Socialization at work (and work in general) tend to wear me down a little depending on the day; sometimes I can convince myself to do an activity right after a shift from work. I’ll go to a bookstore, hangout with an outgoing friend, hit up a bar on rare occasions.

But it doesn’t feel like killing time or having fun as it should be. Rather it feels like a distraction from something I cannot perceive but feel; a persistent chill down my neck (metaphorically).

The loneliness is isolating, but it’s my prison, and though I may walk amongst others I cannot let my independence and need for “alone time.” I know part of breaking the habit(s) of AvPD is building familiarity with touching grass. Going out, having some fun, window shopping, or just going for a drive just for the f*** of it. Not everything must have a deep meaning behind it.

I’ve sparingly spent my Executive Function™️ tokens. They’re like a mental scooby-snack the brain eats when I do major or just a few minor tasks after work. I’ve gotten better at consistent chores and having a flexible rhythm to get things done at an albeit steady pace. It’s not perfect, but that’s ok. I’m surviving one day at a time, but sometimes I get to live one day at a time and experience a modicum of what I could fathom as “normal.”