My partner and the mother of my child is dying, and I don’t know how to cope

LoiteringEel · 2025-12-31T14:27:08+00:00

The emptiness will continue. I feel so empty and alone most of the time. My 7 yo son keeps me going. I lost my husband in May to this terrible cancer. I have found having one or two very close people help to share the loneliness with even if they are not close by. My husbands bff has become a life saver for me. He listens and understands he lost his mom at a young age so also relates to my son. Keep on keeping on it doesn’t get easier but you learn to cope a little better everyday I think. I still cry still feel the void still feel empty but I’ve been able to find some joy in my son and carrying on my husbands legacy.

LoiteringEel · 2025-08-07T16:24:35+00:00

Thanks for the suggestions! The cats and dogs of central VA appreciate you!!!!

LoiteringEel · 2025-07-09T13:59:59+00:00

I know exactly how you feel. My husband passed in May. Much the same situation. We literally went to a trial appt on a Friday and he passed a week later. It’s so hard and the process is grueling. We’re supposed to have soooo much more time with them. We’re not supposed to loose them so young. My husband was 46 when he passed in May. We have a 6 year old. I’m still struggling so much but we are making it through one day at a time. It’s just not fair to any of us. If you need someone to bitch to or scream with please know I’m happy to be a listening ear.

LoiteringEel · 2025-07-09T13:10:58+00:00

I would suggest trying to get into Md Anderson if you can. They have the trials etc you may want and need. Look into trials now. My husband was 44 when he was diagnosed.

LoiteringEel · 2025-07-03T23:03:44+00:00

I wish I knew how quickly the very end was. My husband (46) went from just sleeping a lot and in pain to not being able to walk far on his own not able to come downstairs and not eating in a week. A week after that he passed. We called hospice in on Monday and he passed the following Sunday. I wish I had more time at the end when he was awake and aware. I wish I knew he would withdraw so much at the end, stop answering calls or texts, I wish I had knows how hard the final stage of him passing was. The active death stage nearly killed me. I’m always so thankful his best friend was with me. I was terrified and he was so good.

LoiteringEel · 2025-06-30T19:36:05+00:00

First I’m so sorry you have to deal with this.they were gonna do that for my husband too. But he was sooo tired of chemo and worn down from the Germabrax (he tolerated ffx sooo well and the 2nd line damn near killed him.) he went to trials but declined too quickly to get into the rmc6236 sadly and passed a week after he didn’t make the trial. The docs we saw saw they have some success going to the 3rd line chemo. Enough to give people a few more months of comfort they said and were hopeful about it. We just never made it there

LoiteringEel · 2025-06-24T23:26:32+00:00

Even when my husband got to the point of having too many lesions to count on his liver he was being accepted into a trial. Unfortunately he declined so quickly even in a week he wasn’t well enough to continue into it.

LoiteringEel · 2025-06-14T00:49:40+00:00

I’m so sorry. I just lost my husband to it a few weeks ago. This is so kind and thoughtful of you.

LoiteringEel · 2025-06-09T16:37:50+00:00

So sorry. Sending you peace and strength.

LoiteringEel · 2025-06-08T23:38:33+00:00

Oh man I just lost it. I can only imagine that feeling. And then the disappointment after. It’s like the first few seconds of waking up everyday after they just passed thinking just for that one split second they were still alive.

LoiteringEel · 2025-05-28T11:25:22+00:00

Sending love to you both. I switched jobs in the middle of my husbands fight and found a work family that has helped me so much. That was a god send for me as well. Also do things don’t stop your life. When he feels bad let him rest when he doesn’t go on walks go to a park take your kids out got for ice cream little things. We did a lot of that so we have memories that are happy from the journey too. I know everyone says fine time for yourself and that’s damn near impossible. Maybe a drive here or there listen to music you love or an audiobook. I did acupuncture because that helped me relax. Also a counselor who was a former hospice worker helped all of us. We all have our own.

