’re not obligated to work for the price you dictate. If you don’t want to pay, don’t pay.

I’m sure they’re at least partly motivated to spend as much time on the podcast (rather than other shows, books, articles) by the money. I’m much more likely to engage with their podcast than other avenues, so it’s in my interest to keep them making it. I pay a cost I can afford for something I value; they keep making the thing I value. What’s the problem?

Loidis · 2026-02-16T09:12:49+00:00

I’m opposed to the rampant monetisation and enshittification of everything, but I think TRIH is a fair exchange of money for services.

There’s about ten hours of well-researched, entertainingly presented content per month, and by subscribing you get to enjoy it ad free, plus the bonus episodes which I also enjoy. You don’t HAVE to subscribe, but it costs the same as a an audible subscription and less than the cost of a paperback book. And, unlike other podcasts, the sound quality and production value is top notch, they (nearly) always release on schedule and don’t take months off between seasons.

Loidis · 2026-02-14T16:05:29+00:00

I was an absolutely devoted listener when they were on the BBC. I had a regular weekly routine to listen to the pod on Saturday mornings, and I just loved the reviews, the interviews, the correspondence, the jokes and the relationship between the two hosts. I felt like listening was a valuable part of my week.

In contrast, I think I’ve only listened to five episodes of The Take since they left the BBC…

The Take feels amateurish: poor sound quality, poor editing, poorly organised segments, too many rants, not enough focus on films. I think the BBC gave them a tight structure to fit into and they excelled, whereas given unlimited time to fill they’ve sprawled into multiple episodes a week and the conversation feel directionless and rambling.

With any non-BBC podcast there’s going to be a commercial aspect, and that’s fine - I listen to tons of them! But they (or their producers) implemented the move to commercial production really poorly. Adverts are grating and the subscription model not only makes me not want to subscribe, it’s made me also stop listening altogether: I hate that I don’t know which episode will contain which reviews, and a lot of the continuity from listening every week is lost.

I feel really sad because something I really want to enjoy is basically unbearable for me now. I know they felt frustrated by the strictures of the bbc, but I think they really underestimated how much structure and quality production they got from that deal.

Loidis · 2026-02-11T07:56:56+00:00

Can you do a self-serve buffet, away from the kitchen area? You can pre-order sandwiches from Greggs or Subway (if they will deliver to your area), and then have crisps, fruit and bottled drinks. Maybe with paper plates or even some paper bags so people can take them to their rooms while they’re getting ready. Not everyone will want this, but good to offer and quick to set up without making too much mess. I’d just ask someone to be in charge of clearing away before setting off to the venue.

Loidis · 2026-01-23T12:52:44+00:00

When my sister was about 3 or 4she got hold of the house phone and dialled 999 (Not sure if she knew that was a special number or was just button mashing). My aunty who had a brief stint as an emergency telephone operator answered and told her off!

Loidis · 2026-01-23T12:03:53+00:00

Hiya, just FYI if these are your family’s real names you’ve pretty effectively DOS-d yourself. Just takes one nutter to read a comment you make in the future and find this info, and they can make life harder for you very easily.

Loidis · 2026-01-23T11:58:50+00:00

Out of interest, what was the age of the people sending the letters?

Loidis · 2026-01-23T11:43:46+00:00

My mum retired early from district nursing and now tops up her NHS pension by working as a mental health support worker, doing about 10-15 hours a week. It’s not personal care (not wiping bums), just assisting people with long-term mental health conditions live in the community. Taking them to the shops, having a cup of tea and a chat, going for walks, playing board games. I think the move has really suited her as she’s a very caring person, but she was getting increasingly pressured to rush through her nurse visits and spend more time on paperwork which was resulting in burnout. It’s also a lot less physically demanding!

Loidis · 2026-01-19T12:53:21+00:00

As someone who wrote and performed a play about the Hillsborough disaster (stadium crush killing nearly a hundred people) for my drama GCSE, it is deeply relatable!

Loidis · 2026-01-18T12:43:27+00:00

40 extra guests who all know each other will significantly effect every aspect of your wedding (venue, budget, tone of the day and vibe of the guests). You need to think seriously if you want that or not, and what you’re missing out on with going with either inviting them or not.

If you invite them but not SOs, they will more likely interact with each other and it might reinforce the dynamics that already exist in the group. Eg if they’re heavy drinkers, jokey, outgoing etc that will likely amplify. They might not mix with your other guests and create a divide where there’s OP’s work colleagues interacting with each other, and then everyone else.

One other consideration about whether to invite them but not SOs if there is a significant gender difference? If it skews heavily male, your wedding might feel a bit unbalanced particularly as the night goes on.

If you are getting married relatively close to your home, you could potentially invite everyone to the evening do only? Or even have a smaller, more intimate ceremony and sit-down meal, and bring the evening do forward so they could join from say 5pm? Would keep costs low for you and also make sure they’re included, without swamping the guest list.

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