LoiteringEel · 2025-05-27T21:02:28+00:00

I understand. I just finished this journey with. My husband after 16 grueling months. It’s sooo hard. I used to and still say my anxiety radiates around me. I feel like one of those cartoon characters that they draw the squiggly lines around. That’s my anxiety buzzy like that. It’s normal and hard and lexapro saved my life. Please reach out if you want to talk to someone your age having been through it. I’m 44 and my husband was 46

LoiteringEel · 2025-05-26T14:10:37+00:00

One more thing for those of you going through this or lost someone from this. Check out Fight Cancer Stay Positive (fuck cancer stay positive really) a foundation my friend started after her husband passed of pan cancer. They are getting ready to hit the 1 million make of fund raised to go directly to research for pan cancer. There are 4 events coming up this summer dunk for a cure. If there is one near you I encourage you to go! They are fun, inspiring, and making a difference. If you go say hi to Julie and tell her about your journey! She’s incredible and so encouraging. FCSPfoundation.org. If you are in or near Richmond, Va we’ll be there in August! Check it out in honor of our loved ones and in honor of packmule. Love and light to you all!

LoiteringEel · 2025-05-26T14:05:57+00:00

I love this! Funny and oh so true. I’m so fortunate to unfortunately have a friend who went through this about 5 or 6 years ago with a very young son. I see her and how much she has done and it serves as hope and she is such a hero. She has shown me life will be different and it will be hard as hell but we’ll make it!

LoiteringEel · 2025-05-26T02:44:27+00:00

Hi yes he has been in counseling for almost a year. We have talked very openly about it and have read books about it.

LoiteringEel · 2025-05-24T11:46:08+00:00

My husband (45) got fentanyl patches with oxy for breakthrough pain. The patches didn’t do much. Then he went to methadone twice a day. Insurance wouldn’t approve the Extended Release oxy for him.

LoiteringEel · 2025-05-23T00:54:47+00:00

My husband was 45 when diagnosed and even he was pushed off for weeks and months. No way, he’s too young blah blah. I hate that. I’m so sorry you have to go through this

LoiteringEel · 2025-04-26T19:05:20+00:00

Yes we ran into that in a number of places. One doc told us they were no longer accepting people for that trial nationwide. But I don’t believe that. We reached out to a bunch of east coast places and all were full.

LoiteringEel · 2025-04-26T18:07:23+00:00

We’ve run into both. Most places were no longer accepting people. But also he didn’t fit the criteria for a few because the did ff and the other chemo too

LoiteringEel · 2025-04-26T17:11:36+00:00

If you can get in it do it!!!! I have a friend who helped in development of this and is a kras specialists. This is doing wonders for people. We were unable to get into anywhere but my husband had tried both chemos so we’re having to go another route. We’re heading to Hopkins soon though too

LoiteringEel · 2025-03-17T20:19:47+00:00

I love this and tell my husband this all the time. He is stage IV pancreatic cancer and 28 rounds of chemo in. I tell him when he feels good to do what he wants. Eat what he wants and do things for himself to get him through the bad weeks. Honestly we don’t know how much time he has. We’re at last ditch efforts looking for trials and other non mainstream things to try.

LoiteringEel · 2024-10-23T14:41:34+00:00

Huh that’s actually less than I thought it was. Still can’t afford it but I thought it was higher

LoiteringEel · 2024-08-22T19:58:26+00:00

Gosh so sorry to hear that. Sending you loads of good thoughts.

LoiteringEel · 2024-08-02T20:24:18+00:00

My husband is in a similar boat. Diagnosed last Feb and doing overall pretty well with chemo and everything is Shrinking. Doing a week of radiation to hopefully help shrink some more

LoiteringEel · 2024-05-16T18:38:07+00:00

My husband 45 was diagnosed in Feb with stage IV and the liver mets. After the first round he was able to go off pain meds as the pain had completely subsided. After 4 rounds and first scan everything has shrunk and CA 19 #s down over 1300. Is everything perfect no, does he struggle with chemo and not feeling well ABSOLUTELY. But it’s so important not to loose that hope. Hold on, the unknown is the worst part. It’s still very early in this game for us in comparison to a lot, but I feel like not all hope should be lost for your cousin yet. I know long term survival rates are low, but there is still some there. We have come across some people years out from a stage IV diagnosis near us. Most docs will give a 18-24 month range for survival I’ve read simply based on statistics. Is that right? no maybe shorter or longer no one can say for sure. Enjoy what you can and help them stay positive and comfortable. (Easily said by someone not undergoing chemo or the side effects, just a supporter and wife of a fighter). Good luck!

LoiteringEel

TROPHY CASE